The Talmud is debating which should be larger, the peace (shlamim) offering or elevation offering (olah).   One of the arguments for giving precedence to the Olah is that it was brought even before the giving of the Torah at Sinai, as in Exodus 24:5.  That verse is interesting as it states that the young men performed the sacrifices.

Exodus 24:5 is one of the verses that were changed by our sages when they were forced by Ptolemy to translate the Bible into Greek.  Ptolemy locked 72 sages in 72 isolation rooms and instructed each to translate the Bible.  They all decided to change the word “youths” in this verse to “officers”, since the Greeks thought religion was for older, accomplished men, not young men.

The verse really connotes that even young men brought this offering in behalf of their whole family if they were the firstborn.  The firstborn son was responsible for making sacrifices prior to the erection of the Tabernacle, when this role passed to the priests (Kohanim).

Why were the Jews bringing this offering anyway?  The had witnessed a Divine revelation and just received word that Moses would be called up the mountain to receive the Law.  This elevation offering was to acknowledge that the entire nation itself was about to become elevated.  The youths were thanking God for the opportunity to learn wisdom and grow spiritually.

When a man learns to appreciate and celebrate opportunities to improve himself, he is much more likely to continue working on himself.  If he starts recognizing chances to become better at a young age, this gives him a great advantage in self development.  It is vital that we train ourselves along with our children and students to seek out opportunities to become greater.

The Talmud cites an amazing incident that we first discussed in Brakhot 62:

Rav Kahana entered and lay beneath Rav’s bed. He heard Rav chatting and laughing with his wife, then “seeing to his needs”, i.e., having relations with her.

In Brakhot the context was that a student should learn about every aspect of life from his Rabbi.  While Rav Kahana was inappropriately inquisitive, his motivation was to learn Torah.  Jewish law applies to all areas of life.

Here in Hagiga the Gemara has just cited a teaching based on Amos 4:13, “For, lo, He Who forms the mountains, and creates the wind, and declares to man what is his speech”.  This means that every word a man says will be used to judge him, even frivolous words said privately between man and wife. 

However, the incident of Rav Kahana under the bed proves that even so, a man may still employ explicit words to set the mood for intimacy.  Rav was chatting, joking, and laughing with his wife. While a man must be careful with his language and avoid dirty words, that concept should be balanced with the need to communicate to enhance sexual intimacy. 

As Rav reminds us, a man should know that while men are primarily visual, women are typically more aroused by verbal cues and communication.  Words can allow a woman to use her imagination to enhance her pleasure. We observe this in modern culture, in which women purchase romance novels.  A man who learns how to communicate on an intimate level can tap into this power as well.

We continue explaining which people are required to go to Jerusalem and the Temple for the holidays.  Among the exempted groups are professional dung gatherers and tanners, who used dung to soften the leather.  While in ancient times they indeed used bathhouses and soaps,  before modern hygiene it was almost impossible to get all the smell out.

These men are exempt because the verse states “all your males” (Ex 23:17), implying men who can be together with everyone else are required to make the pilgrimage.

Men in exceedingly malodorous industries who could become totally clean would be required to go.  However, it was likely that they would become accustomed to their personal odor, not realize how offensive it was, and fail to remove it.

This is an important concept in personal growth.  We all have aspects of our personalities that are offensive to others.  We may simply get used to these behaviors and not even realize that they bother people and undermine our reputations.

It is important to take a break from your daily activities to stop and think objectively about how you act and interact with others.  True, men are never perfectly objective, especially about themselves.  If you forge a habit of using your intellect to question your own assumptions you can overcome some of your innate subjectivity.

Having an outside source of proper behavior helps religious people compare themselves to an objective ideal.  You can make a list of skills and traits you need to accomplish your mission life, and work towards internalizing those.

A higher level is to get a coach or rabbi to give you advice.  If you want to get better at a sport, you can hire a trainer to help and hold you accountable.  Why not do the same for your behavior?  A simple example would be to tell a friend that you will give him five dollars if you pick your nose in public.

The Talmud is explaining the types of people who are not required to go on pilgrimage to Jerusalem.  The Mishnah listed someone who is insane, so the Gemara seeks to define what this means.

Our sages cite a teaching: Who is considered lacking a sound mind? One who goes out alone at night, one who sleeps in a cemetery, one who rends his garment. 

Rav Huna said: not until there are all of these signs at the same time. Rabbi Yoḥanan said: even one of these.

The Gemara explains that a person might have rational reasons for doing any one of these odd activities (maybe he wants to engage in necromancy, needs to cool off, or was lost in thought).  But if he does all three, this is certainly a sign he is not well.  Alternatively, if he keeps doing one crazy thing such as losing his possessions over and over again, this is surely insanity.

We should be aware that everyone has little quirks.  Some people cope with stress in ways you may think are crazy, while to that person their behavior is quite reasonable.

Instead of judging a person based on one behavior in a specific setting, look for patterns.  Men have an innate ability to recognize patterns and draw conclusions from our observations.

When a man is entering a romantic relationship, the rush of emotions can undermine his intellectual acumen and he may miss indicators that would normally help him realize patterns.  A man might see only the red dress and miss the red flags.  It is especially important during exciting phases of life to slow down and let your mind work properly.

Mazal tov on beginning tractate Hagiga, the last tractate of “Moed”, the section of the Talmud about the Sabbath and holidays.  After Moed we will, God willing, begin “Nashim”, the study of women and marriage.

Hagiga contains laws relevant to going to Jerusalem for the holidays, and the first Mishnah lists the people requires to go.  Some of the exempt are the disabled who cannot walk, those who are not of sound mind, and children.

This teaches that any man who can walk to the Temple must do so.  If you can make progress with your own power, you must do the work.  It is often tempting to rest and let other men accomplish, but you cannot grow and become a greater man this way.  Use the abilities you have and put them to good use.

The Mishnah asks “who is a child” for this law.  This is odd since a boy becomes a man at age 13, his Bar Mitzvah.  He is child beforehand.  However, since the Torah mentions bringing children for festivals, apparently there are some children who should be taken up by their parents.

According to the academy of Shammai, any child too young to ride on his father’s shoulders to go up from Jerusalem to the Temple is exempt.  Per the academy of Hillel, a child too young to hold his father’s hand for the trip does not need to go.  So this child must be old enough to walk independently.

The Hebrew word for child is “katan”, literally small.  The Mishnah is not merely teaching about children, but by implication even a grown man who cannot work with other men suffers from smallness.  If he doesn’t realize he needs guidance from wiser men for his own personal growth, he will always remain small.  This is often a product of a man feeling that he is already great and doesn’t need help.

It is vital to seek out men who have experience and wisdom who can teach you, even if you must humble yourself to accept their wisdom and apply it to your own life.  Thinking that you are too big to get a hand from other men will leave you trapped in a permanent small-minded childlike state.

Mazal tov on completing Moed Katan.  On the last Daf, our sages reveal an amazing approach to life:

Rabbi Levi bar Ḥayyata said: One who departs from the deceased should not say to him: Go to peace, but rather he should say: Go in peace.
One who departs from the living should not say to him: Go in peace, but rather he should say: Go to peace.

One who departs from the deceased should not say to him: Go to peace, but rather: Go in peace, as it is stated: “And you shall go to your fathers in peace; you shall be buried in a good old age” (Genesis 15:15).

One who departs from the living should not say to him: Go in peace, but rather: Go to peace, as David said to Absalom: “Go in peace” (II Samuel 15:9), and he went and was later hanged; Jethro said to Moses: “Go to peace” (Exodus 4:18), and he went and was successful.

Peace also means completeness, “shlemut”.  Go to peace implies go towards whatever makes you complete as a man.  Nimukei Yosef explains that when a person is alive there is always more that he needs to do to accomplish, to strive for completeness.  Therefore the statement go to peace is really a blessing that you should go on and do more in life.

However, “go in peace” implies that the man is already complete and does not need to do anything else in life.  When a person dies, whatever he has already accomplished is what he has.  There is nothing he can do to become a more complete man anymore.  This is a truly scary thought.

So how do you go towards peace?   The first step is to analyze your life and decide where and how to find your personal completeness.  Every man, if he wants, can find his own mission in this world, his own niche and area he can make a difference.

We should be aware that modern society pushes men to consume, conform and create wealth for others.  The mainstream culture often smothers sparks of individuality and passion.  When your eyeballs and brains are glued to entertainment and media, you are not free to think about and pursue your own mission.

Now, not everyone can be an entrepreneur or totally independent; Maybe you do have to work for someone else to get a paycheck.  Okay, what do you do with your own time?  What would you do if you didn’t have to work?  Do that now with every spare moment.

Being alive is a responsibility to harness your intellectual powers to plan and move towards your own goals.  When you reach your final rest you only have whatever you created will living.  Start living today.

We have one more day of Moed Katan, and the Talmud discusses helpful attitudes towards death.  First, the Gemara cites our sage Rava: Length of life, children, and sustenance do not depend on one’s merit, but only hang upon fate (Mazal).

Rava brings an example of this concept: Rabba and Rav Hisda were both pious, both could pray during a drought and rain would fall.  However, Rav Hisda lived for ninety-two years, whereas Rabba lived for only forty years. The house of Rav Hisda celebrated sixty wedding feasts, whereas the house of Rabba suffered sixty calamities.

Later sages point out that in other places the Gemara states that there is no “Mazal” in the sense of fate.  Sometimes Mazal is used to convey what we would call wherewithal or awareness in English.  However, this Gemara highlights the tension between free will and fate.

Many areas of life are under our control and therefore require our hard work and careful planning.  But not everything is up to us.  It is important for our mental health that we accept the items we cannot change, but continue to strive to improve what we can.

Obviously our sages put in the effort to maintain their health even though they knew that ultimately their lifespan was not in their control.  That should be obvious, the wisdom here is to identify the areas you can directly influence and do all you can to succeed.

Rabbi Meir would cite the verse “It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for that is the end of all men; and the living will take it to his heart” (Ecclesiastes 7:2).  Rabbi Meir explains that a man who participates in burial, eulogizing, and comforting mourners will realize that if during his lifetime he makes this effort, then when he passes on others will do so for him as well.

This may sound overly practical and logical, as if our reaction to death becomes a quid pro quo.  On one level, attending a funeral is pure giving, since you cannot get something back from the deceased.  But other men are watching and judging.  The idea is that a man should know that once he passes on, he is completely at the mercy of others.  Men are practical; they will treat him according to how he treated for others in his lifetime.

It is important that you invest your time and energy into people who are willing to repay.  Don’t throw your effort away on people who are merely takers or are looking for what they can get out of you now.

Parents give everything to their children, not to get something in return, but to enable them to grow into functional adults and raise children of their own.  When you help other men, know that perhaps their giving back will not be to you personally, but to the next generation.  Your students should go on to become teachers.  The highest level of kindness is giving that will not be repaid.

The Talmud notes that in ancient times, funerals became something of a spectacle.  The wealthy would bring food to mourners in silver or gold baskets, drink from expensive crystal, and carry the body on an expensive leather couch.

It got to the point where the poor were embarrassed and tempted to leave their family member by the side of the road for someone else to bury.  We recall from Daf 5 that a dignified burial is a Jewish innovation, so social pressure for fancy funerals became a serious problem.

Seeing this struggle to keep up with the neighbors, our sages instituted that everyone should bring the meal in baskets of peeled willow branches, drink from simple cups, and the like.  Still people would clothe their family members in expensive shrouds until Rabban Gamliel left instructions that he be taken out for burial in cheap linen garments.  Seeing a wealthy sage waive his honor, the people adopted this practice as well.

We should be aware that modern society excels in conspicuous consumption.  Often a man will buy a car, a watch, or the like because he wants to display his wealth.  A woman will be fine with her kitchen until she sees that the neighbor is getting new cabinets and marble counters in her kitchen.

This is not to say that we should reject materialism.  Rather, before buying and upgrade, stop and ask why.  Are you making purchases to imitate someone else or flaunt your money?  Is the new item truly more useful or durable than what you have now?

In Jewish wisdom we don’t spurn wealth but we use it for appropriate goals.  A man buys a nice suit because his looking sharp shows he honors the Sabbath and holidays.  A woman decorates her home in order to feel comfortable inviting guests and putting them at ease.

Remind yourself of your real mission.  Making purchases to advance your goals is fine, but don’t let purchasing items become your goal.  Things are only a means, not an ends.

The Talmud discusses and brings sources for “kriyah” the rending or tearing of a garment when one hears about a death or calamity.

One of the scriptural sources is the prophet Elisha ripping his garment when Elijah the prophet left the world (II Kings 2:12).  The Gemara notes that Elijah did not actually die but was taken up in a chariot of fire.  It is possible that this refers to a spaceship.  However, since Elijah never returned to Elisha, Elisha was deeply affected by the loss as if he was dead.

Elijah returned to earth hundreds of years later and appeared to various ancient sages over multiple generations.  Jewish custom states that Elijah also visits, though not in physical form, every Passover Seder and circumcision.

The Talmud details the rules of kriyah, including that the rips made for a parent may not be mended after the mourning is complete.  This is interesting because Jewish law requires that we not waste what God gives us.  This is a concept called “bal tash’hit” meaning do not waste or do not destroy, based on Deuteronomy 20:19-20.

So why do we require tearing up perfectly good clothing?  This destruction is actually for a useful purpose.  The point of mourning is to work through the grief,  express the sadness, and appreciate what you lost.  Intense emotions require expression, so they do not remain bottled up inside causing harm and distraction.  Sometimes the only real way to get that feeling out is destructive.

While we pride ourselves on being rational and intellectual creatures, we should not underestimate the power of pure emotion, especially such as is evoked by profound loss.  Jewish law gives us an expression in tearing clothing as an outlet, but forbids ripping out one’s hair or inflicting other injuries in response to death.  We want to be able to channel our destructive feelings in a permitted way, which allows us to express our what is in our hearts without causing serious damage.

A man should be conscious of the destructive potential of intense emotion, both in himself and others, and work to control it.  Our sages (Talmud, Shabbat 105b) teach that breaking items out of anger is akin to idol worship.

On today’s Daf our sages also mention that we do not always tell a family member that their relative passed, if they are very sick or elderly and cannot tolerate this news.  If they are told more than 30 days after the death, then they will only need to observe one day of mourning.

In modern society men are told to share an communicate everything.  This is not good advice and assumes that men should adopt female characteristics.  You don’t always need to share.  As the Talmud reminds us, sometimes telling the news is harmful instead of helpful.

Some people share their feelings to make themselves feel better, when they are actually taking the load off themselves and putting in onto their partner.  Why give someone else pain to make yourself feel better?  If there is  way the other person can actually help your situation then don’t put it on them and try to make someone else responsible for your feelings.

The Talmud cites a truly frightening teaching:

For what reason do a person’s sons and daughters die when they are young? So that he will cry and mourn over an upright person.

The Gemara explains that intent is that if one did not mourn for an upright person, then God forbid his young children may suffer.  A man may lose his minor children because of his own sins (once they are legally of age they are responsible for themselves).  Mourning over an upright man, called “Adam kasher” (cognate of kosher), brings forgiveness and thus protects his children.  “Adam kasher” is defined in Shulchan Arukh, Yoreh De’ah 340:6 as a man not suspected of sin, who does not neglect any duty, and maintains a good reputation.

One of my own rabbis suggested that this Gemara is teaching a powerful method of educating children.  If a parent respects a man enough to mourn for him even though he is not related, this shows the children that such a man should be emulated.  Therefore, paying respects to a good man teaches children to emulate such a man.

We can understand this Gemara to mean that if a parent does not provide good role models for children, this stunts their growth.  They may be alive biological but since they don’t have a good man to look up to, they have stopped growing spiritually and intellectual and remain on the level of children.  Not growing is akin to death.

A parent or leader should be conscious of the people he deems important and worthy of emulating, because his children or disciples will follow this example.  Elevating men who are poor role models will have a negative impact on your own success.