This week we begin studying the final book of the five books of Moses, which comprise the oldest and key portion of the Bible. This book and the first portion in it are called “Devarim” in Hebrew, meaning Words; Deuteronomy in common parlance.
You will notice a significant shift in tone and, if you read ancient Hebrew, differences in language and syntax used. This is because the book of Words is Moses’ parting instructions to the Jewish nation before they would enter the Promised Land. This is Moses speaking to us, not Moses relaying God’s messages. While Moses was the greatest prophet, these words are Moses’, and not God’s.
Devarim summarizes some key events in Jewish history, including the sending of the spies to the holy land and the tragic fallout from that error, the wars against the nations next to Israel, and the allotment of land to Reuven, Gad, and part of Menashe on the east bank of the Jordan.
Moses refers to some specific locations to give rebuke to the Jewish people, pointing out where they went wrong and can improve: “in the wilderness” refers to their provoking God in Exodus 16:3, “on the plain” hints to sinning with Moavite women and the idol Baal Peor, “di zahav” references the building of the golden calf. Rashi (to 1:1) points out that Moses made it a point to speak directly to every man, so no one could later claim “if I had been there I would have answered his rebuke”.
Moses invited them to answer and justify themselves if they could; they could not. A leader needs to be to the point, and address problems directly. A man deserved to speak face to face, not hear it through the grapevine. This is a masculine style of communication. However, Moses did refer to some of these sins in hint form. Every Jewish man knew the mistake that were made along the way to Israel, Moses did not need to specify them.
There is a balance between pointing out mistakes and rubbing a man’s nose in them. Moses wanted the Jewish men to recognize they are fallible and be aware of this when entering the Holy Land, but at the same time he was not trying to shame them.
A leader, be it an employer, supervisor, a husband or father, needs to be aware of the delicate balance between rebuking misdeeds and shaming another person. A shortsighted parenting technique (that I have heard is commonly employed by single mothers) is to tell a child “good boys keep their room clean” or the like.
The boy with the messy room hears the implied shaming: you are not a good boy; you will only be a good boy if you make mommy happy. He fears, subconsciously, that if he is not a “good boy” by mommy’s definition, then she will cut off her love and support.
A mother’s parenting methods should not undermine her bond of unconditional love. When mothers try to fill the role of both parents they fail. A child needs a man and woman in his life, they were created with different strengths to fill different roles. This boy raised by a shaming mother grows up trying to please the women in his life so he can be a “good boy” in her eyes.
This can create tremendous anxiety in modern men who are in this feminist frame. Some men assume if they just clean their room, wash the dishes, pay for the house etc. they will win her love. More than just that, they don’t want to feel the shame of being a bad boy to her.
Instead, a leader should focus on the deeds, not the people. We have an amazing example of this approach:
On Brakhot page 10 the Talmud brings a famous story: there were uneducated low life thugs in Rabbi Meir’s neighborhood giving him (any everyone) trouble. He prayed for mercy that they would die. His wife, hearing this, quotes Psalm 104:35 to him: “Let sins cease from the earth”.
She points out that King David did not write sinners, but sins, and that if these sinners die, won’t there be other sinners? Rather, it is appropriate to pray for the removal of sins, not these men. So Rabbi Meir instead prays that their sins stop and that they receive divine mercy. This works. The men change for the better…
We are all created with an urge to sin. This is by design. Our sages teach us that we have this challenge in order to overcome temptation and reach our potential. The point is not that we make a mistake and then self identify as a “sinner”. A famous Chassidic master, the Baal Shem Tov, explained: “more than the evil inclination wants men to sin, it wants men to feel guilty and sad after their sins”.
Feeling shame and guilt is incredibly emasculating. It removes our energy and leads to anxiety, fear of making more mistakes, and depression. Don’t shame yourself, fix yourself and improve. Likewise, if a person is using shaming tactics on you, don’t go on their guilt trip.
Shame and guilt are powerful but blunt tools. The person wielding them never learned to use positive and specific interpersonal tools to get their needs met. When the only emotional tool she has is this hammer, you look like a nail to her. The woman who is quick to place shame and guilt is one to avoid, as she has revealed her own lack of emotional development.
“You shall rebuke your neighbor, but not do a sin in the process.” (Leviticus 19:17). Moses, the most humble man ever, did not hold back from rebuking the men of Israel, but he did not shame them. The goal was to make them aware and spiritually sensitive to their capacity to err, since they would face new challenges in the holy land.
Our sages teach us that rebuke is a difficult commandment: if the other person will simply get defensive and not accept the criticism, then you should not be the critic. If your goal is to shame someone, or make them live up to your demands, you are not fulfilling God’s commandment. As a man and a leader, you need to offer critique only when it will work to help your fellow improve himself.
Judges
Moses describes how he could not singlehandedly judge the Jewish people and appointed additional judges. Lest we think Moses was complaining there are too many Jews to manage, he gives the Jewish people a blessing they should increase even more (1:11). The need for more judges is a reminder that the Jewish people are famously stubborn and argumentative. The Bible calls us a “stiff necked people” Exodus 32:9. Keep this in mind when dealing with us.
While in Jewish law negotiation and compromise are promoted, the Jews still needed many judges to settle disputes: “So I took the heads of your tribes, men wise and well known, and I made them heads over you, leaders over thousands, leaders over hundreds, leaders over fifties, and leaders over tens, and officers, over your tribes” (Deut 1:15).
This means every thousand men had a judge, but also every 100, every 50, and even every 10. A judge for every ten Jews! It is amazing that they had so many judges and court officers. A significant number of the men of ancient Israel were judges, exercising responsibility over their brothers and resolving disputes.
There is a wisdom here for modern men. Too often, parts of our life are left to autopilot without our supervisions and awareness. We have so much going on that we forget to check in on people, tasks, and even missions we need to accomplish.
You need to appoint judges over your own life, over each area. This can be as simple as setting a timer so you don’t devote too much time to one task when you have other pots on the fire. It could mean befriending men at the gym to lift with, who will hold you accountable when you have bad form and motivate you to push more iron.
Most of all, you must take responsibility for your own life and actions. At the end of the day, you have no one to answer to except yourself (and God if you are a man of faith). This gives you real freedom, but also true responsibility. Your failures are your own.
Moses notes “And I commanded your judges at that time, saying, “Hear [disputes] between your brothers…” 1:16. Even when they were arguing they were brothers. Again, Jewish judges would urge the parties to compromise. When you view the other side as your brother, this becomes easier.
Part of the failure of the modern American criminal “justice” system is in treating men worse than animals. This is possible because police, courts, and opposing litigants consider these men as their enemy, not as a human being. We touched on this point regarding the misunderstood ancient Jewish justice system, which does not imprison people:
The Jewish criminal was never ostracized from society and branded as other, never labelled a con. The Jewish police and courts treated him as a human being, the Torah commands them to treat him as a brother even after he is convicted. There was no police brutality, no beatings, no coerced confessions, no men “accidently” dying in police custody.
The police and judges in the ancient Biblical society did not have an us VS them mentality regarding the criminals. They were men from their own tribe, their extended family. The state did not brand men as outsiders, agents of the state did not murder men or crush their souls in the name of justice.
You should be aware when you consider another man to be your enemy. Sometimes men make others into an enemy when he could have become a friend, or at least neutral. You don’t need to push people around or show off.
Another dangerous possibility is treating people who already consider you as their enemy as friends. If someone is out to shame you or undermine you, you don’t need to give them the benefit of the doubt and try to justify yourself. You don’t need to win the approval of people who identify as your enemy.
Courage
And I commanded Joshua at that time, saying, “Your eyes have seen all that the Lord, your God, has done to these two kings. So will the Lord do to all the kingdoms through which you will pass. Do not fear them, for it is the Lord, your God, Who is fighting for you.” 3:21-22
When you think back to what challenges you have faced and overcome already in life, you can gain the courage to face new problems.
Red Pill Rabbi 