Today’s learning brings an amazing tradition about certain items and potentialities created by God at the very end of the sixth day of creation, just before God “rested” on the first Sabbath.  Since the sun, moon, and stars were not placed until “day” four (Gen 1:14), the seven days of creation can be understood non literally as eras or epochs.

Ten phenomena were created on Shabbat eve during twilight, and were revealed later.  They were: Miriam’s well, and the manna that fell in the desert, and the rainbow, writing, and the writing instrument, and the tablets of the Ten Commandments, and the grave of Moses, and the cave in which Moses and Elijah stood, the opening of the mouth of Balaam’s donkey, and the opening of the earth’s mouth to swallow the wicked in the incident of Korah.

Rabbi Neḥemya said in the name of his father: Even the fire and the mule.  Rabbi Yoshiya said in the name of his father: Even the ram slaughtered in place of Isaac, and the shamir. Rabbi Yehuda says: Even the tongs.

Rabbi Yehuda elaborates that these are blacksmith tongs for holding metal during hot forging:

He would say: Tongs can be fashioned only with other tongs, but who fashioned the first tongs?  Indeed, the first pair of tongs was fashioned at the hand of Heaven.  A questioner said to him: It is possible to fashion tongs with a mold and fix it without other tongs, so the first tongs were a creation of man.

Tongs are the epitome of a tool used to create other tools.  Rabbi Yehuda said since they are fire forged, they must have been a gift from God to men.  Naturally, you understand that it is a tremendous kindness to give a man the first tool he needs to forge other tools and implements.

The tongs teach us that we have two types of tools we can use to build ourselves into better men.  We may have access to strong forged tools that other men have made and used effectively.  Observing older or wiser men is a great way to learn the tools they use to succeed.  Conventional Judaism emphasizes the value of gaining wisdom from prior generations, while this concept is practically lost in mainstream society.

The other type of tool is one you make for yourself.  The man questioning Rabbi Yehuda said the tongs could be molded instead.  This may not be a strong as forged metal, but you can customize it to your own needs, and figure out exactly how it works.

There is a real need for a man to develop his own tool box for various situations life will throw at him.  A wise man will take existing concepts that have worked for other men, and add his own acquired wisdom, making his custom tools for his situation.

There is a danger in this dialectic.   When a man realizes he is lacking in methods to ability to deal with his reality, he may spend his time and energy looking for an existing tool when he actually needs to forge or mold his own tools for life.  Some men imbibe plenty of content from other men but never actually use those tools to develop their own unique mechanisms for success.

We continue on the topic of local customs.  The Mishnah rules that in places where the custom was already to eat roasted meat on Passover this was allowed, but in other places it is forbidden.  The concern is that someone would confuse roasted meat with the actual roasted Paschal lamb, and mistakenly consecrate his personal Passover dinner with the status of the Paschal lamb.

The Gemara recounts that Todos, a Jewish leader in Rome, started a local custom to eat an entire lamb on Passover, prepared in the same manner they roasted the actual Paschal lamb in Jerusalem.  The sages took issue with this, and sent the message:  If you were not Todos, we would excommunicate you, as you are close to causing Jews to eat sacrificial offerings outside Jerusalem.

The Gemara asks if the sages declined to excommunicate Todos because he was a great scholar or because he was a powerful, potentially violent man.  The Gemara concludes he was a scholar, based on his explanation of Daniel chapter 3 and his treatment of students.  When a Torah student needed financial help, Todos gave him merchandise to sell.

The practical wisdom for modern men is to be aware of the source of your reputation.  Being a key contributor to the community can earn respect from others, but so can being aggressive, unpredictable and dangerous.  There are many “alpha males” who are leaders and businessmen, but there are also alphas in jail for murder.  Your reputation matters, be careful how you choose to build your personal power.

Todos was praised not only for his own scholarship, but how he treated students.  Instead of simply giving them money, he gave the merchandise to sell.  This would enhance the self esteem of the students; instead of merely receiving a hand out, they had to put in the work.  A key concept in Judaism is that the highest level of charity is helping a man stand on his own two feet.

This does not just apply to financial health.  If you give a man an exact plan for life, or canned lines to say, he is a robot.  When you teach him to open his eyes to reality, give him guidance and goalposts, and feedback on his growth, he has to do the actual work of improving his life.  Jewish wisdom values men, not automatons.

The Talmud is explaining the laws of when to follow local custom, and compares the law of the sabbatical year.  During the sabbatical year, we are allowed to continue eating a type of crop or fruit that we stored as long as it is available in the fields of that region.  We learn from Leviticus 25:7 that as long as the wild animals have this species to eat in the wild, we can feed it to our domestic animals.  The Gemara notes this is region specific, commenting:

We have a tradition that an undomesticated animal in Judea does not develop on the produce of the Galilee, and an undomesticated animal in the Galilee does not develop on the fruits of Judea.

In each region the conditions and foods are suited to the animals that live there.  Naturally, this concept extends to humans.  We enjoy the foods we grew up with, they are “comfort food” and typically make us feel relaxed and safe.  The idea is not just for food, but applies to music, art, books, even architecture. 

You can make another person feel comfortable by exposing them to elements that are familiar.  Often people have a hard time connecting if they are not comfortable, so do your research and be aware of how to get others to relax.

You can also use this reality to make yourself more comfortable.  Look for familiar elements in a new situation, or practice what you are going to say before meeting a new person.  If you are taking someone out, gain familiarity with the lay of the land first so you can relax and not get lost.

 

Today the Talmud explains the concept that when a certain place has a custom, we do not violate the custom in front of them.  The customs in question are not actual law, but when a place adopts a custom they often assume their way is only way.

The Gemara brings a juicy example:

Two brothers may bathe together, and there is no concern this is immodest or will lead to sinful thoughts. However, the custom was that two brothers do not bathe together in the city of Kabul (near Tyre per I Kings 9:13).  And there was an incident involving Yehuda and Hillel, sons of Rabban Gamliel, who bathed together in Kabul, and the entire city denounced them and said: In all our days we have never seen that type of outrageous conduct!  Hillel slunk away and went out to the outer room and did not want to tell them: You are permitted to do so.

It is important to note that in ancient times they used public baths and it was normal for men to see other men in the bathhouse.

There is an incredible humility here.  What the brothers did was absolutely allowed according to the letter of the law, but they did not argue with the locals. We also see that the men of Kabul overreacted to a violation of their local custom, as if it was the worst sin possible.

The practical wisdom for us is that when people are set in their ways, don’t bother trying to change them.  Other people assume their own personal practice is the only right way.  They will react strongly to any sign you disagree.  Convincing them they are wrong is impossible.

The Gemara notes that this is correct when the custom was established as a stringency or protection for the law.  If the custom was based on a mistake of the law, the rabbis would work to change it.

The Talmud expounds the verse: “And it shall come to pass on that day that there shall not be light, but heavy clouds [yekarot] and thickness [vekippaon]” (Zechariah 14:6). The Gemara asks: What is the meaning of the expression “yekarot vekippaon”?
One of the suggestions:

Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi said: These are people who are considered important [yekarim] in this world and unimportant [kefuyim] in the World-to-Come. As in the incident involving Rav Yosef, son of Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi, who became ill and was about to die. When he returned to consciousness, his father said to him: What did you see when you were about to die?  He said to him: I saw an inverted world.  Those above, i.e., those who are considered important in this world, were below, insignificant, while those below, i.e., considered insignificant in this world, were above. He said to him: My son, you have seen a clear world.

Many men appear confident and powerful when in truth they are insecure as they are not living up to their potential. When you are not firing on all cylinders, you feel it, even though often outsiders do not notice.

In present day America, this concept is even more vital to understand.  There are men driving around in expensive cars to flaunt their wealth, when they had to take out a second mortgage to afford the payments.  Some rent a sports car or boat for a photo shoot, and feature the pictures on their social media, giving an impression of affluence.  There are self appointed gurus online trying to sell you their personal program for success with women, money, and life, when in reality they are suffering and failing.

There are also men acting like they have life on lock, when behind the scenes they are falling apart and their family is struggling.  Our ancient sages open out eyes to the reality that many people cultivate the appearance of success or the aura of goodness when the truth is nothing like their image.

Be aware of the modern pressure to look successful.  Don’t use your energy trying to look the part instead of investing in yourself to work towards actual personal growth.

The Talmud also notes a related concept.

The Sages taught: One who earns a living from selling small rods or jugs will never see a sign of blessing (great profits) from them. What is the reason for this? Since their volume is great, the evil eye rules over them.  (Other people see him with great quantities of small items and believe he is selling more than he is actually selling.)

You don’t have to believe in the power of the “evil eye” to know that flaunting your success in business invites scrutiny, jealousy, and competition.  Jewish wisdom emphasizes appreciating your blessings and increasing your profits, but warns us about showing them off.

Today we enjoy many practical lessons regarding how to find a proper woman to settle down with:

The Sages taught: One should always be willing to sell all he has in order to marry the daughter of a Torah scholar, as if he dies or if he is exiled, he can be assured that his sons will be Torah scholars, since their mother will ensure that they are well educated. And one should not marry the daughter of an ignoramus, as if he dies or is exiled, his sons will be ignoramuses.

Naturally, you may notice that the sages don’t mention divorce as a potential cause for a father to be separated from this children.  2000 years ago, divorce was incredibly rare, but the real reason for this is that fathers typically had custody of their children in event of a divorce, as we will learn in the Talmud’s tractates about marriage contracts.

The message here is to find a mate who agrees with your values and will continue guiding your children along those lines even in your absence.  The assumption is that when the father is at home he is the central figure in educating his own offspring and his wife reinforces his messages. If the mother is sending signals that are at odds with the father’s teachings, the children will become confused.

It is critical for every man to make his best effort to help his children grow into strong capable adults.  In conventional Judaism, being a scholar is highly valued as it requires intellectual curiosity, diligence, creativity, and focus.  When a woman grows up in the household of a scholar she learns the importance of these traits and will model them to her own children.  Thus our ancient sages emphasize the important of understanding the context in which a woman grew up while evaluating if she is fitting to be your wife.

 

The Talmud continues:

If he cannot find the daughter of a Torah scholar, he should marry the daughter of one of the great people of the generation, who are pious. If he cannot find the daughter of one of the great people of the generation, he should marry the daughter of one of the heads of the congregations. If he cannot find the daughter of one of the heads of the congregations, he should marry the daughter of one of the charity collectors. If he cannot find the daughter of one of the charity collectors, he should marry the daughter of one of the schoolteachers. However, he should not marry the daughter of an ignoramus [am ha’aretz].

The common theme is that these men take some responsibility for others, as community leaders or trusted accountants and teachers.  They don’t just show up and expect the community to be functioning, they actively pitch in.  A girl growing up in the house of such a man learns the value of giving to others and taking responsibility. 

The ignorant “am ha’aretz” of that time were not just uneducated, they truly hated scholars and religious leaders.  These men could have gone to the academy and learned, they chose not to and were full of spite against men who did.  Our sages warned their students not to travel alone with these men, as they might harm the sages.  A girl growing up in a household that despised wisdom and intellectual growth would not be a good fit for a man looking to improve himself and his offspring.  We explained the Jacob took 20 years to wean his wives away from the values of their father.

Father are also encouraged to find proper men for their daughters:

Rabbi Meir would say: Anyone who marries off his daughter to an ignoramus is considered as though he binds her and places her before a lion. Why is this so? Just as a lion mauls its prey and eats it alive and has no shame, so too, an ignoramus strikes his wife and then engages in sexual relations with her without appeasing her first, he has no shame.

Judaism does not allow marital rape, and instead encourages husbands to be seductive and attractive to their wives.  An ignorant man will not have the patience or the mental and social acuity to seduce his own wife.  He doesn’t understand women well enough to turn them on, so he resorts to intimidation and even violence.  When a man leaves his intellectual capabilities underdeveloped, his physical urges dominate his life.

The Talmud notes that the ignorant deeply hate men who are accomplished in learning and teaching, and also quips: “And the wives of the ignoramuses hate Torah scholars more than the ignoramuses themselves.”

This is a profound concept.  Men who work to develop themselves, learn to use their intellect and rational process, and become leaders and teachers to other men are considered valuable and attractive in conventional Jewish society.  The wives of the ignorant men felt that their own husbands were lacking by comparison.  This jealousy from the subconscious knowledge they had an inferior mate enhanced their hatred of scholars.

 

You don’t have to be Jewish to gain from the ancient wisdom in the Bible.  This week we again begin studying the second of the five books of Moses, Exodus or Shemot meaning Names.  The Torah begins this book by naming the original Jews who came down to Egypt.  The first weekly reading in the book of Shemot is Exodus 1:1–6:1.

Last year we focused on the factors that allowed the ancient Jews to resist being assimilated into the larger Egyptian culture, and gained profound insight into the loyalty of the Jewish women to their husbands while the ancient Jews were enslaved in Egypt:

The ancient Jews merited national redemption because they worked to maintain their unique culture even among an extremely dominant mainstream milieu.  Our women took personal risks to maintain our people as a distinct nation.  They passed a test of faith and overcame hypergamy, like the Matriarchs before them.  This was possible because they realized that Jewish culture was something distinct and unique to be proud of.  That was only true because the ancient Jews, men and woman alike, worked to remain special and separate from mainstream culture.

The key lesson for modern men is to be distinct, by developing and guarding your own individuality.  This is a real struggle in modern times, when there is significant pressure to conform and obey.

This time around I want to focus your attention on specific women who went against the grain of mainstream Egyptian culture and political will.

The first are the Jewish midwives.  The Egyptians began to enslave the Jews and work them to death, sometimes literally.  Their goal was to prevent them from reproducing and ultimately eliminate the Jewish people (1:10).  This was history’s first “final solution to the Jewish problem”.  However, God had other plans: “But as much as they would afflict them, so did they multiply and so did they gain strength, and they (Egyptians) were disgusted because of the children of Israel.” (1:12)  The plan to work the Jews so hard they could not mate was thwarted, but only through Divine assistance.

So Pharaoh tried a more direct approach:  Now the king of Egypt spoke to the Hebrew midwives, one who was named Shifrah, and the second, who was named Puah.  And he said, “When you deliver the Hebrew women, and you see it on the birthstool, if it is a son, you shall put him to death, but if it is a daughter, she may live.” (1:15-16).

This was state sanctioned infanticide and genocide.  The midwives, dedicated to bringing human life into the world, did not obey Pharaoh (1:17-20):

The midwives, however, feared God; so they did not do as the king of Egypt had spoken to them, but they helped the boys to live.  So the king of Egypt summoned the midwives and said to them, “Why have you done this thing, that you have enabled the boys to live?”

And the midwives said to Pharaoh, “Because the Hebrew women are not like the Egyptian women, for they are skilled as midwives themselves; when the midwife has not yet come to them, they have already given birth.”  God benefited the midwives, and the people multiplied and became very strong.

A side note, this is the Biblical source for the concepts of natural birth and home birth, which are now enjoying a resurgence in popularity.

These two Jewish women defied the ruler of the strongest nation of the ancient world.  His plan was that the Jewish girls would grow up and without Jewish men to marry they would inevitably become wives (or concubines) to the dominant Egyptian men.  We might ask why Pharaoh did not simply order his army to abduct the Jewish infants and have Egyptian families adopt them.  The Jews were being used for slave labor to add to the Egyptian economy, and since men can do more physical labor, killing the boys seems illogical. 

 

Pharaoh understood the strengths of Jewish culture.  He and realized that these boys would grow up curious why they were treated differently than other Egyptians, since the Jews and Egyptians were genetically distinct (the Jews descending from Shem ben Noah while the Egyptians from Ham).  The adopted boys would eventually find out they were Jews and seek out their own heritage.  It would be easier to kill them as infants than to rely on the strength of Egyptian culture to brainwash the Jews into being true Egyptians.

The Jewish midwives, Shifra and Puah, were loyal not only to their men, but to the idea that human life, even of a newborn, is inherently valuable.  We touched on this concept when we examined abortion:

The Creator of the world wants us, mankind, to become a partner with Him in creation. One element of this partnership is to try to “be fruitful and multiply”.  That command includes more than having babies, it is also to celebrate every human life as worthwhile and valuable.  While that truth should be self evident, but these days in mainstream American society it is not.  One can recognize the necessity of abortion in very rare instances without endorsing and normalizing it.  Celebrating the destruction of a potential person, even if that choice was necessary and morally correct in the specific situation, is not consistent with valuing human life.

Egyptian culture, which already allowed open marriages and sexual abuse of slaves, is now openly sanctioning infanticide.  If Pharaoh could have ordered mass abortions and the implantation of permanent IUDs he would have done that instead of relying on the Jewish midwives to follow his will.  These women defied Pharaoh, and went up against a culture that had chosen to value death.

We see this same spirit today, there are a few women who espouse the value of human life even while their sisters deride them for this.  We explained that in Jewish law abortion is not always forbidden, but that celebrating abortion is the opposite of the Bible’s command to be fruitful and multiply. 

 

Pharaoh’s daughter

The influence of the Jewish midwives and their message that human life is inherently valuable must reverberated in Egyptian society.  Since the women would not allow infanticide, Pharaoh has his army and police seek out and throw the infant boys into the river.  This was also a symbolic sacrifice as Egyptians worshiped the Nile.  Even Egyptian boys were included in this final law, as Pharaoh’s astrologers predicted that a boy would be born who would save the Jews, but could not tell if he was Jewish or Egyptian.  Thus Pharaoh’s order to throw the infant boys into the river was to “all his people” 1:21.

When Moses is born, he is premature, and his mother is able to hide him for three months (2:2).  Then to obey Pharaoh’s order she does place him into the Nile, but in a basket (2:3)  Moses’ older sister watches to see what will happen, since she was the one who had a prophecy and encouraged her parents to try to have the child.  What does happen is incredible:

The daughter of Pharaoh came down to bathe in the Nile, while her maidens walked along the Nile. She spied the basket among the reeds and sent her slave girl to fetch it. When she opened it, she saw that it was a child, a boy crying. She took pity on it and said, “This must be a Hebrew child.” 2:5-6

Pharaoh’s own daughter disobeys her father, and goes against the cultural zeitgeist of Egypt which allowed and encouraged infanticide.  She keeps the Jewish baby, and even hired his own mother to nurse him.  She adopts him as her own child, gives him the name Moses, and raises him in the royal palace, under Pharaoh’s own nose.

Pharaoh’s daughter rebels against a mainstream culture and political establishment that is mandating gender specific infanticide.  She must have had a tremendous independence and strength of character to knowingly save and raise a Jewish boy despite the messages from her society.  This is what a true “independent woman” looks like.

It is simply backwards to assume that in modern times to be a “independent woman” requires following a feminist script for your life.  Feminist influence incredibly powerful in mass media and education, but that doesn’t make it correct or helpful for any specific woman.  True strength is refusing to let other people control you for their own agenda. 

 

Tzipora

Tzipora (also spelled Zipporah), Moses’ wife, is an enigmatic figure. Moses was the greatest prophet who ever lived, so certainly his own wife had a very special character.  However, the Torah does not directly tell us about her greatness.

By contrast the Bible states that Sarah, Abraham’s wife, engaged in converting souls to monotheism and was an accomplished educator.  Sarah was also able to overcome her own hypergamy and bring in Hagar as a concubine for Abraham when Sarah herself was not yet blessed with a child.

The Torah shows us Rebecca was exceptional by choosing to move to a foreign country at a young age to marry Isaac, a man she had never met, to join him in the Divine mission to spread the message of monotheism.  We also know that she was incredibly modest, refusing to be around men, and preventing herself from even thinking about being with them.  Rebecca also had insight into the natures of her twin sons that even Isaac failed to realize.

Jacob’s wives Rachel and Leah are also described in detail, Rachel putting her sister’s feelings and her husbands mission ahead of her own needs.  Leah displaying attraction to Jacob and raising sons with emotional sensitivity.

The Bible never tells us what made Tzipora eligible to marry Moses, but there is a strong hint given to those who are attentive:

When Pharaoh learned of the matter, he sought to kill Moses; but Moses fled from Pharaoh. He arrived in the land of Midian, and sat down beside a well. Now the priest of Midian had seven daughters. They came to draw water, and filled the troughs to water their father’s flock; but shepherds came and drove them off. Moses rose to their defense, and he watered their flock. When they returned to their father Reuel, he said, “How is it that you have come back so soon today?”

They answered, “An Egyptian man rescued us from the shepherds; he even drew water for us and watered the flock.” 

He said to his daughters, “Where is he then? Why did you leave the man? Ask him in to break bread.”

Moses consented to stay with the man, and he gave Moses his daughter Zipporah as wife. She bore a son whom he named Gershom, for he said, “I have been a stranger in a foreign land.”  (2:15-22)

First, this is an interesting contrast to the episode where Eliezer, Abraham’s right hand man, goes to a well and Rebecca draws the water for his camels (Gen 24:18-22).  Moses reminds us of Jacob’s actions at the well in Padan Aram (Gen 29:10).

More than that, it invites the question:  Why were shepherds trying to stop the daughters from drawing water? What was really going on here?

Our sages explain that their father (known as Jethro/Yitro, Yeter, Reuel, and by other names) had been an idolatrous priest to Midian, but with an unquenchable spiritual curiosity.  He tried every idol in the ancient pantheon, then at last decided to give up idolatry for monotheism.  He tried to share this message but was excommunicated by the idolaters and his daughters were harassed.

When Moses saves the girls and draws water, they report that “an Egyptian man” saved them.  Since Moses ends up marrying Tzipora, it is clear that it was Tzipora herself who spoke up for her sisters and gave this answer.  You may assume this “Egyptian man” means Moses, dressed in Egyptian garb.  Friends, recall that Moses is on the run, wanted by Pharaoh for murder.  While some sages comment that the girls recognized his clothing and language as Egyptian, you may think it unlikely that Moses would want to be seen in Egyptian style clothing. 

What the answer truly means is that the episode back in Egypt of an Egyptian man beating a Jewish slave caused Moses to step up for justice and slay the Egyptian.  This caused the sentence on Moses’ head and his flight to Midian, then his being at the right place at the right time to save Jethro’s daughters.

It was the fact of the Egyptian man committing an injustice against a helpless Jew that awakened Moses to his life work and eventually brought him to the well to save the girls (see Rabbeinu Bahya on 2:19).  The Medrash (Shemot Rabbah 1:32) explains that Moses declined to accept the invitation of the shepherdesses, explaining that it was actually due to the Egyptian man whom he had killed that they had been helped, since that caused him to be in Midian at the well.

Our sages explain this idea with an allegory:  A man was bitten by a snake, and ran to the river to cool his inflamed foot.  When he got there he saw a child drowning in the water, so he went in and saved him.  When the boy’s parents thanked the man, he said don’t thank me, thank the snake that bit me.

 

Tzipora was really saying that Moses’ journey to Midian was part of God’s plan.  She was able to see that the violence of one Egyptian man toward the Jew had led Moses, raised in the palace as a grandson to Pharaoh, to take dramatic action to protect his real people.  This set a chain of events in motion which caused Moses to be at the well at the precise time to save Tzipora and her sisters.  Jethro, being spiritually sensitive, understands Tzipora’s words and realizes that Moses is an important figure in God’s plan.  Why else would God set in motion a plan that involves a monotheist to run from Egypt, where every single Jew lives, and end up at the home of the only man in Midian who disavowed idolatry?

We see as well that Tzipora bought in to Moses’ mission.  The Bible uses the language “she bore him a son” to imply that Tzipora wanted to be a part of his life work, much like the earlier Matriarchs wanted to provide sons to our Patriarchs.  The name given, Gershom, emphasizes that Moses’ true spiritual task was not in the land of Midian.

After Moses is called by God to serve as messenger, a bizarre event takes place:

On the road at an inn, the LORD encountered him and sought to kill him.  So Zipporah took a flint and cut off her son’s foreskin, and touched his legs with it, saying, “You are truly a bridegroom of blood to me!”  And when He (God) let him (Moses) alone, she added, “A bridegroom of blood because of the circumcision.”  (4:24-26)

It is clear that Moses was in danger on account of having not given a circumcision (Brit Milah) to his infant son.  It appears that this was Moses’ younger son Eliezer.  Our sages bring an ancient tradition that huge snakes began to devour Moses alive, from the head and toes.  Tzipora sees this and takes immediate action – not to wrestle with snakes but to perform the circumcision on her own infant son.  Again Tzipora has a profound understanding of spiritual cause and effect, and instead of dealing with the obvious problem she solves the spiritual puzzle.

This attitude, that everything in life is part of the Divine plan, requires a very high level of belief in God.  Tzipora has taken the spiritual curiosity of her father Jethro to the next level, and learned to see that every event and encounter in her life somehow serves the Almighty.  This is a sign of her profound greatness and why she was a fitting wife to Moses.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Talmud brings a Mishnah about how multiple women should prepare Matzah, which must be done quickly so the dough does not rise:

Rabban Gamliel says: Three women may knead their dough at once, then bake the batches of dough in one oven, one after the other, and need not be concerned that their dough will become leavened while they are waiting to use the oven.
And the Rabbis say: Three women may be engaged in the dough as one, in the following manner: One kneads her dough as another one arranges her own dough so while another one bakes
Rabbi Akiva says: Not all women, not all wood, and not all ovens are the same, and therefore no set rules should be established. Rather, this is the principle: If the dough begins to rise while she waits, she should spread cold water onto the dough in order to stop the leavening process.

Rabbi Akiva is reminding us that people are not the same, we cannot rely on all of the women to work at the same speed.  Some may be faster at kneading while others are faster at baking.

You will see this in your own life, some people are more efficient at certain tasks while others have different talents.  You need to make allowances for individual discrepancies.  However, if the job simply isn’t getting done well enough or fast enough, you need to make it happen, even if must bring in extra help.

Some women are very good at some things, others are okay at a lot of things.  Know yourself and what you need before you decide to settle down with one woman.  If someone in your life can’t meet your needs, find someone else who has the talents you require.

The Talmud debates the concept of “ho’il” meaning “since”, the idea that since guests may come, we allow you to cook or bake extra food on a holiday to be ready to serve them.  This is the character trait we learn from Abraham, who would cook fresh food for guests (Genesis 18).  This idea is so powerful in Jewish tradition that while cooking on a holiday is allowed only to feed your family, we allow you to prepare food for others who may happen to come by.

The wisdom here is to have extra on hand.  This is not just food, but can be your time, energy, talents, and advice.  If a man comes to you for help, know some resources or books on topic you can share.  If your family needs extra help, step up.  Of course, to be able to have extra you have to take care of yourself first, maintain your health and be well rested.  Be mentally awake and on the look out for ideas and wisdom you can give to other men.

The Talmud brings a Mishnah: בָּצֵק הַחֵרֵשׁ, אִם יֵשׁ כַּיּוֹצֵא בּוֹ שֶׁהֶחְמִיץ — הֲרֵי זֶה אָסוּר.  This refers to “deaf dough”, or dough like earthenware, so we cannot tell if it is leavened (hametz).  If it is leavened it is forbidden on Passover, but since we do not know we try to compare it to another dough made at the same time, and look for signs of leavening in the other dough.

This is part of a larger concept of comparing one item to the group it comes from.  Yes, there are always exceptions that prove the rule, but in general the rule is valid.  When a certain group or generation displays similar traits, you can draw on that information to make assumptions about the individual from that group.

The Gemara notes than when there is no dough from the same batch to compare, we rely on an objective measurement, the time to walk a mil, which is reckoned at 18 minutes.  In Jewish law, we assume that a dough left alone for 18 minutes will leaven, even without outward signs.  Of course, with tell tale signs of leavening we know it is hametz.  This leads us to another point: when you cannot rely on comparisons, look for objective measures.  How does this person behave towards you?  How about to other people?  Be logical and evaluate people by their actual behavior.