The Talmud examines cases of someone searching and removing the hametz from his home, but then seeing animals taking from his pile of hametz, or finding that it was moved.  Our sages compare a case where a man left his axe in his house, and later finds it is missing or moved.  The rabbis assume that another man came in and took it or used the axe without permission.  Now the house is ritually contaminated, since a man who would use items without asking would also fail to be careful with religious matters and would touch someone’s utensils while impure.

This is an amazing idea.  A man who oversteps normal bounds in human relationships is assumed by Jewish law to also fail to keep proper religious standards.  We do not think a man can be a holy, religious or pious man but also mistreat his fellow men or their property.  The measure of a holy man if how he acts regarding both God and man.

In Jewish thought, the most holy men are not isolated monks meditating on a mountain, or celibate priests, but men who are involved in normal everyday life and are still scrupulous and upstanding in mundane interactions.  The Jewish holy man has a job, a wife, kids, bills, obligations, and still does his best for everyone.

The Talmud continues discussing searching for hametz (leavened food) before Passover, exploring the concept of doubts.  The Mishnah rules that we don’t worry that animals moved bread into an already inspected location.  The Gemara asks about seeing a weasel with bread and having a doubt if the weasel left any of the bread in your property.

Our sages compare this to a “haver” meaning a scrupulous man, who died with produce in his granary.  The produce definitely needed to be tithed but we don’t know if this man did tithe it before his passing.  The Gemara concludes this is not a fair comparison, as the haver is a man who always tithes immediately.  While we don’t actually know, we have no doubt that this man did take the tithes.  We do have a valid doubt if the weasel ate all the bread.

If you want to be considered reliable and consistent, you need to be on 100% with no exceptions.  This may sound impossible, but there may be specific areas of your life where you can attain this level and other people will become certain of you.

Today’s Daf also mentions that idol worshippers used to bury miscarried fetuses in their homes.  Our sages state that even a single man might have a fetus buried, since Idolaters were known to engage in adultery.  He could be sleeping with another man’s wife, and she miscarried while at his home and they hid the evidence of adultery.  This reminds us that people, ancient and modern, hide their promiscuity.

Today’s learning debates if someone engaged in the commandment of searching out leavening before Passover is protected from danger if he is also looking for a lost needle.  Our sages bring a teaching on point:

A man who says “I am contributing this coin to charity so that my son will live”, or if he says: “I am performing the commandment so that I will be one destined for the World-to-Come”, this man is a full-fledged righteous man.  (The ulterior motives do not detract from the value of the good deed). 

Tosafot (medieval questions and comments on the Talmud) asks that we learned in Ethics of the Fathers 1:3 do not serve God on condition to get rewards, since if the rewards don’t come a man will reject his faith.  Tosafot concludes the teaching above is valid when a man does not regret the good deed even if he didn’t get the reward he asked for.  This is the mark of the righteous man

Even when you don’t get what you wanted out of life, don’t regret your life.  It was yours, for better or for worse.  A righteous man accepts that he won’t always get the result he hoped for.  Indeed, if things never went wrong for him, then he never has the opportunity to develop the trait of righteousness.  When you don’t get what you want it is an opportunity to reevaluate how you are living your life, and it is never too late to change your path.

Modern men put off by the spiritual terminology should substitution stoicism.  If you are not tested by great disappointment, you are not a stoic.  Without a challenge, a man never rises to the challenge and develops himself.

The Talmud teaches the source for using a candle for while inspecting for hametz before Passover.  A torch is brighter, but there is an enigmatic verse, proverbs 20:27:  “The spirit of man is the candle of God, searching all the corridors of the gut”

There are many meanings to this verse, for our purposes of gaining actionable wisdom we need to focus on the fact that the soul of a man is used to search.  A man has a natural capacity to look around his world and figure out what is going on and what to do about it.  Open your eyes, use your mind, and plan what to do with yourself to make an impact.

In the Talmud in Baba Kamma our ancient sages say a man is “maveh” meaning a seeker, a questioner, an explorer.   Judaism also teaches that a man in this world is required to examine and probe his deeds and improve them.  The soul, the “candle”, is our driving force to seek truth and improvement in our lives, and apply our intellectual abilities to grow in wisdom.

The Maharsha comments that God uses both a candle and torch to examine humans, the candle to look for problems and the brighter torch to find every speck of goodness in us.  This clues us in to more wisdom.

Be aware when others are judging you harshly, acting like they are entitled to shine a torch or spotlight on your every flaw, or demanding explanations from you.  Judgment is the Lord’s, if someone in your life is so arrogant that they want to step into that position, eject them from your life.  Use your own soul, your candle, and examine and improve yourself, and you won’t feel a need to give anyone else a justification.

Also notice when you are giving others the benefit of the doubt and overlooking problems they create while simultaneously being harsh on yourself.  You must exercise judgement and evaluate what is working for you in life and relationships.  But you must be consistent.  Being merciful on others but strict on yourself is not always appropriate.

Today our sages discuss the requirement to look for hametz (leavening) in your house before Passover.  If you are leaving more than 30 days before the holiday and not coming back during Passover, there is no obligation to check and remove the hametz.  Our sages generalize that 30 days before a holiday we begin to prepare, especially by learning the relevant laws.

In your own life, when you are about to undertake something important, prepare yourself.  The most important preparation is learning how to do what you want to do properly, so you will be confident when the moment arrives.  Intellectual mastery over your specialty or chosen mission in life goes a long way towards success.

We now turn to Genesis 28:10–32:3, the reading “Vayetze” meaning he departed. This refers to Jacob leaving the Holy Land for Padan Aram, to avoid the threats from his brother Esav and to find a wife from his mother’s family. 

This section details how Jacob, who arrived in Padan Aram with nothing, eventually married not just one wife, but two wives plus two concubines. They bore him eleven sons and at least one daughter. Jacob also acquired vast flocks and wealth by the end of his sojourn abroad. He is the paradigm of the self made man.

Ladders and Angels

“He dreamed: behold, a ladder was set on the ground and its top reached to the sky, and angels of God were going up and down on it.” Genesis 28:12

Why a ladder? 

Some people feel that when they undertake to live a more spiritual life or become a “believer” then it is as if they sprout wings and fly up to heaven to meet God.  They assume their new status as a “born again” or “repentant” or the like means they can just float up to the highest levels of spiritual attainment. 

This is not accurate. In the Bible, even the angels, who have wings, are not flying! 

They use a ladder. This is a profound lesson for us.

The Bible shows us that angels going up to heaven are ascending one rung at a time.  All the more so for mortal men: we have to improve and elevate ourselves just one step at a time. 

Sure, it would be nice to get into such an inspired state of belief that you simply fly up and bypass all the intermediate steps.  That is not realistic or sustainable, trying to skip levels causes confusion and spiritual burnout.

The key is keep a consistent pattern of improvement, addressing one thing at a time, focusing on the immediate challenge you face and evaluating how to best respond at this step of life.  We also need to be rooted on the ground as the ladder is: aware of the level we are on right now and what our limitations are. 

We can’t just ignore our past and assume that our new “grace” overcomes everything that came before.  Men are the product of their life experience and how they deal with it.  Ignoring your own past will not win you a blessed future.  We need to be properly grounded and self aware in order to reach for high achievements.

We soon see this in our Patriarch Jacob, who lives step by step, first committing to his father to travel abroad to find a wife from his mother’s family, then making a commitment to God to ask for success and a safe return.  Then Jacob arrives in Padan Aram and deals with the local shepherds, then turns to deal with Rachel when she arrives at the well, then he makes a deal with her father Lavan (Gen 29). 

Jacob then spends seven years working for Rachel, immediately demands his wife, marries, then works (retroactively) for Leah.  Then Jacob makes a business deal with Lavan and starts breeding animals to amass his own wealth and provide for his growing family.  When he completes that step he immediately addresses how to return to the Holy Land and his parents. 

We see that Jacob is methodical and works on one task or one goal at a time.  He is climbing the ladder one rung at a time.  He is aware of his ultimate mission, so when he has accomplished one thing immediately moves on to the next goal. The next rung.  Our sages in the Medrash state that Jacob developed himself to become the spiritual ladder that the angels used.

 

Which ladder are you climbing?

When God Himself appears to Jacob, guaranteeing Divine protection, all Jacob asks for is food and clothing, the most basic needs in life (28:20).  What Jacob shows us is that he learned the lesson of the ladder.  Jacob wants the basic necessities for his life taken care of so he can focus on moving up the ladder of personal growth and becoming a powerful spiritual force. 

In modern times, many people take an opposite approach: they focus on climbing the economic ladder to build their wealth while neglecting personal and spiritual development (see Hovot haLevavot Shaar haBitachon chapter six).

 When they become older and wiser, they finally realize that while they may finally be one of the top figures in their career, they are still on the bottom rung of character. 

This can cause a moment of insight, and motivate a man to start focusing on his spiritual and intellectual side.  We sometimes see this manifested as a “mid-life crises”.  A man may choose to reduce the time and energy he invests in his business in favor of his family, hobbies, and his personal growth.  However, some men double down on the economic side of life and start a new career or buy a new sports car to help cope with their internal anguish.

Some never start climbing Jacob’s spiritual ladder, and instead rely on their money in an attempt to find a work around to get higher.  They may hire coaches, consultants or gurus, but avoid doing the actual hard work on themselves.  Some give large sums to charity to feel better about their lack of consistent work towards self actualization and appear pious to others. 

Of course charity does have profound effects on the human soul, but it is not a substitute for putting in the work each day to raise yourself up, one rung at a time.  There is actually a famous song about this approach to trying to purchase spiritual value, which begins “There’s a lady who knows all that glitters is gold, and she’s buying a stairway to heaven…“

 

What is Love?

When Rachel shows up at the covered well with Lavan’s flocks, Jacob has a surprising reaction:

And it came to pass, when Jacob saw Rachel, the daughter of Laban, his mother’s brother and the sheep of Laban, his mother’s brother, that Jacob drew near and rolled the rock off the mouth of the well, and he watered the sheep of Laban, his mother’s brother.  And Jacob kissed Rachel, and he raised his voice and wept. Jacob told Rachel that he was her father’s kinsman, that he was Rebekah’s son; and she ran and told her father. (29:10-12).

This is the same Jacob who is described as an upright man, a scholar, piously studying in the tents of learning.  Here he is intensely emotional upon meeting Rachel.  He gets such a rush of energy that when he sees Rachel bringing the flock, he rolls a massive rock off the well by himself, a rock that multiple shepherds could not budge. 

At this point Jacob has an immediate attraction and connection to Rachel, he kisses her (long before public displays of affection were culturally accepted) and cries in front of her.  However, the Bible does not yet state he loves her.  Mere attraction and emotional connection is not “love”.

Just one month later, Jacob, who has been shepherding for his uncle Lavan for free, proposes to work for seven years in order to marry Rachel.  Keep in mind that this business deal is actually backwards: in those times it was expected that a father would give a dowry to an appropriate husband for his daughter.  A great man such as Jacob would deserve a rich dowry.

But here Jacob is offering immense value to the father to wed his daughter.  Jacob had good reasons to offer this reverse dowry, but the Bible now tells us:  Jacob loved Rachel; so he answered, “I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.”  29:18.

Jacob has just met Rachel a month before.  Before he has sons, Lavan sent Rachel out as the shepherdess for his animals 29:9.  It appears Jacob had spent the entire month with her, shepherding Lavan’s flocks together.  One month was enough for Jacob to come to love her.  We examined the definition of love by Isaac’s marriage to Rebekah:

He saw that her actions and character were appropriate to be his wife and mother to his children (and to the future Jewish nation).  Only then did he marry her.  After marriage, he made the effort to love her by appreciating her talents and contribution to his household.  Again, this is antithetical to the Disney/Hallmark pop culture version of “love”.  Isn’t “love” something people just fall into when they meet the right one?  Then fall out of?  It’s poems and pining and putting her on a pedestal.  Love is blind…?

No. That’s nonsense, and dangerous damaging nonsense.  I was taught the ancient Jewish definition of love:  Love is the emotional pleasure of seeing the positive aspects of another person and identifying the person with those positives.

Love is not a blindfold rendering you blind to her faults.  Love is a magnifying glass.  Love makes you see who a person really is.  Who loves you most in the world?  Your parents!  And who sees your faults more than anyone…?  Your parents!

A month of one-on-one time without distractions was enough for Jacob to recognize Rachel’s true character.  While out in the pastures shepherding Jacob saw Rachel as she really was, without makeup or nice clothing, engaged in the difficult and dirty task of caring for sheep. 

No doubt Jacob studied her actions and analyzed how she cared for and protected the sheep and also kept herself apart from the male shepherds.  Jacob, over a month of constant contact with Rachel, learned many specific reasons to love her, based on Rachel’s own character and deeds.

Love is not blind.  Real love is not accepting someone without judgment.  Love is seeing the nuanced truth about the other person, and then deciding that their positive elements outweigh the negatives.  True love is identifying the person with their positive attributes, to always appreciate what they bring to the table.

When Jacob marries, Lavan tricks him and substitutes Leah for Rachel.  We described how Rachel was a party to this switch, giving over secret signs to her sister to protect Leah from being shamed and cast out.  What is interesting is what happens a week later, when Jacob finally marries Rachel as well: 

“And he came also to Rachel, and he also loved Rachel more than Leah; and he worked with him yet another seven years.” (29:30).  The strong implication is that Jacob loved Leah too, after just one week of marriage.  This echoes Isaac coming to love Rebekah after their marriage. 

Again, applying the ancient Jewish definition of love, Jacob must have found specific positive items in Leah’s character and actions to love.  Leah herself is a most interesting woman, she is described as having soft eyes, which our sages teach was the result of crying in prayer that Esav not take her as a wife (29:17).  You see, Isaac had two sons and Lavan two daughters, and people were saying the older son Esav would marry the older daughter Leah.  Leah had heard about Esav the arrogant hunter and wanted nothing to do with him.  

When God, working through her father and sister, conspired to marry Leah to Jacob, she naturally stopped crying and became exuberant, cheerful, and grateful to be his wife.  Jacob was of course disappointed that he had be tricked out of marrying the woman he wanted and worked seven years for.  However, we can understand how Leah’s attitude towards Jacob and strong desire to be with him must have allowed this unplanned marriage to grow into actual love.

Still, the next verse states Leah was “hated”.  How can she be both loved and hated?  Leah was indeed loved deeply by Jacob, who came to identify her with her positive character and gracious behavior.  Leah was thrilled to be with Jacob and was no doubt helpful and affectionate to our patriarch. 

However, compared to Jacob’s love for Rachel, his love for Leah was somewhat less intense.  While Leah was not truly hated, being loved less than a rival felt to her like being hated.  This is an important lesson for dealing with women.  Anything less than total love can feel to her like hate, even though objectively she is certainly loved.

God arranges for Leah to have children, and with each son Leah solidifies her role as Jacob’s wife.  We see this in the meaningful names she picks:
Reuven “God has seen my lack and now my husband will love me” 29:32. 
Shimon “God heard I was unloved” 29:33.
Levi “now my husband will be attached to me” 29:34. 
Judah “This time I thank God” 29:35. 
It appears that now with four sons Leah felt Jacob was truly loving her, and likely Jacob spent the most time with her due to helping educate the young boys.

When Leah later gives her maidservant as a concubine to Jacob, she also chooses names reflecting her good fortune at bringing more sons for Jacob (30:11-13).

Seeing the success of her sister, Rachel now feels as good as dead without children (30:1), and asks Jacob to help. Gentlemen, you understand that Jacob was certainly fulfilling his marital duty with Rachel, she wanted help in prayer to God. Jacob gives her an answer that to modern ears sounds callous: “Am I in place of God (who withheld from you the fruit of the womb)?”

What sounds mean is actually a statement of humility.  Jacob himself is able to have children, he has four sons already.  He is telling Rachel that there is some reason in her, not him, causing God to prevent her from conceiving.  He is guiding Rachel to go directly to God, who holds the key to childbirth (Talmud Taanit 2) to state her case. 

Before approaching to God in prayer, Rachel will need to evaluate what she might be doing wrong that could be preventing her from reaching her goal.  Prayer is also called “mitpalel” in Hebrew meaning self-judgment or self-evaluation. 

While you can simply ask God for whatever you want, there is a more effective method: tell God what you think you need and what is holding you back from getting that, and how you might, with His help, get it.  You can make your prayer into a brainstorming and planning session, but this requires self awareness, insight, and humility to realize you may be the thing holding yourself back in life.

Last year we discussed how Rachel’s response was incredible self negation and humility, acting against her innate hypergamy for the good of the family.  Rachel gives her maidservant to Jacob as a concubine, and raises the two sons from that union.  Leah notices this and gives her own maidservant to Jacob.  Rachel, without any child of her own, has caused Jacob and two other women to have four sons. 

Rachel was willing to give up her own interest for others, and willing to trade her turn to sleep with Jacob for Leah’s mandrakes, herbs known to increase fertility (30:15).  After that event, Leah has two more sons, Issachar and Zevulun (17-20). 

Rachel, through self evaluation, bringing her case to God, and taking direct action against innate selfishness, has brought six sons into the world.  All before she had any children of her own.  This is why all Jews, not only those descended from Rachel, refer to her as “Momma Rachel”.

 

Genuine desire

Let’s get back to Leah, the “hated” wife, who became a beloved wife and mother.  The episode of the mandrakes contains an amazing lesson:

Reuben went in the days of the wheat harvest, and he found dudaim (mandrakes) in the field and brought them to Leah, his mother, and Rachel said to Leah, “Now give me some of your son’s dudaim.” 
And she said to her, “Is it a small matter that you have taken my husband, that you also take my son’s dudaim?” 
So Rachel said, “Therefore, he shall sleep with you tonight as payment for your son’s dudaim.” 
When Jacob came from the field in the evening, and Leah came forth toward him, and she said, “You shall come to me, because I have hired you with my son’s dudaim,” and he slept with her on that night.  And God hearkened to Leah, and she conceived and bore Jacob a fifth son. (30:14-17)

Our sages in the Talmud (Eruvin 100) teach that it is not considered appropriate for women to directly ask for intimate relations. However, Leah seems to show otherwise. The Talmud reconciles the contradiction with a teaching about how genuine desire:

Rav Shmuel bar Naḥmani said that Rabbi Yoḥanan said:  Any woman who demands of her husband that he fulfill his conjugal commandment will have great sons the likes of whom did not exist even in Moses’ generation. 

With regard to Moses’ generation, it is written: “Find yourself men who are wise and understanding, and well-known from each one of your tribes, and I will make them judges over you” (Deuteronomy 1:13), but it is later written: “So I took the heads of your tribes, wise men, and well-known, and made them heads over you” (Deuteronomy 1:15). 

However, men possessing understanding, (a higher level than wisdom), Moses could not find.

However, by Leah it is written: “And Leah went out to meet him, and said, You must come to me, for I have hired you with my son’s mandrakes” (Genesis 30:16).  Her reward for demanding that Jacob fulfill the conjugal obligation with her was the birth of Issachar, and it is written: “And of the children of Issachar, men who had understanding of the times, to know what Israel ought to do; the heads of them were two hundred, and all their brethren were at their commandment” (I Chronicles 12:33).

Is that so? (Is it proper for a woman to demand her conjugal rights from her husband?) But didn’t Rav Yitzḥak bar Avdimi say: Eve was cursed with ten curses, due to the sin of the Tree of Knowledge, as it is written: “To the woman He said, I will greatly multiply your pain and your travail; in sorrow you shall bring forth children; and yet your desire shall be to your husband, and he shall rule over you” (Genesis 3:16)?

“And yet your desire shall be to your husband” teaches that the woman desires her husband, e.g., when he sets out on the road; “and he shall rule over you” teaches that the woman asks her husband in her heart but is too shy to voice her desire, while the man asks his wife verbally.  Rav Yitzḥak bar Avdimi adds: This is a good trait in women, that they refrain from asserting their desire verbally.

The Gemara reconciles: When we say that a woman who demands her conjugal rights from her husband is praiseworthy, it does not mean she should voice her desires explicitly.  Rather, it means that she should make herself pleasing to him, and he will understand what she wants. (Rashi here adds she will dress attractively).

So while Leah did indeed go out to Jacob and ask him to come to her, this was not inappropriate but in fact was praiseworthy.  She was not crass, aggressive or demanding, but seductive and displaying proper desire for her man.

Overt versus subtle

Nowadays, such feminine talents have fallen out of favor.  Mainstream feminist society teaches women they should act like men, so many women are explicit and demanding instead of agreeable and alluring.  Some people tell me that modern secular women have all but forgotten how to be subtle and seductive towards men, and instead are overt like men.

This modern approach is not in tune with women’s natural tendencies, and causes problems not just in the bedroom.  When both women and men are trying to be the assertive figure in a family, there will be strife.  Women historically preferred to operate in a more subtle and refined manner, influencing men covertly.  We see this by the wives of Korach and On: one woman led her husband to fall into hell and the other saved him from that fate.

A modern man in mainstream society should not expect women to act in a refined and subtle manner, but if she does, that may be a positive sign that she could be fit for his long term investment.  Remember that love is finding the positive aspects of another person.  A woman acting in a feminine manner is a positive sign, especially in a culture that manipulates women into behaving like men.

Leah’s genuine desire for Jacob led to Issachar, and that tribe was renowned for profound wisdom and understanding. Our sages even learn the ideal way for a woman to express her desire from Leah, and point out that Issachar was incredibly wise because of her merit (Talmud, Eruvin 100, Nedarim 20b).

It is interesting to note that 30:17 implies that perhaps Leah prayed to God during the intimate act itself, but could also mean that God heard Leah’s deep expressions of passion for her husband during the act and decided to reward her for this with an amazing son.

 

Desire and you

There is a world of difference between the attitudes and actions of a woman who does not truly desire you and the woman who does. Men who have experienced it know. 

When motivated by true burning desire, she will break rules for you, change her schedule and priorities to see you.  Perhaps even trade her valuable herbs for the right to go out to the field and seduce you… 

A man who is trying to determine the true status of his relationship needs to pay attention to how his woman expresses desire. If desire is lacking, something is going wrong. A man needs to apply his intellectual abilities and figure it out. Often the answer to a man is to work to improve himself. If you undertake this and she still lacks desire, the problem may actually be with her. 

A man cannot buy, trade, or negotiate for genuine desire. If you are working on yourself and your mission and she realizes your value, this should improve her desire. However, in today’s feminist society she may feel entitled to a high value man without making much effort herself. A man needs to evaluate if a woman who does not realize or appreciate his value is really worth his time.

As we taught, love is not blind. Love is really a magnifying glass you hold up to your spouse. Do not ignore weak or waning desire, it is the key warning sign, the check engine light. 

We see from our holy matriarchs Rachel and Leah that women are capable of expressing profound desire for a man they know is valuable. Women have not changed in the millennia since our ancestors lived. Understanding their ancient lives and bringing their wisdom into our modern times will enhance our relationships.

The Talmud looks for the source that Hametz (leavened items) become forbidden on the day prior to Passover.  Rava, an ancient sage in Babylon, explains Exodus 34:25 “You shall not offer on anything leavened the blood of My sacrifice; and the sacrifice of Passover shall not be left over until morning”.  At the time when you can offer the Paschal lamb, which begins at midday on the day before Passover, the prohibition of owning Hametz applies.

The lesson here is when we are trying to begin something new we need to remove impediments to our progress first.  If you need to start taking care of your health by lifting weights, you can’t keep eating like a pig.  When you are working to realize your personal value and importance and trying to find your mission in the world, you can’t hold onto relationships with people who undermine you and devalue you.  Often men try to continue engaging in behaviors or with people that undermine what we are trying to accomplish.

The Talmud mentions a man who went to court over every disagreement, our sages stated he must be from the tribe of Dan.  The name Dan is also the word for judgement, Genesis 30:6 and 49:16   Another man wanted oceanfront property, and out sages checked and found he was really from the tribe of Zevulun, which dwelt on the shore (Genesis 49:13).

We all have desires for certain things, these are outer manifestations of our inner state.  Men may be subconsciously trying to emulate their ancestors, or to recreate a comfortable situation from their childhood.  For yourself, become aware of the deeper source for your goals.  This helps you tap into your inner inspiration.

When dealing with others, realize their actions may be trying to recreate their past.  This may put you into an unhealthy situation.  Sometimes people are subconsciously pulled to relive childhood roles and will cast you as parent.  If you understand their past and your own you can help guide them or avoid a person living in a flawed past.

The Talmud brings sources that we should not use foul language, noting multiple instances where the Bible uses extra words to call something or someone “not now pure” instead of simply “impure”.  Of course we avoid actual curse words, but even unclean language is frowned upon in conventional Jewish society.  Our sages also note that the Bible uses the word “ride” by a man but “sit” by a woman, since men usually ride an animal with legs spread while women would typically ride sidesaddle for modesty, so mentioning a woman riding with legs open is less appropriate.

The Gemara notes that there is are instances in Scripture of women riding as men do, but these had other factors that made it appropriate for her to do so, such as being on a large camel, nighttime, going to meet a powerful man, or descending a mountain.  However, in general women would ride like ladies and men like men.  The Bible teaches modesty in speech and action, and appropriate gender roles, since men and women are actually different.

It is also telling that Avigail rode her donkey as a man would when going to meet King David, partly due to her awe of him (the Gemara suggests other reasons as well).  Women change their behavior when around powerful men.  When you become aware of this you can determine if the women in life consider you to be important to them by how they behave towards you.

 

Mazal tov, today we begin learning the tractate of “Pesachim” in the Jewish Talmud.  This covers the holiday of Passover, celebrating the Exodus from Egypt about 3500 years ago.  Originally, the holiday was observed through a special offering known as the Pesach or Pascal lamb, which was slaughtered in the Holy Temple and eaten throughout Jerusalem on the night of the Passover Seder.  Much of our learning will be relevant to that area.

The first item we cover is checking for leavened foods, as Jews cannot eat anything leavened (hametz) during the Passover holiday.  Instead Jews eat Matzah, unleavened bread, which is featured in the Passover Seder.  The first Mishnah states we look for leavened food at “or” of the 14th day of the month.  While “or” usually means light, it can also mean day or sundown.  Our sages in the Gemara cite a verse to explain the meaning:

“As soon as the morning was “or”, the men were sent on their away, they and their donkeys” (Genesis 44:3). Apparently, “or” is day. The Gemara rejects this contention. Is it written: The light was morning? “The morning was light” is written. In this context, or is a verb not a noun, as the one who said: The morning lightened. And this is in accordance with that which Rav Yehuda said that Rav said, as Rav Yehuda said that Rav said: When travelling, a person should always enter a city with “it is good” (Genesis 1:4), i.e., before sunset, while it is light, as the Torah uses the expression “it is good” with regard to light upon its creation.  And likewise, when one leaves a city he should leave with “it is good,” meaning after sunrise the next morning.

This is practical advise – you should scope out your accommodations in daylight, and avoid travelling at night when it is more dangerous.  However, Rav says enter with good and depart with good – also implying that when you start a new project, bring dedication and energy, and carry that through to the end.  Have a clear goal in mind and then keep your goals consistent from start to finish.  Sometimes we start with a clear plan but along the way our goals get clouded.  Consistency is important for success, and we are blessed to learn Talmud every day.

The first line of Pesachim also alludes to the ancient coming of age for Jewish men, the Bar Mitzvah.  At age 13, as he is entering the fourteenth year of his life, a Jew must check and inspect himself.  He is now a man and must remove the parts of his character that are holding him back from progress, as we remove leaven before Passover.  This is done by “or haner” the light of the candle, alluding to the Torah, which enlightens us and allows us to see our own lives objectively by comparing them to our Patriarchs.