Today’s learning has a strange legal situation.

Normally we pray the afternoon prayer (mincha) in the afternoon, and wait until nightfall to pray the evening prayer, which is really the first prayer of the next day.  In the Jewish calendar, days begin at  nightfall, as the Bible says: “There was evening and then morning, one day” (Genesis 1).

However, Rabbi Yehuda allows one to pray the afternoon prayer by certain time in the afternoon, then pray the evening prayer after this window for mincha is over – even though it is before nightfall.  Jews for millennia have relied on Rabbi Yehuda to pray the Friday “night” prayers before nightfall, then walk home while it is still light out and begin our Sabbath.  This is especially useful in the summertime at higher latitudes when the Sabbath would begin well after 7pm if we would wait for actual nightfall.

The Talmud notes that some people relied on Rabbi Yehuda and others waited to pray in accordance with the other opinion.  Some people would rely on early prayers only on Fridays, others would use it even Saturday evening or other days when there was a pressing need.  The Gemara concludes that relying on one authority was just as valid as relying on another, and both legal conclusions are acceptable even though they contradict.

In our modern age life can be inconsistent; Sometimes we feel we are without roots.  Other times we feel locked into a certain schedule or paradigm, and get bored.

It may help to realize that there is more than one valid approach to life.  Some days you may need a particular approach to problems that is intensive and aggressive.  Other times you need to slow down and take a hands off approach.  If you are relying on inherently valid ideas, it can help to mix up your approach, and to be a bit unpredictable and mysterious.

As we discussed last week, the Bible describes how Moses warned Pharaoh about the plagues and gave him many chances to change his mind and let the Jews go.  Pharaoh remained stubborn and the hits kept coming.  Because of the miracles, God helps Pharaoh “harden his heart” to even the playing field and allow Pharaoh to keep making free will choices.

This week, we reach the peak of the conflict between Pharaoh’s will and the miraculous plagues destroying Egypt.  We see Pharaoh start to waver, and make Moses an offer that the Jewish men can leave Egypt for a short time to worship God then return (the Jews would offer sacrifices, including lambs which idolatrous Egyptians revered, so they would need to leave Egypt lest the local idolaters attack).

Moses insists that all of the Jews, young and old, the women and children, come along (Ex 10:9).  Pharaoh utterly rejects this, stating that he sees evil in bringing children (10:10).  To him, religion was a serious and dignified matter, the domain of adult males only.  Pharaoh called himself the god of the Nile and was willing to allow some freedom of religion for the Jewish slaves.  Obviously he valued religion.

However, Pharaoh’s concept of religious observance was that it was only for adult men.  The Jewish concept is that while men and women have different obligations in divine service, the faith is for everyone, and all Jews need to be present for a meaningful holiday.  Our commentators (Ralbag etc) point out that everyone was to share in the joy of the proposed holiday together.

It appears that ancient Egyptian faith and other idolatrous religions of the time did not require women and children to be present (unless they were burning those children to Molech or partaking in idolatrous prostitution*).  The Jews had a brand new concept in religion, not just monotheism, but the idea of involving the entire family.  Both men and women could bring sacrifices, and the whole family would eat from them.  Some offerings are fully consumed, while others have some parts burned, some parts given to Priests, and some parts eaten by the family that brought the animal.

Every Jew would be involved in the holiday Moses was proposing and increase their spiritual and physical joy.  In our time too, while public group prayer is an obligation on adult men, women also pray, and have their own set of expectations.  Our Sabbath and holidays are marked by family meals with conversation and songs around the table.
[*This was a real thing, the harlots were employed by the idolatrous temple, and their wages went to the idol, the priests, and temples.]

I don’t know how it works in other modern faiths, but there is a deep wisdom in bringing everyone together, even when men and women have differing roles in religious observance.  While the man of the house is the authority, he is also responsible as husband and father for the spiritual wellbeing of everyone in his household.  He has to learn, pray and bring offerings, but has to bring this inspiration back home and make it relevant to women and children too.  He needs to get them all involved where possible and appropriate.  This is a difficult task and a high level of responsibility.

As we mentioned in Exodus: Women and assimilation, Jewish women stayed loyal to their families after the Jews were enslaved because they were proud of their culture.  You can’t be proud of something you don’t feel a part of.  A conventional Jewish man was expected to show his family that their culture and faith was a source of pride and meaning.

Egypt is hit with more plagues: locusts that devour crops, then darkness which becomes thick and tangible like fog, trapping the Egyptians in place for three days.  Finally, the last straw, the death of the firstborn.  By this time the Egyptians were so fed up with Pharaoh’s stubborn refusals that many of the firstborn Egyptians waged a rebellion on the government…

During the darkness something amazingly frightening happens.  While the Egyptians are unaware, many of the Jewish people secretly die.  Our ancient sages explain (Rashi on Ex 10:22 and 13:18 from earlier Medrashic sources) that the majority of the Jews did not want to leave, and died during the darkness.  The Bible hints that only one in five Jews actually left Egypt in the Exodus.  This sounds bizarre, but think of their perspective.  They had been slaves for years, for generations.  They have been whipped and beaten, starved, their children thrown into the buildings as bricks.  Every aspect of their lives was subject to the Egyptian taskmasters.  They grew used to this reality, developing PTSD.

For almost a year*, their captors have been punished with miraculous plagues, and have left the Jews alone.  The slavery is over, and not only that, but the Egyptians had to humble themselves and buy water and animals from the Jews.  Their former masters were now petrified of Jews.  These people feel like kings.  They were the new nobility of Egypt, held in high esteem (11:3).  Why leave?

The problem is that the destiny of the Jewish people was to receive the Torah in the desert and then resettle in Israel, the holy land.  Our mission was to receive the light of the Bible and become a light to all nations.  Slavery in Egypt was a necessary step in this process, but staying in Egypt was never the destiny of the Jewish nation.  These people were now living the good life in Egypt and don’t want to leave.

After many months of relative freedom and special status, they forgot slavery and thought Egypt was their true home.  The majority of Jews were enjoying Egypt, and had the same mindset of Pharaoh: hold the course, don’t change your situation.  Just like Pharaoh had become obsessed with not changing his mind even in the face of divine punishments, these Jews clung to their new chosen home of Egypt.

God decided that rather than letting these Jews remain in Egypt, it was better for them to perish.  They did not want to leave to take part in the holy destiny of the Jewish nation.  Likely they would have assimilated into Egyptian culture and become idol worshipers.  It was a kindness from Above that they died secretly.
*The plagues were spread out over the course of one year (Mishna, Eiruvin ch.2).

There is a frightening lesson here for modern men.  Sometimes we are in a certain situation, be it a place, a job, a romantic relationship.  It has ups and downs.  We may feel like a slave to our employer some days, other days we feel appreciated and valued.  The same dynamic applies in relationships.  Our default psychological response to the little ups and downs is to value and focus on the good times and ignore the bad.  This compartmentalizing is a normal response to everyday stresses.

What is much harder to do is to stop responding and managing, take a step back, and look at the big picture.  We need to ask ourselves:  Is my current situation bringing me closer to my mission, my chosen personal destiny in life?

Your situation may be pretty good (today), but in the long run will it get you what you want out of life?  Are you ignoring and not fixing the bad parts because you want this relationship to be right, you want her to be “the one”?  You have to take a pause from the daily struggles and really ponder what it is you need out of life, and how to get it.  Then you have to honestly evaluate what will get you there, and plan accordingly.

The Bible gives us a drastic message.  80% of the ancient Jews could not stop enjoying their new high status in Egypt and remember their ultimate destiny as Jews and home in Israel.  Four out of five perished because they would not evaluate their current situation with objectivity.  Pharaoh himself could not change his stubborn mindset until his nation was all but destroyed before his eyes.

Are we modern men any better than this?  Men every day are locked in an Egypt of their own making.  A lack of focus on the big picture, your mission, your destiny will leave you trapped.

The Talmud starts a new chapter teaching the laws of when to pray.  We have three daily prayers, conducted at certain times, and additional prayers on Shabbat and holidays.

There is a wisdom in setting a proper schedule.  It helps you start the day right and to be effective in life.  For Jews we start with morning prayers, or with Torah learning then prayers.  There is a certain energy in what you choose to accomplish first in your day.  Starting with something positive that enhances your intellect, your mission, or your physical fitness is a great beginning.

There is also a power in knowing that you have to perform a certain act by a certain time.  Our sages teach that really you can pray all day, since men need mercy all day.  But to recite the prayers in their set times has a greater merit.  You are showing that you value order and schedule and are dedicated to the task.  Use deadlines to motivate yourself.

Today’s page of learning teaches that while you can recite Shema without a shirt, you need to be fully dressed for the actual prayers.  Rashi (an important rabbi who lived about 900 years and comments on the Bible and Talmud) explains that prayer is standing before the King and you need to present yourself appropriately for this and stand in awe.  You have to look at least decent, and strive to look dignified.

Clothes make the man in the sense that dressing in a dignified way changes your behavior to match your look.  Looking put together helps you become actually put together.  As we pointed out in Exodus: Women and assimilation the ancient Jews had a distinct dress style in Egypt, which helped the, avoid being lost in the mainstream culture.

In your life there are times when you need to dress in a more dignified manner, and behave more seriously than your baseline.  You don’t need a three piece suit, but be prepared to step up when needed.  Have a style and a decent wardrobe.  Some grown men still dress like they are in college, or even high school.  Avoid that.  Get well fitting and nice clothing and use it when the occasion arises.  Rise to the occasion.

The Talmud discusses the proper way to protect your Tefillin from mice or robbers.  Tefillin, phylacteries in English, are sacred boxes with certain verses from the Bible written on parchment inside.  Jewish men wear these during prayer and they have a very high level of sanctity.  They cannot be taken into a restroom and the man wearing then cannot pass gas, sleep, or think unclean thoughts.

Shmuel states that you can put them in their bag with the opening of the bag under the pillow and the Tefillin themselves outside the pillow, and even when your wife is sleeping in the same bed.  This implies that a husband and wife can have intimate relations even with the holy Tefillin there.

Rav Hamnuna shares that his Rabbi once asked him bring his Tefillin to him from under the pillow, when his wife had been to the ritual pool the night before.  This means that he and his wife had definitely been intimate.  The Bible, Leviticus 15:19, states that a woman having her period may not have intercourse for a week, afterwards she goes to immerse in a ritual pool, a mikveh.

On the night the woman goes to mikveh they will obviously be intimate.  Our sages state that God wanted the couple to have a special experience akin to their wedding night every month.  The point of asking Rav Hamnuna to bring the Tefillin was so he would learn the rule that this is a permitted storage situation even when the couple was intimate.

First, we see that it was normal for our sages to be aware that their rabbi was intimate with his wife.  Spiritual leaders were not concerned that other men knew that they were sexually active.  God gave us intimacy as a gift and tool for connection, when it is used properly there is nothing to be ashamed of.  Judaism is a faith that teaches that while our spiritual life is the main focus, the physical body is also from God, and our physical drives can be used properly and channeled for constructive purposes.

Notice that our sages were not going around announcing their private life, or stating directly what had happened the night before.  There is a certain element of privacy between a man and a wife that they cherished.  Our sages quip that everyone knows what happens between the groom and bride after a wedding, but only a low life openly mentions it.

Back then, intimate relations were normal and without shame, but were a private subject.  In fact, it was expected for women to dress modestly and cover their hair as well, revealing it only to their husbands.  We see that our ancient Rabbis even took public action to fight indecent clothing and behavior.

By contrast, modern secular society is simultaneously lewd and prude.  You see sexually explicit or suggestive content constantly in media and advertising since sex sells.  But in many contexts, revealing any hint of sexual interest in a woman, let alone having an open discussion of intimacy is verboten.

Men lose their jobs over mild, vague remarks or even glances taken the wrong way.  America especially has a dysfunctional mix of a puritanism than shuns sex as shameful with a pervasive media that pushes sexual content on us to win eyeballs and sell products.  It’s schizophrenic.

Back 2000 years ago, intimacy was a normal human function that everyone knew about.  It wasn’t a big deal.  But no one went around publicly talking about it.  Married women, Jewish or not, would not even show their hair in public, to avoid sexual attention other men.  Now, sex is forbidden to discuss in most contexts for risk of offending someone, but half naked women are used to sell any product under the sun.

Our sages teach us to have a healthy attitude about intimacy and normal human life.  Your body and your normal desires are a gift from Above to use wisely.

The Talmud discusses how prayer should be recited in a clean area away from foul smells or human waste, and not when you need to use the restroom.  This rule underscores the importance of what we are doing when we pray.  We are speaking with the Eternal Creator of the universe.  It is an incredible privilege and needs to be taken seriously and done after proper preparation.

For modern men, when you are engaged in your mission, your calling, realize the weight of your task.  If you have chosen to dedicate your energy to something, you must consider it to be very important.  If it’s not important why are you doing this, why are you using your time and powers here?  You are an important human being, created in the Divine image (God has no body or image, the Bible says this so we realize the Divine soul in every man).

You are serious and important and contain a spark of eternal Divine energy.  You can accomplish anything you out all your powers into.  Take your chosen mission seriously.   Prepare yourself first, take care of your body so you won’t be interrupted to get a snack or use the bathroom.  Get yourself and your environment in order to achieve.  That way once you get down to work you can focus.

The Talmud today also brings a story that a Torah student left his Tefillin (phylacteries) where passer-by could find them.  A harlot snatched them and came into the student’s study hall, announcing look what he paid me for my services!

The man was so embarrassed that he went up onto the roof and in his distress fell off.  We have mentioned that the first false rape accusation was against our patriarch Joseph.  Men having their lives ruined by false accusations is nothing new.  Gentlemen, keep your phylacteries away from harlots.

Our learning today centers around a very ancient injunction made by Ezra, the author of the book Ezra – Nehemiah, who lived over 2400 years ago.

Today’s Talmud learning has a profound lesson

We compare the requirements for reciting blessings over our food (we are thanking God for creating the food for our benefit) to the blessings we say every day over learning Torah.  Our ancient sages say it’s not a fair comparison, since food is a temporary bodily benefit while learning Divine wisdom brings eternal life

Gentlemen, every day you face a choice.

Do we invest in pursuit of temporary pleasures or in working for a lasting improvement in our situation?

First we need to evaluate, what am I living for?  What is my ultimate good in this world?  And how can I achieve that?  Then you can figure out if what you are doing will bring you close to your mission.

Later today we learn the source that we require ten men to perform certain very holy prayers.  The lesson for modern men is don’t do important things alone.  Get a group to keep you motivated. Find buddies to lift with and ask them to give you feedback and call you out if you are not working hard.  Having other people to check in with you helps track your progress.

This week we read the portion Va’era in the Book of Exodus (6:2-9:35).  Last week Moses was sent by God to return to Egypt and begin the process of freeing the Jewish nation from slavery, with the famous “Let my people go!”

This reading centers on Moses going to Pharaoh and urging him to release the Jewish people from Egypt, under threat of plagues.  Pharaoh states he does not even know God (Ex 5:2).

Pharaoh demands Moses perform miracles, Moses throws his staff down and it becomes a snake.  This does not impress Pharaoh, he has his magicians and even his own wife do the same (Ex 7:11).  He is not scared of Moses’ signs and wonders, he dismisses them as mere magic tricks.

As background, in ancient generations there was greater ability to access and use the spiritual energies that flow unseen through the world.  When there was open revelation of Divine energy in the world, through God’s miracles, there was also more ability among people to access unclean forces and use them for what we would call magic.  Priests of idols would use these forces to have their idols perform tricks to lure worshipers.  This was needed to maintain a balance in forces that allows humans to exercise free will and choose for themselves to serve God.  Hence we have a Bilaam with prophetic powers as great as Moses.  When there is a reduction in the revelation of God into this world, those powers were reduced since they were not needed to maintain our concept of free will.  See also Lilith

Moses meets Pharaoh at the river and warns him that God will turn the river into blood.

Pharaoh  is not impressed, his own magicians can do that.  God has Moses again warn Pharaoh, then summon a plague of frogs, then swarms of lice.  The Egyptian magicians could not summon lice with their spells, and told Pharaoh “This is the finger of God!” (8:15).  Still Pharaoh does not change his mind.  God sends more plagues to convince the Egyptians: swarms of insects, deadly diseases on their cattle, boils on their skin.  Amazingly, even after multiple disasters and punishments, Pharaoh insists on keeping the Jews as slaves.

Pharaoh had made himself stubborn 8:28, 9:7 etc.  Now, after these plagues, there is an interesting change in the language of the Torah.  Now God strengthens Pharaoh’s will 9:12, allowing him to continue refusing Moses, if he wants.  Then, despite the hail destroying his crops, Pharaoh is still able to exercise his free will and harden his heart 9:34-35.

Without Divine intervention to reinforce his will, Pharaoh would have wavered.  According to our sage Ramban (Nachmanides, about 900 years ago), since God was revealing open miracles in Egypt to force Pharaoh, God also gave him more inner strength to resist in order to even the playing field.  We have a concept that the universe is set up to allow humans to exercise free will (to a certain degree), so this balance was needed so Pharaoh was still able to make his own choices despite the miracles.

Pharaoh got into a habit, a commitment to his desired course of action.  Then despite divine intervention, he kept his course.  Midway through the plagues, God himself has to give Pharaoh  additional strength of will for Pharaoh to be able to keep on resisting.  But even without that, Pharaoh wanted to resist God’s obvious miracles and plans, as was his habit.

This is a profound lesson.  We all get into comfortable habits and will tend to continue those habits even when circumstances change to make them inappropriate.  The force of habit makes us resist responding to a new situation.

For some men this is indulging the body instead of exercising and improving body and mind.  Others seek approval from others and bend their own morals and boundaries to gain this.  The more we continue our habits, the harder it is to change, even when confronted with certain signs that our approach was wrong.  When we have invested our time and energy in certain beliefs, hobbies, and relationships, we don’t want to admit that it was all wasted.

Don’t get stuck in a certain path of action that is not working.  Stop and reevaluate your course through life.  Are there signs that something is going wrong?  That it is going right?  Stop and take stock.  Often grievous mistakes can be avoided by taking the time to pause and evaluate your chosen course of action.

This applies to your relationships and business life as well.  Stop and evaluate: What is working and what is flawed?  Can this relationship be salvaged and how?  Or is it time to cut my losses and move on?   Be objective.  Make a plan to salvage the business deal, friend, or relationship.  It can’t be fixed with reasonable effort and change?  Let it go, don’t get pulled into the sunk cost fallacy.

We have a slogan in Judaism: fix your life the day before you die.  Since you don’t know when that is, we try to improve every day.

We have another motto: as long as the candle is burning, it is possible to fix.  On a literal level this refers to a craftsman repairing items by candlelight.  But our sages are teaching a profound lesson:  The candle is your soul.  If you are breathing, you can change.  Don’t give up hope.

You may have made serious mistakes for 70 years, but if you are willing to change course and buck your bad habits, you can maximize the rest of your life, starting today.  Don’t be like Pharaoh, assuming you know better, and continue headlong into destruction despite obvious signs you were wrong.