Daily dose of wisdom, Brakhot 54: learn from experience, the good and bad

Today we begin the final chapter of the Talmud Brakhot, which teaches about various blessings

Fittingly, the first is when you see a place where a miracle was done for the Jewish people, you bless “who did miracles for Israel in this place”.  The Jewish nation became a nation through the miracles in Exodus.  The Gemara brings instances where even a miracle for an individual would get a blessing.
Friends, when you gain valuable life experience and wisdom, hold onto it. Remember it.  Be thankful you had that opportunity.  Not everything is miraculous, but every experience builds you as a man.
Our sages continue that we bless on both good and bad events in life, and we serve God with both our good inclination and bad inclination.  This is too complex to delve into now.  The useful point is that when something “bad” happens to you, you need to look for the lesson, the chance to grow and become better.  Maybe it is simply gaining the wisdom to avoid such a situation or person in the future.
Our rabbis add that someone who cries out about the past, that is an empty prayer. Example, if his wife is pregnant and he prays for a boy, this is empty (as the gender is already established), or if he hears pained shouts in the city and prays it isn’t in his house, this is empty. Whatever happened already happened.
This is profound and important.  Are you fixated on past events and giving your energy and attention to a world that is gone?  Don’t do that. Don’t agonize on what is gone, instead plan for the future and build on the past.

Daily dose of wisdom, Brakhot 53: fire and focus

The Talmud continues learning about the Havdalah ceremony after the Sabbath, which includes a blessing over the light from fire.  We learn that we cannot use a fire made by an idolater since it did not “rest” on the Sabbath, but if we move that flame to a new fuel source and it makes new fire it is fine.  The reason given is that a burning fire adds flame and renews itself, so a new flame is now present.

There is a profound wisdom here, when your soul is “burning” and well fueled with spiritual energy, you are able to renew yourself and keep burning and giving new light.  We all have good days and less good days.  When you are feeling great, on a roll, smiling at everyone, then you have a chance to identify what is going right for you so you can tap into that energy source in the future.  In time you become your own source of good emotions.  After all, you are living, growing, developing your intellect and personality.  You’re in the groove, you’re killing it today.

When you are down and not ‘giving light’, look for what is wrong.  Maybe certain places or people are sucking the fuel out of your personal fire.  Maybe your body is lethargic and dragging your soul and intellect down with it.  You may need to stop and refuel the body (not necessarily by eating, a workout can do this too).  You must take care of your own basic needs before you can grow as a person or help anyone else.  Don’t get into a situation giving your fuel and light to others and not keeping any to grow your own fire.

You want to get to a place where your personal energy is renewing itself from within, and you are on top of it.

 

Millennia ago people used to die by a sneeze.  Their soul flew out with the sneeze.
This is the origin of the custom to say gesundheit or “health” when someone sneezes.  The Gemara notes that the house of Raban Gamliel did not say “health” after a sneeze when they were learning in the study hall.  This implies they would say it outside of the study hall.  This shows the focus and devotion that they had when learning Torah.  The recognized that Torah is Divine Wisdom, and life itself, so the two seconds it would take to respond to a sneeze was too much loss of that wisdom.

When you are engaged in developing your life wisdom, don’t interrupt.  Be totally engaged.

Daily dose of wisdom, Brakhot 52: develop your energy source

We discuss the order of making “Havdalah”, the famous ceremony that marks the end of the Sabbath.  The schools of Hillel and Shammai disagree about the order of blessings in Havdalah.  Beit Shammai holds that we push off the blessing of the day, which states the Sabbath is over, as long as possible by making other blessings first.  The Talmud contrasts this to their opinion that at the beginning of Shabat, during Kiddush, they bless the day even before the wine.  Our sages explain that Beit Shammai want us to start the Sabbath as soon as possible and then hold on to Sabbath as long as possible.  (Really the Sabbath starts itself, our blessing on the day during Kiddush is acknowledging that reality, not creating it).

For Jews our Sabbath gives us spiritual fuel, provides a needed break that energizes the rest of the week.  I simply can’t imagine life without Shabat.
Imagine working for seven days straight, then Monday morning doing that all over again without any break.  That is how life was for most of humanity.  The greatest gift the Jews taught the world (maybe after monotheism and objective morality) is the idea of taking a day off every week.  We all need a break, and we all need time to reflect on what we have done and plan for the future.

Beit Shammai reminds us to hold on to the Sabbath as it is departing.  The wisdom here is when you have a valuable experience, cherish it and draw energy from it.  Everything ends, Jewish wisdom has a concept known as “Gam zeh yaavor” This too will pass. No situation in life is permanent. 

When you accomplish or gain something, reflect on it and hold on to it a little longer to gain that energy to do more in life.  For Jews, the Sabbath provides that energy source.  For modern men, you may have a regular work out, or place to walk or hike, or a motto to revisit.  You can tell yourself after your PB smashing workout how awesome you were.  It helps if you really were awesome.  Find a regular way that works for you to recharge your energy.

Another dispute between Beit Shammai and Beit Hillel was over the wording of the blessing over fire.  Beit Shammai held we say Bara Maor haesh who created the light of a fire while Beit Hillel said  borei meorei is creating lights of fire.  Shammai said we should think back to the first creation of primordial fire, which was one unified color.  Hillel said fire and light are changing and evolving so we bless multiple colors of light.
There is a wisdom in both options.  When we appreciate something, do we look back to the original form it took?  Or notice how it changes?  For some aspects of your life you do need to think about how it was in the past compared to now, and of this part of your life still has a valuable role.
According to the Ben Ish Hai, who was expert in Kabbalah,
BS says we bless maor in singular since our bodily enjoyment from the light is one type of value ie we can see with the light.  BH holds meorei since our soul also benefits from the different colors.
The wisdom here is your soul benefits from beauty, color, art, music, nature, and profound experiences. Fuel your soul.

Daily dose of wisdom, Brakhot 51: vet your guru, women’s emotions

Today the Gemara mentions some secrets told by an angel to Rabbi Yishmael ben Elisha, including do not have your hands washed in the morning by someone who has not yet washed his own hands. The morning washing of hands ritual removes a certain spiritual contamination that interferes with proper prayer and learning. It was also a sensible thing to do, as people commonly slept naked and may have touched unclean parts of their bodies during sleep.  A man of means may have asked his servants to fetch water and pour it over his hands when he woke up.

The lesson here is don’t try to get personal guidance have someone who is not properly guiding himself.  Choose your guru or rabbi carefully.  These days many people have a public persona they use to sell their product or their advice.  They look great, from the outside. However, that is not always consistent with their real private life.  If someone is selling you a path to the perfect life since their life is perfect, don’t believe it.  How clean are their hands?

 

 

Another bit of wisdom was one of the secrets the angel of death told Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi: don’t stand in front of women who are returning from a funeral, because the angel of death is dancing before them sword in hand, with power to harm.

Friends, you don’t have to believe in any angels to know that when women are deeply emotional you are better off getting out of the way.  Women become extremely emotional at weddings and funerals.  Our sages state that women change emotional states more rapidly than men do.

Part of the wisdom tool kit you need to build as a man is to know when to try and help a woman cope with her emotional state and when to just give her the time and space to calm herself down. Obviously this depends on the situation, the closeness she has to the people involved, and her own capacity to self soothe.  For a man just getting to know a woman, you will not have a clear picture about these factors, and it is better to err on the side of giving more space.  Stay out of the path of emotional destruction.  Also better to just listen rather to suggest a solution or mitigating factors to her distress.  Other men may know a woman well enough to understand that she just needs a few minutes to vent or cry, then a nice distraction to return to baseline.

Daily dose of wisdom, Brakhot 50: leading from within

Today our sages discuss the wording of the group invitation to make the blessings after a meal. The Mishnah states that when are three men ate together, the wording is “let us bless”, but when there are three plus the man saying the invitation, he says “bless” to them as a command. The Gemara develops this idea and concludes, based on comparing to other sources, that it is preferable to say “let us bless” so the leader does not make himself separate from the group.

 

We might have thought that when you say a command to a group that is more powerful and direct. In a sense you are right. However, our sages deduce that it is better include yourself as part of the group effort. In leadership, one way to motivate people is to help them feel that they are a critical part of the endeavor and everyone is contributing towards a shared goal. You as the leader instill in them a sense of ownership over the result or product. Then they invest more in the goal, since it is also for their sake.

If the manager or leader is just giving orders, the workers don’t feel that they are working for a certain goal, but that they are working on behalf of the leader. When a leader shares that he feels he is part of the entire group then he can better encourage everyone to focus on the outcome, not just the orders.
This is the concept of leading from within.

 

Daily dose of wisdom, Brakhot 49: taking criticism, keeping your personal vision, focus

Today’s learning has many amazing bits of wisdom.

We mentioned yesterday that Moses, Joshua, and others established the blessings we say after bread.  However, the exact words were not fixed, just the topics.  They did not have written prayer books and there was variation in how they said the blessings.  Nowadays the way we recite the blessings is fixed and written down; there are still some differences in custom among European, Sefardi, and Yemenite Jews.

Rav Hisda said the blessing after bread and was criticized by Rav Sheshet for omitting certain elements that should be mentioned, including praise to God for the covenant with us (brit – circumcision), and the Torah.  Rav Hisda omitted those relying on an opinion that since women must say the blessings after bread but women do not get a circumcision and are not required to learn Torah (the same way men do, they are required to know all of the laws that apply to then), then mentioning those items must be optional.  This is a minority opinion, the majority held that Brit and Torah are critical elements.
One lesson here is don’t sink to the lowest common denominator.  Do more than the minimum. Account for the maximum.
The other amazing wisdom is in how Rav Hisda responded.  He realized his error and accepted the criticism, even though it was hard (he says Rav Sheshet was coiled over him like a snake about to strike), and stated he now feels that he needs to get back to basics and not do advanced learning until he masters the blessings.  These blessings are something we learn in kindergarten.
When criticized you can react defensively or stop, think and introspect it there is something valid you need to address.  Being reactive and defensive paints yourself as having a weak self esteem.  A strong man can take criticism and use it to build himself, when it’s constructive.  A strong man also has options to avoid dealing people who are simply critical without constructive goals in mind.  Rav Hisda understood that criticism from his Rabbi was warranted and for his ultimate benefit, and he took it to heart.

Another interesting piece:

Rebi states we don’t seal (conclude) a blessing with two different topics, the Gemara asks that in holiday prayers on a weekday we end “who sanctifies Jewish nation and the seasons”.  Our sages answer that this seal is considered one topic since the Jews proclaim the seasons (the new moon) and thereby fix the dates of the holiday.
The exception to the rule is when a holiday falls on a Shabat, we end “who sanctifies Shabat, the Jewish nation, and the seasons”.  This counts as two topics.
We try to keep the focus of each blessing on one topic.  If not, it looks like we are trying to get things over with by combining different commandments.
In your life, giving all your attention on one task at a time has a certain power to it.  While extreme multitasking is the popular method of modern living, the art of giving all your energy into just one topic is important to master.  Some things in life need all your focus to accomplish.
Naturally you want to know, why didn’t the Gemara ask that the Jews also sanctify the Sabbath, so “sanctifies Shabat, the Jewish nation, and the seasons” could be one big topic?  After all, Jews say “Kiddush”, special blessings to sanctify the Sabbath every Friday night and Saturday morning.
But the Gemara doesn’t ask or answer that the Jews sanctify the Sabbath.  In truth we are not making the Sabbath, the day of Shabat was set at creation.  Our proclamation of the new moon and new month does not change the days of the week.  Really, the Sabbath sanctifies us, giving us a cycle and order to our lives and a chance to rest from the week and redouble our efforts for next week.  We have an ancient motto: more then the Jews keep the Sabbath, the Sabbath keeps the Jews.
One more for the road:

Daily dose of wisdom, Brakhot 48. contributing to the group, women’s words, Abraham’s hospitality

The Talmud continues discussing the rules of “zimun”, the invitation we make before reciting the blessings after a meal.  This invitation has one man lead and the others respond to him.  Our sages teach that if someone ate a minimal amount of any food they are able to answer to the invitation, but to lead the zimun requires eating a certain amount of bread.  Typically this honor was given to a sage or a Cohen (priest).

When working with a group we should be aware of what each man brings to the table, what they are contributing.  To lead a project may require giving more of your time and energy than others.  If you are willing to put in more in order to be the leader, make this clear to the group.  You don’t want to be in the situation where you have done more than others but they are calling the shots for you.  The same applies in relationships.  If you are willing and able to take the lead, be willing to put in the energy and take the burden of making critical decisions and being responsible for the results.

See also Daily dose of wisdom, Brakhot 45. Be aware of your group
Today’s learning also points out that Saul asked where Samuel is, the women were quite loqacious, using extra words (Sam a 9:13).  Our sages state one of the reasons for this is that the women wanted more time to look at Saul since he was very tall and handsome.  The corollary is also true, when you are getting short answers from a woman and she isn’t paying full attention to you, know that she isn’t really interested in you.  Don’t just hear words, consider exactly how she is communicating.  The medium is the message.  Believe actions not words.

 

We recite four separate blessings after a meal with bread.  The Talmud states that Moses established the first blessing after the manna fell in the desert.  Great, but what blessing did Jews say after their Passover matzah the night of the Exodus, and on the matzah they took out of Egypt to eat?  God did not send the manna (and the quail) until after their matzah supply was exhausted.

This is another reason why Jews were told to bake matzah to bring along.  Even eating a small amount is very filling, so that even before getting the manna, they could fulfill the verse when you eat and are satisfied and bless God (Deuteronomy 8:10).

Did they simply not make any blessing after the matzah?  No, each person made a blessing in the words they thought appropriate.  Likely their version of the blessing after bread was based on the blessings Abraham had made centuries before.  We know Abraham made blessings after meals, the Torah teaches that he planted an “Eshel” (Gen. 21:33): “Abraham established an eshel at Beersheba. And he called there the name of the Eternal, God of the universe”.  The word eshel is translated as oak tree or inn, but is in fact an acronym for eating, drinking, hospitality.  Abraham invited guests to eat and drink, then afterwards to bless God.  He used those blessings as an opportunity to teach his guests that there is One God to thank for everything.

After his guests ate and drank, they wanted to bless Abraham for his generosity.  Abraham would respond, “Do you think that I am the one who provided the food you have eaten? Like you, I am only a guest in this world. You should thank the real owner, the One Who spoke and the world came into being!” (Talmud Sotah 10a).

Don’t take credit yourself.  Give credit where the ultimate credit is due.

Mishpatim: Laws and justice; Slavery and arranged marriages

This week we study the epic portion of the Bible starting in Exodus 21 known as Mishpatim משפטים meaning laws or rules.  This section, containing 53 distinct commandments, comes just after the Divine revelation at Sinai and giving of the Ten Commandments.

Mishpatim is a continuation of the law giving at Sinai.  All the rules of the Bible, civil, financial, or spiritual, are equally Divine. The details of when the owner is liable for damage done by his ox, just like the laws against idolatry, are from God.  The Bible puts religious and civil laws together, teaching us that a crime against your fellow man is disrespectful to his Creator.

Amazingly, the first set of rules this week deals with a slave.  God is giving the Jewish people, who had just been miraculously freed from centuries of vicious slavery in Egypt, rules about owning slaves.  At first glance this defies common sense.  But the Bible is eternal wisdom and not haphazard.  There must be deeper reasons for this shocking transition.

Biblical crime and punishment

First, understand that in the Biblical society there was no concept of imprisoning people as a punishment.  Sins against God required atonement, by an offering brought to the Tabernacle, later to the Temple in Jerusalem.

The person offering the animal confessed his or her mistakes and contemplated that really they should be the one sacrificed for the sin, but the animal was taking their place, like a scapegoat.  The sacrifice was a catalyst for repentance and whole-hearted change.  The focus was on self directed rehabilitation and personal growth, not punishment.

For very heinous sins such as adultery and murder, there was a capital punishment, but it was administered on an extremely rare basis by the Jewish courts.  For some men death of the body is the only full rehabilitation for their soul, since they have publicly defied the laws of Bible.  Their execution by the court rectifies the damage they have done to their soul and their society.

In practice, capital punishment was almost unheard of.  The Mishnah (Makkot 1:10) and Talmud (Makkot 7) debate if a Jewish court that hands down a death sentence even as rarely as once every 70 years is being inappropriately bloodthirsty.

The Jewish courts only admitted eyewitness testimony.  No hearsay, DNA or circumstantial evidence, or expert witnesses were involved.  The accused had to have been warned that his act would carried the death penalty, and he had to acknowledge and accept this warning.  Only crimes carried out with specific knowledge and intent in front of other men could result in execution.

The judges would fast and meditate before handing down a verdict in a capital case.  Amazingly, a unanimous verdict for guilt would be overturned.  The Bible itself states “The congregation shall judge . . . and the congregation shall save” (Numbers 35:24–25) which is directed at the court to try any argument to save someone accused of a capital crime.

Maimonides, a heavy hitter in Jewish law, writes: “It is better and more satisfactory to acquit a thousand guilty persons than to put a single innocent one to death” (Sefer Hamitzvot, lav 290).  We see already that Jewish criminal procedure was radically different than what passes for justice within modern courts.

For crimes against other men, the Bible demands compensation.  Even “an eye for an eye” (Ex. 21:24) really means payment for the damages, pain, embarrassment and lost wages of the victim.  The Talmud (Bava Kamma 84a) brings many proofs for this.  Jewish law is not like the ancient Hammurabi code, which required literal removal of an eye as revenge.  Revenge itself is forbidden by the Torah (Leviticus 19:18).

Sins against people required asking forgiveness and fixing the relationship.  Disputes about money went to the local court, and the party in the wrong had to pay the damages the court assessed.  Arbitration and compromise is encouraged in Jewish law.

Remember, there were no prisons for the ancient Jews.  If someone stole and simply could not return the money (it was spent or the animal eaten), they did not go to jail and become a burden on society.

Instead they had to work to pay restitution.  They became the “slave”, really an indentured servant, to the party to whom they owed the money (Exodus 22:2).  The man was not truly owned by the master, the master bought only the right to his work, and never owned his actual body.

In addition, a Jew who had nothing could also sell himself, meaning the right to his labor, to a wealthy man (Leviticus 25:35).  Servitude due to theft or poverty was explicitly temporary (Exodus 21:2) for up to six years at a maximum. The servant went free on the sabbatical year, even if he had not paid his debt in full.  (See also Talmud Kiddushin 14b, Arakhin 30b).  If he enjoyed his situation, the servant could elect to stay on longer with his master, until the Jubilee year, when he finally had to leave (Ex. 21:5).

Ancient slavery and modern excuses

To modern people, the word slavery means a barbaric institution profoundly offensive to human dignity.  This is completely true.

No one is saying slavery should be allowed, just that we need to study history without the subjective blinders of our present experience.  Remember that our current assumptions are the product of our limited modern experiences.

This is what author C.S. Lewis called chronological snobbery: the belief that ‘the thinking, art, or science of an earlier time is inherently inferior to that of the present, simply by virtue of its temporal priority or the belief that since civilization has advanced in certain areas, people of earlier time periods were less intelligent.’

The past 200 years, during which slavery was thankfully eliminated from most of the globe, is but a minuscule blip in the overall human experience.  For almost all of human history, it was absolutely normal for human beings to enslave one another.  That it was common and was considered absolutely essential does not mean that it was right.  (A man must question if the policies considered essential today are morally correct).

In ancient Sparta, they proudly had 70 slaves for each free citizen, while in classical Rome slaves were about a third of the population.  Their entire economy was based on attacking and enslaving others.

Slavery was very common in all areas of the world.  African tribes routinely enslaved one another and profited from the slave trade.  Europeans enslaved one another as well; check out the origin of the name for the ethnic group Slav.

In some places, slavery or the equivalent continues today.  Visiting workers can be abused and enslaved in certain countries that look down on foreigners and prevent them from having real rights.

Even in first world western countries there are men who are effectively slaves to their jobs, debts, or government.  No one says a word about these men.  There are men in relationships with the burden of total responsibility but with zero authority.  That is the same thing as slavery and yet it is accepted as normal in today’s society.

In the United States of America especially millions of men today are imprisoned, dehumanized, and harnessed for their labor to make profits for the government run prison systems.  You may be tempted to excuse by saying they were prisoners and need to pay for their crimes.  The ancients also had many excuses for enslaving other people.

We who presume to judge ancient societies should wonder what educated people 2000 years in our future will think about our modern criminal “justice” system.  The government, acting in our name, incarcerates vast multitudes of people, mostly men and disproportionately from minorities.  These men are locked for decades in purposefully inhumane conditions.  Prison is designed with the goal to subjugate, isolate and dehumanize men.

Human beings, created in the image of God, are treated worse than animals.  If an animal shelter treated dogs and cats like American prisons treat men, there would be mass protests.  The government, claiming to act on behalf of all citizens and in the name of justice, forces men into cages, denies human beings appropriate health care, education, exercise, and even the ability to freely observe their religions.

The modern “justice” system denies men the very rights the constitution guarantees to all citizens, by branding them non citizens.  They are “cons” now, or felons.  Felons lose their right to vote and to self defense.  The authorities cut men off from families and friends.  They place men into situations with a high risk of violence and abuse from other inmates and guards (God forbid).  All this injustice the name of justice!

What will future people generations when they learn that in our allegedly equal and just society, men were much more likely than women to be convicted and received longer sentences for the same crimes?  When they analyze our date and see that men with dark skin or those living in poverty were arrested and convicted more often?

What will the future people think of a nation that eagerly locks men up for decades on nonviolent crimes, but also lets violent offenders out on parole immediately, where they repeat their brutality?  That criminalizes victimless regulatory infractions that abound in laws that average men cannot even understand?  That overlooks all manner of heinous crimes when they are committed by the rich or powerful?

We should wonder how the future will judge us for locking up useful, able bodied men in prisons to rot.  Many American prisons have work programs, which is actual slave labor, even when there is some minimal compensation.  Sealing a man away with hardened criminals as his only companions makes him more likely to return to crime.  He does not, as politicians want you to believe, “pay for his crime” and come out after years of lock up as a reformed, rehabilitated citizen.

Rather, he becomes more and more at odds with regular society, which now brands him a criminal, a felon, a convict.  He isn’t a man anymore, he is a con.  It’s hard for him to get solid employment with a record.  He can’t even vote, adding insult to to injury the government inflicted on him.

His ties with his family are permanently frayed or utterly severed.  His children grow up without a father figure, a tragic loss overlooked by society.  They look for guidance on the streets, often with criminal gangs, perpetuating generations of criminal and social problems and drug abuse.

Modern “criminal justice” is inherently unjust, as the state brands men as criminals, which allows the state to treat men as something worse than animals and deny them the rights of citizens.  Then the government can easily enslave them and make billions in profit from the labor of men behind bars.

Think hard, modern people… What exactly will future historians think of “justice” in present day USA?

Biblical Justice

Again, in the ancient Biblical society there was no jail, penitentiary, lock-up, or debtors’ prison to punish men.  There was a very rare, short term situation for a known murderer who was a danger to society but could not, due to technicalities, officially be convicted in court.  He was locked away to protect the public, and overfed until his stomach burst and he died (Sanhedrin 81b).

Rashi also explains that a man could be sequestered temporarily to convince him to divorce an inappropriate wife or while waiting to see if a man he injured would pass away (Pesachim 91a).  But the Biblical society never used jail as a punitive measure.

Without jail, Jewish criminals were never isolated or ostracized from regular society.  They were not branded or labelled a con.  The Jewish police and courts treated him as a human being, the Torah commands them to treat him as a man and their brother even after he is convicted, and even if he is given lashes (Deut 25:3).

The police and judges in the ancient Biblical society did not have an “Us vs Them” mentality regarding the criminals.  The courts were local.  The judges were men from their own tribes, their extended family.  Agents of the Jewish state did not murder men or crush their souls in the name of justice.  These men were not “others”, they were part of the tribe.  There was no police brutality, no coerced confessions or plea bargains, no men “accidentally” dying in police custody or during arrest.

The Biblical “slave” system was actually the criminal working off his debts with the very family he stole from.  The “slave” has to get to know the people he robbed, and help them with their work and daily chores.  He gets to understand that the people he wronged are real human beings.

He can’t help but grow close to them, feel remorse and resolve to change.  And they see that he is not a monster, not a criminal, but a man in need of help and guidance.  Over years of working and living together, the thief and his victims become cordial, friendly, and even like one family.  Some “slaves” would choose to stay on even after the Sabbatical year and would freely continue this arrangement until the Jubilee year (Ex. 21:5).

The “master” was required to treat the thief like the human being that he is.  He cannot make the slave do meaningless or unnecessary jobs, he has to make good use of his abilities and skills, and involve the man in his business as an active partner.

Not only does that, but when the slave has paid his debt or the sabbatical year comes, the master gives him parting gifts (Deut. 15, Kidushin 17a).  His wife and children are always with him, indeed the master must provide for them too (Lev 25:41 and Ex 21:3).

The master needs to feed his servant at least the same quality food and provide the same accommodations that he himself uses.  If there is only one bed in the house, the “slave” gets to use it, if there is only one steak for dinner, the “slave” gets to eat it.  This leads our sages to note: “one who buys a slave in truth buys himself a master” (Kiddushin 22a from Deut. 15:16).

Naturally, you are beginning to realize that Biblical “slavery” was not the same barbaric institution that existed in antebellum America and throughout the entire world until recently.

The Bible teaches us a way that “slavery” (really indentured servitude) can ultimately benefit the criminal and his society.  Not that we should try to emulate this system in modern society.  It may be that only the Jewish nation, the people enslaved and abused as part of our national origin, have the sensitivity to successfully navigate the dangers inherent in having one human being subordinate to another.

The Jewish people, after centuries of slavery, understand the true value of freedom to the human spirit.  In His wisdom, God now gives the very same people that just emerged from real slavery the rules that allow a different sort of servitude that respects the dignity inherent in every man, while still allowing the victims of crime to be compensated.  The Bible outlines a justice system that is truly just and humane.

In the ancient Jewish society, all the men were related, either as actual descendants of the 12 tribes or as converts who accepted the same faith and laws and were considered full fledged Jews.  Perhaps only in such a context could the officers and courts remember that the accused “criminal” is really their brother.  In a modern society where the state dehumanizes criminals instead, no man should have license to enslave another.

Only a society that knows and teaches that men are made in the Divine image can possibly treat men with respect even when they have victimized others.  The serious implication is that modern American society often fails to recognize the inherent dignity of man, and this is shown again and again by the actions and attitudes of the agents of the state and the “justice” system towards men.

Unlike convicts in modern America, the Jewish slave in ancient times was not pushed out of society and made into an isolated, useless pariah.  He was never branded as a convict or felon by the state, he did not lose his civil rights.  He was never beaten or suffocated or left untreated to die by law enforcement.

Instead he was always respected as a man, a brother, even thought he needed to be put into a situation where he could work to improve himself as he benefited his society and the family he wronged.  Jewish “slavery” was real rehabilitation.  Incarceration is not and never will be.  The Bible teaches true justice: improving human souls, not putting them on ice.

The Jewish “maidservant” and arranged marriage

The Bible has separate rules for a female servant (Exodus 21:7).  An extremely impoverished man may sell his minor daughter into service to a wealthy man.  Like the male servant who works to pay his debt, she works towards the set price, and can redeem herself.  She is also automatically freed when she reaches maturity at age 12.

However, the Torah anticipates that the man who bought the maidservant may want to marry her, or engage her to marry his own son (Ex 21:8-9).  If a man from the wealthier family does marry her, the maidservant has the full rights of a Jewish regular wife, even if the man has multiple wives 21:10.  Indeed, our ancient sages learn a husband’s marital obligations to his wives from the rights the Bible gives to the maidservant (Talmud, Ketuvot 47).

The Jewish maidservant concept sounds like an invitation for an arranged marriage.  However, the desires of the young woman herself are the critical factor in this institution.  The Torah states that if she is displeasing to the man who bought the right to her work, and he won’t marry her, instead he must let her be redeemed and cannot sell her (Ex 21:8).  If the woman is acting in a pleasing way, the assumption is that the man or his son will want to marry her.

The burden of performance is now on the young woman, her future is in her hands.  The choice is really hers to make.  Obviously if she does not like this man, she will not perform well for him, and once she works off her sale price she will be free to go.  But if she is interested in this man, or his son, naturally she will make a special effort to be gracious, helpful, charming, attractive, and productive in their home.

For a girl from a very impoverished family (selling a daughter as maidservant was seen as a last ditch effort before borrowing with interest, which is a Biblical prohibition), marrying into a wealthy family was a huge step up on the socioeconomic ladder.  For a father in dire straits, without the ability to put food on the table for all of the children, he is not selling his daughter as much as giving her the chance for a better future.

Our sages writing during the crusades explain that while ideally we wait until a girl is old enough to make her own decisions about marriage, in uncertain and dangerous times it is allowed for her family to plan ahead and try to find her a good match for marriage earlier.

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However, unlike an actual arranged marriage, in the maidservant situation, both the man and the woman have the opportunity to get to know each other on a very real level before committing.  It may sound very appealing for the poor girl to marry a rich man, but it might not be in her best interest.

The Bible protects her interest by putting her in the man’s household before she needs to commit.  The young woman sees this family day in and day out, and learns if this wealthy family has any skeletons in the closet or corrupt character traits.  She sees first hand how this family treats those people that they might see as lower on the social totem pole*.  If they are gracious and welcoming to her when she is a mere servant in the house, they will certainly be warm and loving when she fully joins the family as a wife.  Instead of chasing money and trying to lock down a rich man for his assets, the young woman sees the full picture of the man, his character, and his family before they commit.  The Jewish maid is not marrying a man’s wallet, she is marrying the man.
*Rule in life:  A woman who is rude to the waitress and lacks gratitude will one day be rude to you, and don’t expect any thanks from her!

The ‘master’ or his son gets to see how this woman functions as a member of the household, if she gets along with others and works hard for the common good, or is lazy and rude.  In actuality this maidservant concept is very unlike an arranged marriage.

The man and woman are not starting a marriage without getting to know one another, instead they are seeing how the other acts and reacts in day to day life before making a commitment.  They forge a relationship on the practical level before trying a romantic bond.  You may be surprised to learn that the Hebrew word for family “mishpacha” is cognate to the word for maidservant “shifcha”.  The primary role of each family member is to serve the others, to help the entire family.  You family is your first tribe.

The Bible sets up a situation that allows a young woman from the very poorest family to marry up, but only after she has seen how this man really is behind closed doors and accepts it.  The man can choose to marry her, but only after he has experienced how she acts and contributes to the household.

Anyone can fake good character for a while during dating, men can easily be fooled by a woman’s smile and gracious behavior over a few months.  Only when they marry and he sees her in her daily life does he realize her true nature.  The Torah is Divine wisdom, and puts these young people together for the long term, so they can see the bad along with the good and truly know who it is they are marrying.

A real marriage is not a Disney story with a glass slipper magically bringing man and woman together.  The Bible is showing us an effective form of real life vetting.

I have briefly mentioned vetting, in the context of finding someone to join you in creating your legacy:

Men, all men, understand on some level that children are their legacy.  And they’re right.  Most men never accomplish anything that puts them into the history books.  By comparison, having a kid or two seems seductively easy.  So men decide to settle down and start a family.  Then, if they’re paying attention, the trouble starts…

Gentlemen: Jacob wasn’t a patriarch because of his wives.  Of course he married the right girls from the right family.  Actually their family of origin and city was idolatrous and their father a manipulative liar.  Jacob had to gradually wean the women away from that influence, as we explained in Rape, murder. It’s just a shot away.

Still, you have to do your part, like we learned from Jacob.  However, it’s not fully in your hands.  You make an effort and ask for Divine assistance too.  One mistake I have seen is a reliance on vetting.  Vetting is basically having a checklist for a woman to become your wife and mother to your children.  It simply doesn’t work under most circumstances.

I don’t need to get into why, because Rian Stone has an excellent serious about vetting explaining this [to Orthodox Jews nivul peh warning].  If a man vets his woman, there is a danger that he thinks he is good to go.  After all, he vetted her, he got it right.  It’s on lock.  From now on it should be smooth sailing with his traditional conservative wife and 2.3 kids…

I also wrote about our ancient Patriarch Isaac, and how he needed to see his “Debt-Free Virgin Without Tattoos” future wife Rebecca functioning appropriately as part of the household before he fully married and loved her:

Isaac brings Rivkah into his mother Sarah’s tent, took her as wife, loved her, and was consoled for his mother (Gen. 24:67).  The Bible writes events in this order to teach us eternal wisdom.   Actions before marriage.  Marriage before love… The truth of the Torah is emotional dynamite planted under the modern commercialized concept of love and marriage.

When Isaac brings Rivkah into Sarah’s tent, it was to check if Rivkah could continue in the path of Sarah, of being a modest woman focusing her energies on her own tent, her own household, not the outside world.  Our ancient sages (Breishit Rabah) teach that when Sarah was alive, the candle she lit Friday night for Shabat would stay lit all week, there was blessing in the dough, and a Divine cloud hovering over her tent.  These symbols of divine merit left when Sarah died, but returned when Rivkah took her place in the home.  [There is a lot of depth in those symbols, briefly they stand for the values of industriousness, caring for family, giving to others, and modesty].  Rivkah’s character and actions resulting in the return of these signs of blessing.  Rivkah acted like Sarah, like a mother.

This was Isaac’s long term vetting of Rivkah.  He saw that her actions and character were appropriate to be his wife and mother to his children (and to the future Jewish nation).  Only then did he marry her.  After marriage, he made the effort to love her by appreciating her talents and contribution to his household.

The lesson for modern men is that there is profound value in seeing a woman in her natural environment, in her daily life and interactions, before committing to anything with her.  This is the wisdom of the ancient institution of the Jewish maidservant.  On the surface it sounds an awful lot like an arranged marriage but in practice was quite the opposite.  Some modern men look at checklists instead of looking for red flags in a woman’s actual behavior.  They can take a lesson from how the Bible puts people together before a real marriage.

Virginity

Another ancient concept mentioned in Mishpatim is the value placed on virginity.  In Ex 22:15-16, we learn that if a man seduces (with words, this was not a rape in any sense) a virgin, then when he marries her, he must give her a large dowry as if she were a virgin.  If the father or the girl objects to the marriage, the man must still pay the dowry, as he has reduced her appeal to other men.

We don’t have the space to elaborate here, but we see an awareness in ancient societies of the value of a bride’s virginity for the long term success of the marriage.  Of course, that is all patriarchal nonsense we can ignore in our modern enlightened society…

Don’t make the mistake of assuming that the present mainstream experience is the only valid approach to justice or marriage.  Or anything.  You see the world through blinders placed by your modern society.  If you are willing to set aside your modern biases and look with unclouded eyes, you will find priceless wisdom in ancient traditions.

Daily dose of wisdom, Brakhot 47: reliable traditions

In today’s learning, we mention that teaching a topic using the exact words your rabbi used is important.  Recall that the entire body of Jewish oral law was not yet written down 2000 years ago. Everything was memorized.

About 1900 years ago, permission was given to commit the Mishnah to writing, since there was a danger of losing some of the tradition due to persecutions that scattered Jews across the globe.  Even after that, the study of the Mishnah was oral, passed down from rabbi to students for generations.  The Talmud or Gemara was not published until centuries later.  Even with a hard copy, there are no vowels to help you read the words.  You need a teacher to really understand just the words, let alone to complex concepts in the Jewish oral tradition.

Using the same words as your own teacher allows consistency and repeatability. This helps you to understand and pass down the exact wisdom you have learned.

Another concept we mention today is defining who is an unlearned person, “am haaretz”, the type of person with whom a sage would not typically join in a meal.  Various opinions are given, including someone who does not recite Shema or wear tefillin.  The penultimate opinion is someone who has sons but does not teach them Torah or send them to a Torah school.  Teaching is the key to our tradition.  Even today when we have written books, having a direct link of tradition through the generations back to Moses and Sinai, even back to Abraham, is the key to our success.  The last and most inclusive opinion given is someone who learns from books, but does not serve a rabbi.

Even if one was well-versed in Torah and Talmud, but did not serve Torah scholars, he is an am haaretz

By service our sages mean spending time with the rabbi to learn from his personal example and character.  Mere book learning is never enough, it’s merely academic.  We have to learn through people, through seeing them apply their wisdom in everyday life.  Theory is not sufficient, you must learn from practice.

A religion can be defined as a group of beliefs, set down in books, or a religion is a group of believers and how they act in the real world.  The Talmud emphasizes learning from the latter.  How you act in practice is more important that what you believe in theory.  Be aware when someone acts differently than the words they tell you and the advice they give.

Gentlemen, book learning or mere listening to advice is not enough.  You need a mentor to take you into the field, whatever field you want to excel in, and you must learn from practical example.

Daily dose of wisdom, Brakhot 46. opportunities have a cost

We continue learning about the blessings made after a meal, and when one participant invites the others to bless and leads the blessing.

A guest making the blessing after the meal adds a special blessing for the host.  The Talmud brings the text for this benediction, and additions made by Rebi, Rabbi Yehuda the Prince, who lived about 1900 years ago in Israel.  He was known for codifying the Mishnah, the main corpus of oral law, and for being friendly with the Roman ruler Antoninus, which spared the Jews from Roman persecution for a while.  Rebi was exceedingly rich, his wealth compared to that of Caesar, the Gemara states that both had lettuce all year around, meaning they could afford to import items that were not in season locally.

Rebi makes an additional blessing that the hosts property should be close to town.  So?
That mean he won’t have to go far to take care of his means of earning his livelihood.  He will have more time and energy to pursue his spiritual developing and personal growth and be less tied down with the effort of making a living.  Rebi, even though he was rich, was acutely aware of the effort it took to earn his fortune, and would bless others that their involvement in business should not be very time consuming.

Judaism is a very spiritual but values the physical as it is needed to serve the physical.  If there is no food you cannot learn or pray.  In conventional Jewish thought, there is holiness in conducting business with integrity and providing for a family and giving back to the community.  The Jewish holy man is not a recluse in a monastery or a guru alone on a mountain, he is a regular man doing his best in the office, on the bus, in his home, with others.

Friends, if you have a business opportunity, any opportunities, evaluate the costs before you proceed.  You might make money at the cost of time or your sleep or exercise routine.  Is it worth it?  Only you can decide.  You might enjoy spending time with a certain person.  Is your investment paying off for you in the long run?
Rebi reminds us that opportunities have a cost.