We have been learning about reciting the Shema and prayers, and how to go about that when involved in a funeral or burial. Someone taking direct part in a burial is not allowed to engage in prayer since they are already busy with the commandment to bury the dead.

Today’s learning brings a spooky story. The sons of Rabbi Hiya had gone into business and forgotten their learning, a deep loss since they had been great sages.  They were wondering if their deceased father knew about their suffering.  They felt anguish from their intellectual deficiency.

If you learn a piece of wisdom and then forget it, that should hurt you. Motivate yourself to review the wisdom you have, the life lessons you learned so far. Write them down and review what you know. Don’t keep repeating the same mistakes! When you are in a position to learn from your previous challenges and grow, use that opportunity.

The sons of Rabbi Hiya recalled the story of a man who got in an argument with his wife on the night of Rosh Hashanah (the new year and day of judgment). He went off to sleep in a cemetery.  There, he overheard the souls of two girls who had died young conversing, and he managed to learn when to plant his crops to avoid their being destroyed by hail.

This man went back to the graveyard the following Rosh Hashanah and heard a similar tip.  His wife realized something was up and asked him to explain the source of his insider information, and he reveals the secret.  Later, the wife gets into an argument with the mother of one of the deceased girls and divulges that her husband overheard her soul.  The year after the man goes again, but the spirits do not reveal anything useful, since they had realized that the living were listening in.

Briefly, Jews believe in life after death. I’m not telling you to believe in life after death or not. There are plenty of stories of near-death or out of body experiences and paranormal experiences, more than can be explained by simple coincidence. You are a big boy and can choose for yourself what to accept or not.

The Jewish concept of life after death is not that our future existence is like this one. Heaven is not a safety net to catch you, or a chance to rectify yourself. We forbid learning Torah or performing divine commandments next to a dead body, since it is like mocking the deceased who can no longer engage in these pursuits. He can no longer learn, refine, and improve himself.

After death the soul exists, but that existence does not allow personal improvement. You will be stuck at whatever level of development you managed to reach in your regular physical life. While you are still breathing you can change. Your chance is now, seize it.

The Jewish concept of existence after death should motivate you now. Now is your opportunity to grow, learn, and develop yourself. We say to fix yourself the day before you die (Pirke Avot 2:10). Our sages explain that nobody knows the actual day of his death, so he needs to work on himself constantly as long as he is alive.

Do note that it appears this man erred by telling his argumentative wife the secret source for his business tips. She used the information to insult the mother of a dead girl and ruined the source. When you are working on your mission or business, some sources should be kept secret, especially from quarrelsome people.

Our learning today recounts the individual prayers of sages who lived about 2000 years ago. Jews use blessings and prayers that were composed by prophets about 2500 years ago, and recite the Psalms that were authored mainly by King David around three millennia ago.

However, we also encourage speaking with God using whatever words you choose. Prayer is not supposed to be a rote recitation of pre-existing content, but a chance to reflect on your life and express yourself in new terms.

One of the most powerful examples of an individual prayer is a prayer the rabbis in Yavneh used. Yavneh was the center of Jewish community just after the destruction of the second Temple. The rabbinical academy at Yavneh (also called the Kerem b’Yavneh) was started as a refuge from the Roman siege on ancient Jerusalem.

The rabbis in Yavneh would add this meditation to their regular prayers:

I am a creation and my fellow man is a creation, my work is in the city (learning and teaching) and his work is in the field (farming and shepherding). Just as I am not jealous of his work, he is not jealous of my work. And lest you say my accomplishment is greater and his smaller, we teach that it does not matter whether one does much or little, as long as he intends his heart to heaven.

This is very relevant today. Each man has his own calling. Today we don’t have just teachers and farmers, but thousands of specialized occupations and professions. Even within the same profession, two doctors or two engineers can have completely different areas of specialized expertise.

The message of the sages at Yavneh is don’t be jealous of someone else who has a different path through life. God makes everyone different, and gives us all free will to make our own unique journey. We all are drawn to certain places, activities, hobbies, or ideas.

Other people are going to accomplish great things in their specific area of greatness. That doesn’t mean you cannot be great in your domain as well. Instead of being jealous of their achievement, find your own area and build yourself up as an expert.

Tosafot, a collection of medieval commentaries on the Talmud, explains this prayer as acknowledgement that each man has his own choices in life and picks for himself what he thinks is good for him.  You make your own choices in life and so does he. You may think his choices are blatantly wrong, but certainly he does not, or he would not be making them. You are not in his shoes and can’t judge his choices in life just as he cannot judge yours.

A wise man realizes that he has his own calling in life, and uses his energy to pursue his own personal mission, rather than attacking or undermining other men who are working towards their own goals.

Today’s Daf explains that women earn greater reward than men through sending their sons and husbands out to learn and grow in wisdom. They wake early to get the children to school, then stay up late waiting for their husbands who are learning into the night. In the merit of this self sacrifice, they receive a special Divine reward for facilitating the spiritual development of their family.

A woman’s greatest achievement and only true legacy is her family. To the extent she enabled her family to align with her spiritual goals, she succeeds in earning herself a lasting reward. She also takes pride in her accomplishment, and gains the admiration of her family. When her children follow the Bible’s command “honor your father and mother”, they give back to her as well.

Modern mainstream culture is engaged in a decades long and ongoing indoctrination of women. Young girls and women are instructed that they should have fun and pursue careers, and leave family for later, if ever. This plan is sold to them as empowering and liberating.

However, most women do not find real satisfaction until they are engaged in building a family and guiding their children to grow into better people. It is not through selfish wealth seeking or enriching her employers, but by becoming a selfless wife and mother that a woman reaches her full potential and reaps true joy.

Our leaning today mentions that if a man is hired by the hour to work for someone, he can stop work only to recite the first part of the Shema, just a few seconds, then he returns to working while finishing up his recitation of the rest of Shema.

Even though the Bible itself obligates this man to recite the Shema to remind himself of his obligations to God, he is also obligated to the man he is working for.  The first sentence of Shema requires full concentration, but he must keep working as a hired hand for the remainder.

Rav Kook (1865-1935) gave this profound guidance:
When you pray, pray. When you work, work. When you learn, learn.

Whatever you’re going to do, do it with single-minded focus and passion. Important things in life need concentration and dedication. Modern men have a great challenge in this. Even while involved in work, our lifestyle seems to demand multitasking and checking on other things as they come up.

Today there is an understanding that workers, even paid hourly, do get breaks, as research shows that taking breaks actually adds to overall productivity. A man who works for others should use his breaks not to zone out or slack off, but to develop his own ideas or side hustle.

Even when we are hired out, we need to remind selves of the main concept of belief in God. This actually helps us to keep perspective that we are servants of God first, even when hired out to another human. Be loyal to your own values and mission while you are working for someone else.

Our sages continue discussing the details of reciting the Shema, the core mission statement of Judaism.  Our rabbis explain the order of the passages chosen.  Rabbi Shimon bar Yohai calls our attention to the fact that the first passage we recite contains the topics of learning, teaching, and performing.  The second describes teaching and doing.  Finally the third focuses on actions only.

In conventional Jewish thought, there is a tension between focusing on learning (Wisdom/Torah) versus actual doing (the commandments).  Our ancient sages tell us that learning itself is the greatest commandment (Talmud Shabat 127) but also tell us that practical action is the main thing, not mere study (Pirke Avot 1:17, 4:5).  In another Gemara, Kiddushin 40b, our sages debate this topic.  Rabbi Akiva argues that study is greater than action.  The other sages agreed with Akiva that study is greater only because it leads to action.

You have to learn about what it is you are planning to do before you try to accomplish it.  Many times we jump into a project only to find that to succeed we needed tools that we don’t have yet, be they physical, emotional or intellectual.  You need to know what it is you are after in life before you try to get it.  Define what it is you want, and work to identify the attitudes and tools you will need, and the personal development you require to achieve what it is you are after.

We see a lot of men start something but never finish, because they did not undertake the necessary intellectual preparation first.  They weren’t ready but they went straight into action.  While accomplishment is indeed the main thing, you need the wisdom to focus your powers into the proper action.

Rabbi Shimon bar Yohai notes that we focus on learning, teaching and doing first.  Then on teaching and doing.  Teaching is actually an advanced form of learning. How do you know you have mastered a topic? When you are able to teach it to someone else, to explain the intricacies, field their questions without hesitation.

Jewish wisdom points out that we learn the most from our students, through the act of teaching or coaching.  Rabbi Yehuda the Prince stated:  “Much have I learned from my teachers, more from my colleagues, but most from my students. ”  (Talmud Taanit 7b).

Another amazing tidbit today: the Talmud states that going seven days without a dream is a bad omen. On a practical note this may be a symptom of sleep deprivation or lack of REM sleep.

In a wider sense, hold onto your dreams and aspiration. Don’t let your dreams fly away while you sit idle. Do the work, the serious intellectual preparation, and then start to chase your dreams.

In today’s learning our sages discuss preparing yourself for prayer.

Rabbi Yohanon mentions the importance of using the restroom and cleaning your hands before reciting Shema and engaging in prayer, explaining this is the way to full acceptance of the yoke of heaven (ol malchut shamaim shleimah).

This ancient idea of taking care of your bodily functions before you work on your soul appears in the writings of the Rambam (Maimonides). Rambam, an expert doctor, writes that we have a religious obligation to take care of our health and body through proper diet and exercise (Mishneh Torah Deot chapters 3-4). He points out that intellectual and spiritual growth is impossible with a diseased mind.

Judaism teaches that we must balance our spiritual and physical aspects. The spiritual world is the main world, but that in this world physical exertion is necessary to access the spiritual.  Conventional Jews both feast and fast.  We do not sit alone on a mountain meditating, or shun the pleasures of the flesh in a monastery.  Instead, the physical pleasures of this world are employed as tools to serve God.  They were all made by God for His children to enjoy.

However, the physical is made to be subordinate to the physical.  When all you have is the physical aspects of life, something is missing.  Many American Jews express their Judaism mostly through food, eating traditional Jewish foods.  In His great mercy God has given us a distinctive culture and told is to celebrate our holidays through eating together.  So even those Jews who are only Jewish in their stomach are still connecting to our Father in heaven.

The lesson for every man is take care of your body and health.  You need physical energy and strength to accomplish anything in this physical world.  Sickness and weakness in the body reduces your spirit as well.

On a practical level, a man should work out and exercise regularly. Lifting weights is excellent because not only do you become stronger, but you gain a sense of accomplishment in your ability to move increasing amounts of weight. You can also use your mind to plan workouts and track your progress.

Our sages mention of the infamous future war of Gog and Magog* which will bring increasing suffering and deprivations, and that these later troubles will make us forget the earlier ones, referring to the Jews being held captive in ancient Egypt and their exiles among various kingdoms.
*Some later sages explain the names Gog and Magog are similar since this conflict will start as a civil war…

This response is a common psychological feature of men: we tend to think that the problem we are facing now is the worst situation we have ever experienced.  If we would view our situation objectively, we may see that our emotions are pushing this assumption, but perhaps other challenged we have faced before were in fact worse.

If we can realize that we have already come through equal or even greater problems, we can change our perspective about our current situation. We need to keep in mind that it could always be worse.

We have an ancient motto:  I was upset because I had no shoes, until…

…I met a man who had no feet.

Don’t get bogged down in the current problem and obsess over your current challenges.  Take a long view and realize you have overcome similar situations before and grown from them.  Think about what you have already overcome to get where you are today.  This can give you the fortitude to face your new issues with confidence.

Later in today’s learning another concept.  We recite in the Shema the commandment teach your children (this word includes students) the Bible “to speak in them”.  Not just learn them, memorize them.  But “speak in them”, which implies a fluency and ability to express new thoughts based on what you learned.  Simply repeating what you learn is good, but there is more value in understanding your subject well enough to speak out new understandings and applications.  That is what me mean in the conventional Jewish world by “speak in them”.  We want our students to make the Torah their own and be able to come up with their own new ideas based on our ancient wisdom.  We want the next generation to apply wisdom to their own unique situation in life, not merely repeat what we did.

There is no one size fits all relationship with God or with His Word, the wisdom of the Torah.  Every man needs to forge his own.  You can give your students the tools to learn and grow but you can’t do the work for then.  Gentlemen, if someone is selling you a plan for personal growth, they are, at best, selling you what worked for them.  There is more value in understanding the underlying concepts and developing your own plan for life.  You need to work out your own personal understanding of life and create your own value.  You cannot rely on a guru or self help expert to do it for you with his plan.  No one has your best interest at heart more than you do.

Today’s Daf of Talmud teaches that if some began saying a blessing with intention for it to apply to a specific item, then realized the item was something different, they can change the ending and the blessing will still be valid.  As an example, conventional Jews make blessings praising God for foods.  If someone began intending to say “Blessed are you Eternal God, Ruler of the universe, who creates the fruits of the tree” then realized he was holding a fruit that grows from the ground, not from a tree, he can change the ending to “fruit of the earth”.

Gentlemen, there is profound wisdom is this simple rule. Even if you were totally mistaken in your assumptions,, it is not to late to reevaluate what you are dealing with and completely change your approach. Everything depends on finishing strong. Even if you are in the middle of a process, you can still realize your errors and correct them, and complete whatever you are doing with confidence and certainty.

Some men enter a relationship with assertive, masculine mannerisms.  Such traits are attractive to women.  However, after months or years most men become less confident within the partnership and more deferential to whatever she wants.  This can cause a profound lack of respect and attraction on her part.  Some refer to this as “losing frame”, meaning the man no longer chooses the direction of the relationship.

It would be better for a man to begin a relationship with less confidence, realize this is a problem, and work on himself to identify and fix his issues.  During this process he becomes more sure of himself and more able to take leadership and responsibility, increasing his value in the eyes of others.

In the final analysis what matters is how you end up, not where you started.  Think about where you are in life now, and if you need to pause and evaluate your assumptions about life and relationships and if they are working for you.  You may need to learn more about how to improve yourself and how to deal with other people in order to get the conclusion you want.

The good news is people are not a one sentence blessing, and any day you are above ground you can still change.

We begin, with Divine assistance, our study of the second book in the Torah (Bible): Exodus, in Hebrew Shemot meaning names.  The main topic of the book of Exodus is the struggles of the Jewish people in Egypt, and how God freed us from Egypt and took us into the desert to receive the Torah.

You don’t have to be Jewish to benefit from the wisdom in the Bible. Come along and find out why the Bible is the bestselling book of all time, and how you can use this wisdom to improve your life today.

At this time,  about 4000 years ago, Egypt was the regional superpower, with the greatest economy and mightiest army in the ancient world. Not only that, but as a conquering nation, the ancient Egyptians had imported slaves from all over the near east and Africa.  Brought into mighty Egypt, among the politically, economically, and socially dominant Egyptians, these people assimilated into a part of Egyptian society, albeit at the lowest rung.

How is it that the ancient Jews, who arrived in Egypt as a mere 70 souls, resisted assimilation into the mainstream Egyptian culture and left hundreds of years later in massive numbers?

The ancient Medrashim (stories and explanations passed down from our ancestors providing background to the Bible) give some specific reasons:

ויקרא רבה (וילנא) פרשה לב
רב הונא אמר בשם בר קפרא בשביל ד’ דברים נגאלו ישראל ממצרים שלא שנו את שמם ואת לשונם ולא אמרו לשון הרע ולא
נמצא ביניהן אחד מהן פרוץ בערוה

Vayikra Rabbah 32:
Rav Huna said in the name of Bar Kapparah: Because of four things Israel was redeemed from Egypt: They didn’t change their names or their language, they didn’t speak slander, and none of them was promiscuous.

(See Minhat Asher by Rabbi Asher Weiss on Shemot, who discusses if there is a prohibition or problem with Jews using vernacular names).

Another Medrash gives a similar but not identical list:

פסיקתא זוטרתא (לקח טוב) דברים פרשת תבא דף מו עמוד א
דבר אחר ויהי שם לגוי. מלמד שהיו ישראל מצויינים שם. שהיה מלבושם ומאכלם ולשונם משונים מן המצריים. מסומנין היו וידועין
שהם גוי לבדם חלוק מן המצריים:

Pesikta Zutarta, Devarim (Ki Tavo) 41a
Another interpretation: “And there they became a nation” (Deuteronomy 26:5). This teaches that the Israelites were distinct there, in that their clothing, food, and language was different from the Egyptians. They were identified and known as a separate nation, apart from the Egyptians.

Commonly we hear the reasons stated as language, clothing, and names, this is actually not the list in any one medrash.  It is from the tzavah (ethical will) of the Chatam Sofer (1762–1839), his list of key concepts to avoid assimilation in his time.  Chatam Sofer finds a hint in the verse ‘Jacob arrived in peace (shalem), in Shechem’ (Genesis 33:18).  The Hebrew shalem stands for Shem name, Lashon language, Malbush clothing.  This is the list commonly taught to kids in Jewish schools (possibly to avoid talking about promiscuity with young children).

Clearly it took a lot of effort on the part of the ancient Jews to remain Jewish and distinct within a larger more dominant society.  Let’s examine a few of the items.

The common element listed in both Medrashic sources is language.  The Jews retained the Hebrew language even while living amongst the ancient Egyptians with their elaborate hieroglyphics.  Likely most of the ancient Jews also spoke the common Egyptian dialect, but at home they had their own private tongue, just as European Jews commonly spoke Yiddish.

Hebrew is a spiritual language. The Eskimo have many words for snow, since snow comes in various forms.  They have a word for wet snow, another for powdery snow, for slippery snow etc. So too the Jews have many nuanced words for things like prayer, the human soul, the intellect.

Having the words that allow you to discuss in detail these spiritual concepts allows you to understand.  If the ancient Jews had jettisoned Hebrew, they would have lost some of our ability to learn and understand key spiritual concepts.

Gentlemen, you have to have your own vocabulary to properly describe the concepts you use.  Every profession has a words that are useful in their business.  Men who are working to understand the dynamics between men and women have also developed a distinct vocabulary, using words like alpha, chad, hypergamy, desire, dread, provider, beta, One-itis, alpha widow…

These words connote a specific meaning to you that will not be understood by most men.  This extra level of meaning is needed to learn and teach critical concepts about how things really work between men and women.

The mainstream language is not nuanced and rich enough to convey these ideas properly.  When “experts” in mainstream culture discusses relationships, they typically use vague or empty terms that obscure the reality of inter gender relations.  To begin to understand the reality behind the normal culture, you need to use an additional layer of meaning.

Another interesting consideration:  The ancient Medrash in Vayikra Rabbah cites a lack of promiscuity, while the Pesikta Zutarta lists distinct clothing and food.  Food and intimacy are old companions.  The classic “dinner and movie” date is classic because sharing food with a woman is an ancient and universal sign that the man has the ability to be a provider for her.

Sharing a meal means establishing a bond.  We see this throughout the Torah, by Avraham (Genesis 18:5), by Isaac (27:25) then by Jacob and Lavan (31:54).  Interestingly, the Egyptians would not eat with the Jews (Genesis 43:32) because it was an abomination for them.  This is a bit vague, our commentators point out that the Jews ate the “abomination” of the Egyptians, namely one of their Gods.  The Egyptians worshiped lambs.  Our patriarchs ate them.

The reluctance of Jews and Egyptians to dine together was protection against promiscuity.  If they never shared meals, the Jewish women would not be accepting to the advances of Egyptians, even though the Egyptians were the dominant group and had enslaved the Jews.  Our sages later prohibited Jews from drinking non Jewish wine, because drinking wine leads to intimacy.  It’s a very pragmatic injunction.

Food has power.  In present day America, cooking a decent meal is a lost art.  Don’t expect most mainstream women to have expertise in cooking.  There is a void, fill it.  Learn to cook healthy, tasty food.  If you can cook well, you add value to yourself as a man.  Likewise when a women is good at cooking, this adds to her value as a mate.

The ancient Jews also had distinctive clothing.  Dress well.  Don’t dress like an average man, be above average.  Looking good absolutely requires lifting.  You don’t have to become a body builder or powerlifter.  But you need to fill out your shirt.  Again, don’t look like the average man in America today, because today mainstream culture has become fairly unhealthy. Be outside of the mainstream in your health, looks, and style.

Based on the medrashic sources we discussed, the Jews were redeemed because they maintained a distinct subculture apart from the dominant Egyptians.

The Talmud, the main source of the Oral Law, describe how the Jews merited salvation due to the righteous Jewish women.  Talmud, Sotah 11b:

As the reward for the righteous women who lived in that generation were the Israelites delivered from Egypt. When they went to draw water, the Holy One, blessed be He, arranged that small fishes should enter their pitchers, which they drew up half full of water and half full of fishes.

They then set two pots on the fire, one for hot water and the other for the fish, which they carried to their husbands in the field, and washed, anointed, fed, gave them to drink and had intercourse with them…

Yes, the way to a man’s heart and loins is through the stomach.  Later, in Exodus 38:8, the women come to donate their metal mirrors to build the Tabernacle.  Rashi brings the ancient Midrash Tanhuma that explains why:

Even these mirrors they did not hold back from bringing as a contribution toward the Mishkan, but Moses rejected them because they were made for temptation. The Holy One, blessed is He, said to him, “Accept, for these are more precious to Me than anything because through them the women set up many legions [i.e., through the children they gave birth to] in Egypt.”

When their husbands were weary from back-breaking labor, they would go and bring them food and drink and give them to eat. Then they [the women] would take the mirrors and each one would see herself with her husband in the mirror, and she would seduce him with words, saying, “I am more beautiful than you.” And in this way they aroused their husbands’ desire and would be intimate with them, conceiving and giving birth there, as it is said: “Under the apple tree I aroused you” (Song of Songs 8:5).

The Jewish men had given up. They were beaten and tired from slave labor.  They were worked literally all day then not allowed to come home to their wives at night.  This was by design of the Egyptians, who feared the effects of the Jews’ high birth rate.

But the Jewish women had not given up.  They went out to their husbands and seduced them.  Their behavior saved the Jewish people from decimation.

We will learn later that the mirrors they used to maintain their beauty and seduce their husbands became a critical part of the holy Tabernacle.

Refusing to be war brides

Historically, when a dominant conquering nation comes in, the local subjugated women are tempted to be with those victorious higher status men.  This happened in Nazi occupied Europe, and throughout the ages.  Rollo has an excellent essay about the War Brides dynamic and we mentioned this concept in context of The abduction of Dinah.

However, even living under the absolute rule of the Egyptians, who enslaved them and subjugated the men, the Jewish women did not stray.  The Jewish women in Egypt stayed loyal to their husbands, even when their men had lost their will to procreate.

While it would have been tempting for the women to side with the Egyptians to improve their own situation, the Jewish women stayed in the fold.  They could have abandoned their faith and families and married Egyptian men, siding with the dominant victorious culture that was enslaving their own.  They didn’t.

The spiritual power of the Jewish women in Egypt is no doubt linked to our matriarchs, who overcame tests and put their husbands and faith first, as we discussed in Are Jewish women different? and Rachel and Leah, the first Sister Wives.  Since Sarah, the first mother and matriarch, Jewish women have valued their faith and loyalty to family above personal gain.  As we concluded in Are Jewish women different?

Because of our Biblical tradition, conventional Jewish women come out different.  Not biologically different, but due to the influence of the Torah, the celebrated examples given by our holy matriarchs, a Jewish woman is able, to varying degrees, resist the operative social conditioning imposed by secular society and even overcome her innate hypergamy.

With their great loyalty programmed into their “spiritual DNA”, the ancient Jewesses were able to resist becoming war brides to the Egyptians and assimilating into their culture.  Indeed, the Egyptians realized this amazing loyalty, and decided to order the murder of every Jewish male newborn while leaving the girls alive (Ex 1:22).  They knew that as long as there were Jewish men to be loyal with, the women would never quit their faith and assimilate.

When our sages explain that entire Jewish nation was redeemed from Egypt due to women, they are not exaggerating.

The merit of the righteous Jewish women saved us.

There is a deeper level. This loyalty was not only to family but to God. The greatest personal risk a woman can take is to become pregnant.  This is especially acute when she is subjugated. She can be forced to do gruelling labor while pregnant, then her children can be taken away as slaves or murdered.

Here, enslaved to the Egyptians, with government orders of infanticide, and husbands lacking all sexual energy, the Jewish women kept making the effort to seduce their husbands and have children.  They had a high level of faith and trust in God that He would keep His word and redeem the Jewish nation from bondage.

This commendable behavior of our women is linked to the first sources we brought, explaining how the Jews retained a distinct culture in Egypt.  Due to having a unique culture and tradition, the Jewish women had a sense of purpose, a home, an identity.

They were not tempted to give up on their families and take on an Egyptian identity.  They never became promiscuous with their masters, even when it would have brought personal benefit.  Instead, the Jewish women maintained their heritage and through that saved the entire nation from assimilation.

I was overjoyed when I saw that Rabbi Eliezer Melamed, a genius and prominent teacher in Israel, makes this same point in his guide to marital intimacy.

We conventional Jews pray daily for Divine redemption, both on the level of the entire world and the individual.  We ask for salvation from our daily struggles and problems and difficult situations.  The ancient Jews merited national redemption because they worked to maintain their unique culture even among an extremely dominant mainstream milieu.

Our women took personal risks to maintain our people as a distinct nation.  They passed a test of faith and overcame hypergamy, like the Matriarchs before them.  This was possible because they realized that Jewish culture was something distinct and unique to be proud of.  That was only true because the ancient Jews, men and woman alike, worked to remain special and separate from mainstream culture.

Gentlemen, don’t be average, don’t sink to normal.  Be distinct.

Today we begin discussing the blessings that Jews say during our daily prayers.  Our ancient sages instituted blessings before and after reciting the Shema, both in the morning and evening (Deuteronomy 6:7).  We briefly discussed that this is a key statement of Jewish faith, a central credo and mission statement.

Our sages decided that these blessings should mention night in the morning, and daybreak at night.  During morning prayers the blessing reads: “Who forms light and creates darkness”.  In the evening we say: “Who rolls away light before darkness and darkness from before light.”  Why bring up the dark of night each morning and dawn each night?

Rabeinu Yonah (died 1264) cites an earlier source, Rabbi Eliyahu from France, who explains that we mention God being the Creator of both light and dark because there are heretics who think that a God who makes light and good could not also make darkness and evil.  They think these opposite forces must have been made by opposing deities.  So out blessings reinforce our knowledge that the Creator is the source of both light and dark, good and evil, and is the One controlling their expression in the world.

Lest you think this confusion was limited to old time polytheists, some modern professed monotheists make the same exact mistake.  Some assume (they told me this) that the devil or Satan is the opposite of God.  In their view, Satan rebelled against God and wages war on heaven. They believe God brings all the good and the devil sows any evil in this world.

If you are claiming to believe in an single omnipotent God, then this devilish doctrine of duality is a blatant error. There is no power, no entity, nothing existing outside of God. [In order to create a universe with what we experience as free will, despite God’s omniscience, God performed a “tzimtzum” reducing His apparent presence in the physical world. That is a concept in Kabbalah outside of our scope].

In reality, the devil or Satan is a servant of God, fulfilling only Divine will, not his own.  This should be apparent to anyone who read the book of Job.  There are no independent spiritual forces, only entities that God empowers to act as his servants, to fulfill His will. If an agent of God is tempting a man to make a mistake, that is actually God’s will and for the good of that man.

We mentioned yesterday that the desire to sin is put into every human to challenge us to do better, not to turn us to evil. Jewish Wisdom teaches that God’s will is that humans will have an urge to sin, for our own ultimate benefit.  He made us this way for His purpose so we have a challenge to improve.

These prayers and blessings also emphasize that God is constantly, on a daily basis, causing the dawn and sunset, rolling darkness and light.  This is a reminder that God is still involved in the mechanics of His creation, even the things that appear natural and cyclical. God runs every detail of the world at every moment. Jews are not deists who thought God crafted the world like a clock, wound it, and then left it alone.

“Who rolls away light before darkness and darkness from before light…”

For modern men, the practical takeaway is that the darkness and light in your own life are not separate forces, but are both an integral part of you.  Don’t be ashamed of your own darkness, every man has base desires and appetites. Every man has urges to destroy as well as a thirst to create.

Don’t ignore what the negative in yourself (who defines negative for you is a whole topic in itself).  Instead face your own darkness and harness the energy to improve your life.  Don’t hide from your problems, address them.  Practically, many American men would benefit from Dr. Robert Glover’s book No More Mr Nice Guy on “Nice Guy Syndrome” which provides a starting point for dealing with aspects of your personality you would rather ignore.

The other lesson is that things do change. Each day gives way to night.  Every single night ends in dawn.  Jewish wisdom has a concept known as “Gam zeh yaavor” or this too will pass.  This slogan is from an ancient Jewish folktale in which King Solomon challenges a minister to find an item that when a happy man looks at it, he becomes sad, but if a sad man looks at it, he becomes happy.  He returns with a ring inscribed “Gam zeh yaavor”.

No situation in life is permanent.  If things are going well, make the most of it and maximize your benefit.  If not, know it will change and make the effort to weather the hard times and plan for the future.