Gentlemen, a truly profound piece of learning today.  The Talmud has started discussing the details of the labor of writing and engraving on Shabbat.  Then, amazingly the our sages bring profound wisdom from children on their first day of school:

The Sages said to Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi: Young students came today to the study hall and said things which were not said even in the days of Joshua bin Nun.  (These children only knew the Hebrew alphabet, and gave amazing interpretations of the meaning of the alphabet itself).
Alef beit means learn [elaf] the wisdom [bina] of the Torah.
Gimmel dalet means give to the poor [gemol dalim]. Why is the leg of the gimmel extended toward the dalet? Because it is the manner of one who bestows loving-kindness to pursue the poor. And why is the leg of the dalet extended toward the gimmel? It is so that a poor person will make himself available to him who wants to give him charity. And why does the dalet face away from the gimmel? It is to teach that one should give charity discreetly so that the poor person will not be embarrassed by him…

The Gemara goes on, explaining the entire alphabet, then giving similar symbolic meaning to the alphabet in “Atbash” and in other combinations found in Sefer Yetzirah (Rashi).  This is one of the few places the Talmud brings a hint of the hidden secrets in the Torah.  Amazingly, some of the deepest secrets are in plain sight in the simple letters of the alphabet.  We mentioned the unique quality of Hebrew:

Hebrew is a spiritual language. The Eskimo have many words for snow, since snow comes in various forms.  They have a word for wet snow, another for powdery snow, for slippery snow etc.  So too the Jews have many nuanced words for things like prayer, the human soul, the intellect. Having the words that allow you to discuss in detail these spiritual concepts allows you to understand.

In addition, the letters themselves have layers of meaning above and beyond the actual words they form (there are also the crowns on the letters written in the Torah scrolls that give deeper levels of meaning…)  It was truly a tragedy when the Bible was translated into Greek, so much nuance was lost, and for generations people have worked to understand the Bible without ever trying to read the original.

 

For modern men, this exposition by young children of the alphabet reminds us of the deep concept “the medium is the message“.  Children were able to bring forth brilliant wisdom from the shape and arrangement of the letters of the alphabet, even though the letters are normally just the medium to convey information.  We need to realize that the form and style of communication matters.  When a woman does not return your call or text, that IS the message.  When a potential business partner is stalling on the deal, that IS the message, more than the actual words he is saying.  How people communicate contains useful information.  As with the letters of the Holy Hebrew language, the medium is also the message.

We have just started the chapter of “One who builds” which starts off explaining the minimal levels of building and other constructive activities that are forbidden on Shabbat.

We also learned in the mishna that Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel says: Even one who strikes an anvil with a sledgehammer is liable.  The Gemara wonders: What has he done by striking the anvil that would render him liable?  Rabba and Rav Yosef both said in explanation: He is liable because he trains his hand for his work by striking the anvil.

What is amazing here is that even practicing for your craft has an importance.  This has implications for men training for a sport, practicing coding, etc.  You get good at what you do, so be aware of what you are doing and how important it is.  However, we see that while practicing is vital to your mission and success, it is not considered a labor forbidden on Shabbat:

The sons of Raḥava found this answer forced:  If so, one who observed a craft being performed on Shabbat and learned to perform that craft through observation, would he also be liable?  Only one who performs an actual labor on Shabbat is liable.  Rather, it was Abaye and Rava who both said he is liable, since those who flatten plates of metal for the Tabernacle do so.

While building the Tabernacle, the workers hammering a thin sheet of gold would hit the gold three times, then hit the hammer on the anvil to ensure the face of the hammer was perfectly smooth. Rashi, commenting 1000 years ago, writes that he saw men working with metal do the same.
The lesson here is to keep your tools sharp and ready, for physical crafts certainly, this also applies to your emotional and spiritual tools in life.

An interesting wrinkle in the laws of Shabbat is that for a man to be liable to bring an offering for work on Shabbat, he needs to be unaware of the problem when he performs the action.  This means he is unaware or mistaken of either what day it is now, or that what he is doing is forbidden.

Today the Talmud brings some mixed cases, what if he is unaware today is Shabbat, throws something, and then becomes aware before the object has traveled far enough to trigger liability?

 

This reminds me of how many modern men get into relationships.  He meets a nice girl, they get along, she has a nice smile, they spend more time together, she laughs at his jokes, they get along really well… Things just happen and suddenly the man realizes he is in a serious relationship.  He had been casual and unaware of the progress of the relationship, now he is about to get engaged and has the sudden thought: How did this happen?
More than likely he doubles down on this girl, after all “it just kind of happened” and “they get along so well” so she must be “the one” and he stays the course.  But from her perspective, she was often being purposeful (subtly) in the relationship from the beginning.  She was aware that something casual can lead into something serious, if she guides it there if she wants to.  It did not just happen from her point of view.

A man should be conscious that what he thinks is casual may end up as something else, and in addition consider that she may be aware of deeper, more permanent issues.  She may have a different awareness entirely regarding the relationship.  Keep this in mind to avoid being surprised but what she saw was coming.

 

In traditional circles, young men and women do date, but they are dating with the goal of finding the right person to marry.  They are both aware that a relationship is serious and can become permanent.  They go into it with a mindset of awareness that this person may or may not be the one to marry and build a family with, both are actively trying to find out.  Does this take some of the romance and spontaneity out of it?  Probably, but then romance was invented to manipulate men and sell cards and roses…

 

Today’s Talmud learning describes tying boats together, which enabled the passengers to join their domains and carry items from one boat to the other on Shabbat.  The Gemara discusses how strong a tether is needed to legally join the boats, and compare it to the chain for an anchor.

 

In the ocean of life, be conscious of when you tie you boat to someone else’s boat.  This lets you interact more deeply with this person, but now you need to go the same direction.  When you tie your future to anyone else, be it in business, marriage, friendship, mentorship, you will be pulled in their direction.  Look carefully, you will see many people tie their future to others, to give them a sense of direction and purpose.  Some of these people will be out of luck when the ship they chose to link with drops anchor.  Examine the power dynamics, and be aware of who is leading the relationship and setting the course.

 

Today the Talmud discusses how to draw water, on Shabbat, from a lake into your boat.  The issue is that the bottom of the lack, up to a certain height, is considered a separate domain so drawing water from there would be moving an item through different domains, forbidden on the Sabbath.

 

Our sages also note that the riverboats would not get into very shallow water due to the “feelers”, sailors with long poles stationed on the front of the boat.  They wanted to avoid running the boat aground so would be feeling for the bottom and steering the boat away from the shallows.
This hints that a man should use his feelings, his instincts and hunches, to avoid getting stuck in life.  When something is telling you that she has issues, don’t approach, don’t get landlocked. Needless to say that red flags must be noted and avoided, this is something more subtle.  Men are often told to overcome their intuition and gut feelings regarding women, this is the exact opposite.

Today our sages discuss the wagons that carried the beams of the Tabernacle through the wilderness for 40 years.  We learn how wide a public road is based on the width of the wagons.  However, our sages note that there is one Amah width missing from the wagons compared to the standard minimum width.  The Gemara explains that we need another Amah of width for the Levi to stand next to the wagon, in case the load started to slip.

This is a gem of wisdom.  When you are involved in an important business deal or task, reserve something for yourself.  Maybe the business is going to make a profit, what will your cut be for your work?  Maybe you need to invest a lot of time over a few weeks, but you can schedule in something for yourself when your done.  Keep your own basic needs in mind when you are working on a larger goal.

This week we study an amazing section of the Bible, Numbers 8:1–12:16.

Aaron, the High Priest, is commanded to raise up the flame in the holy golden menorah.  The men of his tribe, the Levites, are inducted into their service in the Tabernacle. The Levites are purified and physically waved to enter into ritual service.

The men of Levi took the place of the firstborns of all the Israelites (8:16-18), we explained how this has tremendous implications regarding the census data.  The Levites they would study the intricate laws of the Tabernacle, the Divine service, and ritual purity before they began to serve in the Tabernacle at age 25 as an apprentice, and then serve fully at age 30.

Now we learn they served in the Tabernacle until the age of 50 (8:25).  But they did not retire then: “He shall minister with his brothers in the Tent of Meeting to keep the charge, but he shall not perform the service” 8:26.  He is no longer fully engaged in the Divine service, but he is serving with his brothers.  How does this work?  At age 50 a man switched focus, from the actual hands-on work to mentoring and teaching the younger generation.

In a society that values elders and their years of acquired experience, the younger generation was eager to learn from the older men.  The assumption, and it was true, was that age meant wisdom.  For the men of Levi especially, who required an extensive education before serving, having expert teachers and role models was vital.  A 50 year old Levi had been familiar with the Tabernacle for 25 years already,  directly involved in the service for two decades.

In modern America, many men remain in a sort of extended childhood.  There are complex causes for this tragic situation.  It is tempting to berate a man who still lives with his parents as lazy.  However, there serious pressures and societal factors that may make this a safer option for a modern man than starting his own family.  We talked about these regarding MGTOW.

In the good (and bad) old days, a man had to master himself and his environment to survive.  He had to lead his family, or at least contribute to the family, group, or tribe he was a member of.  There were no bail outs for failed banks, business ventures or crops.  No safety nets other than what his family or tribe could spare, if anything.

In the past there were no grown men living in their parents’ basement playing video games.  A man had to build himself into something, and along the way he would necessarily grow in wisdom and strength.  If he made it on his own and survived to start his own family that was itself an accomplishment.  Therefore, older men were much more respected than they are today.

Nowadays a man can grow up but never become truly mature.  It is no longer safe to assume that age brings wisdom.  However, age does bring experience.  Typically experience brings reflection and personal growth, but some memories are bitter and growing past them is very difficult.

For some men, the past is a foreign country they keep trying to get back to, but they lack a passport.  We can get stuck in a rut, our thoughts on the past.  Even if a man has not learned the right lessons from his own experiences, he is still valuable.  You can still ask him about his life and learn from his mistakes, then consider his experience in light of the bigger perspective that you know.  If he can’t grow from his life, you can.

For older men, realize the value you have gained so far in your life.  If you can reflect on what you have been through and derive useful lessons, you can be an invaluable asset to others – and to yourself.  Nothing in the world is in vain.  Maybe an experience you had decades ago can inspire or give a warning to younger men.  Use your past to rebuild your future the way you want it.  You can be forward thinking at any age.  Sometimes to get beyond old memories you will need to imagine you can light them ablaze and rise from the ashes.

Give Yourself A Second Chance

The Jewish people brought the original Passover offering in Egypt and another a year later in the wilderness, Number 9:5.  However, there was a group of people who had contacted a dead body and could not partake in this offering 9:6.  Some sources say they were carrying Joseph’s coffin up from Egypt, or those of the other sons of Jacob.  They approached Moses and asked “why should we be excluded?” 9:7.  Now, the obvious answer would be “because you are contaminated you are not eligible”.

However, Moses consulted God, who gives these men a second chance.  Not only these men, but anyway who was impure. In later years not only the impure but also someone who was unable to get to Jerusalem, and even converts who join the Jewish people are able to take part in the Passover offering.  Even though their ancestors did not physically leave Egypt in the Exodus, they have been adopted into the Jewish people.  Now their ancestors are ours, our Patriarchs and Matriarchs, and they are fully equal to any Jew.

“One law shall apply to you, to the convert and to the native-born citizen” 9:14.

This is the original source for the modern concept of equality under the law.  Other ancient cultures, even the widely lauded Greeks, lacked equality under the law, citizens enjoyed a different set of rules than visitors or those who joined a culture or city from the outside. Only the Jewish people required equal treatment of those individuals who chose to join.

These men who were impure could have just given up and shrugged it off.  After all, they were taking care of an important job that caused their impurity.  An impure man is not eligible.  However, they show us a deep wisdom: the power of changing your perspective from “I missed out” to “I want more”.  When you say the words “oh well” you are resigned yourself to lose out on something.

You can reconsider your attitude, which will give you the drive to do more, be more, and accomplish more in life.  In life other people will not always give you a second chance.  You need to build the inner will to give yourself another chance.

When your personal embers are low, people may not even give you a first chance.  Rebuild your internal fire, your drive to do more and get more out of life.  When you are burning inside, people around you notice this and will be more open to you.  If one won’t give you a second chance that is fine, there are more ones in the world.  When you raise your own fire, your joie de vie, you will have plenty of opportunities, even if you did not seize other chances in the past.

Greed and Meat

This week has the famous episode of the people complaining about the Manna from heaven (11:4-13).  The Manna provided all nutrition needs, and could have almost any taste the eater wanted, except for a few specific items 11:5.  A quick lesson there is you can have everything you need but still feel that you want more.  The complaints for meat and against the Manna are so fierce that Moses himself would prefer to die than hear them 11:15.

The Divine reaction here is amazing.  God sent a wind blowing low flying quail to the camp to give the people meat.  They gathered a massive amount of quail meat and threw a huge feast.  But then: “The meat was still between their teeth; it was not yet consumed, and the anger of the Lord flared against the people, and the Lord struck the people with a very mighty blow.” 11:33.  This refers to the instigators of the complaint, who died with the meat the complained for in their mouth, but before enjoying the satisfaction of swallowing it.

It is fair to say that one of the worst curses you can give to a foolish man is “may all your wishes come true”.  A man needs to be aware of what he is hoping, wishing, praying, and planning for.  He may be working hard towards a goal that is actually bad for him.  A man must step back and consider where he is leading himself and if he is accomplishing his own mission.

We have talked about the importance of meat:

Our sages in the Gemara in Pesachim (49b) say an unlearned man (am haaretz or ignoramus) should not be allowed eat meat.  This Gemara is on a philosophical level, on a practical level we allow any man to eat meat.  The unlearned man is not using his intellectual powers to learn, grow, and refine himself.  He is not engaged in dynamic spiritual improvement.  He does not see a need to change.

He is also ignorant of his ignorance, so he doesn’t bother to learn.  So he is not that different from an animal, animals have their instincts, they get by without learning and developing intellectual powers.  So our sages say by the measure of strict justice he should not eat meat, since he is not lifting the meat to a higher level.  He is just slaughtering an animal to enjoy the taste or feed his body.  And why is his body any better than the animal’s?

The Maharal explains:  what makes you have right to kill animal and eat it?  Only if you are living your life with a higher value, with spiritual values, with dynamic growth, then you are raising the animal up, giving spiritual value.  You are doing the animal a favor by elevating mere flesh into intellectual and spiritual energy.  You are raising the mundane physical into the energy for the metaphysical.  (The animal elevated the vegetation it consumed to become part of an animal, and the plants elevated the mineral level of existence).

By bringing animals to the Tabernacle, the Jews were reminded that the meat they ate was for spiritual pursuits, not for indulgence… Eating meat can make a man feel like a powerful apex predator.  Bringing the animal to serve God makes us appreciate that God is giving us meat as a gift and a tool to improve ourselves and lift the spiritual level of all creation.

Yes, meat can be murder, and is allowed by the Bible or men who act like men.  This is the existential question for every man: how are you different from animals?

Only men who are engaged in human behaviors of communicating, planning, learning, and growing into something better and more advanced deserve meat.

Note that the quail God sent here did not need to be brought to the Tabernacle because quail are not a species used for offerings.  Therefore the people could eat them anywhere, without any religious connotation.  The complainers ignored the Tabernacle, ate in an animalistic manner, giving in to their greed.  They were punished accordingly, since at their spiritual level they had no real right to eat meat.

It is noteworthy that our sages understand the hint the Bible gives us that it was not just one complaint these people were making.   “Moses heard the people weeping with their families, each one at the entrance to his tent. The Lord became very angry, and Moses considered it evil.” 15:10.  Recall that there are no extra words in the Bible.

“With their families, at the entrance to his tent” implies they had a complaint about their families and their ‘tent’, meaning wife.  They were upset that after the revelation at Sinai they were commanded not to marry certain relatives.  Remember, many other people not descended from Jacob left Egypt along with the Jews, including Egyptians who had accepted immorality and open marriages as normal.

The complaint of these people was not just for meat, but for the license to give in to physical urges, even when it would be inappropriate.  They wanted to eat what they craved and sleep with whoever they craved, even family members. 

We find throughout Jewish wisdom that greed, hunger, and lust travel together.  Indulging in wine can lead to adultery.  Feasting together can lead to wife swapping.  Growing fat with wealth can lead people to deny God, Heaven forbid: “So Jeshurun grew fat and kicked— You grew fat and gross and coarse— He forsook the God who made him And spurned the Rock of his support” Deuteronomy 32:15.

There is a deep wisdom here for present day men: when you meet someone who lacks self control in one area, chances are they lack self control in other areas.  Someone who indulges or binges may be trying to fill a gaping spiritual emptiness that no food, drug, shopping spree, or high can sate for long.  Addiction arises in chronically empty people trying to feel fulfilled through external means.

Empty and dysregulated people are always trying to fill themselves, and will readily use you do it for them.  You have to protect yourself by enforcing your boundaries with people who cannot control themselves.  People today are the same as they were 4000 years ago.  Be aware that the messages in the Bible are for all men and all time, and use our wisdom to protect yourself.

Sister and Wife

Miriam, the older sister of Moses, expresses concern to their other brother Aaron about Moses’ personal life (Numbers 12).  Moses had married to Tzipporah, the daughter of Yitro, but separated from her after the divine revelation.  This was Moses’ own idea, based his extrapolation from the Divine commands issued just before and after the Sinaitic revelation, as the Talmud explains (Shabbat 87):

Moses reasoned an a fortiori inference by himself and said: If Israel, with whom the Divine Presence spoke only one time and God set a specific time for them when the Divine Presence would be revealed, and yet the Torah stated: “Prepare yourselves for three days, do not approach a woman” (Exodus 19:15); then I, with whom the Divine Presence speaks all the time and God does not set a specific time, all the more so that I must separate from my wife.

And from where do we derive that the Holy One, Blessed be He, agreed with him? As it is written after the revelation at Sinai: “Go say to them: Return to your tents” (Deuteronomy 5:26), meaning to your wives. And afterward it is written that God told Moses: “And you, stand here with Me” (Deuteronomy 5:27), indicating that Moses was not supposed to return home, but must constantly be prepared to receive the word of God.

And some give another source indicating that God agreed with his reasoning. When Aaron and Miriam criticized Moses’ separation from his wife, God said: “With him do I speak mouth to mouth, and not in dreams or hints; and the similitude of the Lord does he behold; why then were you not afraid to speak against My servant, against Moses?” (Numbers 12:8). This indicates that God agreed with his reasoning.

Moses made his decision to become celibate since he had to be available to speak with God on a different level than anyone else could.  He had to be available all the time, as the emissary between God and His people.

Both Aaron and Miriam experienced prophecy as well, but had chosen not to be celibate.  They were not fully aware that Moses’ direct communication with the Divine was on a deeper level and required greater purity than their own.  However, Miriam overhead Moses’ wife when Eldad and Medad were prophesying in the camp (11:26).  Tzipporah commented “Woe to their wives if they are required to prophesy, for they will separate from their wives just my husband separated from me.”

Miriam, as a sister in law and friend to Tzipporah, was concerned that Moses was ignoring his wife’s marital needs.  This needs some explaining.  Jewish law explains how a man has a Biblical requirement to satisfy his wife with regularity, the specific minimum amount based on his profession.  For example, a camel driver or a sailor who must travel away from home would be expected to live with his wife less often than a farmer who is home each night.  This is a religious duty and a key aspect of married life.

A marriage without intimacy is not a marriage.  Some figures in Jewish law state that a marriage is not complete until it is consummated.  Rashi explains that Moses had actually divorced his wife, apparently so he would not be held at fault for failing in the duty to provide normal marital intimacy.

Miriam is trying to be sensitive to Tzipporah, but oversteps her bounds by criticizing her brother.  A man should be aware when family members, either his or hers, are intruding into private aspects of his relationship.  Some are merely curious, some want to help, some want to pry, others to control.  Keep your family out of the bedroom.

While Miriam certainly had good intent, she was punished for speaking about Moses and was stricken with Tzaraat (akin to leprosy) and told that Moses was on a different level that justified abstinence 12:10.  Keep in mind that Moses was unique in history as the man who spoke to God directly 12:8. The message for every other married man in the world is you should be having sex.

You are no Moses.  If you think you are a prophet, you are probably crazy.  Real prophecy has been greatly diminished in our generation.  If you are in a proper relationship you should not be abstinent.  Of course you need caution when you are involved in something as powerful and central to your life as sexual intimacy.  We talked about that before.  Right now, our point is simply that all healthy men need physical intimacy, you are no exception.

If you are old and involved in spiritual and intellectual pursuits fine, but do not ignore your wife.  In the Talmud, Rabbi Joshua son of Levi quips: Whosoever knows his wife to be a God‑fearing woman and does not visit her regularly is called a sinner (Yevamot 62b).

If you find it physically difficult, keep in mind that the modern lifestyle and diet may impact your abilities as they promote obesity and hormone imbalances.  You may need to change your diet, increase physical exercise, and obtain pharmacological assistance to increase your abilities.  It is worth putting in the effort and getting outside help to succeed in this critical area of life.  The Bible teaches us the centrality of the physical aspect of marriage.  Improving this facet of your relationship is a spiritual endeavor, may you be blessed with Divine assistance.

A woman and her beauty

The Bible emphasizes that Miriam spoke about Moses’ private life for a specific reason: “Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses regarding the Cushite woman he had married, for he had married a Cushite woman” 12:1.  Some sources say the “Cushite” Miriam mentions here was a second wife.  However, most explain that Cushit refers to the distinctive beauty of Tzipporah, that she was noticeably more attractive than other women, similar to how a person from Cush would stand out in a crowd of non-Cushi people (Medrash Tanchuma Tzav 13).

Since Tziporah was exceedingly beautiful, Miriam was particularly worried about Moses’ abstinence.  This is not to raise any suspicion on our holy ancestors, Heaven forbid.  I propose that Miriam understood women, that a beautiful woman feels a deeper lack when she is not enjoying her sexuality with her husband.  A woman who is attractive and knows she is attractive, realizes that her body is one of her most important tools in life.  And she is correct.

When a woman realizes she is getting male attention for her looks, she starts to understand that she has power because of her looks.  This becomes part of her personality, one of her tools to deal with people and situations.  Our sages were also aware of how women view their own endowments, commenting that a woman’s weapons are always on her, referring to her beauty and ability to turn on the charm.  Miriam understood this aspect of femininity in a way that Moses could not as a man, so she felt an extra degree of empathy for Tzipporah.

A man should understand that to a beautiful woman, her physical form is an integral part of her being and persona.  She is always aware of how she looks, what she is wearing, how she presents herself.  She is also acutely conscious of the beauty, charms, and behaviors of other women around her.  Her personal beauty is something she interacts with, thinks about, and works with as a tool in life.  A wise man takes all this into account when dealing with beautiful women, and a wise husband finds ways to emphasize his own wife’s beauty.

Even if a woman is not objectively above average in beauty, chances are she has some aspects of her appearance that she is proud of.  When you tap into those feelings and reinforce them, you raise her emotional energy.  When a woman is especially beautiful, she may be used to relying on her looks and getting attention just by being pretty.  If a man ignores the physical and deals only with her mind and emotions instead, he bypasses this and sets himself apart from other men who simply focus on physicality.  She will not be used to having to deal with a man without the shield and sword of her beauty as a tool.

Humans are spiritual beings, temporarily placed by God into physical vessels.  Being aware of the physical aspects of our lives and working with them will help you to raise yourself up spiritually.

Today that Talmud discusses the wagons used in the desert to transport the boards that made up the walls of the Tabernacle.  The Levites would pass the boards from the wagon to the public domain to erect the portable sanctuary.  The layout of the beams on the wagons has implications for what constitutes a separate domain for Sabbath law.

There is some discussion as to what the actual shape of the beams was, if they narrowed on top.  The beams are called “tamim” meaning perfect or full, implying they were square, but the sage who says they actually tapered explains that it means the beams were made of one solid piece of lumber, not plywood or the like.

The wisdom here is to be solid and upright to support your mission.  Don’t accomplish your life work in piecemeal.  Sure, you have to take breaks and do other things.  But when you are working on your mission, give it 100% perfect focus.

We also see from the specific arrangement of the beams on the wagons that it is important to have your supplies and tools properly organized, to make it easy to get to work on your mission.

Amazing lessons in today’s learning…
The sages of the Talmud discuss an enigmatic biblical figure: the “Mekoshesh”.  This is the man who was apparently gathering sticks on Shabbat (Number 26:32).  When other men caught him, they put him in holding while Moses asked God what to do with him.

An extremely important note here is that Jewish wisdom teaches that we do not imprison men. We do not put souls on ice.  The Jewish legal system wants rehabilitation not incarceration.

This was merely holding the sinner for a short time while Moses asked what the appropriate rehabilitation was.  For some men death of the body is the only rehabilitation for their soul, since they have publicly defied the Bible.

This gatherer did something on Shabbat with a death penalty, the Gemara debates what exactly he did.  Now, any Biblically forbidden labor on the Sabbath brings a execution – when there were proper witnesses and the man was aware of what he was doing and properly warned.  So what does it matter exactly which labor the gatherer did?

 

The lesson for us is that you should think carefully and become aware of your own shortcomings and mistakes.  You need to make an honest assessment of yourself and where you can improve.  Find out exactly what you are doing wrong.

No one is perfect [okay the Talmud identifies four: Binyamin the son of Yaakov, Amram the father of Moshe, Yishai the father of David, and Kilav the son of David. Shabbat 55b and Bava Batra 17a.  Note that all of these people were close to someone in power but did not themselves exercise leadership.]  For the rest of us, we need to be aware of our own problems.

If you don’t know yourself first, other people who want to manipulate you will tell you what your “sins” are – so they can hijack your guilt and shame for their own ends.  If you have already judged yourself and acknowledged your personal issues, you don’t feel shame when someone else brings up your shortcomings.  Jewish wisdom teaches that when you judge yourself you are immune to outside judgment.

 

Also, when you are aware of your weaknesses, you are not at risk of being accused of other shortcomings that you don’t have.  People out there will tell you that you have certain problems that only they can fix, or that you have wronged them and need to make it right.  People who want to justify treating you badly will accuse you of being bad.  Women who want to control you in the relationship brand you as the problem in the relationship.  Naturally, when you already know yourself, you can honestly evaluate these claims.  You won’t be subject to the manipulation of other people telling you who you are for their own benefit.

Today’s learning has a hidden gem.  Our sages discuss when a utensil with a hole or crack is still considered a useful utensil, meaning that it can still become ritually contaminated.   Recall that in ancient society, they did not have mass produced household items.  When a utensil broke they would try to use the pieces for something else.  However:

Rav Asi said that they teach this rule:  With regard to an earthenware vessel, the measure of the hole that renders it unable to become ritually impure is large enough to enable liquid to enter it.  And they only said the smaller measure of a small hole from which liquid seeps, for impurity of a shard (broken pottery).  The Gemara asks: What is the reason for this? Mar Zutra, son of Rav Naḥman, said:  A shard is used as a plate beneath a perforated earthenware vessel. If the shard is also perforated and leaks, it is no longer of any use, because one does not say:  Bring another shard to seal the leak of a shard, but throws it out immediately.

Even in a frugal, pre-industrial society there are limits.  When something, even damaged, is still useful, you keep it around.  A leaking bowl could be used with a plate under it, or as a flowerpot.  You get the picture.  But when you need to invest more just to keep using the broken item, by putting another plate under the first plate, it’s just not worth it.

 

Gentlemen, this is a metaphor for relationships.  There are no perfect relationships, they all have their leaks or imperfections.  Expect that.  But when you have to keep putting in more energy and effort to offset the issues, when start using up resources you need for other areas of life and other people, then you throw out the broken item.  A man needs to be able to step back, consider his larger needs and goals in life, and ask “is this reasonable?”  Are you investing too much in this one situation or relationship?  When you have a mission in life, a dent to make in the universe, you cannot afford to invest everything in one person.

 

On a deeper level, our mystical sources teach that men have the aspect of being the giver while the woman is the receiver.  This is not merely bedroom innuendo, it applies in all areas of life.  However, a man in modern society often gets into the habit of giving too much of himself for the sake of approval or for the relationship.  This role is encouraged by society and media.  Some women take it for granted and feel entitled to endless giving beyond normal levels.  Once you realize the relationship is not balanced, you can ask her “do you really think this is reasonable?” Pay close attention to her answer, and evaluate if her sense of entitlement has outgrown what she gives back to you. A man also has the aspect of setting rational limits.
Please read Robert Glovers “No More Mr. Nice Guy” for more on this topic.

 

 

Thought I was done, but God opened my eyes to another gem.  The Gemara asks if the workers preparing woven items for the Tabernacle would throw their tools to one another to lend them.  The Gemara brings a tradition that each craftsman had his or her own tools.

This alludes to a deeper concept.  You have unique tools for your life, that are fit for you unique mission in life.  When you see another man using a certain “tool”, maybe his looks, wealth, car, friends… this is not a reason to become jealous, but for you think of what your personal tools are and use them effectively.  Not every man is blessed in every area, but each of us can evaluate what we do have, and how to develop and improve those tools and use them properly.