Let’s start off on the right foot…

Our sages discuss which shoe you should put on first, and which shoe you tie first. The right and left sides have different spiritual forces associated with them, and are related to the phylacteries (Totafot) that we tie on. The Gemara concludes that we don the right shoe first then the left, but tie the left shoe first.

Our sages also mention that we wash and anoint our body beginning with the head, the king over all other limbs.  This shows the intellectual ability of a man should rule over your bodily desires.

Judaism teaches that you need an order to life. When you create a rhythm to your daily life, you build a useful and reliable structure. Some people are always running late, trying to catch up. You need to have your everyday needs taken care of already, your methods and systems on lock.

You don’t need to put on your shoes like conventional Jews do, fine. But you should have a method that works for you. Don’t be the guy looking around for his shoes, keys, and phone every morning. This costs you valuable time, and if you are important, your time is precious. Have a place for everything and put everything in it’s place.

Nissim Black (formerly D. Black) in an interview talked becoming Jewish, how Judaism has rules for everything, giving a structure and order to life.  His life before was chaotic. Joining the Tribe was entering a system that has guidance for every area of life.

As a religious Jew you don’t have to suffer the confusion of asking “what do I do now?”, because we have thousands of years of wisdom and Jewish law inspiring our lives in every situation. This may sound limiting to secular men, but having basic daily life functions on lock frees your mental energy for creative pursuits.

For modern men, you may not want a complete system, but you can use this concept.  Start making guidelines for yourself to streamline your life and free up your time and energy for your mission. Get your shoes in the right place and put the right foot forward.

Amazing insight in today’s learning.  Our sages are discussing which accessories may be worn into the public street on the Sabbath as we do not carry items in the public domain.  Certain items are normally worn by a man.  If a woman wears them into the public street, she would not really be “Wearing” them, but instead carrying.

Women normally wear rings, but what about a ring with a seal, used to sign documents and letters?  Such a signet ring was normally worn only by important men who served in some official capacity or in big business.

Rabbi Nehemiah holds that the seal itself on the ring the main part of the item, so a woman wearing a signet ring is considered carrying it.  The other rabbis debating with him said the ring itself is the critical part, so it is like jewelry.

First of all, we see that our ancestors understood that men and women are different, and have divergent customs of dressing and accessorizing.  Back then women were not indoctrinated to act like men, and boys not pushed to be like girls.  Women were women and men were men.

We also see that the same item can send different messages, your ring can be just a ring, or it can send a message that you are businessman, or a member of the Masons.  Men are often using accessories to send messages.  We need to be aware of what we are broadcasting.  You need to decide what aspects of your personality are central to your life.  You can be showing the world certain parts of you, but those may not be who you really are.  Some men show off their paycheck by wearing an expensive watch and driving a luxury car.  Maybe he decided that is who he is and he owns it.  More power to him.  But maybe he is simply trying to impress others (and women) and thinks that his paycheck is his only way to do that.

When you become conscious of the signals you send with you clothing, accessories, and ornaments, then you can guide the message you are sending to reflect your choices, your own central personality.  This builds on our sages’ message “make your own emblem”.

There is a dramatic episode described in today’s Gemara.  A group of Jews were hiding from deadly persecution in a cave.  Due to sandals with nails on the bottom, they thought the enemies were coming into the cave.  They trampled each other, again with the nailed sandals, and many died.  Our sages legislated against wearing nailed sandals on the Sabbath.  One of the lessons here is that the panic, not the enemy soldiers, is what caused the deaths.  When men panic and lose their ability to think calmly and clearly, they put themselves in danger.
Be aware of what situations trigger your emotional response so you can plan ahead to keep your intellect in control of your emotions.

Today’s learning references a wildly dramatic event in Jewish history with a profound lesson about men and women.  Rachel married Akiva the poor shepherd.  Rachel was the daughter of “Kalba Savua”, the richest man in Israel.  His nickname meant that anyone who came to his house as hungry as a dog was fed and left totally satiated.  When Rachel wanted to marry Akiva he disowned her completely.  She went from total luxury to living in a barn with straw for a bed. Our Gemara notes that Akiva, who became Rabbi Akiva, eventually got her a golden crown with a skyline of Jerusalem, a reminder of when they used to live in abject poverty in a barn and he would pluck yellow straw from her hair.

Rachel was willing to lose her high standard of living to get with Akiva, since she saw that he had immense potential.  He had nothing when they married.  She grew up with fabulous wealth, she was looking for spiritual potential, not earning potential.  Akiva was not only poor but was ignorant, he could not even read.  Rachel sent Akiva to learn Torah wisdom for twelve years in another city while she remained in poverty…
When he returned, Akiva overheard a neighbor making fun of Rachel, saying her husband had gone to learn for seven years and left the family barely scraping by.  Rachel answered that she would rather remain in poverty another twelve years and Akiva should learn even more.  Akiva turned around and went back to learning…
He thereby became the greatest sage of his generation.  Eventually, he returned with thousands of students in his footsteps, and when Rachel came Rabbi Akiva told them all “All that is mine and yours is really hers”.  Meaning the spiritual merit of all the wisdom they learned from Rabbi Akiva was due to her sacrifices, sending him to learn for years.

Rachel saw something in Akiva and was willing to go from riches to a barn with straw.  If a woman is truly attracted to you, she isn’t worried about your current bank balance and you tax bracket.  She is looking at your potential to accomplish in the future.  You can have basically nothing right now, but still have a loyal woman.

Rachel is a celebrated role model for conventional Jewish women, who to this day self sacrifice so their husbands can learn Torah.  Typically the families are more supportive than Kalba Savua, but Jewish women are still working, raising children, and taking care of the household while the men learn to build the family on a foundation of Divine Wisdom.   See: Are Jewish women different?

The Gemara is discussing which items a person can wear into the public thoroughfare during the Sabbath.

Our sages debate about an emblem of a slave*, and draw a distinction: if the master made it for the slave to wear, then the slave would be nervous to go outside into public without this, since the master could get angry.  If he made it for himself, then he won’t worry that the master will see him without it and he doesn’t really need it.
*We discussed Biblical Jewish slavery and how it is totally unlike the modern concept of slavery.

Friends, we make ourselves “slaves” to various ideas and causes, and wear these ideas on our sleeves. You can determine a lot about a man by how he looks, what he wears.  You can see what “tribe” he considers himself a part of by how he dresses.  You can see how he thinks of himself and his role through his body language and interactions.  In the age of social media, you can tell even more through how he broadcasts himself to the world and who he associated with online.

Be aware of what emblems you are showing to the world.  You may be broadcasting that you are a slave to a certain ideology or cause, or that you are part of a specific group.  When you are conscious of the signals you are sending to others, you can “make your own emblem”.

Today we begin a new exciting chapter in the Talmud Shabbat: with what may a woman go out?

There is a lot of juicy wisdom here regarding women and relationships…
Carrying items through a public thoroughfare is forbidden on Shabbat.  The first Mishnah here is discussing items that a woman wears, like hair bands, chokers, and jewelry.  If they are worn and not carried, what is the problem with carrying on Shabbat?

Our sages explain that when she meets her friends, she may take off the decoration to better show off how nice it is, and accidently carry it through the public thoroughfare.  This detail shows us how deeply women value perceptions of them – she really wants her friends to know she has a new piece of jewelry or hair accessory.  She wants to be seen as beautiful, higher status, higher SMV.  [Nowadays women wear jewelry on Shabbat.  Since jewelry is much more common and is worn all week, she won’t be tempted to take it off to show her friends.  Back then it was very rare and valuable.  Also, rabbis debate if our public domains are the same as in historical times]

A woman wants to look good to her female friends.  But not only to her friends.  The Gemara notes that most decorations were forbidden, even in her yard, since she can go straight from the yard to the public street.  But in the yard she could still wear a “Kavul”, so she would not be unattractive to her husband.  Conventional Jewish culture understands that a woman wants to look good for her husband, and makes allowances for this.

We have a double dose of inspiration this week, reading the portions of Aharei Mot (after death) and Kedoshim (Holy), Leviticus 16:1 – 20:27.  There are some key concepts to enrich your own life in these verses, so hold on and enjoy the ride.

In Aharei Mot, God instructs Aaron after the deaths of his sons Nadav and Avihu, not to enter into the holiest room of the Tabernacle without a specific process.  This refers to the “holy of holies”, the inner sanctum.  Only the high priest, the Cohen Gadol, may enter there.  And only on one day, Yom Kippur, during a complex ritual.  One of the mistakes of Nadav and Avihu (besides avoiding marriage) was entering the inner sanctum unbidden.

Yom Kippur is the day of atonement, the most serious day of the Jewish year.  The Bible refers to it as achat bashanah, “once a year”, this also means “the unique one in the year”. Some days have a certain energy conducive to accomplishing specific goals. This can be understood as spiritual threads sewn into the fabric of reality that make certain things easier at certain times.  This can help you in your own life: if you are failing at something on Monday, try it again on Tuesday.

Pick a specific day to accomplish a certain goal, learn a certain skill, or make an important decision.  You give yourself that one day as your deadline, put all your effort into it and accomplish.  Focus on that one chosen task.  We all think we can multi-task, but we are wrong.  We end up giving away 50% of our potential to one task, 60% to one person, 40% to our paycheck. 

We need to give pure focus on our mission in life.  Your first focus needs to be on deciding what is the most important thing for you, for your personal growth.  You will need to pull back from other pursuits to devote your energy to what you choose for your life.  To yourself.  Setting one day for one goal helps you develop this focus. You (should) already be doing this in a limited scope, for example leg day or chest day.

Yom Kippur, the day of Atonement, is considered as the Holiest day of the year.  The High Priest (Cohen Gadol) cannot fall asleep that night, lest he become impure and unable to perform the service.  To keep him awake the priests and sages would read to him from interesting portions of writings, and also do physical exercise and acrobatics including poses not unlike yoga .  So in the Holy Temple on the Holiest day of the year, the priests are doing physical exercises to keep them spiritually pure.

We need a strong body to keep a strong mind and soul.  This is just our first example of the physical serving the spiritual.  In Jewish philosophy, the physical and spiritual/intellectual worlds are not separate.  Our holy men do not remove themselves from society or abstain from food, pleasure, or sex.  But these physical things are used for spiritual goals, to accomplish a larger mission.  The Rambam, a major scholar and professional doctor, writes that we must keep outselves healthy in body to house a healthy spirit.

The Bible reiterates the prohibition on consuming blood (Lev. 17:10, 19:26).  We detailed why blood is a big deal and hw this is relevant for modern society:

We can understand how this is not only horrible persecution that frequently led to anti-Semitic violence, but accusing Jews of eating blood is a religious insult.  Jews are so careful not to consume blood.  Indeed, we take intricate steps to remove the blood from meat we eat.

Today, this method of accusing people of something they are especially sensitive is used as a common attack on men.  Some groups accuse men as being “insecure in your masculinity” (TM) whenever you are unwilling to play along with the feminist agenda…

Meat is Murder

Our reading contains a commandment to the ancient Jews to bring their animals to the Tabernacle for ritual slaughter in order to eat the meat (Lev 17).  Parts of the animals would go to the priests, specific parts were burned on the altar, and most of the flesh was eaten by the owners.  The Tabernacle was the physical and spiritual focus of the Jewish nation in the desert, it was literally at the center of the camp.

After the Jews would enter the land of Israel, they would have permission to slaughter and eat meat anywhere, even without bringing it as an offering.  But in the desert, slaughtering your animal outside the Tabernacle was tantamount to bloodshed 17:4.  Bloodshed, as in murder.

Is meat murder?

We cannot cause needless suffering to anyone else, even to animals.  We are only allowed to eat meat because God told us we can in the Bible.  Why were humans allowed to kill animals and eat meat?  Human beings have a spiritual potential that animals do not have.  Humans can raise their spiritual level, this is what separate us from animals. 

A one month old animal is basically the same as a one year old animal or a 15 year old animal. It has the same instincts, same responses, and same behaviors.  They get bigger, but do not develop into something greater. But if a human is basically the same at age 15 as he was at age 5, everyone understands that this is a serious tragedy, God forbid.

Men grow intellectually, self actualize, and attain new levels of understanding.  In Genesis we saw that man is called a “speaking spirit” (Targum Onkelos on Genesis 2:7).  The power of speech is more than just verbal communication, animals communicate too.  It is using intellectual power to interact with our fellow men, to share and refine ideas for living a better life.  The use of our mind and speech to create wisdom for our own and future generations is the unique distinction of humanity from animals.  We learn as individuals and as a species, teaching what we learned to our children and students.

Our ancient sages in the Talmud, Pesachim 49b, say an unlearned man (“am haaretz” or ignoramus ) should not be allowed eat meat.  This Gemara is talking on a logical and philosophical level, on a practical level we allow anyone to eat meat.

This unlearned man speaks and communicates.  But he is not using his intellectual powers to learn, grow, and refine himself, to create and share wisdom for the future.  He is not engaged in dynamic spiritual improvement.  He does not even see a need to change.  He is comfortably ignorant of his ignorance.

This man is not that different from an animal, animals have their instincts, they can live without learning and developing intellectual powers.  Therefore, our sages say by the measure of strict justice he should not eat meat, since he is not elevating the meat to a higher level.  He is just slaughtering an animal to enjoy the taste and feed his body.  And why is his body any better than the animal’s?

The Maharal explains:  what makes you have the right to kill animal and eat it?  Only when you are living your life with higher values, engaging in personal growth, then you are raising the meat up in spiritual level.  You are doing the animal a favor by elevating mere flesh into intellectual and spiritual energy.  You are raising the mundane physical into the energy for the metaphysical.  The animal itself elevated the vegetation it consumed to become part of an animal, and the plants in turn had elevated the inanimate mineral level of existence into something living.

By bringing animals to the Tabernacle for slaughter and to share with the priests and the altar, the ancient Jews were reminded that the meat they ate was for spiritual pursuits, not an indulgence.  The Bible also states that linking meat to divine service prevents idol worship, Lev 17:7.  The language used these connotes acting like an animal as well. 

Eating meat can make a man feel like a powerful apex predator.  In some cultures, a boy’s first successful hunt signified his becoming a man.  Eating meat shows our power over animals, but also has a danger of leading to arrogance.  Bringing the animal to serve God instead of merely our appetite makes us appreciate that God is giving us meat as a gift and a tool to improve ourselves and lift the spiritual level of all creation.

Yes, meat can be murder, and is ideally intended for men who act like men by realizing their intellectual and spiritual potential and communicating their wisdom.  This is the existential question for every man: how are you different from animals?

Holy Sex

The main theme of Kedoshim is You shall be holy (Lev 19:2).  Some sources (including the last Lubavitcher Rebbe) comment that this cannot refer to special activities that Jews do and other nations do not do.  If God tells us to make ourselves holy it must be in those tasks which are universal to all men.  God wants us to elevate and make spiritual our eating, drinking, exercise, intimacy, vacations, sleep, work… all of the normal mundane human activities that the whole world engages in.

Everyone needs to eat, even animals eat.  But the Jew bringing holiness into the world eats with God awareness, with the purpose to make his eating a divine service.  So he makes blessings on the food, acknowledging that every morsel is ultimately from God for his individual needs.  He eats the foods that God told him are appropriate and Kosher for his body, not just anything he desires.  He eats in moderation so as to not harm his body, and shares his food with the needy.  The simple biological necessity of feeding can take on many deep spiritual attributes.

A large chunk of both Aharei Mot and Kedoshim is a long list of forbidden sexual relationships.  Most of these are in some way family members.  Animals are known to mate with any available female in heat, including relatives.  The Bible states that all of these abominations, including these incestuous, homosexual, and bestial relationships were a regular staple of the ancient idol worshipers.  The idolaters also threw in child sacrifice for good measure (Lev 18:21, 20:2).  The Jews are warned not to emulate these lest the land vomit them out 18:24-30.

The Bible tells us do not emulate corrupt behaviors because this in turn corrupts us.  This is an ongoing theme in scripture.  But God also gave men strong sexual desires.  The difference is that a holy man controls his sexual desire and expresses it in the appropriate context.  Sex is not dirty, it is a critical part of life.  In conventional Jewish culture our sages point out that sex is natural and vital.  Our rabbis teach that it needs to be only a part of life, not the focus. 

We have discussed how in Judaism, we elevate the physical to spiritual.  See: Daily dose of wisdom, Shabbat 8. The euphemism for sex, Daily dose of wisdom, Brakhot 61: good and evil, the creation of gender, looking at women, Daily dose of wisdom, Brakhot 62: the Rabbi under the bed, Daily dose of wisdom, Brakhot 24. Intimacy is normal, Daily dose of wisdom, Brakhot 22. The power and danger of intimacy…

The physical is a tool to serve the spiritual.  It is a gift from God to be used responsibly.  We have often mentioned this facet of Judaism in the context of sex.  In many other religions, holy men avoid marriage, avoid general society, or spend much of their time removed from most human contact. 

In Judaism the holy man has a wife, kids, and a day job.  Now, it’s true that because of his he has less time for divine service and learning wisdom.  But when he is involved in his family he understands that it is also a divine service to guide and raise them.  When he is working for a paycheck he understands that this opportunity is also from God, to allow him to support his family without shame.  He is no different from a farmer 2000 years ago praying for the rain.  The mission of the Jew is to make the mundane world a tool for holiness.

The Alshich (known as Alshich the Holy, lived in Tzfat 1508–1593) put our concept this way:
The easiest thing is to hide from the world and its follies, seclude oneself in a room, and be a holy hermit.  What the Torah desires, however, is that a person should be part and parcel of “all the congregation of the children of Israel”, with everyone, and still be holy.

Of course, being engaged in the world is dangerous to holiness and spirituality.  For conventional Jews we actually have an instruction book on achieving the level of holiness, called The Path of the Righteous by Moshe Haim Luzzatto.  For an average non-Jew living in modern society, you first challenge is to choose what you want out of life.  The danger is making sure your choice is for you, not for someone else or your society. 

In The Path of the Righteous, the development of a man is step by step.  The step just before holiness is purity, meaning separation from the mundane.  Purity is recognizing the physical is holding you back and trying to overcome physicality and minimize it.  Holiness is an even higher level, it is recognizing the spiritual potential within physicality.  Then you start elevating the holiness up your bodily processes, bringing God into every act you do.

Purity requires some minimization of physical enjoyment.  Putting the physical pleasures of the world in proper context is the prerequisite to enjoying pleasure in an uplifting way.  Our sages (Talmud, Yevamot 20a) state:  Sanctify yourself also regarding that which is permissible to you.

The Ramban (Nachmanides) explains this:  The meaning of this is that since the Torah has warned against forbidden sexual relations and forbidden foods, while permitting relations with one’s wife and eating meat and wine, the lustful person can justify excessive pleasure with his wife or wives and be among “the guzzlers of wine and the gluttons of meat”, and converse at will of all licentious things (since no prohibition against this is specified in the Torah).  He can be a “naval birshut haTorah” a hedonist with the Torah’s permission.  Therefore, after enumerating the things which it forbids entirely, the Torah says: “Be holy.”  Control your indulgence even in that which is permitted.

We all struggle with spiritual material balance, and weighing austerity against hedonism.  To obtain holiness, a man has to work on himself and also needs help from above.  We have a concept in Judaism that we learned from the Bible: heaven leads a man in the path a man chooses.  This is a powerful tool with a significant danger.  If a man wants to purify himself, fix his problems, improve his life, then he will receive divine assistance. 

But if a man wants to wallow in filth, he will receive divine assistance.  We see this by Bilaam, the idolatrous prophet, who really wanted to go and curse the Jews against God’s express desire (Numbers 22:18).  After continuing to plead with God, he was granted his desire and this led to his downfall, disgrace, and death.

You shall not stand idle while your neighbor bleeds

Kedoshim also has the famous command:  You shall not stand by your fellow’s blood (19:16) often translated into “You shall not stand idle while your neighbor bleeds”.  This is related to the next command:  “You shall not hate your brother in your heart; rebuke, rebuke your fellow, but do not incur a sin on his account” (19:17).

We were fortunate to learn in the Talmud, Shabbat page 52 this week about rebuke, I will add a little depth now.

“Rebuke, rebuke your fellow” (Lev 19:17). The double verb is also translated as an imperative “you must rebuke”.  Why is the word “rebuke” repeated? Our sages say because first you must rebuke yourself, as I have written.

The other aspect is the word for rebuke is “Hochiach” which really means Prove. So the accurate translation is “reprove” not rebuke.  You don’t berate someone to prove your point, and the other man isn’t going to accept it anyway.  Instead, you can show him a better way to live. Work to show through logic that your advice will benefit him, prove your point with direct and relevant evidence.

Men, when not temporarily swept up in urgent emotions, are inherently logical. Treat your fellow man as a rational creature, and bring your evidence why your idea will be good for him. If you think your plan or method is better, then prove it to us.

The Good Lord has seen fit to have me write about rebuke and Ezekiel’s vision just this week

The ability to protest against injustice is a core facet of masculinity. But a man must consider if the people who need rebuke will accept it.  The righteous in Jerusalem did not know if their protest would have helped change the spiritual depravity.  But they did not know that it would not, and they were held accountable.

We have a concept in Judaism “dvarim sh’b’lev” meaning “words from the heart enter into the heart”. If you mean what you say, you are better received. The subconscious mind of the other man detects if you are genuine, and if you are then you communicate better.

We have an additional concept, from the Baal Shem Tov:  Your fellow is your mirror. If your own face is clean, you will perceive your friend as flawless.  If you look upon your fellow man and see a blemish, it is the same problem you yourself have.  You are being shown what you must correct in yourself.  Again, first you must rebuke yourself.

There is a deeper aspect to holiness with a amazing insight into masculinity.  This is advanced level…

“Be Holy for I am Holy” (Lev 19:2).  Naturally, a man cannot be like the infinite God.  Therefore, a man must try to emulate God.  God is the ultimate cause of everything.  Before any creation, before time and space existed, there was only God. 

God is outside of time and space.  God is not time-bound, as time is just another dimension of what He created.  Before Genesis, God was all there was.  Center of the universe?  There was no universe, only God.  This is the ultimate level.  But what did God do…?

God, to allow for the possibility of creation, first made what is called in Kabbalah a “Tzimtzum” a withdrawal, a limitation of self.  This is not an actual withdrawal of anything physical, since God is not physical in any way.  In essence, God hid Himself behind the created world, allowing for the existence of an area in which humans can exercise (some) free will. 

The Hebrew word for World “Olam” is cognate to Hidden “Ne’elam”.  The existence of God was no longer obvious, making the creation of a universe with free will possible.  The Tzimtzum was so effective at hiding God that humans can even choose to rebel and deny God exists.  With Godliness cloaked, a universe with free will could be created.

The lesson for us men is to be like God we first have to be the only existence in our personal world.  This may sound shocking coming from a religious man:  You first have to put yourself first.  You need to take care of your own needs, and be self reliant and self sufficient.  You need to learn wisdom, develop your mission and plans, and act on them.  We discussed this critical life concept regarding MGTOW and how our sages look at marriage.

You have to become the center of your own world, vis a vis other humans.  Obviously you realize, if you are a man of faith, that you are not the center compared to God.  But regarding any other human being, your needs and goals come first, and you take care of them.  Your relationship with God, your self development, and your chosen mission, that is your priority.  

Then and only then, since you are taken care of, can you choose to reduce yourself and make space for others in your life.  Some call this concept “Enlightened self interest” or explain it as “I can’t take of anyone else if I don’t take care of myself first”.  This is why airlines say put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others. 

The goal is that you, from a position of self actualization and awareness, make your own “Tzimtzum”, to the extent you want, to let others in to your life on your terms.

Gentlemen, may you work to balance your physical and spiritual life, knowing both are critical.  May you build the merit to put yourself first, and the even higher level to consciously make space in your successful life to care for others.  Gentlemen, may you be like God.

If you have heard about David and Bathsheba, then hold on for the true story…

As we know, many statements in the Bible are not literal, or have both literal and deeper meanings.

If you say David committed adultery with Bathsheba (Bat Sheva) then you are wrong.  The Gemara explains, based on the words of Nathan the prophet and the verses, that David never committed adultery:  At the time he took Bathsheba she was divorced, as the soldiers who left for war first gave their wives a bill of divorce.

This was good for her, so if the husband died she would not be required to go to his brother in levirate marriage, and if he was captured or went missing in war she would be able to remarry.  The wife of a POW/MIA was permanently unable to marry.  Tosafot explains the parameters of the bill of divorce and points out that they would give the writ of divorce privately so the community would assume they were still married.  Only two witnesses are needed to sign and deliver a writ of divorce.

Uriah had divorced Bathsheba, but in private.  In the eyes of the people they were still married.  So legally David did not sin, but in the court of public opinion he was guilty.  The was an unspoken understanding between the soldiers and the civilians was that the men at home would not try to get with a soldier’s “wife” while he was gone even though she was divorced.  (My understanding of Bava Metzia 59).

Uriah called his general “My master” to David’s face, implying that King David was not his master, and refused the king’s order to go home. He was liable to death for this. A wise man will realize that David’s sending Uriah home was also meant as a test of Bat Sheva. If Uriah had obeyed, then Bat Sheva would be in a position to remarry her first husband.  But this would be an insult to the honor of the king, as no other man should sleep with a woman who was with a king.  When Uriah disobeyed, David was unable to test Bat Sheva’s commitment to him.

If David had actually committed adultery, he and Bat Sheva would have been killed by God, since that is the punishment (Leviticus 20:10). God doesn’t lie. We see that David did not, technically, commit adultery.

However, David was guilty of breaching the unspoken gentleman’s agreement that protected soldiers from having their divorced wives seduced back on the home front. We see that David was punished by having men he trusted, even his own son, rebel against him and betray him. God corrects us using the same methods in which we err.  “From the forest itself comes the handle for the ax” (Sanhedrin 39b).

David himself was told prophetically that he would be punished from his own household (II Samuel 12:11, Talmud Sotah 11a).

David is also blamed by Nathan for having the Hittites kill Uriah in battle, not having him formally accused and executed in court for rebellion. This added to public suspicion that he was simply trying to steal his wife. We see during the rebellion by David’s son Avshalom that many prominent people turned against David, possibly due to bitter feelings over David’s prior behavior.

A lot of lessons here.  First, a simple reading of the Bible does not give you the full picture, there is always more going on. Much of the background information is found in Jewish tradition and oral history passed down from people who were on the scene 3000 years ago. Certain items in the Bible don’t make sense without this info. Some passages are misinterpreted by people with an agenda but without a background in Jewish sources to find support for their goals in the Bible.

You may be right or blameless, but the court of public opinion still matters.  Don’t just be right, look right.  We see in modern times especially, people can try to ruin your reputation when they disagree with you.

It is worth noting that historically, it was understood that men would not try to seduce a soldier’s wife while he is away. Men left wives alone, so their wives would be left alone. Nowadays, even if generally morals have changed, this is always a bad idea. A man should work to figure out the unspoken assumptions and gentleman’s agreements that are still in effect in his social circle.

Also, if a man is insulting you, take him to task instead of indirectly undermining him or sending him to danger. Finally, if you are getting punished in a certain area or with a certain pattern, that should call your attention to this area for you to correct yourself.

King David is a great model to teach these lessons because when confronted, he admitted his wrongdoing and worked to change himself (2 Samuel 12).

The Gemara also notes that King Solomon did not literally sin with idolatry as the verse implies, but did fail to protest against his wives who did idolatry. Solomon had hundreds of foreign born wives that he married to cement political treaties. They had converted to Judaism but some kept the practices of their youth.

Failing to object to the bad acts of people you can influence makes you responsible. We began this discussion two days ago noting that if you have the power to correct a mistake then you must take action.  Your passivity can bring culpability.  A lot of men wont like that, but there it is.

Finally, the end of today’s learning  mentions a man named Natan Tzutzita, who was infatuated with a married woman to the point that he became physically sick. But when he had the chance to sin with her, he summoned the courage and controlled himself. When push came to shove, he managed to take her off his pedestal. Don’t put a woman on a pedestal.  It takes a massive effort to take her down.

Today, continuing on the topic of giving rebuke, the Talmud brings a truly terrifying episode:

Rabbi Aḥa, son of Rabbi Ḥanina, explained the incident: “And the Lord said to him: Go through the midst of the city, through the midst of Jerusalem, and set a mark [a letter tav] upon the foreheads of the men that sigh and that cry on account of all the abominations that are done in her midst” (Ezekiel 9:4).

The Holy One, Blessed be He, said to the angel Gabriel: Go and inscribe a tav of ink on the foreheads of the righteous as a sign so that the angels of destruction will not have dominion over them.  And inscribe a tav of blood on the foreheads of the wicked as a sign so that the angels of destruction will have dominion over them.

The attribute of justice said before the Holy One, Blessed be He: Master of the Universe, how are these different from those? He said to that attribute: These are fully righteous people and those are fully wicked people.  The attribute of justice said to Him: Master of the Universe, it was in the hands of the righteous to protest the conduct of the wicked, but they did not protest.

He said to that attribute: It is revealed and known before Me that even had they protested the conduct of the wicked, the wicked would not have accepted the reprimand.   The attribute of justice said before Him: Master of the Universe, it is revealed before You that their reprimand would have been ineffective, but is it revealed to them? The Holy One, Blessed be He, retracted the protection given to the righteous.

And that is the meaning of that which is written: “Slay utterly old and young, both maid, and little children, and women; but come not near any man upon whom is the mark; and begin at My Sanctuary” (Ezekiel 9:6).  And it is written in that same verse: “Then they began with the elderly men who were before the house.”

Rav Yosef taught: Read not: My Sanctuary [mikdashi], rather:  Those sanctified to Me [mekudashai].  These are people who observed the whole Torah in its entirety from alef through tav.  This means the men marked with the tav as perfectly righteous were the first to be punished.

The ability to protest against injustice is a core facet of masculinity. But a man must consider if the people who need rebuke will accept it.  The righteous in Jerusalem did not know if their protest would have helped change the spiritual depravity.

But they did not know that it would not, and they were held accountable.  [Tosafot here says if you know fore sure they will not listen, do not rebuke:  Better they should be sinning by mistake then on purpose despite your warning. This idea is subject to debate].

If you know for certain that they won’t listen to you, you do not protest.  If they might listen, you need to act.  Your “protest” may be indirect, of come from a friendly approach, but you must do something.  A man is a leader, sometimes you lead by example, sometimes you lead by not sheepishly standing by while other men destroy themselves and your society.  We discussed this failure to lead as the cause of the Golden Calf debacle.

God does not hold us responsible for the ultimate result, that is in His capable hands. But we are responsible to make the effort to stand up for good.

In our generation there is so much manipulation that in mainstream secular culture many men and women are practically brainwashed.  Blatantly protesting this social reality is practically doomed to fail.  Almost no one will listen to a direct challenge to their cherished assumptions.

The better approach is to try to open the eyes of people to the raw deal they are getting.  You don’t stand against the whole society, you stand with your brothers and help them understand the challenges they face, and how they can start to struggle and succeed despite the situation.

*An important detail to note is that the completely righteous were marked with ink and the completely wicked marked with blood.  If God had the angels mark the righteous, why do we need to mark the wicked? Just let the angels of destruction go take anyone without a mark!  No, there is a third group, the intermediate with no mark.  They are not marked for salvation but not marked for destruction.

When the angels are released, they are at risk of death, but it is not certain the will perish.  This is the same reason why when God struck down the firstborn Egyptians on the night of Passover that He commanded the Jews to remain in their houses with lintels marked in blood.  When the angels of destruction are released, we are all at risk.  When your society is going downhill, you and your family are in danger.

Today’s Gemara goes on to discuss if death and suffering are always due to sin or not. Take a good look at Ecclesiastes 7:20 and our Gemara, which concludes that there is suffering without sin.

Today we also discuss the incident of Reuven defiling Jacob’s bed (Gen 35:22). Reuven did not sleep with Bilhah, but he removed Jacob’s bed to Leah’s tent. Jacob had separate tents for each wife. The Reuven episode has deep meaning and lessons in avoiding serious mistakes, and deserves more attention than we can give today.

Yom haAtzmaut 5780

Our sages are discussing with which items an animal can go out into the public domain on Shabbat.  Carrying items in the public domain is a labor forbidden on the Sabbath, and a Jew’s animals also rest on the seventh day.   The female sheep are allowed to go out with a splinter of wood in their nose.  This was for her own needs, the splinter would make her sneeze, expelling parasitic worms from her head.  The Gemara asks why the Mishnah teaches this rule for female but not male sheep, and answers:

The men fight, bang their heads together and the worms fall out from the blows.  So they don’t need splinters.

It is the nature of males to bump heads.  For animals and some people this is literal physical fighting.  For you, the lesson is that you should hash out your assumptions ideas with your friends.  You must be willing to challenge your assumptions, and argue them out.  Define your terms and ask others if your definitions match reality. 

If you have wrong impressions of life, then discussing your philosophy with wiser men will help you shake these parasitic ideas out of your head.  We have discussed this concept in detail in Tools for Life #11: hone your ideas together

Anyone who had the capability to effectively protest the sinful conduct of the members of his household and did not protest, he himself is apprehended for the sins of the members of his household and punished. 
If he is in a position to protest the sinful conduct of the people of his town, and he fails to do so, he is apprehended for the sins of the people of his town.  If he is in a position to protest the sinful conduct of the whole world, and he fails to do so, he is apprehended for the sins of the whole world.

Amazing event from 2000 years ago, in today’s learning…

Our Sages taught: There was an incident where one man’s wife died, and she left him a son to nurse, and he did not have money to pay the wages of a wet-nurse.  A miracle was performed on his behalf, and his breasts opened up like the two breasts of a woman, and he nursed his son.

Amazing! This man got a miracle (gynomastica) and was able to nurse his baby.  But our sages disagree regarding the interpretation of this “miracle”:

Rav Yosef said: Come and see how great this person is that a miracle of that magnitude was performed on his behalf.

Abaye said to him: On the contrary, how dishonorable is this person that the order of creation was altered on his behalf.  (A miracle was indeed performed on his behalf; however, it was in a demeaning and unpleasant manner.)

A miracle!  Yes, but it was embarrassing and sad that he needed such a miracle that made him like a woman to feed his baby.  It would have been better for him to simply earn more money to hire a wet nurse.  Naturally, it was obvious back then that a man with feminine aspects was abnormal and low.  This is a stark contrast to today, when mainstream secular society pushes men to behave like women, to be vulnerable and sensitive.  And society indoctrinates women to act like men!

The next story the Gemara brings up, about a woman who had an amputated hand, sheds some light on our nursing man.  In the next incident, her husband never knew about her missing hand until the day she died, since they were so modest.  The Gemara notes that a woman normally goes about with her body covered.  Perhaps for the nursing man, being a man and more involved in society, his change in appearance was obvious and embarrassing.  A hidden miracle is a better reward than a blatant change in your body.

The Gemara concludes the nursing man story explaining that God saves people with miracles but giving them food is rare.  Rashi understands that this story shows us that a man’s financial status is totally in God’s hands, as it was easier (required less spiritual merit) for this man to have a miraculous physical change in his body than for him to get an upgrade in his financial status. Obviously this man was praying for means to feed his baby, and the implication is that he had enough merit to get his own milk but not to get into a higher tax bracket. This could be because earning more money takes not just prayer but planning and effort on your part.  Ben Yehoyada (Ben Ish Chai, chief Rabbi of Bagdad 100 years ago) writes that this man had merit enough to feed his own son, but not enough to benefit others.  If he had received more money and hired a wet nurse that would have helped her too.  We see being able to hire others is a higher level.

The message here is that your financial status depends on both your relationship with God and your own effort.  You all know the classic story about the desperately poor man who prays every single day to win the lottery.  Years go by, with ceaseless daily prayers, intense and devoted.  Please, please, just let me win the lotto!  Finally a heavenly voice thunders down from above: “BUY A TICKET ALREADY”.

Jewish wisdom realizes that nothing happens without a decree from heaven, and that nothing happens in your life without you getting off your bottom and getting to work.  And you have to help yourself before you can help other people.  We are partners with God in creation, in developing our life:

We were chosen to be the partner with God in creation (a junior partner).  This is one of the secrets in Genesis 1:26 “let us make man“.  Angels do not create, they do not develop or change; God is not really talking to angels.  In one sense, God is using the ‘royal plural’.  In another sense, God is talking to man, to us.  To you!  Telling you: “Let us make man!” Join God in the work of making yourself into a man.

Today’s page of Talmud also explains why donkeys need blankets, the ancient source for the bra, and why wolves attack proud alpha male goats not sheepish females.  All that wisdom will wait for another time, God willing.