Today’s Talmud learning discusses various activities that are not allowed on the Sabbath, including pulling out hairs and certain forms of makeup.

The Sages agree with Rabbi Eliezer that one who pulls his white hairs from among black ones is liable even if he removed a single hair.  His actions indicate that even one hair is significant for him.  And this matter of plucking white hairs is prohibited for men even on weekdays, as it is stated:  “A woman shall not don a man’s clothes, and a man shall not wear a woman’s garment” (Deuteronomy 22:5). The Sages derive that any action typically performed by women for beautification is prohibited for men.

In ancient society, gray or white hair on a man was a sign of wisdom.  A man did not reach old age without gaining experience and accomplishing goals.  Men typically would want to show that they had white hairs so their advice would be taken seriously.  By contrast, women would want to remove white and gray hairs so they would look younger.  The Bible clearly forbids crossdressing, but our sages extend this to fashions, accessories, and beauty methods.

We see that in ancient society, a man was supposed to follow the masculine standard of fine appearance, to look respected and accomplished in the eyes of other men.  A woman was expected to look beautiful by the standards for women.  Swapping these is a form of cross dressing and confusion.

The Gemara continues:

A woman who applies eye shadow is liable due to dyeing; one who braids her hair and applies blush is liable due to the prohibition against building.  The Gemara asks: And is that the normal manner of building?  The Gemara answers: Yes, braiding hair is considered building, as Rabbi Shimon ben Menasya taught that the verse states: “And the Lord God built the side that He took from Adam into a woman” (Genesis 2:22), which teaches that the Holy One, Blessed be He, braided Eve’s hair and brought her to Adam.  From where is it derived that this is a meaning of built? In the islands of the sea they call braiding building.

We see that God Himself “braided” Eve’s hair.  [Obviously God is not physical and has no hands to braid, but He has many messengers].  The lesson is that women should invest in their beauty, and look good for their husbands.  This improves her relationships and self esteem.  Women should improve their appearance with makeup, hairstyles, and clothing, to enhance their beauty, this is natural and expected for women.

Modern secular society purposefully blurs lines between men and women, masculine and feminine.  This has negative effects for both men and women.  Be aware of traditional values and norms that were quite different, rather than simply accepting what present day culture pushes on you.

 

 

 

Gentlemen, an amazing day of learning.  What is the difference between carrying a person and an animal on Shabbat?

One who carries out a domesticated animal, an undomesticated animal, and fowl into the public domain on Shabbat is liable whether they are alive or whether they are slaughtered.  Rabbi Natan says: For carrying out slaughtered animals, he is liable, and for carrying out live animals, he is exempt, because a living being carries itself.  A living being attempts to lighten the load of the person carrying it and thereby participates in the act of carrying.  Rava said: The mishna can be understood even in accordance with the opinion of the Rabbis, since  The Rabbis disagree with Rabbi Natan only regarding animals because they deaden their weight in an attempt to free themselves from the one carrying them.  However, with regard to the fact that a live person carries himself, even the Rabbis agree.  Therefore, one who carries a live person out is exempt.

“Chai nosei et atzmo” A living man carries himself.  A living person being carried, sometimes unconsciously, redistributes their weight to help. This is the origin of the term “dead weight”.

Two lessons here: if you are a living man, a man full of life energy, you carry you own weight. You don’t need the approval of others to lift up your self esteem.  You already know that you are a unique powerful man created in the Divine image; you have chosen a mission vital to yourself and critical to the world.

 

The other pearl of wisdom is that you will meet people in your journey through life who are, emotionally or psychologically, dead weight.  Another term is energy vampires.

They will use up your time, talent, and attention trying to fill up the black hole of their soul.  A BPD (borderline) is the extreme example of this, but energy draining behaviors are actually quite common.  Everyone needs attention and fulfilment in life.  However, some people never learned how to get it within a healthy, stable, reciprocal relationship.  Be aware when someone is becoming emotional dead weight and relying on your energy to carry them through life.  In that situation your time and energy will not be available for your mission.

 

 

On a related note, today our sages relay that men who would hunt using birds, such as sparrow hawks or falcons, would put their hunting birds on horses to transport them, to save their energy for the hunt. This shows us that we should not try to fly high all the time, but save our energy for the important things in life.

 

Today’ Talmud learning describes an interesting case of two men carrying a heavy burden together:

In a case where one person is capable, and the other person is incapable, and they performed it together, everyone agrees that he is liable.  The Gemara seeks to clarify: Which of them is liable? Rav Ḥisda said: The one who is capable of performing the act alone is liable.  If it was the one who is incapable of performing the act alone that was liable, what is he doing that would render him liable? His efforts are inadequate to perform the task. Rav Hamnuna said to Rav Ḥisda: He is doing quite a bit, as he is assisting him. He replied: The assistance provided by one who assists another to perform a task that the other could have performed himself is insubstantial.

Our sages go on to debate in what context merely assisting another man who could have done it all himself is considered to be an important act in Jewish law.  Another man who could not do it by himself and is simply holding on while the first man does the actual lifting is not liable.

In modern life we see this same behavior. One man or one player or one section of a business is doing most front office the work. The others are hanging on, but not doing the heavy lifting.

Sometimes they are just going through the motions to look like they are helping, but are actually wasting time and resources.  Some people offer to help, and wait for a call from someone to ask them to get them started.  They are not ready to lead.

When you are working with other people and they are not pulling the weight, you can motivate them by making them feel they are contributing.

One method to help is to delegate a small task to such a person, make the responsible.  Give ownership and a feeling of accomplishment, and the other man will be more motivated to give to the project.

 

When neither man can do the task on his own, they are reckoned as one.  If they together perform a complete act with the required amount for one individual to be liable, they are both liable.  When you do need to rely on another to complete your mission or solve a problem, this is not bad, realize your weakness in a certain area and look for someone who can assist.

 

 

The Talmud continues to discuss taking items out into the public domain, which is forbidden on the Sabbath.  Carrying something abnormally is not forbidden by the Torah and does not bring liability to bring an offering.  So what if someone intended to carry an item abnormally, such as slung on his back, but then the load shifted to his front?  If this improves the man’s ability to carry it, or it is better protected, then he is still liable – even though he did not fulfill his original intention.

The lesson here is that you need to plan ahead for changing circumstances, if something could change in the way you deal with a situation, consider that in advance.  You may come into jeopardy by not thinking ahead.

The Bible teaches us that taking significant items out into the public thoroughfare on Shabbat is forbidden. The Mishnah spells out what items and amounts are significant for various substances, as we have seen. Now our sages explain that there is also a subjective element:

MISHNA: One who stores a single seed for sowing, or as a sample, or for medicinal purposes, and then carried it out on Shabbat is liable for carrying out any tiny amount.  By storing that small measure, he indicates that it is significant to him. Therefore, he is liable for carrying it, despite the fact that what he carried out is less than the normal measure that determines liability for that item.

When you choose to make something significant in your life, you attach yourself to it, you change your relationship to this item or person.  When you make something your mission, even if others do not value it, you should give it the highest value in your eyes.  Every man needs to think that what he is doing is important.  Even when others, even the general society and media, do not agree, you must feel that you and your activities are significant.  Otherwise you will always be at the mercy of how other view you and will change your life based on their opinion of you. You need to develop a moral independence from the mainstream.

 

What if a man decides that the minimal amount considered significant to people generally is not important to him?  He is still liable for taking out the item in the generally accepted amount. The amounts are not entirely subjective, the minimums apply.

The lesson here is that there are certain minimal standards accepted by society that you do need to live up to, even if you disagree personally, there are still consequences if you do not abide.  On a basic level, your rights and freedoms end when they run into another man’srights and freedoms.

 

This week American Jews read Naso, Numbers 4:21–7:89.  The Bible continues discussing the census, which we analyzed last time, noting that the data shows us that the ancient Jews married young and had many children.

I wrote about one critical aspect of this section of the Bible last year, when it fell just before Father’s day.  Since the entire world is under Divine supervision, there are no coincidences in timing.  That essay focuses on the infamous ritual of the “Sotah”, the wayward wife suspected of adultery:

You see, one of the grave abominations that the Bible does not countenance is cuckoldry, a woman married to one man becoming pregnant from a different man.  This act defiles her marriage, her family, her entire society.  It destroys the father’s connection with his putative children.

Therefore, if it were even possible that a married woman was intimate with another, she cannot stay married until we are sure that she did not sin.  The ritual of Sotah was something like a genetic test in our day, it would prove that a woman’s children were those of her husband only. 

The Sotah test was even better: it also proves that she never had any intimate relations with any other man.  This is something that only God Himself could know.

It is a great kindness to this woman that God created such a test to clear her, otherwise she would lose her marriage, her family, and her reputation forever.

Keep in mind the Sotah, the wayward wife, is not simply the victim of an overly suspicious husband.  She has already gone behind closed doors with another man, a serious prohibition itself even without any touching.

Not only that, other people saw her in this compromising situation and told her husband.  She has probably been brazen and unashamed, flirting with other men.  If the husband does not warn such a wife he embracing his own cuckolding and making a mockery of marriage generally.

We also referenced the Sotah ritual when discussing how the amazing Jewish women stayed loyal in Egypt:

From a Red Pill perspective, the women were using their most valuable asset, their sexual desire, to refuel the libido of their husbands.  By teasing “I am prettier than you”, these women hinted to their husbands that since the men were enslaved and lowered, the women had a higher value level of attraction…

Jealousy of a potential rival can do amazing things for the testosterone and libido.  The mirror was used to arouse a bit a jealousy and get their husbands back in the race as competitors.  In this way the loyal women maintained procreation even during the years of slavery.

Now these copper mirrors that had incited holy jealousy were used, by Divine command, to build the laver, a water container used in the Tabernacle for purity… The lesson for us is that our natural human urges, which some faiths consider to be merely animalistic and carnal, are truly holy when used appropriately.  After all, God Himself made us with our biological desires.  It is up to us to use them in a creative and giving way.

The other use of this copper laver was for water to prepare the special potion given to a wife suspected of infidelity. …The water container made from the mirrors of the loyal women was used for loyalty test of a suspected adulteress.  You can imagine how a wife suspected of straying felt drinking the Sotah potion.

She knew the water came from the copper vessel made from the mirrors of thousands of wives who had chosen their own downtrodden and enslaved husbands over the dominant alpha Egyptians.  If she had truly been loyal, she would join generations of upstanding Jewish wives who had channeled their bodily desires into holiness. 

If she had really strayed and betrayed, she would have felt as if hundreds of thousands of eyes were on her.  Countless loyal Jewish women through the ages judging her and condemning her to death.  In fact, when a suspected adulteress perished in this test, the other women would use her name as a curse and warning to their daughters “don’t end up like her”…

Naturally, this leads us to a very important sociological observation:
When the society you live in judges infidelity as a very evil thing, you get less infidelity.  This is especially when women are the ones judging and stigmatizing.  They are experts at it.

This time around I want to call you attention to another aspect of this portion of the Bible, with an amazing lesson for modern society.  The Bible places the wayward wife next to another famous persona in the Torah, the Nazir. 

A Nazir is a person who takes a vow not to drink wine or eat grapes, grows his hair long, and avoid ritual contamination from a dead body.  When his term is over, the Nazir brings offerings at the Temple and cuts his hair.

The most famous Nazir was Samson, who was by Divine order a Nazir from birth, and therefore was allowed to have contact with a corpse.  Samson himself made a lot of Philistines into corpses before Delilah seduced him to find and exploit his weakness.  The Samson story is not merely a warning about intermarriage, there are amazing insights there… 

The juxtaposition of Nazir and Sotah in the Bible teaches us that anyone who saw a Sotah wife disgraced would want to vow abstinence from wine, since wine leads to inappropriate behavior and even adultery (Talmud, Sotah 2a).  The ancient society was so shocked and disgusted by even a suspicion of adultery that people would go to the other extreme, avoiding even a potential precursor to unfaithfulness.

We have mentioned social pressures and how they impact you and your decisions.  We are profoundly influenced by our surroundings, our society, those around us.  Yes, we have free will, but we exercise it in a context which we did not choose.

One way to be aware of the influence of your society is to go out of your way to hold yourself to a different standard as a personal reminder to avoid lowering your own level.  In a society in which women go behind closed doors, careful people would go out of their way to avoid such behaviors, by avoiding intoxication, even the grapes that lead to the wine.  Some felt that the general moral level of their society was slipping away.  They chose to become a Nazir to hold themselves to a higher standard.

We explored back in the Book of Genesis how women are typically more susceptible to social pressure and family of origin issues.  When the social milieu imparts positive values like family and loyalty on women, we see this reflected in the choices women make.

But when traditional morals and values start changing for the negative, women and children suffer as families decay.   In modern America, moral standards have changed incredibly in the past few generations.  This is obvious when you think of hormonal birth control, the sexual revolution, the rise of the divorce industry, the feminization of schools, the media, and mainstream culture and the demonization of masculinity and traditional gender roles. 

In a few short generations – within living memory – there have been massive shifts in the social framework and in the relationships between men and women.

There are also subtle signs of changed values.  When I was young, it was very rare for a woman to have a tattoo, even just one.  Nowadays, if you venture out you can easily see women tatted up (the Bible prohibits tattoos).  Not to mention the clothing, body jewelry, and hairstyles that are purposefully eccentric or lewd.

There is something of a race to the bottom: if one girl has one tattoo, eventually that becomes normal and boring, so the next girl wants two tattoos plus a body piercing she can show off for more attention.  There is such a pull to the extreme, to be more novel, more excited, more noticed by men, that soon what was outrageous seems pretty tame and normal.

This was same the problem that ancient Jews saw with the wayward wife.  Human beings have not changed much in 4000 years.  Once the ancients saw a married woman unashamed of flirting and going behind closed doors with a man, they feared that could become normal and accepted.  Then it would not take long before adultery and even open cuckoldry become accepted.  Therefore, the Nazirite vow to go to the opposite extreme.

Many people in modern society are hardly ever shocked anymore.  Every new bizarre fad or movement becomes normalized and accepted by mainstream society and endorsed by the media.  In fact, the weirder or more perverse it is, the more likely it becomes that the media and the self appointed morality police push everyone else to accept it as normal or be branded a bigot.

They push it on your children to brainwash them into accepting their outside definition of normal and moral.  And once it has been endorsed, you are branded the evil outsider for daring to question perversity. 

The moralizing forces in society demand that you say nothing to offend the delicate feelings very same people who are trying to offend you and undermine your morality.  Again, there is a race to the bottom, to the extreme, that is celebrated and promoted by mainstream cultural forces. 

Eventually we end up with transgender story hour, with biological men dressed as women reading sexual propaganda to innocent children, grooming minors and even toddlers.

We talked about the benefits of same sex education and noted that:

There will come a time when boys and girls need to invest ample time and energy into attracting the other sex and forming relationships.  Wanting children to rush into that inevitable milieu is misguided and dangerous, it undermines their development.

This is especially true when some interest groups want to “educate” children into accepting abnormal behaviors and identities.  You should be extremely suspicious of any agenda or person that wants to expose children to romantic or sexual content.  That is child abuse.

Mainstream society has long passed the point of merely preaching “tolerance” for such views and agendas.  Now you must accept them, or you will be branded as a thought criminal, boycotted, and threatened with loss of your profession and reputation. 

The invented “rights” of extremists everywhere to feel accepted, welcomed, and safe to express their perversions and indoctrinate our children with them now trumps your right to stand up for traditional values that built this country and western civilization. 

Yes, they really believe that if they start to feel emotional, upset or uncomfortable by what you say or believe, then your first amendment rights are over.  Careful, you might step on a special snowflake…

When you are being pushed to accept and welcome every various perversion as normal (except for what was actually accepted as normal 70 years ago), nothing is truly shocking to your conscience anymore. 

We Americans are manipulated to accept agendas that are bizarre or dangerous to ourselves and our families.  Many people tune out, trying to feel insulated as long as it is not happening in their own backyard.  And yet what the society around you accepts as normal does affect you.

The Bible teaches that certain things should shock you, wake you up from your moral slumber, and push you to reevaluate your own life.  When a spiritually sensitive person saw the Sotah ritual, which was not even proven adultery, just flirtatious and suspicious behavior by a married woman, this shocked them to the core.

It was not just abnormal, but beyond the scope of acceptable behavior.  So much so that the thoughtful person would take a vow not just to distance from sexual impropriety, but even from the wine which can sometimes lead to it.  Not just the wine, even the grapes!

This purposeful overreaction was appropriate to the drastic shock of immoral behavior.  We have also seen in the Talmud that in large cities, where a small number of people dressed inappropriately, righteous women went to the other extreme to be extra modest, even though it was not required.

The ancient Jewish soldiers brought donations to atone for lustful thoughts when seeing the women of their enemies dressed as hookers.  This level of sensitivity to loose morals and shocking sights is a lost art in modern times.

You can regain this power.  Allow yourself to feel disgust and outrage at what happens in modern society.  At what is not just tolerated but celebrated.  At the destruction of families, the practical enslavement of men, brutality against human being who are all made in the image of God.  At the celebration and promotion of perversion and the degradation or normal and moral behaviors.

Be aware that the media wants to control when you become outraged and when you are supposed to accept.  No one in mainstream culture wants you to exercise independent thought and judgment about what is moral and immoral.

You are supposed to accept everything, unless the media tell you otherwise.  You are a mere consumer of their emotional products and agenda, just like they view you as a consumer of their physical products.

How do you avoid this pathetic fate?  You have to overreact.  
Be aware of the values being pushed on you from outside, and strengthening your own internal morality.  You need to make the effort to be aware of what morals and ideas are your own and what is being rammed down your throat from the outside.  Be outraged at these affronts.

This is not easy in the modern mainstream culture, with pervasive media influence on us from a very young age.  But you can change your perspective, and start to think about why you have the assumptions, values, and morals that you do.  A man needs to change himself inside before he can change anyone else.

We wrote about “Tikkun Olam”:

The Jewish notion of “Tikkun Olam”, literally fixing the world, often gets invoked by misguided do-gooders.  Yes, we have “Tikkun Olam”, the Talmud applies that doctrine in a limited number of areas, not as a blanket invitation to go out and change the world so you feel good and purposeful.  For example, “Tikkun Olam” is the reason we bury other people’s corpses with respect, so they will have the decency to bury ours.  This makes the world a better place for everyone.

However, this doctrine has been invoked for people with an agenda to foist their agenda onto the world.  This is a corruption of Jewish philosophy.  Trying to change the outside world before you confront your own flaws belies a deep spiritual weakness

We pointed out that:

There is a common problem today when people get the order of responsibility flat wrong.  They purport to assume responsibility for the world in general before they fix their own life.  We see this with people obsessed with saving the environment, or committing to social justice, feminism, or some cause du jour.

Then we find out some of these people have horrible personal or family issues.  The so called male feminist was using his position to molest women.  The so called environmentalist is flying first class to tell you not to drive.  The so called social justice warrior striving for equality unquestionably supports discrimination and bias when it works in her favor or punishes men…
People who cannot control themselves feel the need to control others

You say you want a revolution?

There are two ways to change the world.  One is through asserting control over others, pushing them to behave the way you think is right for them.  This control can be on a society wide level through direct government action and criminalization, or via taxes or financial incentives, or sexist rules used in family courts. 

This works through making people afraid of doing what they want to, or enslaving them to debt, or manipulating men in exchange for sexual access.

This method relies on emotion: fear, anger, outrage, anxiety.  Some flawed individuals are quick to invoke state or business action against people and ideas they disagree with, undermining freedom of expression and action.  Others generate outrage at approved targets of hate in order to ruin their lives. 

Nowadays this is easy to do online.  Certain groups are manipulated and bribed to express violent aggression while other are made to feel fear and guilt.  Both are being controlled and their free will choices limited.

The powerful and influential rely on emotional manipulation and making average people their snitches to enhance for their agenda and profits.  They also buy into “radical chic”, supporting causes in order to appear radical and hip, generating excitement and emotional attachment to intellectually vapid and destructive ideas.

The other way to change the world is totally different.  The change takes place within yourself only.  You decide what you want out of life, what you aim to accomplish, and you go.  You do what you want, for your own benefit, in furtherance of your chosen mission and goals.  Whoever wants to come along can, as long as they abide by your rules.

You are not forcing, goading, or manipulating anyone to come with or toe your line.  It is ultimately their choice to be part of your circle or not, they have a free will decision to make.  You don’t push them to buy in, if they have genuine desire for you and your mission they will convince themselves to join.

As for you, you have your boundaries: you won’t put up with certain behaviors and activities that undermine your goals or infringe on your inherent value as a human being created in the Divine image.  When you are wronged you correct that person or if needed simply cut them off from you.  You have your chosen mission in life and your values, you value those more than the opinion of other people.

If someone does not approve of you, that is fine, they don’t need to be your friend or your woman.  You put your mission, your personal truth, above your feelings, your emotional need for company and companionship.  Facts over feelings.  You will feel lonely sometimes and other  people may try to make you feel bad when you are on the road to accomplish what you know is good.

We delved into the tension between central authority and individual autonomy, and concluded that in this generation individualism is making a comeback.  It takes work and a willingness to deal with pain and potential isolation to prevail.  You need to rediscover your inherent value as a unique entity.

Naturally, in Biblical society there was a healthy combination of external and internal pressure. Indeed, adultery and immorality were punishable in court when there were witnesses.  When two witnesses saw adultery, the offending man and woman would be hauled into court, and if the crime was proven they were publicly executed.

This was an external boundary imposed by society as required by the Bible.  The law was executed through logic and reason, not through emotion or manipulation.  It was actually extremely rare for the Jewish court to give a death sentence (Talmud Makkot 7).

But the ancient social values also depended on a man’s internal development, not just official justice.  The infamous Sotah ritual for a suspected wayward wife was at the husband’s discretion.  If he wanted to enforce healthy boundaries in his marriage, he could bring her to the Temple to clarify if she was innocent.  But he was not forced to do so.

Keep in mind that adultery and cuckoldry were so repugnant in Biblical society that even suspicious behaviors were extremely rare.  This man, by going to the Temple, is showing that his marriage was on the rocks and his wife was seeking attention from other men.  He is effectively admitting to being something of a failure as a husband, either failing to be attractive or failing to enforce limits in his family.  Because of his weakness before, he now has to involve broader social pressures to save his marriage.

The husband has to value the truth more than the pain of being embarrassed in front of his friends and culture.  Now he has to internalize the reality that his marriage is broken and needs to be radically changed or ended.  He can put his feelings first and avoid the Sotah ritual entirely, or realize that despite the emotional pain this is the only way to enforce boundaries and save his marriage in the long run.

The onlooker who takes the vow of Nazir is not simply thinking that this wayward wife drank wine while flirting with men.  He is thinking of how this husband is summoning the courage to enforce the appropriate boundaries in marriage.  Becoming a Nazir is about setting boundaries for yourself, not merely accepting and relying on the external boundaries imposed by society.

The power of the wine that the Nazir avoids is in breaking down boundaries.  When used properly wine can bring people together in friendship and brotherhood.  Wine is used by Jews to sanctify holidays, the Sabbath, and important events like a marriage and circumcision. 

Wine can also be abused, creating false feelings of connection, breaking down normal boundaries of a healthy marriage.  There is a tremendous power available, it has to be used wisely.

Every aspect of our lives can be used constructively and destructively.  Our issue is who gets to choose your values, to control how you use your life.  Will your morals be imposed from outside pressure or developed from within?  Sometimes you will need to go to the opposite side of what is popular and accepted in order to uphold you own personal mission and values.

Our learning today discusses what amounts are significant enough to be liable for carrying into the public thoroughfare on Shabbat.  The list includes grasshoppers, and there is a raging debate among out sages if a non-Kosher grasshopper is important and useful.  Some sages say even though a man might give a grasshopper to a child as a pet, he would not give a non-Kosher grasshopper, since if it dies the kid may eat it.  [Consuming grasshoppers was apparently common and kids put all sorts of junk in their mouth].

Rabbi Yehuda says if a child’s pet bug dies he won’t eat it, since he was fond of it he will make a funeral for it and eulogize it, then leave it alone.  Therefore even a non-Kosher grasshopper is important as a potential play thing.

 

We are not going to get into Kosher vs non-Kosher grasshoppers just now.  Insect based foods are making a comeback though…

There is an amazing hidden message here for modern men:
Even if you are just playing with something and not serious about it, you are in danger of coming to “eat” it, meaning to internalize it.  You can catch feelings, as they say.  Our sages point out that even a casual situation or relationship can have serious emotional consequences.  People change, men who thought they had frame, headship or leadership can find that slipping away.  We are concerned that when the relationship is unhealthy, the man who thought he was merely playing now desperately wants to continue and internalize the connection.  So he “eats” the non-kosher pet.  Modern men may do this through putting her on a pedestal, further eroding his masculine role in the relationship.

 

Rabbi Yehuda’s message is that when a man is able to eulogize a relationship, to make a clean break, then we don’t worry his feelings will continue when the relationship is no longer healthy. A man who can work through his emotions, effectively holding a funeral for the lost relationship, is not going to try to cling to it when it no longer functions.

Today’s page of Talmud learning discusses more nuances of the Divine revelation at Sinai, and contains an amazing exchange between our Patriarch Isaac and God:

He said to Isaac:  Your children have sinned against Me.  Isaac said before Him: Master of the Universe, are they my children and not Your children?  At Sinai, when they accorded precedence to “We will do” over “We will listen” before You, didn’t You call them, “My son, My firstborn son Israel” (Exodus 4:22)?  Now that they have sinned, are they my children and not Your children?!

And furthermore, how much could they actually sin?  How long is a person’s life?  Seventy years.  Subtract the first twenty years of his life, when he is not punished by Heaven.  Fifty years remain for them.  Subtract twenty-five years sleeping at nights, and twenty-five years remain for them.  Subtract twelve and a half years when a man prays and eats and uses the bathroom, and twelve and a half years remain for them.  If You can endure the sins of just those years, excellent.  And if not, half of the sins are upon me to bear and only half upon You.

Isaac points out that the average man just doesn’t have enough free time in his life to do much unforgivable evil.  Between, sleeping, eating, bathroom, and making a basic living, most of our years are used up already.  There is the amazing spiritual message here: don’t think you are too old, too evil or too pathetic to change. You can always use what time you have remaining to reevaluate and improve yourself.  You can always change your attitudes, don’t put off changing.

 

The second message is that you simply don’t have a lot of free time in your lives to accomplish what you need to.  A man is not really developed enough to make any impact until he is 20.  And then we sleep through practically half our lifetime!  Then eating and other necessary functions, and earning a living take most of our time.

This is called dead time, time you have to put in but you don’t get to choose how you use it.  For most men with a job and obligation we actually have very little “alive time” when we are actively choosing what to do with our time, directing our own life.  As our ancient Patriarch Isaac points out, you need to make use of your limited time wisely in order to make headway in your chosen mission.  Of course, you first need to decide what you are living for, and make sure that choice is your own.  If you make choices based on other people instead of yourself, then you are throwing away all your “alive time” in your short lifetime.

Today’s Talmud learning contains amazing wisdom from our sages on the topic of the Divine revelation at Sinai.  Famously, when asked if they would accept the Bible, the Jewish people said “We will do now, and afterwards, we will hear and understand” (Exodus 24:7).  We were willing to do anything asked of us.  The Gemara brings an ancient encounter that gives us insight:

A heretic saw that Rava was immersed in studying Torah, and his fingers were beneath his leg and he was putting pressure on them, and his fingers were oozing blood.  Rava did not notice that he was bleeding because he was engrossed in study.  The heretic said to Rava: You impulsive nation, who accorded precedence to your mouths over your ears at Sinai.  You still show your impulsiveness, you act without thinking.  You should listen first.  Then, if you are capable of fulfilling the Bible’s commands, accept them.  And if not, do not accept them.   Rava said to the heretic:  About us, who go wholeheartedly with God, it is written: “The integrity of the upright will guide them” (Proverbs 11:3), but about those people who walk in deceit, it is written at the end of the verse: “And the perverseness of the faithless will destroy them.”

Rashi explains that Rava refers to our trust in God out of love.  The Jewish people said they would do anything for God because they loved God and understood that God loved them.  So they accepted to do anything since they trusted God would not force them to do anything horrible or humiliating.

The love of the Jewish nation for God is sometimes likened to a woman for her man, and the entire Divine revelation at Sinai is compared to a wedding with the Jews as bride.  There is a deep capacity in women to trust a man completely and do anything for him.  There are stories of women stealing cars to bust their man out of jail, risking their lives for their man, anything. This is the kind of dedicated, impulsive love that women are capable of when the man is worthy.  Use this as a metric to evaluate your own relationships.

 

Our sages make another observation, based on the Song of Songs.  The Song of Songs is a love song actually between Jews and God, and contains many allegories.  One phrase is described:

Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi said: What is the meaning of that which is written: “My beloved is to me like a bundle of myrrh that lies between my breasts” (Song of Songs 1:13)?  The Congregation of Israel said before the Holy One, Blessed be He, Master of the Universe!  Even though my beloved, God, causes me suffering and bitterness, He still is cherished to me like an ornament between my breasts.

The Jewish people had sinned with the golden calf, and needed to be punished, losing the crowns given to them by angels and being pushed away from personal Divine attention.  Even though God had to be harsh, He kept the Jews close by having them build the Tabernacle where God would rest His presence.

This is another gem of wisdom that applies to male female relationships.  A man must enforce boundaries when she makes mistakes.  A man can remove attention and affection in response to being wronged.  Even so, the man should take care that the woman still feels closeness.  Our sages say “push away with the left hand and pull close with the right hand”.  There is a deep wisdom here.

 

Today our Talmud continues the discussion of the chronology leading up to the Divine revelation at Sinai, and the debate about how long the Jews refrained from sexual relations beforehand.  The Gemara discusses that in the opinion of Rabbi Yossi, Moses himself added a day of separation from marital intimacy before the Bible was given to the Jewish people, so the people refrained for three days.  We spoke about the power of the desire for intimacy, and how temporary restraint can help you focus on other important values in life:

The main investment you need to make in your life is to decide “What am I living for?”  If you do not take the time and decide, then your society will decide for you through so called education, the millions of ads, nudges, and the cultural assumptions.  You will forever live inside the frame chosen for you, the message sent to the lowest common denominator…

There is a proper place for intimacy in your life, it is a basic human need.  But it is not your main need in life.  Your main need is to decide “What am I living for?” and work to pursue that mission for yourself.  Or you will stay enslaved to the tasks other people choose for you.

As a practical plan, when you are preparing for something important, you can try taking a break from what you are doing in the realm of intimacy.  Try to use that energy elsewhere, for your own goals.  Determine what you want from life and take decisive action.

To sharpen this approach, make an accounting.  Add up the time, money, and effort you are spending trying to look good and impress women.  For many men in modern secular society, this it could come to a small fortune.  Think about how much of your own mission, your own chosen goals, you could accomplish instead.

 

There is another item to learn.  The Gemara explains that the Torah was given with awe, with a serious attitude.  The Jewish people had to refrain from intimacy just before the revelation because it is the opposite of serious, it’s fun and light hearted.  If you’re not fully enjoying it, you are doing it wrong or with the wrong person.  Many times we have noted that in conventional Jewish wisdom, sex is necessary, important, and fun.  In modern mainstream culture sex is commoditized and cheapened, used to sell products and sold as a product, and as a weapon to manipulate and entrap men:

…modern secular society is simultaneously lewd and prude.  The media and advertising depict sex constantly since sex sells.  But in many contexts, revealing any hint of sexual interest in a woman, let alone having an open discussion of intimacy is verboten.  Men lose their jobs over mild, vague remarks or even glances.  America especially has a dysfunctional mix of a remnant puritanism than shuns sex as shameful with a pervasive media that pushes explicit content on us to sell products.  It’s schizophrenic.

Back 2000 years ago, intimacy was a normal human function that everyone knew about, so it wasn’t a big deal.  Our sages teach us to have a healthy attitude about intimacy and normal human life.  Your body and your desires are a gift from Above to use wisely.