Pirke Avot 6:6

Greater is learning Wisdom than the priesthood and than royalty, for royalty is acquired by thirty stages, and the priesthood by twenty-four, but Wisdom by forty-eight tools :

Tool #13: בְּיִשּׁוּב with a settled mind

We rush into decisions, thinking we are fully aware of the pros and cons.  Sometimes we mull over an important life choice then, frustrated by the effort it takes, flip a coin.  Or make no decision, just kicking the can down the road.  Some men are even thinking primarily with something not in their brain.  They rush into relationships and commitments for sexual access, and these commitments come back to haunt them.  Our lives are not TV shows or games, the decisions we make are serious with lasting consequences.

Tool 13 literally means with sitting, this word also means to settle.  Our sages mean that we need to learn to settle our mind and make deliberate, thoughtful decisions.  In conventional Judaism we have a concept that anything important should be repeated four times on the spot.  In the days when paper and books were extravagantly expensive, our sages committed vast amounts of information to memory.  When they heard new wisdom they would get it down pat and repeat it four times to get it into their mental system.  (This is just the beginning, our sages discuss the reward for reviewing 40 times in Pesachim 72a, and debate the merits of reviewing wisdom 100 times versus 101 times, Chagiga 9b).  My own Rabbi told us that the four times are the four steps of planting wheat:

1. Plowing – Merely “breaking up the soil”, breaking down the idea so you can work with it
2. Planting – Now the idea begins to make sense and you plant the seed idea in your mind
3. Harvesting – With the idea being considered in your mind, you can begin to come to an understanding of what it really means
4. Digesting – Finally, you apply the idea to yourself and use it in the real world to nourish your life

In conventional Judaism we also teach to review the day at night before you sleep, to go over new information you learned and important events.  We have another concept of reviewing each month and year, before the day of atonement.  In our hectic modern lives we don’t often have time to reflect on daily events.  This is critically important to avoid becoming lobsters.  You can place a lobster into a pot of water and turn the heat on.  The lobster wont try to escape, he wont even notice as the temperature rises.  He slowly boils alive without a peep.  Plenty of men get used to bad relationships and messy situations because they don’t stop and notice what is going on.  If you don’t take time to process your thoughts and emotions about negative issues in your life, you will just let them continue.

Being deliberate is not just in thought but in speech.  Think before you open your mouth.  Letting your mouth run without proper planning can get you in a lot of trouble.  If you learn to speak from a settled mind you also avoid expressing anger and coming off as hurt and childish.  First settle yourself emotionally, think about the message you need to send, prepare to speak, and say what they need to hear.  You will come across as in control of yourself, because you will be in control of yourself, even if other people are trying to make you lose your cool.

In this generation we are used to a fast pace of life, thinking, and speaking.  There is an incredible advantage in developing a deliberate style.

 

 

 

 

Amazing incident in today’s page of Talmud:

The Gemara relates: Rav Avya visited Rava’s house.  His shoes were dirty with mud and he put them up on the coach before Rava.  Rava became angry at him, and sought to torment him with questions that he could not answer.

They begin a heated intellectual argument about handling dirty items on the Sabbath.  There is an unspoken subtext here.  Later in the Gemara on daf 124 (but earlier in time) Rava states that on Shabbat you can handle a shard or broken pottery to scrape mud off your shoes.  Rav Avya disagreed with this.  So he walks into Rava’s house with mud on his shoes to show that he disagrees.  Rava, instead of just telling him to get your shoes off the coach, tries to stump him and undermine his legal ruling. Their fight was kept on the intellectual and legal level.

 

For modern men, we need to be aware when we are being passive aggressive or indirect. Sometimes we need to handle our problems face on and be blatant about our problems with someone else.

Pirke Avot 6:6

Greater is learning Wisdom than the priesthood and than royalty, for royalty is acquired by thirty stages, and the priesthood by twenty-four, but Wisdom by forty-eight tools :

Tool #12: וּבְפִלְפּוּל הַתַּלְמִידִים discussion of the students

Discussing with students implies there is a teacher or leader.  The word Pilpul is strangely cognate to pepper, perhaps to convey that this is not ordinary teaching or oration but is spiced up through group dynamics.  This is interactive.  Following on Tool #11, sharpening your ideas with your friends, is our tool, which requires you to give over your ideas to others.

Teaching requires a deeper understanding than learning.  It also requires you to be willing to put yourself in front of others as a teacher.  You understand the difference between merely sitting in the back row of your high school math class and being called up to solve the equation on the board in front of the class, explaining every step of your work.  To teach you need to really learn your topic, but also learn how to give it over, a meta level above the simple subject matter at hand.  As our sages state “Much have I learned from my teachers, more from my colleagues, but most from my students.”

When you have a certain skill, insight, or wisdom about how the world works, you have a moral obligation to teach it.  You can save lives, this may be literal if you are teaching medicine, but teaching your point of view may help other men to better utilize their own talents or to make positive changes that can save their lives.  If you have been working with all the tools so far, you have an appreciation of the wisdom you have, the definition you have developed.  You have some clarity about life.  When you see other men struggling, perhaps with the same issues you have dealt with,  then if you can reach them and show them something helpful you should.

When you teach, don’t be boring, don’t lecture, don’t criticize.  Be funny, interesting, exciting.  Teach by example and with practical information.  Decide what concept you need to convey and think about how best to give it over.  Different subjects require various methods.  Pinpoint the specific idea you need to teach, don’t waste people’s time.
Be aware of your students, your audience.  Our sages choose their words carefully, the Mishnah states this tool is “discussion with THE students”.  You, as the mentor, take care to select the specific students who can benefit from your message.  Don’t waste time trying to guide men who are not receptive.  Then tailor your methods to the individual men you are teaching and their needs.

Naturally, you want your ideas to change people, to bring them to action.  Teach what they can accomplish by applying your concepts.  Lead by example, show them what they can attain in the real world, not the ivory tower.  Rabbi Ishmael the son of Rabbi Yossi would say: One who learns Wisdom in order to teach, is given the opportunity to both learn and teach. One who learns in order to do, is given the opportunity to learn, teach, observe and do (Pirke Avot 3:5).  We will see more about this in Tool 47: learn in order to do.

In summation, teaching is a continuation of your learning, bringing it into the real world and impacting others.

 

 

We have a concept in the laws of Shabbat called muktzeh, set aside.  We do not handle these items during the Sabbath.  This is a complex area of Jewish law with multiple categories and exceptions.

Today, among other things, we discuss the status of fruits that are put aside to dry.  Fresh fruit of course is usable food, as is dry fruit.  It is that in between state we are concerned with.  Often these were put up on the roof to dry, out of sight and out of mind.

However, even fresh fruit and other foods can be set aside and become muktzeh, if it is hung in a sukkah (the hut built on the holiday of Sukkot) as decoration.  Then the man hanging the fruits and foods has through his action set these aside for the duration of the holiday as muktzeh.

The wisdom here is you can set things (projects, tasks, people) aside in multiple ways.  They can be out of sight out of mind, and you basically ignore them.  But every once in a while you remember that thing you need to get to, eventually…  This takes up mental space.  Or, the tasks you set aside can be right there in front of you, but you have actively paused them for a certain time.  Setting a specific time to get to it can help clear your mind, as you know you will accomplish it when the time is right.

Pirke Avot 6:6

Greater is learning Wisdom than the priesthood and than royalty, for royalty is acquired by thirty stages, and the priesthood by twenty-four, but Wisdom by forty-eight tools :

Tool #11: בְּדִקְדּוּק חֲבֵרִים with getting it precise with friends

It’s difficult to translate this phrase; “dikduk” means precision or exactitude, or to sharpen, so our sages are telling us we need to develop precision with friends as a tool for life.  The intent is to use your friends to refine and develop your ideas and plans.  You can work on your ideas and improve upon them, but you need other people to clarify and perfect them.

We have a concept in conventional Jewish culture that two are better than one.  “Tovim Shnaim Min HaEchad,” “Two are better than one.”  A second set of eyes, ears, and another mind to consider reality helps you to clarify what is going on.  Often men get wrapped up in their own subjective reality and lose track of what is real.

The first thing is that you need to find quality friends, who can give you an honest assessment of your ideas.  Often in your life your friends are people you happen to get thrown together with, such as roommates or guys you meet out at night.  You can start with these and winnow them down to the men who are interested in self development.  And you can find more friends by talking out your plans for self improvement with the guys around you.  Men who are also into personal growth will be receptive to hearing about your own work.  Men who don’t like the idea they have to improve may mock your plans.  Men who want to find the truth, even if it means they need to change.  You also need men who are loyal and won’t reveal ideas you share in confidence.

Then you want to start debating your ideas with your friends, not arguing, but defining your terms and asking if they agree or have a different definition.  Even if you do agree, you can refine your ideas by saying “yes, but what about…”  If you and your group are committed to sharpening your idea set and finding the truth, this won’t bother them.  You are not looking to argue, but to get clarity.  Sometimes contradicting your friend is the way to work out the reality.

There is an amazing true story in Jewish culture, in the Talmud (Bava Metzia 85) about Rabbi Yochanon and Reish Lakish, his friend, brother in law, and study partner.  When Reish Lakish died (as a punishment for insulting the honor of Rabbi Yochanon), the latter was inconsolable and unable to learn and teach.  They found him another study partner, the most brilliant scholar available. Rabbi Yochanon was not impressed, saying “he is so sharp that when I make a legal statement he can come up with 24 different proofs that what I’m saying is correct.  But when I studied with Reish Lakish, he would bring 24 proofs that I was wrong.”

Build a cadre of loyal friends to pursue truth and use one another to sharpen and hone your ideas, plans, and dreams into realities.

 

 

Gentlemen, an interesting insight in today’s learning:

We compare the opinions of various ancient rabbis regarding what we call “muktzeh” meaning items we do not move on Shabbat due to rabbinic restrictions designed to help us avoid desecrating Shabbat.  There are various categories of muktzeh, and not all of our sages agreed to all of these categories.

In our learning today, we see that Rabbi Shimon does not agree to muktzeh due to dirtiness, the Gemara states “Rabbi Shimon does not hold of muktzeh”.  Now obvious he agrees in many other categories, but since Rabbi Shimon’s legal opinion was so different than that of his contemporaries, the Gemara states a sort of exaggerated language, implying he does not agree to the entire concept of muktzeh.

The wisdom here is to be aware of how similar or different your opinions are from the mainstream.  In some areas of life you need to cut with the grain, but for other issue you must go against the flow.  Even a small difference from a widely accepted opinion may cause you to appear to others as if you are completely alien from their assumptions.  Your actual disagreement may be small, but if it is about a critical facet of life it will look as if you are rejecting their entire framework of life.

Be mindful of how your chosen personal goals, boundaries, and plans diverge from those of others.  Then you can plan accordingly, for example knowing in advance that you need to be extra vigilant to enforce a certain boundary that most people don’t.

Pirke Avot 6:6

Greater is learning Wisdom than the priesthood and than royalty, for royalty is acquired by thirty stages, and the priesthood by twenty-four, but Wisdom by forty-eight tools :

Tool #9: בְּשִׁמּוּשׁ חֲכָמִים  with serving wise men

Conventional Jewish culture famously values academic learning, but also informs us that we need hands on experience to apply our learning and gain deeper understanding.  The serving wise men our sages speak of means following a wise man and learning from his activities and interactions outside the classroom.  Typically the student apprentice was also serving as personal assistant to the sage.

If you have decided that you want to pursue wisdom or learn a certain topic, you don’t just need a book.  You need a man who has mastered that topic.  My own rabbi gave us a great example.  If you want to learn to fly, you can read books and try a flight simulator.  Or you can talk to an experienced pilot, find out how he learned, how he developed his skills, and watch him fly a plane.  This example generalizes, if you see a man who is good at life, has his stuff together, has positive relationships, you go and see what it is he is doing right.  You ask him, get his insight, and find out how to develop these skills.  You want him to give you a solid path to hands on skills.

The first challenge here is to find a wise man who has the wisdom you want.  These days there are a lot of people online selling you their master plan for life.  Even if it is a good plan, it was their plan, not your own.  You need to take the time and effort to develop your own ideas of what works for your personal situation.  In addition, people who are trying to sell you their life plan have a vested interest in making their life sound ideal.  They may be obscuring the reality of their personal lives to get your buy in.  This is a concept we have touched on before in Daily dose of wisdom, Brakhot 51: vet your guru, women’s emotions.  This is why our sages emphasize not just acquiring wisdom but spending a significant amount of time with the wise man.  You will get to see if his life matches his teachings.  Does he practice what he preaches?  It would be deeply dishonest if he does not.  If he has intellectual credentials but doesn’t get hands on live with his ideas, he isn’t a guru for you.

When it is hard to find a solid mentor, become your own teacher.  Think about what you have learned from life in the past 5 years.  If you could go back in time 5 years and tell yourself something for just 10 minutes, what you that be?  This is a way to focus on the wisdom you have already attained, to summarize and internalize it.  The key again is to apply your wisdom.

While it is out of style nowadays, try asking people older than yourself.  By virtue of their years they have had at least the chance to acquire more wisdom for living.  In conventional Jewish culture young people even rely on their elders for input in dating and marriage.  This is practically unheard of in mainstream culture, but you can still take a look around for men who are making their relationships work for them and see what they are doing.

Our sages say to serve the wise man.  This could mean becoming an apprentice and doing hands on practice.  But it can also be as simple as buying the man with the expertise you need a drink.  Give him some honor and respect, show that you value his knowledge and experience.  He will be more willing to share it and help you get a leg up.

Another aspect of this is to realize you need wisdom.  This takes some humility and perspective.  You have to know that you don’t know it all.  Consider how much you can gain by being open to new perspectives and asking for advice.

Our sages instituted that we do not move certain items during the Sabbath, to prevent Jews from coming to do Biblically forbidden labor on the Sabbath and to ensure we are enjoying the Sabbath.

One of these items is a corpse.  However, our sages realized the importance to family members of treating a corpse respectfully.  Therefore they made certain exemptions, which allow people to get a corpse moved indirectly from the sun into the shade (keep in mind this is long before refrigeration).  Why didn’t the sages simply say that the rules about not moving items did not apply at all?  While our sages recognize the power of emotions, they wanted the family members to realize the importance of the Sabbath, and only move the corpse indirectly.  They knew that people could think clearly and follow the rules even when grieving over their dear departed family member.

However, in the event of a fire, our sages said it is better to allow moving the corpse directly.  The family member will be thinking of his loved one being burnt (God forbid) and instead of moving the corpse (a Rabbinic prohibition) he will come to put out the fire itself (a Biblical transgression).

This shows us that our sages understood a profound concept.  When people are emotionally attached to something, we need to factor that in when applying intellectual concepts and rules to them.  Usually, even when there are strong feelings involved, people can follow logical rules.  However, we need to account for urgent emotional situations as well, when many people will be unable to stop and think about the intellectual concepts.  You need to realize that even though people may seem logical most of the time, there are certain events that triggers a purely emotional response.  Plan ahead.

Let’s revisit yesterday’s concept about heat and frame.

There is a twist: a vessel, such as a soup pot, that was heated on the fire is a primary vessel.  Even off the fire you cannot add cold items into the pot while it is still hot.  A secondary vessel, which has hot food poured into it from the primary, has less power to cook, so you can add cold items during the Sabbath.

The Shulchan Aruch (a code of Jewish law) in OC 318 concludes that in a secondary vessel, that was never on the fire, you can add in cold items.  However, for a primary vessel even off the fire, you cannot add cold items, unless you pour in a large amount of cold at once, which will instantly decrease the heat and thereby prevent cooking the addition.

Naturally, this twist also applies to your emotional state.  You are (or should be) like a primary vessel, with your own internal heat, your solid psychological frame.  You develop your personal framework of your chosen values, expectations, and boundaries.  You establish personal power over your life.  People who come into your frame change to match your level, not changing you.  Your heat changes them.

However, you need to be aware that when you are off the ‘fire’, others can change you by adding more and more cold to dampen your emotional heat.  Your frame can be overwhelmed and submerged.  Be aware of when this happens or may soon happen, so you can get back onto your personal heat source and regroup, restoring your frame.  You cannot be “on” 100% of the time, you need to rest and recoup.  Keep track of your personal energy and your ability to set the frame with others.

 

Pirke Avot 6:6

Greater is learning Wisdom than the priesthood and than royalty, for royalty is acquired by thirty stages, and the priesthood by twenty-four, but Wisdom by forty-eight tools :

Tool #9: בְּטָהֳרָה with purity

Purity has a religious connotation as well, and the Bible does describe ritual contamination and purity in detail.  In the context of a tool for Life, our sages use purity in the sense of becoming engrossed in your chosen task with total focus.  Conventional Judaism puts a high value on the ability to focus with single-minded devotion, especially on prayer and learning wisdom.

Tool 9 follows on fear since often fear shocks us into concentration.  You see it in college students the night before the final exam.  They can focus now, unlike the rest of the semester.  You see it in young women approaching 30, that magic number where if they don’t have a husband lined up, their chances of locking a man down plummet.  It helps to realize when people have been scared into focus, you can realize where they are coming from and consider their motivations.  In the case of the young women, this realization can prevent you from getting locked down (or help you to ensure you get locked down if that is your decision).

Typically, especially in modern society, we are told to multitask, and that is considered a virtue.  For uncomplicated tasks, that may be accurate.  But men, you are in the midst of the most important task ever: your life.  To be the master of your own destiny, you need to have the clarity and focus that comes with purity of thought.  What are you living for?  What is your goal?  Is that your own goal, or society’s plan for you as a cog in the machine?
Deciding your mission in life, and making sure this is your own decision and not someone else’s desire for you, requires your utmost focus.

We have a concept in conventional Judaism or declaring our intent, for example before prayer we make a statement that we are about to pray to fulfill the will of God and ask for divine favor.  “Behold I am prepared and ready to pray with intent, to bring pleasure to my Creator…”  Yes, even prayer needs prayer!
You can tap into this power, make a verbal declaration to focus you on your current work “Behold, I am about to break my PR in the squat rack!”.  That helps you channel your attention on your task.

There are so many pulls on our attention.  One thing that can help is to pick a certain time to focus on your personal mission.  This can be in the middle of the night or early in the morning, when you are unlikely to be interrupted.  King David did this.

In conventional Judaism we teach that your brain can handle 70 tasks or thoughts simultaneously.  Often we modern men have so much going on that it becomes hard to focus on just one item.  Take a break, step back, and think about what is it you are thinking about now.  Then make that topic your focus and resolve it, then move on the next.  We are blessing with so many plans, desire, and daydreams, but they are floating around our mental space.  When we focus on just one with pure concentration and take the action needed, we can start using our thoughts to change ourselves and our world.