We return to the debate in the first Mishnah over if we appoint a backup wife for the High Priest in case his wise passes away on Yom Kippur.  Today we explore the opinion of Rabbi Yehuda that he needs a second wife on tap.  However, he cannot have two households at the same time, because our sages learn out from “And it will atone for him and for his house” (Leviticus 16:6) that this means just one household.

It turns out that, according to Rabbi Yehuda, the High Priest would give both wives a writ of divorce on condition, to be covered if, God forbid, either wife dies during Yom Kippur (he does not worry that both wives die).  This creates an awkward situation with each wife potentially hoping that the other dies so she will be retained.  If neither dies, the backup wife would end up divorced and his original wife would be kept on.

The sages, who do not require a second wife, do require a backup High Priest.  Rabbi Yehuda asks them why they designate a replacement High Priest in case of impurity, they should designate a second replacement in case the first replacement also becomes impure. The Gemara answers that the Rabbis would argue that the High Priest is vigilant in avoiding impurity, but you cannot be so careful as to avoid death.  The Gemara asks: If he is vigilant in avoiding impurity, then why do the Sages designate a backup priest?  Once we establish a rival replacement, the High Priest will be even more vigilant.

When a person needs to be concerned about a rival taking his or her position, this can be frustrating but can also be a source of motivation and inspiration.  Our sages teach that jealousy can be very damaging, but a man being jealous of another man’s accomplishments can be a healthy impetus for growth.

The Talmud has been discussing which structures require a Mezuzah on the doorposts, and compares a Synagogue in a big city, which has no clear owner, to one in a small village, which has a specific group of men that could be said to own it in partnership.  In a city people come and go, and may pray in various Synagogues, while in a village it is the always same men taking care of the building.

This reminds us that living in a city, with so many people coming and going, can make it harder to develop a strong reputation.  This can be a possible advantage for a man, he may want to keep some of his activities hidden and his past behind him.  In a village everyone knows each other and it is very difficult to remain private and mysterious.

A modern man needs to be aware that he may live in a city but when he puts his life online, he is exposing himself to the global village.  Or you could live in a literal village but be in contact with the entire world.  Anyone can see what you choose to post to social media and this becomes part of your identity and reputation.  Much of what a modern man does online is akin to brand management, selling himself to a market that is now global in scope.  Be aware of what you share.

 

“Position, Position”

The Talmud also begins a discussion about what happens if the backup High Priest ends up serving as High Priest for Yom Kippur.  After the original High Priest is able to return to his work, the backup can no longer do the job, but he also cannot be demoted to a regular Priest.

When a man retires or leaves a high position, be aware that he may still be sensitive about this, and not want to take a lower rank.  The Bible teaches that men are innately hierarchical and need to be aware of power dynamics to succeed.  Be aware of who you are dealing with and what his own position or prior role was.

The Talmud brought up a debate over if the chamber used by the High Priest for seven days prior to Yom Kippur required a Mezuzah, a scroll with certain verses placed on the doorway, since it was a temporary dwelling.

The Gemara explores if certain storage buildings, woodsheds, or barns requires a Mezuzah on the doorway as well.  On one hand they are permanent, but they are not used for actual residence.

Our sages cite a teaching that storerooms used by women to bathe did not require a Mezuzah, (it would not be appropriate to have the Mezuzah in a room where people are undressed).  However, the Gemara contrasts another teaching that storerooms in which women adorn themselves do need a Mezuzah, even though these buildings are not lived in.  This is because women doing their makeup, perfume, jewelry, and hair is considered an important use.

Our sages in the Medrash and Talmud bring the story of how the loyal Jewish women saved the Jewish people from extinction:

The Jewish women owned mirrors of copper, which they used when they adorned themselves.  Even these did they not hesitate to bring as a contribution for the Tabernacle.  Moses was about to reject them since they were made to increase vanity and sexual desire, but the Holy One, blessed be He, said to him, “Accept them; these are dearer to Me than all the other contributions, because through them the women reared those vast hosts in Egypt!”

For when their husbands were exhausted through the crushing slave labor, their wives used to bring out to them food and drink and feed them.  Then the wives would take the mirrors, and each gazed at herself in her mirror together with her husband, and seduce him by saying, “See, I am more attractive than you!”  Thus they awakened their husbands’ desire and subsequently became the mothers of many children…

We see that the simple daily task of a woman making herself appear more beautiful and feminine saved an entire nation.  Be aware when a woman makes an effort to look good, and also if she is doing so in order to appeal to you or to others.

It is also important to note that even in ancient times, without running water and modern beauty products, both bathing and adorning were daily tasks.  Both aspects are necessary, as we know “Be attractive, don’t be unattractive”.  You need to work regularly to remove the problems holding you back as well as to improve.

Today the Talmud continues on the theme of issues related to the destruction of the two Holy Temples with an amazing debate which has modern day ramifications:

Rabba bar bar Ḥana said that Rabbi Yoḥanan said in the name of Rabbi Yehuda, son of Rabbi Elai: Rome is destined to fall into the hands of Persia. This is logical: Just as the First Temple, built by the descendants of Shem and destroyed by Chaldeans (Babylonia), and in turn the Chaldeans fell to Persians, the Second Temple, that the Persians built it and the Romans destroyed it, is it not right that the Romans will fall into the hands of the Persians?

As background, the Persian empire under Cyrus and Darius allowed the Jews to rebuild the Temple after the Babylonian exile, about 2500 years ago.  Since God exacts justice, Rabbi Yehuda’s logic sounds appropriate.  However:

Rav said: Persia is destined to fall into the hands of Rome. Rav Kahana and Rav Asi,(his students), said to Rav: The builders will fall into the hands of the destroyers?  He said to them:  yes, that is the King’s decree. Some say that he added: They, too, are destroyers of synagogues, they are no better than the Romans.

Here is the twist: Rabbi Yehuda lived in Israel while it was dominated by the Roman Empire. Rav lived in Bavel while the Persian Empire controlled the area. Both were familiar with the persecution, violence and cruelty practiced by the government where they lived, and assumed this cause their ultimate downfall.

When you are familiar with something or someone, you can start to see the whole picture, not just the glory but the flaws and weaknesses. This is an important fact in interpersonal relationships. People can pretend for a while to be more loving, caring, or giving than they really are. It may take months or years for you to see a person’s true personality.

Don’t rush in to a relationship that involved cohabitation or marriage. You need to watch how she interacts with you and other people for a long time to figure out if she is an appropriate partner. One of the first signs is a person who is rude to others, but extra kind to you. Chances are her special treatment for you is a temporary act designed to elicit commitment on your part.

On the flip side, a man needs to be aware of what he is revealing to women he interacts with. When you make yourself available and open, and tell her your life’s story, this can create a boring familiarity. Having some mystery to you is a great way to be interesting. When she has to figure you out, this requires some effort on her part.

The Talmud compares the first and second Temples, noting that many more High Priests served in the second.  Towards the end of the second Temple era, many rich men bribed the secular authorities to get the position.  Since they were not righteous they died within the year, during the Yom Kippur service.  The Talmud brings the spiritual reasons why both temples were destroyed, and on the theme discusses the Tabernacle at Shiloh. 

Shiloh was the original location of the Tabernacle, the portable sanctuary used in the wilderness, when the Jews first resettled Israel. The Bible does not record that it was actually destroyed, but that the Ark of the Covenant was captured in battle, which ended the ritual offerings there.

Rabbi Yoḥanan ben Torta said: Due to what reason was the Tabernacle in Shiloh destroyed?  Due to two problems: Forbidden sexual relations and disrespect of consecrated items.  Forbidden sexual relations, as it is written: “Now Eli was very old and he heard what his sons were doing to all of Israel, how they lay with the women who did service at the opening of the Tent of Meeting” (I Samuel 2:22).

Even though Rabbi Shmuel bar Naḥmani said that Rabbi Yoḥanan taught: Anyone who says that the sons of Eli sinned by engaging in forbidden sexual relations is simply mistaken, even according to his interpretation of the verse that it was due to the fact that they delayed the sacrifice of their bird-offerings by women after childbirth; this was so serious that the verse blames them as if they lay with the women.

As background, married women came to the Tabernacle to sacrifice doves or pigeons as offerings to complete the purification process after childbirth or zivah, in the latter case they needed the offerings to be brought before engaging in sexual relations with their husbands. 

Eli’s sons delayed the sacrifice of these offerings, and thereby delayed the return of these women to their husbands.  Even though, per Rabbi Yohanon, Eli’s sons did not actually have sexual relations with these women, the verse teaches that what they was considered equivalent in evil.  The Netziv writes that it can’t be that the Tabernacle would be endangered for the sins of two men, rather their behavior reflected a prevalent attitude that the intimate relationship of man and wife was not of primary importance.

We have discussed that in conventional Jewish wisdom, interference with someone’s intimate life is anathema.  In this case the priests were preventing married women from going home to their husbands the same day they arrived, and delaying their resuming this key component of their relationship after an interruption.  Preventing a couple from sleeping together is a tremendous sin.

We can extrapolate (without condoning) that in modern times it is also vile to interfere with a man trying to form an intimate relationship with a woman.  What they do is their own private business, not that of others.

Some men can be motivated, through jealousy or by trying to ingratiate themselves with women, to be a “white knight”, a man who tries to protect women from the advances other men.  Modern women don’t need your protection and are not grateful for it.  However, interfering with someone else’s intimacy is considered as bad as sleeping with a married woman.

The second reason – disrespect for sacrifices – is another piece to the puzzle.  The sons of Eli demanded meat from pilgrims, even before they had completed burning those parts of the animals that must be offered before people can partake in the meat.  They wanted immediate gastronomic satisfaction for themselves, even before finishing the Divine command and helping other men gain atonement.

These two reasons are two sides of a coin.  These priests were fine with making women wait before going home (and to bed) with their husbands.  But they were unwilling to wait to finish the offerings properly before getting their own portion of the meat.

Beware of people who make you wait for what you need, while insisting on getting what they want right away.  This behavior is a strong indication of arrogance and narcissism. 

The Talmud is debating the parameters of ritual contamination being pushed off or waived for a public offering.  Our sages note that the Tzitz, a golden head-plate inscribed “Holy to God” and worn by the High Priest helped to make certain offerings acceptable.

Since we mentioned the Tzitz, our sages give us this gem:

With regard to the Tzitz, which has only one mention of God’s name, the Torah said: “It shall be always upon his forehead,” teaching that that he should never be distracted from it, then your own tefillin (phylacteries), which have numerous mentions of God’s name inside, all the more so you may not be distracted from them.

Tosafot (a commentary from the middle ages) points out that this is not obvious logic, because everyone can see the mention of God’s name inscribed on the Tzitz, while no one can see the names written on parchment inside the tefillin.

There is an amazing lesson here: You may assume that an item with one “name” or important attribute that all can see is more important than another that has many “names” that are hidden inside.  However, this is not the case – your own tefillin are more holy than the Tzitz of the High Priest!

This applies to men as well.  You may see a man bragging about one thing he did well, or one expensive item he owns, or showing off his physique.  He may get a lot of attention and approval for this, and he may well deserve that.

When you identify and take pride in your own accomplishments, you elevate your importance in your eyes.  You may have numerous positive aspects and successes that are not obvious to outsiders. When you realize your own value, you begin to carry yourself with dignity and are perceived by others as valuable as well.

Today the Talmud begins by debating  on how we push aside prohibitions of ritual impurity for a public offering:

Rav Sheshet said: From where do I say that impurity can be overridden? As it was taught: If a priest was standing and sacrificing the omer meal-offering and it became impure in his hand, he says to bring another offering in its stead. And if it was the only meal-offering available there, the other priests say to him: Be smart and keep silent.

If there was nothing else available, and no time to get a pure replacement, we rely on the offering which was contaminated.  But we don’t need to upset everyone by making a spectacle of it.

You probably remember times in your life where you said too much, or responded in a way that kept a fight going instead of holding your tongue.  Our sages states “Speech is worth one coin, silence is worth two” (Megillah 18a).

This is especially valuable when dealing with women.  Women are blessed with an impressive memory for verbal communication, meaning she can remember what you said and use it against you in the future.  Even if she doesn’t recall the exact words, she can relive, on demand, the feelings that she felt in response to the words.

If you are arguing with a woman, you are at am inherent disadvantage. Male brains are wired for action and logic before emotion.  Say as little as possible.  We see from our sages that if the relationship is contaminated already, you don’t need to talk it out in detail.  Learn the lessons from the one that went bad to avoid those problems in the future, and find a replacement that is not impure.

The Talmud returns to the fact that we separate the High Priest for a week prior to Yom Kippur, and explores the question of why we do so.  The sages worry he will sleep with his wife, and then see blood on the cloth used to clean up.  This will render the priest ritually impure for a week due to the possibility she began her period during the intimate act (Lev 15:24).  If they already knew she was having her period they would not be sleeping together (Lev 18:19).

The first thing to note is that even the most holy man in Jewish society was expected to be engaging in intimate relations with his wife.  Abstinence, besides the week of her menstruation, is not a Jewish concept.  Other faiths may require holy men to avoid women, but that has other pitfalls.  Real holiness is not avoiding a critical God-given aspect of human life, but making it something special and meaningful.

The Talmud asks why we are not trying to avoid impurity due to a corpse, which is the most serious contamination and lasts seven days.  However, we have a concept that for public offerings we can push aside (to some extent) the prohibition of the high priest serving while contaminated.

Our sages note that even though corpse contamination poses some problem, טוּמְאַת הַמֵּת לָא שְׁכִיחָא, טוּמְאַת בֵּיתוֹ שְׁכִיחָא. “contamination from a dead body is not common, contamination from his wife is common”.

We are more concerned about his wife starting her period while with him, since this happens every month and we assume a couple is intimate regularly.  A man only dies once (if he is lucky), so what are the chances that happens with the High Priest during that week.

There is a hidden gem of wisdom here.  You should be concerned about dangers that happen regularly, and not worry about what might occur once in a blue moon.  In addition, know that we all make mistakes, this is common.  But usually these mistakes are not fatal or life altering.  So don’t take it too hard when you err, and try to bounce back.

The Talmud discusses a number of practices that were performed when the Tabernacle was inaugurated in the wilderness, and inquires if they were critical for all generations.  Our sages note

“Seven days shall the son that is to serve as High Priest in his stead don them” (Exodus 29:30), I derive only that he who donned the multiple garments of the High Priest for seven days and was anointed seven days assumes the position of High Priest (and may perform the service on Yom Kippur).  However, a Priest who donned the garments for seven days and was anointed for one day, or one who donned the garments for one day and was anointed for seven days is also inaugurated as High Priest; how do we derive that?  The verse states: “Who shall be anointed and who shall be consecrated”; meaning he is appointed High Priest, even if either anointment or donning the garments did not continue for all seven days.

We discussed the importance of the clothing made especially for the Priests.  This represents outer development, a man working on his appearance, physique, or wealth.  He is easily recognized as superior by how he looks.

Oil is absorbed into the skin, and hints to a man working on his inner world: his attitudes, awareness, and social aptitude.  Just as oil becomes part of him and its fragrance is noticed by others, when a man fixes his attitudes and thought patterns this reshapes his personality and how he interacts with others.

A man needs to develop both his outer appearance and inner life.  Our sages teach that even if he did outer work for one day and inner work for seven – or the opposite – he still becomes a well developed man.

A man can display wealth and strength, but if he has not done any work on his attitudes as well, he will be taken advantage of by people who want his resources.  If a man only works on his inner life, that is great for his own life, but he may not get attention from others simply because he does not look important at first glance.

The original anointing oil made by Moses was later hidden away, before the Babylonians destroyed the first Temple.  The Rambam (Maimonides) rules that when there was no anointing oil, a high priest was appointed through wearing the garments.  This is not ideal but still works.

If a man changes his outer factors, and starts looking and dressing better, he will notice that people treat him with more respect.  He then has an opportunity to change his inner attitude about himself based on this new reality.  Our sages describe this method as as “external change arouses inner change”.

If you can’t work on everything, start work on something.  Often if a man begins going to the gym and lifting weights in a serious way, he will find that this develops not only his body, but also his discipline, motivation, and consistency.

The Talmud compares the preparation for Yom Kippur to that of receiving the Torah at Sinai.

Our sages debate why God called Moses into the cloud (Ex 24:16), with one source proposing this was to instill in him a sense of awe of the Creator, so that the Torah would be delivered with reverence, with quaking and with trembling, as it is stated: “Serve the Lord with awe, and rejoice with trembling” (Psalms 2:11).

The Gemara asks: What is the meaning of “and rejoice with trembling”? (Naturally, joy and trembling are contradictory). Rav Adda bar Mattana said that Rav said: Where there is the joy of fulfilling a mitzva, there should be the trembling from the awe of Heaven.

We put some limit on joy, so we don’t get carried away into frivolity or intoxication, and instead harness the energy of joy for useful purposes.

A man should be aware of the complexity of his feelings.  I don’t mean that you need to be more emotional and express your feelings.  It is a feminist agenda that tells men to act like women in that sense.

You already understand that there are times in life when you are both excited and scared. That is why we enjoy roller coasters.  You can be motivated to proceed but wary of what might happen, sad that someone died but relieved their suffering is over.

Men are wired to think before we feel, but it can be dangerous for us to ignore feelings or to recognize only the most dominant feeling and ignore the others.  A man may feel he is “falling in love” and focused on that, and discount a nagging reluctance to proceed.

This secondary feeling could be from your subconscious mind understanding signals that you are not actively thinking about and trying to get your attention.  Focusing only on the primary feeling could leave surprised by red flags you should have noticed.  They were already there, but a strong feeling was undermining your ability to process then intellectually.

Our sages teach, based on King David’s Psalms, that a man can hold multiple emotions simultaneously, and think about the deeper meaning of feelings and use them for a higher purpose.