Very juicy learning today.  The Talmud begins the topic of the giving to the Torah at Mt. Sinai (and this is the day after Shavuot – there are no coincidences).

Our sages debate how long semen is considered viable per Jewish law (it is technically possible semen could be viable for longer, but they are discussing when Jewish law assumes viability).  They learn their opinions on this question from the chronology of the Divine revelation at Sinai, since Moses told the Jewish people to abstain from sexual relations for a certain period before the revelation to prevent women from being ritually impure.  More on that tomorrow.

As part of this amazing debate, our sages note that God fearing Jews would not normally get busy during the day, unless they are in a dark room.  Rashi explains the concern as “shema yireh bah davar meguneh” – the man may see something not attractive in his woman and this will reduce his passion.

A couple deep lessons here.  Naturally, a man needs to be attracted to his mate.  Don’t marry someone you don’t really physically want because she is nice or has a good family or you get along well.  Our sages teach us that strong sexual attraction and a healthy intimate life is a key facet of marriage.  However, a man should not stare at his woman looking for problems.  That is an invitation for bad feelings from both parties.

Also, our sages mention physical looks as a hang-up for the man, not the woman.  This is not because our sages were unfamiliar with how female attraction works.  Quite the opposite, this is because our sages knew full well that women are more holistic regarding sexual attraction.  Women may overlook physical imperfections because a man has charisma, social standing, accomplishment, or simply money.

For a woman, a large part of foreplay is emotional and communicative, not merely visual.  The best stimulation is her mind, thoughts and feelings.  Our sages deeply understood women.  For female attraction, looks are important but they are not everything like they are to a man.

This is a clear message to men that even if you think your looks are lacking, you can improve yourself in many other areas.  [You also want to lift weights and try to dress well, there is usually room for improvement in the physical area and women also notice that].

Underlining this wisdom is our sages’ discussion that the Bible was revealed to people who had just immersed in a ritual bath the same day – they did an action to bring purity but were not yet totally purified.  You don’t have to be perfect to start working on yourself and growing in wisdom.

Back to the sperm – The Gemara concludes that a man’s seed inside a woman is viable for a number of days after relations, our sages ask about seed outside, and conclude that as long as it is moist it is technically capable of fertilizing a woman.

In other places the Talmud notes that there was an actual case 2000 years ago of a woman becoming pregnant in a warm bath just after a man had used it and released semen in the water.  There was an actual case in modern times in which a professional athlete was with a woman, and afterwards she retrieved the condom from the trash and used the contents to become pregnant.  This underlines that a man needs to be aware of what he is doing with a woman and who is in control of the birth control.

Today’s learning describes how to plant five different species in one garden.  The Bible prohibits planting different species together, or close enough together that they appear to be joined.  Our sages determined that a legal definition of too close, based on drawing nourishment from the same soil.

The lesson here is each area of your life requires energy from you.  The most simple example is that we lift with a split into leg day and arm day.  The overall idea is don’t try to use all your energy and mental space for any one task, and also do not try to accomplish too many separate things at one time.  You simply don’t have the energy.

 

On the topic of planting, our sages note:

Rabbi Shmuel bar Naḥmani said that Rabbi Yonatan said:  What is the meaning of that which was written: “These are the sons of Seir the Horite who inhabit the land, Lotan and Shoval and Zibeon and Ana” (Genesis 36:20)?  What, is everyone else inhabitants of the heavens not land!?*  Rather, it means that they were experts in the settlement of the land, as they would say:  This land that is the full length of a rod is fit for olive trees; this other length of a rod is fit for grapes, this length of a rod is fit for figs.  And the members of this tribe were called Horites [ḥori] since they smelled [heriḥu] the earth to determine what is fit to be grown there.  And in explanation of why the early inhabitants of Seir were called Hivites [ḥivi] (see Genesis 36:2), Rav Pappa said: Because they would taste the earth like a snake [ḥivya] and determine what should be grown there according to the taste.

*Yes, Jews were already sarcastic 2000 years ago.

This is the original “nose to the ground”.  The lesson for modern men is to find rich sources of energy for what you want to accomplish.  This could be supporting friends, a positive environment, or certain methods you use to express yourself.  Grow yourself effectively using the resources at your disposal.

Today’s Talmud learning focuses on ritual contamination, a topic which is quite arcane, but there is a hidden message for modern men here:

Rava said:  With regard to impurity imparted by treading on an item, an earthenware vessel is ritually pure, as if derived from here: “And any open vessel that does not have a sealed cover on it becomes impure” (Numbers 19:15). Infer that when there is a sealed cover on it, it is pure.  Does this not apply even with a case where a man designated this sealed vessel as a seat for use by his wife, when she is menstruating ? And even so, the Torah states that it is ritually pure! Apparently, an earthenware vessel with a sealed cover is not subject to impurity from any source.

If you are new to ritual impurity, don’t worry too much about understanding any of that.  The take away was that a sealed earthenware container is invulnerable even to a menstruating woman sitting on it, which would cause other items a high level of contamination.  The key here is that it is sealed off.  This is a hint that a man needs areas of his life that are “sealed off” from his woman, even his wife.  He needs men as friends, he needs hobbies or sports that are his alone, not something shared with his wife.  He needs an independent source of pleasure and validation apart from women, an area where he is free to develop himself for purely his own sake.

In conventional Judaism many men find such an outlet in group prayers and Torah study, which is a masculine space.  In modern secular society, male space is becoming ever more rare.  Assess you life an interests, and find for yourself a group, sport, or area which is a male space where you can excel as a man, not for female approval.

Yesterday the Talmud begins a new chapter “Rabbi Akiva said”, which opens with a discussion of how idols and even stones from a building used for idolatry were deemed ritually impure by our ancient sages.  Our sages debate the extent of this impurity, and what scriptural source the rabbis based this enactment upon.

 

This contains a double lesson: obviously you need to stay away from forces antagonistic to your personal mission.  Idolatry is the opposite of dedication to God.

Also, when you are forced to grapple with them, you need the awareness that their ideas and agendas can rub off on you.  You need to prepare yourself to reduce their influence on you, and afterwards make the effort to cleanse yourself and rededicate to your holy mission.

Today you are constantly exposed to ideas and arguments that urge you and manipulate you to follow paths that are not of your own choosing, paths that do not lead to your success.  Be aware that exposure to these agenda does affect you and your thoughts, and plan accordingly.

The Gemara goes on, and discusses the impurity of a small idol.  Our sages bring the verse Judges 8:33, explaining that the idolaters made an idol the size of a fly and kept it in their pocket, and would take it out to embrace and kiss it.  There is a fantastic lesson here, even though it is from the dark size.  When you value something, keep it with you and use it. Religious Jews often bring with them a book to learn from, or recordings of Torah classes.  They value the wisdom of the Bible and learn it whenever they can.  The Jewish King was commanded to bring a Torah scroll with him to learn from constantly, the same concept.

For any man, if you have gained some useful life wisdom, write it down and keep it with you.  Summarize it so you can use it quickly.  Take it out and review it, make it part of your life.  Wisdom is not for dusty books, it is for you to take with you to improve your life.

This week in Jews in America do not read the regular weekly Bible portion, as Shabbat is also the second day of the holiday of Shavuot (the festival of weeks), commemorating the Divine revelation of the Bible at Mount Sinai around 3400 years ago.

The holiday is only celebrated for one day in Israel.  Jews far from Israel kept the holidays for two days, and still retain this custom.  That’s a topic for another time.

On Shavuot we read the Book of Ruth.  Ruth was an amazing woman, the first convert described in the Bible.  She was originally a princess of Moav, an idolatrous nation, and became the unlikely great grandmother to King David.  We shall soon see why.

Elimelech, a Jewish judge, left Israel during a famine with his wife Naomi and sons Machlon and Kilyon, to seek food in Moav.  Elimelech passed away there, his sons married Moavite princesses, then the sons died as well.  Ruth 1:5.

Naomi heads back to Israel, and her two daughters in law, Ruth and Orpah, begin to come along.  Naomi tells them to go back to Moav, since they are still young and can remarry (1:9).  Both girls say they are willing to go with Naomi, Naomi insists they return, explaining that she has no more sons for them to marry.

These woman know that; Naomi is actually referring to the concept of Levirate marriage.  Levir is Latin for Brother.  This commandment is explained in Deuteronomy 25:6-7:  When brothers live together, and one of them dies childless, the dead man’s wife shall marry an outsider.

Instead, her husband’s brother must cohabit with her, making her his wife, and perform the brother-in-law’s duty to her.  The first-born son whom she bears will continue the name of the dead brother, so that his name will not be cut off from Israel.

Naomi had no other sons to marry these widows, so no one would be obligated to marry them.  Therefore, she tells them to go back to Moav and marry Moavites.  In the time of the judges the custom was that other relatives, if they wanted, could marry a childless widow and redeem the ancestral lands of the deceased husband.  But no one was required to marry such a widow except for actual brothers of the deceased. 

Naomi explains that by coming along to join the Jewish people, Ruth and Orpah will most likely become permanent widows.  There is no guarantee that any living relative of Elimelech would want to marry a Moavite widow and be obligated to buy back her husband’s land.  It was very unlikely that the girls would ever remarry if they chose to come with Naomi.

Naomi is exceptionally sensitive to their situation, she does not want them to share her fate as a widow (1:13).  Naomi would naturally want company and help in her life as a widow, and the girls do love her and are loyal.  However, she puts aside selfish motivations and advises her daughters in law to do what is best for their personal future.  She urges them to return to Moav and marry Moavite men.

One of the girls, Ruth, insists on coming to Israel with Naomi.  Naomi tries to talk Ruth out of this.  Conventional Jews still discourage conversion; it requires real commitment and self sacrifice.

Ruth insists, with the famous verses: “Your people shall be my people, and your God my God.  Where you die, I will die” (1:16-17).  These statements actually teach that Ruth was accepting various facets of Jewish law.  The Gemara (Yevamot 47b) learns the basic laws of conversion to Judaism from this ancient conversation between Naomi and Ruth:

Naomi said to her: On Shabbat, it is prohibited for us to go beyond the Shabbat limit. Ruth responded: “Where you go, I shall go”.  Naomi said to her: It is forbidden for us to be alone together with a man with whom it is forbidden to engage in intimacy.  Ruth responded: “Where you lodge, I shall lodge” (Ruth 1:16).

It is interesting that Naomi began by pointing out that becoming Jewish would restrict Ruth’s freedom to travel and her ability to try be alone with men.  Recall that Ruth is a young widow, and she may have thought that joining the Jewish people will get her free access to a pool of suitors.  Naomi informs her that this is not the case, then continues with broader concepts of Judaism:

Naomi said: We Jews are commanded to observe six hundred and thirteen Divine commands.  Ruth responded: “Your people are my people”. Naomi said: Idolatry is forbidden to us. Ruth responded: “Your God is my God”.

Naomi said to her: Four types of capital punishment are available to a court to punish those who transgress the commandments. Ruth responded: “Where you die, I shall die”.

Naomi said: We have two burial grounds, one for those executed for more severe crimes and another for those executed for less severe crimes.  Ruth responded: “And there I shall be buried” (Ruth 1:17).

Naomi saw that Ruth was truly sincere, even though conversion could doom her to permanent widowhood while a return to Moav would allow her to easily win over a man to marry.  She accepts Ruth as a convert immediately, though she also required immersion in a ritual bath to seal the deal.

You probably noticed the problem here:
If Ruth is just now becoming Jewish after her husband died, what was she before, when they married?

Conventional Jews do not countenance intermarriage.  Ancient Jewish men, sons of a judge no less, would not marry Moavite girls unless they had converted.l to Judaism.

Some sources state that Ruth had certainly converted when she married Machlon (Ibn Ezra, Ralbag).  This approach leads to another problem: if that was a full conversion, how could Naomi tell a real Jew to go back to idolatry?

While Ruth did convert when she married, this was a conditional conversion, or conversion motivated by her desire to marry. Another possibility is she converted as a minor, before she has full intellectual development (see Tosafot Nazir 23b “bat bno”. A person who converts while still a minor is able to reconsider and renounce the conversion when they reach maturity.

A conversion for marriage or other gain is discouraged, but technically still legal.  However, it may be doubted unless the circumstances change so that the marriage or other benefit is gone, but the convert chooses to remain a practicing Jew.

Later on, in the generation of Jesse (David’s father) Jewish authorities debated if the Ruth’s conversion had ever been valid, and if the marriage between Boaz and Ruth was even legal.  The consequence would be if David, the future king David, was even legally Jewish.  This question was eventually decided in favor of her conversion being true.

The amazing thing is that now, on the road the Bethlehem, with no husband, no brother in law, no land, and no real chance of making a new life, Ruth recommits to Judaism and Naomi wholeheartedly.  Even if her original conversion for marriage had been motivated by love or lust, this one was pure.  Ruth was, as far as she knew, giving up her only real chance to marry and have children.

That is exactly what practically every normal woman wants out of life.  Ruth was actively undermining her options to pursue her innate hypergamy, her desire to marry and have children with the best man she can.  Instead Ruth was choosing God, even if she had to remain a poor widow for life.  On the road to Bethlehem she committed to faith and loyalty over her own self interest and her own future.

“She would do anything for you”

Gentlemen, this is an opportunity to discuss the depth of female desire.  Some of you may have been in the situation of a young woman telling you that she is willing to convert to your religion, giving up her faith and family, just to be with you.

If you have heard such words, then you understand that a woman’s genuine desire for a man can overrule every other area of her life.  [In my opinion, this statement is even more significant than “I want your baby”, as a marker of genuine desire, since her desire for a child can come from selfish motivations as well.]

Know that a woman is wired so that when she is fully and completely into a man, she will accept his mission as her own mission.  This is a facet of female nature built into women by our Creator.  When she really wants a certain man, she will give up her beliefs, her parents, her culture, anything.  The Jewish Talmud also mentions the power and depth of a woman’s genuine desire (Eruvin page 100).

Knowing this, you evaluate if a woman is really into you or not.  Does she follow your lead in beliefs, values and activities?  It doesn’t have to be your religion, you may be a fervent adherent of a certain hobby or sport.  If your woman is truly into you, then she gets into that what you like as well.

If she has less than 100% desire for you, then she may start to come between you and your interests, as she will consider them to be a rival to her.  A man can easily go from a competitor to a bench warmer because a woman is telling him that his favorite sport is taking away from their relationship.  Just as a she wants her man away from rival women, she wants him away from rival activities that take away his time, attention, and resources.  She feels she deserves those things instead.

This behavior is a serious warning sign about the relationship itself, showing that she is less into the man himself, and more interested into what she can get from him.  Then the more he starts giving up his hobbies, sports, and interests, the less she values him.  He starts losing what made him attractive to her in the first place.  This only ends in an imbalanced relationship and a broken man.

These days, I suspect that a whole-hearted female dedication to a man’s beliefs is very rare, at least in the mainstream.  In modern feminist society, girl are taught from childhood that men should serve women, that she doesn’t need to do anything to please him.  Rollo has an excellent essay on that, geared towards women, describing how they have been manipulated against their own interests.  However, the concept of your woman following your lead still serves as an excellent test of how she views you.

Modest yet alluring

Ruth accompanies Naomi to Bethlehem and Naomi suggests she glean for grains in the field of Boaz, a wealthy judge who is distantly related to Elimelech.  Boaz notices Ruth’s modesty: she does not bend over to take grains off the ground, lift her skirt, or flirt with the men reaping.  This implies that other women gleaning were less modest in comparison.

There is a link between Ruth and Tamar, a prominent woman in Genesis chapter 38.  Recall that Yehuda (Judah) lost his first two sons while they were married to Tamar, due to their “spilling seed”, and did not want to allow his third son to join with Tamar in Levirate marriage.  Tamar took matters into her own hands to covertly become pregnant by Yehuda while disguised as a harlot.

However, Tamar would not reveal the identity of the man who impregnated her, even on threat of death.  Instead she allows Judah to acknowledge his paternity or not, even though if he does not admit it she will be executed as an adulteress (Gen 38).  For using her sexual agency to do God’s will, Tamar is rewarded by becoming the ancestress to the Davidic kings.

Ruth also takes an assertive but secretive role in trying to get Boaz to take her in Levirate marriage.  Ruth seems reluctant and Naomi urged her to act (Ruth 3:1-14).  Ruth, on Naomi’s advice, washed herself, anointed, and dressed in her finest clothing.  Then she sneaks into the granary where Boaz is asleep and uncovers his feet to wake him up.  Ruth was ready to get married to Boaz that very night.

A Jewish marriage can be executed through intercourse, though we do not customarily do that anymore (Talmud, Kiddushin).  Imagine Boaz, who had just lost his wife (Talmud Bava Batra 91a), sleeping alone in his granary when a gorgeous young woman, dressed and anointed, comes in.  She states she ready to do anything he says, and asks him to “spread his wings” over her.  She is at his feet and ready to go.  Not only that, but he would be fulfilling the Divine precept of Levirate marriage by taking her.  How could he say no?!

It is an amazing credit to Boaz that he did not take Ruth immediately that night.  Instead, he remembered that there was another man named “Ploni” who was a closer relative to her deceased husband and therefore entitled to take Ruth if he wanted (Medrash Ruth Rabbah 6:8).  Boaz tells Ruth to wait until morning and they will find out if Ploni wants to marry her.

The other man refuses to marry Ruth, because of a dispute over if Jewish law allowed Moavite women to convert.  Ploni’s assumption was that Naomi’s son’s died because of that sin, and he does not want to get involved.

Boaz held by the opinion that Moavite women (but not men) can indeed convert, and does marry Ruth. This was eventually determined to be the binding legal ruling in the David’s generation (Talmud, Yevamot 77).  Together they become ancestors to Oved, Jesse and then King David.  This marriage was the spiritual remedy for the sons of Yehuda, who famously sinned by not impregnating Tamar.  In a sense, their souls and the souls of Elimelech and Machlon continue through the union of Boaz and Ruth.

Orpahism

Ruth’s sister Orpah was convinced by Naomi to renounce her conversion and return to idolatrous Moav.  Orpah went home, and that very night lay with 100 men and a dog (Medrash Ruth Rabbah 2:20).  She chose not to remain as a widow with her mother in law, that much we all understand and recognize.  She had her own self interest in mind.  But instead of simply getting married to a Moavite man and starting a normal family, Orpah set out to engage in profound promiscuity and even bestiality.

This illustrates the concept that when one chooses to reject spiritual gain, they don’t stay at the same level, but instead fall into decadence and decay.  Now that she was free of her prior religious and moral constraints, she wanted to enjoy her sexuality without any limits whatsoever.

In modern secular society, we have seen the results of a comprehensive agenda aimed at removing any and every limitation on female sexuality.  Hormonal birth control and abortion remove the biological consequences of sexual intercourse. No fault divorce and courts that favor women remove the financial consequences of women choosing to destroy their marriages and families.  Feminist society and the media have tried to remove any trace of the traditional stigma and negative association with promiscuous behaviors.

Don’t take my word for it, try questioning the propriety of elective abortions, and you will be publicly demonized.  There is tremendous social, legal, and economic pressure aimed to silencing voices that would urge young women to be more modest or to consider what they are getting into.

What successful traditional cultures abhor, modern society celebrates and promotes.  So young women do not realize that there are actual long term consequences to following the feminist script of engaging in behavior that would have earned them the label of slut or whore in prior generations.  This “Orpahism” has far reaching effects on the desire and ability of young women to pair bond in a healthy marriage.  Research has shown that women who have had more partners are less likely to be able to settle into a happy marriage with one man.

Orpah eventually got tired of the harlotry, or maybe she “hit the wall” hard after her years of partying and finding herself.  She settled down and married a Philistine giant.  Her sons include the fierce giant Goliath, who battled the Jews until he was defeated by a young shepherd named David (1 Samuel 17).  This was God’s plan, that Ruth’s descendant would defeat Orphah’s child.  Orpah later becomes the subject of the first “your momma” insult in recorded history, made by King David’s general Avishai to Goliath’s brother (Talmud Sanhedrin 95).

Why Ruth?

Ruth is a fitting heroine for Shavuot, our holiday of accepting the Bible.  Ruth accepted Judaism even when there was no reasonable hope that her conversion would help her to marry and create a family.  She put her faith in God and loyalty to Naomi above her innate hypergamy.  This is a trait of Jewish women such as Sarah and our beloved matriarchs.

By choosing faith over self interest and desire to improve her life, God rewarded her by making her great grandmother to kings, an unlikely achievement for a woman who grew up in an idolatrous culture.

Ruth’s greatness in faith and loyalty is obvious, and we see how she also used her sexual attractiveness in an appropriate manner.  Ruth showed both modesty in public and a willingness to approach Boaz, ready to give herself over to him, in order to fulfill a Divine command.  She offered herself to Boaz to repair the soul of her dead husband.

Ruth was aware of the profound power of female sexuality and wanted to employ it for a selfless motive, not for selfish gain.  Ruth was ready to use intimacy as a holy tool for spirituality, the opposite of her sister who discarded all spirituality for promiscuity.  This is the key factor why she merited to be the ancestress of the Jewish kings.

Conversion as genuine desire

The Jewish people at Sinai entered into the eternal covenant with God, with the Bible as our marriage contract.  We gave ourselves over to God, saying “We will do whatever you say, whatever is in the Torah” before we even knew what we would be commanded (Exodus 24:7).

We Jews were ready to do anything for God, give up anything, from our genuine desire to be His people.  God wants our desire, and knows when we are not whole-hearted.  Throughout history, the Jewish people were punished for going through the motions of faith without true desire towards God, in fulfillment of Deuteronomy 28:47.

A convert in modern times also gives up an entire culture and lifestyle (and shellfish, bacon, and cheeseburgers) to become a priceless link in our ancient tradition. The Ohr haHaim haKadosh on Parshat Ki Tetze (Deuteronomy 21:11) writes that the souls of converts who join the Jewish people were in a sense already destined to do so.  However, the forces in the world that obscure and confuse caused these souls to be born into other nations.  They have to work hard to find Judaism.  We can’t simply say Ruth was “fated” to become Jewish.  She had to take a big risk and work hard to return with Naomi and approach Boaz.

Jewish wisdom teaches that we do have free will, to some extent, and the burden is on us to gather the information and make the best choices we can.  This concept reminds us that all of us, of any faith, have work to do to uncover our mission and purpose in this world.

Our sages in Medrash Tanchuma Lech Lecha 6:32 state: “Dearer to God than all the Israelites who stood at Mt Sinai is the convert.  Had the Israelites not witnessed the lightning, thunder, and trembling mountain, and had they not listened to the sounds of the shofar, they would not have accepted the Torah.  But the convert, who did not see or hear any of these things, surrendered to God and accepted the yoke of Heaven. Can anyone be dearer to God than that?”

We mentioned yesterday that Judaism has religious law for every situation, so conventional Jews are never paralyzed by doubts. Our ancient sages also gave practical advice for daily life and relationships. This lead to an interesting exchange:

Rav Huna said to his son Rabba: What is the reason that you are not to be found learning before Rav Ḥisda, whose laws are incisive? Rabba said to him: For what should I go to him? When I go to him, he sits me down and occupies me in mundane matters not related to Torah.

He said to me: One who enters a bathroom should not sit down immediately and should not exert himself excessively…

Rav Huna said to his son Rabba:  He is dealing with matters crucial to human life, and you say that he is dealing with mundane matters? Now that I know what you meant, all the more so you need to learn before him.

Your daily life and bodily health are important, so much so that our ancient rabbis taught about maintaining your body and proper defecation in the holy study hall.  We know that conventional Judaism also discusses a healthy sex life, and how to eat and drink.

Even when you are engaged in high level intellectual pursuits, don’t neglect your basic health requirements.  You need a strong body in order to support a strong mind.

Today the Talmud discusses relieving and cleaning oneself on Shabbat.  Yes, every single aspect of life is covered in Jewish law.  We never get stuck asking “what do I do now?”

 

Our sages allowed carrying stones, shards, or other items used for wiping (they did not have TP), even though on Shabbat stones are usually forbidden to move.  The reason is that human dignity and the need for self respect outweighs Rabbinical concerns for moving forbidden items. Therefore, the ancient Rabbis did not make rules on these items needed for cleanliness.

 

This alludes to a modern concept.  When you have a high level of confidence and self respect, other people sense your inherent dignity and treat you differently.  They will not make additional rules for you to follow.  Instead, they will often break the regular rules on your behalf. Think of a man proudly striding up to the counter just after closing time, chatting confidently with the clerk, and asking firmly but politely to buy a ticket. He will get a better result than someone with his head bowed meekly suggesting maybe they can make an exception just this once even though it’s his own fault he is late.  [Yes, humility is a virtue, but an often misunderstood one].  We summarize this fact of life as: “people make rules for betas and break rules for alphas”.

 

If people are often making rules and additional requirements for you, stop and give serious thought to how you are presenting yourself to others and how you can improve your confidence. You have inherent dignity as created in the divine image, but you need to carry yourself accordingly or not one will see it.

 

Another amazing note, our sages list things that can bring hemorrhoids, many of them specific foods.  This was based on practical life experience, they saw men get problems from these.  In your own life, pay attention and remember what works for you and what does not.  How many times do you hear someone saying “oh I love this food but it always gives me indigestion!”  And they’re eating it anyway.  Same with other aspects of life, men spend time and resources on friends and women that in the long run can be harmful.

 

You need to make your own lists of what does and does not agree with you, physically, socially, emotionally, and spiritually.  Save yourself from self inflicted pain and suffering.  This is another aspect of recognizing your inherent dignity.  A man aware of his vast self worth does not hurt himself for a tasty snack, or undermine his life mission for a little fun.

In today’s learning our sages debate how much eye shadow is a significant amount to trigger liability for carrying it out into public on Shabbat.  One source says enough for just one eye, since modest women may cover one eye with a veil and leave only one visible, so makeup for just one eye is an important amount.  (We learned that a veil or headscarf was not normal Jewish garment, but Jewish women in Arab societies went along with this standard).
Another source says less than two eyes’ worth is not significant.  Our sages reconcile these traditions by pointing out that in cities with big populations, the modest women would hold themselves to a higher standard of modesty, and would veil one eye.  They did this to avoid getting caught up in the general immodesty present in big cities (Rashi).  However, in small villages people were generally more modest in dress and conduct, and even modest women did not feel the need to add any stringency to remind themselves to be more modest than the common level.

We see from here that there are different standards of modesty and dress in different places, it is important to be aware of these and fit in (or actively choose to stand out).
We also learn the importance of holding yourself to a higher standard when the general standards are low.  There is a danger of getting pulled down to the lowest common denominator when you do not take measures to protect yourself.  Often this means adopting a stringency that makes you stand out from the debased norm.

It is worth noting that our sages take for granted that even the most modest women, who would cover everything except one eye, would still want makeup for that eye.  Our ancient rabbis understood the natural feminine inclination to look good and attract attention.  Indeed, this same page points out that women would use various treatments to remove unwanted hair (including pubic hair) and fathers of girls would smear the girls with skin cream to make them attractive for marriage.

This is not contradictory – our sages want a woman to be attractive for her husband to have a healthy outlet for her natural urge to seek male attention.

We are on the topic of the minimal amounts of various substances that trigger for liability if one takes them out into the public domain on Shabbat. In general, something needs to be importance or useful to bring liability for carrying it, as we discussed yesterday.

 

The Gemara compares processed and unprocessed leather, asking why they are significant in the same amount.

After all, unprocessed dye herbs are only important in a larger amount than already processed, as a man wont that the trouble to prepare herbs to dye a small sample. Something that you have already put effort into is on a different level from the raw material. Then our sages note that the minimal amount of unplanted seeds is a clump around a dried fig in size, or according to another opinion at least five seeds; so a seed for a single plant is not significant. However, by fertilizer enough for merely a single plant brings liability.

 

This hints to a greater concept. When you are getting started with something, you need to try multiple avenues of approach, you do not know which one will be successful. You plant five seeds since you don’t know how many will grow.  No one would plant just one seed at a time, or even four, so for Shabbat law it is not important.  This notion applies to your avenues of life, your options and potential paths.  You cannot invest all your efforts into one single seed, assuming that it will grow, blossom, and bear fruit.  A famer never plants just a few seeds…

Once the plant is growing, then there is an importance in enough fertilizer for a single plant. When one of your projects or businesses is blossoming, you invest more there.  When one option is paying off, and you are gaining from it, then you put more of your time and energy into that one and less into the others.  Then the effort you put into that avenue needs to be significant, enough to maintain that project.

 

Even when one of your projects ir working, that does not prevent you from trying new things.  Ecclesiastes Chapter 11:

5 ה

כַּאֲשֶׁ֨ר אֵֽינְךָ֤ יוֹדֵ֙עַ֙ מַה־דֶּ֣רֶךְ הָר֔וּחַ כַּעֲצָמִ֖ים בְּבֶ֣טֶן הַמְּלֵאָ֑ה כָּ֗כָה לֹ֤א תֵדַע֙ אֶת־מַעֲשֵׂ֣ה הָֽאֱלֹהִ֔ים אֲשֶׁ֥ר יַעֲשֶׂ֖ה אֶת־הַכֹּֽל׃

Just as you do not know how the lifebreath passes into the limbs within the womb of the pregnant woman, so you cannot foresee the actions of God, who causes all things to happen.

6 ו

בַּבֹּ֙קֶר֙ זְרַ֣ע אֶת־זַרְעֶ֔ךָ וְלָעֶ֖רֶב אַל־תַּנַּ֣ח יָדֶ֑ךָ כִּי֩ אֵֽינְךָ֨ יוֹדֵ֜ע אֵ֣י זֶ֤ה יִכְשָׁר֙ הֲזֶ֣ה אוֹ־זֶ֔ה וְאִם־שְׁנֵיהֶ֥ם כְּאֶחָ֖ד טוֹבִֽים׃

Sow your seed in the morning, and don’t hold back your hand in the evening, since you don’t know which is going to succeed, the one or the other, or if both are equally good.

The wise man will grow wiser from contemplating these words.

The Talmud continues with the topic of the minimal amounts of various substances that trigger for liability if one takes them out into the public domain on Shabbat. Our Mishnah today notes that rope needs to be large enough for a handle, string for measuring…

The concept is the amount required is a useful amount.  Our sages assume people keep things around that are useful and significant, and discard what is not.

This is a general approach to life.  Many men are keeping around items that they might need, random parts of broken things, scraps of materials.  The wisdom here is that if you can make something of it, it is valuable.  You need to decide if this item is worth keeping for a real use, or if you are just hanging on to it with no actual plan.

The same is true for our acquaintances and even relationships.  We keep things and people around when something they are not helping us in life.  Men need to be aware that we have finite time and energy, and not squander it on things, activities, and people that are not adding to our lives.