Today we study, among other amazing tales, a vision of Rabbi Elazar ben Pedat, who was extremely poor.  He had blood let out (a common medical procedure) but only had a shoot of garlic to eat.  The Gemara advises a hearty meal with meat to recover.  When he passed out, the other rabbis who came to check on him saw him crying and laughing.  When he woke, he told them his crying and laughing was due to a vision of God:

I said to Him until when must I suffer poverty in this world?
He said: Elazar, My son, would it be convenient for you that I return the world to its beginning to start creation over?  Perhaps you would then be born in a time of greater sustenance.
I said before him: all that (restarting the entire world) for only a possibility?

We do not control the generation we are born into, so complaining about the general circumstances is pointless.  Some people pine for a simpler time, saying they were born too late.  If you asked your ancestors back then, they may gladly switch places with you and tell you that you don’t appreciate today’s conveniences.

Instead a man needs to learn how to thrive in whatever time and place he finds himself born into.  Don’t just go with the flow, observe and use you intellectual powers to analyze what works and what does not in your particular context.  Don’t be afraid to buck the trends of your era if that will help you personally.

Rabbi Elazar’s vision reminds us of the famous story (brought on Daf 23) of Honi haMagal:

Rabbi Yoḥanan said: All the days of that righteous man he was distressed over this verse: “A song of Ascents: When the Lord brought back those who returned to Zion, we were like dreamers” (Psalms 126:1).  He said to himself: Is there really a person who can sleep and dream for seventy years? (The Babylonian exile was 70 years).

One day, he was walking along the road when he saw a certain man planting a carob tree. Ḥoni said to him: This tree, after how many years will it bear fruit?  The man said to him:  after seventy years have passed. Ḥoni said to him: Is it obvious to you that you will live seventy years?
He said to him: I found the world full of carob trees. Just as my ancestors planted for me, I too am planting for my descendants.

Ḥoni sat and ate bread. Sleep overcame him and he slept. A cliff formed around him, and he disappeared from sight and slept for seventy years. When he awoke, he saw a certain man gathering carobs from that tree.
Ḥoni said to him: Are you the one who planted this tree?  The man said to him: I am his son’s son. Ḥoni said to him: I can learn from this that I have slept for seventy years.

The Gemara relates that his son had passed away and no one recognized him, they just assumed he was crazy.  He could not adapt to the new generation, and had no friends.  Honi begged God for mercy, and he died.  The sage Rava concludes: Either friendship or death.

This story reminds us that we are put in our specific generation for a purpose.  When we find it difficult, instead of wishing it were different, we need to work to make ourselves different.  One of the keys for success as a man is developing bonds of friendship and finding a tribe or group where you fit in.

Rabbi Yosei bar Avin left his rabbi, Rabbi Yose from Yokrat, and explained: That man had no mercy on his own son and daughter, how could he have mercy on me?  The Talmud clarifies:

He had a beautiful daughter. One day Rabbi Yosei from Yokrat saw a certain man piercing a hole in the hedge around his property and peeking in.
Rabbi Yosei said to him: What is this?
The man said to him: My teacher, if I have not merited marrying her, shall I not even merit to look at her?
Rabbi Yosei said to her: My daughter, you are causing people distress. Return to your dust, and let people no longer stumble due to you.

This holy rabbi cursed his own son and daughter, so he was not considered a worthy teacher.  Some explain that this girl was intentionally dressing in a provocative way.  The wording describing her as “baalat yofi” implies she was making an extra effort to attract attention.  This does not justify her father’s curse.

In religious circles it is not uncommon for girls to be taught that their bodies can be a stumbling block to men, and therefore they must cover up with modest clothing.  In truth, this isn’t a good approach, since it implies that a girl’s very existence is shameful and potentially sinful.

In addition, it removes responsibility from men for looking at women, which is contrary to the Bible.  God told us:  …recall all the commandments of the Lord and observe them, so that you do not stray after your heart and lust after what your eyes see (Numbers 15:39).  Our sages in Brakhot 12b note that the eyes bring thoughts of lust, citing Samson calling a Philistine girl “upright in his eyes” (Judges 14:3).

Clearly both genders can work on the ability to control our eyes and thoughts.  It is a mistake to put the entire burden of modesty onto women.  Men in religious groups are also taught to dress and act in a modest way.  So what is an appropriate message to women?

Imagine a priceless painting that was protected inside a guarded vault in an elite museum, where only art experts could examine it.  What if it was taken out to the street and left leaning on a fire hydrant.  No one there would appreciate the true value of the masterpiece.  Sure, a few people might think it’s kind of nice, but no one leaves priceless one of a kind artwork outside in a busy city.  Eventually the masterpiece would get ripped or spray painted over or splattered with mud from a passing bus.  The great worth of this amazing art would be ignored and degraded.

A woman’s beauty is a valuable gift that should be cherished and protected.  Keeping a high personal standard of modesty implies a healthy self esteem.  When you know you are valuable, you don’t need to try to spread your value all over the streets, you keep it guarded and reserved for the people who are most important to you.  Indeed, women who are trying hard to get men to lust after them are often making up for a severe lack of value in other areas.

This is a vital idea in modern society, which uses sexual imagery to sell goods and services.  Commercializing beauty actually devalues female aesthetics.  When a man can see gorgeous women everywhere, it can be harder to appreciate the unique charms of one particular girl.

The Talmud brings episodes of righteous men praying to end a drought.  When two rabbis went to Abba Hilkiya to ask him to pray for rain, he ignored them completely while he worked in the field, and engaged in some abnormal behaviors on the way home.  Then he told told his wife he knew why these rabbis had come to him, and took her up to the rood to pray for rain. 

When the rain came, he finally acknowledged the rabbis saying he was glad they didn’t need him.  They asked Abba Hilkiya to explain his bizarre behavior, including these questions:

What is the reason that when the Master reached the city, the Master’s wife came out adorned in her finery? He said to them: She dresses that way so that when I walk through the city I will not set my eyes upon another woman.

They asked: What is the reason that she entered first, and afterward the Master entered, and only afterward we entered? He said to them: Because I have not checked you (so I would not leave my wife alone with you even for a moment).

Obviously Abba Hilkiya was a very righteous and holy man, he could pray and rain would come.  In modern times many assume holy people must be isolated away from society.  In the Jewish understanding, holy people are fully engaged with everyone else, they marry and have children and hold jobs.  In fact, it is the ongoing struggle to retain a high level of spirituality while dealing with everyday challenges that makes someone holy.

Here Mrs. Abba Hilkiya certainly knew that her husband was righteous , but also was well aware that God created men with physical desires.  She enhanced her own beauty to help him avoid the temptation to look at other women.

If a man is considering a certain woman, he should pay attention to how she dresses and adorns herself before meeting him.  Women have no problem spending their time and money on clothing, hair, makeup, and personal fitness to impress men they want to attract.  If she doesn’t make the effort, that shows she doesn’t think he is worth the effort.

Abba Hilkiya himself of course knew his wife was loyal and devoted to him, but he did not trust other men around her.  A holy man does not ignore human nature, he understands it well.  This allows him to take precautions so it will not cause problems to him.

The Talmud brings stories about Rabbi Yitzḥak, who would always have his prayers answered:

Rabbi Mani said to his teacher: My wife is not acceptable to me (implying she is not beautiful). Rabbi Yitzḥak said: What is her name? Rabbi Mana replied: Ḥana. Rabbi Yitzḥak declared: Let Ḥana grow beautiful, and indeed she grew beautiful. After a while, Rabbi Mani said to Rabbi Yitzḥak: She now acts haughtily toward me.
He said to him: If so, let Ḥana return to her prior appearance, and she returned.

Jewish law requires a man to see his bride before they wed so he will not marry a woman he is not attracted to.  So Rabbi Mani should have conceded to Hana’s original looks when they wed.  So what does it mean that his wife was not acceptable?

It appears that since Hana did not consider herself beautiful, she was not readily accepting his romantic advances.  A woman who feels she is pretty, or is told that she is, is more likely to be passionate.  Of course Rabbi Mani would have told his wife she was pretty, but perhaps she did not fully believe him.

When Hana became beautiful, she felt that she didn’t need his praise anymore.  She may also have felt herself to be more valuable and desirable than he was.  A woman will not readily partner with a man she feels is lower than herself in worth.

Rabbi Yitzḥak undid his miracle, but we modern men need to work on increasing our own value, while keeping in mind that women crave admiration and want to feel beautiful.

Happy Hanukkah!

The Talmud brings a story in which the prophet Eliyahu (Elijah) identified people who had a great reward in store the next world, meaning after death.  Elijah had lived about 1000 years prior to the events in the Talmud, he did not die but was taken up to heaven in a “chariot of fire” (II Kings 2) and was able to return to earth to visit certain people.  Jewish wisdom also teaches that Elijah visits, though not in his body, every Brit Milah (circumcision) and Passover meal.

Judaism teaches that there is an afterlife in which we are rewarded for any good we did in this life.  The afterlife is not limited to Jews, upstanding non-Jews also receive reward (“The righteous of the nations have a share in Olam Ha-Ba” Talmud Sanhedrin 105a, Rambam Mishneh Torah, Laws of Repentance 3, 5; Laws of Kings 8, 11).

However, the Bible focuses on this life and our actions here, and the afterlife is merely hinted to (Genesis 15:15, 25:8, Exodus 15:1, Samuel I 28:11).  We are expected to work on becoming great in this world without the motivation of an intangible reward (Pirke Avot 1:3).

In this story, Elijah pointed out two men destined for a great afterlife.  They were comedians, and used their talent to cheer up depressed people and to bring peace between two people who were arguing, and even to bring peace between man and wife.  It seems odd that comedians would be able to resolve marital strife.

Naturally, if either partner is depressed, that prevents that person from functioning well within the relationship.  While humor isn’t likely to reconcile spouses at odds, it can cheer up one of them, allowing him or her to better deal with the problems of the relationship.

This is vital for modern men.  If you have issues in a relationship, it may actually be your own wellbeing that needs your attention.  If you take care of yourself and maintain a positive mood while working towards your own goals, this makes you an asset to the other partner.  Just being an upbeat person who is fun to be around is a big step in the right direction.

No one really wants to be stuck with a man who is depressed, lazy, or lacks a mission he is working towards.  When you focus on yourself and strive to become the best version of you, then other people will hold you in higher esteem.  You might want to start not only with comedy and positivity, but with working on your health and fitness.  Lifting weights can release chemicals that balance your mood, and investing in your health builds your sense of self.

Happy Hanukkah!

The Talmud is in the midst of a number of impressive stories that include some miraculous events.  One is Nachum Ish Gam Zu, who was called this peculiar name became he would say aloud “Gam Zu letovah” meaning this also is for best.  Even when it looked like things were going wrong, he firmly believed that it was God’s plan and therefore ultimately for the best. 

We see from Nachum that verbalizing a positive attitude helps you.  When you are working on a difficult task, remind yourself “I got this”.  During competition it is especially helpful to remind your teammates that your team is doing their best.

The Talmud recounts how the Jews needed to send a gift to the Caesar (likely to avoid Roman persecutions).  They sent Nachum Ish Gam Zu with a chest full of gems and pearls.  However, when he spent the night at an inn on the way to meet the Romans, the owners of the inn snuck in and took the valuables, replacing them with dirt.

When Nachum arrived at the Romans, they opened the gift and found the dirt, and the Caesar wanted to kill him.  Elijah the prophet appeared, looking like a Roman general, and suggested that this dirt could be from their patriarch Abraham, who threw dirt and straw at his enemies, which was miraculously transformed into swords and arrows, as hinted in Isaiah 41:2. 

The Romans threw Nachum’s dirt against a fortified enemy, and it turned into weapons and they were victorious.  They sent Nachum back with the chest full of jewels and pearls.  At the inn the owners asked what he gave the emperor, since he received so much honor from the Romans.

Nachum told them that only what he took from here he brought there.  After he left the innkeepers tore down their entire building and brought all the dirt and rubble to the Caesar.  The Romans tested it on the battlefield and it was merely dirt, so they executed the innkeepers.

This is not merely an example of how God lets wicked people get what they deserve.  This is a reminder that each man must find his own method of success.  When we see someone else do something that impressed other people, it is tempting to copy that.  This feeling is amplified by modern social media, and we end up with thousands of versions of the same joke.

A wise man is aware of what works in practice, but finds his own methods for success that do not simply copy others.

Happy Hanukkah!

The Talmud brings an amazing story about Nakdimon ben Gurion, who rented twelve wells full of water to supply the pilgrims coming to Jerusalem for the festivals.  As it had not rained, there was no public water available for them.  He pledged an immense amount of his own money to cover the water.

However, it did not rain by the last day of the rental so the wells were empty.  The owner of the wells scoffed that it had not rained in a year and demanded his money.  Nakdimon replied that he still had this day, and he went into the Temple and prayed that he had not rented the wells for his own honor, but for the pilgrims.

In response God poured down so much rain that the twelve wells overflowed.  Nakdimon joked with the owner that he now owed for the extra water, but that man said although he knew God only shook the world for Nakdimon’s sake, he could still collect the collateral since the day had already ended so the rental term was over when the rain fell.

Nakdimon returned to the Temple and prayed, and God parted the clouds and the sun shone, revealing that it was still daytime.  The well owner complained that had the sunlight not pierced the clouds he could have taken the money anyway.  He never says a word of thanks for the miraculous replenishment of his wells.

This incident shows that people will scoff at you even when you accomplish amazing things.  If you are working on yourself to become a greater man, expect push back, even if you are showing miraculous results.  People who were used to the old you expect that you will never change, so they assume you are faking it when you make progress.  Keep pushing yourself despite naysayers.

The Talmud explains the statement “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful” (Proverbs 27:6), noting that the curse with which Ahijah the Shilonite cursed the Jewish people is more effective than the blessing with which Balaam the wicked blessed them.

Ahijah the Shilonite cursed the Jewish people by comparing them to a reed: “For the Lord will smite Israel as a reed is shaken in the water.”  Just as this reed stands in a place of water, and its shoots replenish themselves when cut, and its roots are numerous, and even if all the winds in the world come and blow against it, they cannot move it from its place, rather, it sways with them until the winds subside, and the reed still stands in its place.

However, Balaam the wicked blessed the Jews by calling them a cedar, as it is stated: “As cedars beside the waters” (Numbers 24:6). Just as this cedar does not stand in a place of water, and its shoots do not replenish themselves, and its roots are not numerous. Even though if all the winds in the world blow on it they will not move it from its place, once the mighty southern wind blows against it, it uproots the tree.

Criticism from your friend may help you grow, while praise from an enemy will mislead you.  Often under pressure it is necessary to bend in order not to break.

Happy Hanukkah!

Today we begin the third chapter in Taanit, which explains that our ancestors did not only fast and pray for a lack of rain in the rainy season, but also for other problems such as stunted or abnormal growth of crops, insufficient rain for reservoirs, blight, or plague.

The Talmud notes that a real plague is measured by a string of deaths among healthy, strong men – the kind of men able to go out to battle.  If the people perishing were already aged or sickly, or women affected by childbirth, this isn’t considered a public disaster.  It is simply part of life that people age and pass on.

It is important for men in present day society to realize this concept.  Modern mass media captures eyeballs and makes money by playing to our primal fear of death and disease.  The coverage can be misleading and even manipulative.  If the media can make you afraid, then you will feel you have to tune in over and over to protect yourself.

In reality death is part of life.  A wise man plans for the inevitable by accomplishing what he can when he can.

The Talmud also mentions that a major calamity in one city would prompt prayer or fasting by the neighboring towns, lest the problem spread to them.  Keep in mind that 2000 years ago long distance communication was so slow that a plague in another country would likely be over by the time the news reached you.  If you heard news from another city that meant the other place was close by, and it would be rational to take precautions.

The modern media fixates on disasters, even those far from you, to appeal to your fear and keep you coming back.  While there are dangers in the world, the nonstop vivid coverage of kidnappings or murders in other time zones does not impact your own existence where you are.  It is a manipulation to suck you in.

A man is better off using his time to recognize and prepare for the actual threats already present in his local area.  Allowing the media to create your mental map of danger and safety means other people control how you see your world.  This would be an abdication of your responsibility as a man to improve your own area.  If we are not distracted by far away fears we can start addressing problems that are in our neighborhoods.

One of the lessons of Hanukkah is that a man should decide for himself through what framework he sees the world, and not let outside forces tell him what is good or right.  We see today that the emotion of fear is a powerful tool others can use to usurp control of your frame from you.  A modern man needs to be on guard for this.

Happy Hanukkah!

The Talmud notes that our ancestors did not fast on certain days listed in an ancient scroll called Megilat Taanit.  One of these minor holidays was instituted because the Jews succeeded in having the Roman government abolish decrees they had made to oppress the Jews such as preventing Torah study, circumcision, and Sabbath observance.

When the Jewish delegation to Rome did not succeed through official channels, they asked advice from a prominent Roman woman who was frequently visited by the great men of Rome.  The Talmud refers to her as a “matronita”.  Matrona is Latin for a high status woman, the source for the English word matron.  However, the suffix “-ita” connotes little, young, or cute, as it does in Spanish, for example the name Eva becoming Evita.

The implication from the use of the word matronita and the phrase “the great men of Rome were frequently by her” hints that she may have been a high class call girl to the influential men of Rome.  Back to that in a moment.

She advised the Jews to make a loud public protest, but at night.  They did so, crying out:
“Are we not brothers? (referring to the twins Jacob and Esav, as Rome came from Edom/Esav)
Are we not children of one father? (Isaac)
Are we not children of one mother? (Rebecca)
How are we different from any other nation and language that you single us out and issue against us evil decrees?”

The Roman government abolished the laws against the Jews practicing Judaism, so this day became a minor holiday.

Some explain that the advice from the matronita was simply practical, as no protest could be heard in the daytime due to  the heavy traffic and noise in the crowded streets and forum of Rome.  Another element is that at night people were at home, or perhaps by a mistress, harlot, or paramour instead.

If, as hinted, this matronita was in that business, she was aware that the great men of Rome frequented sex workers.  If everyone woke up in response to a loud commotion at night, these Romans would be at risk of being caught with someone they were not married to.  The last thing they would want would be for the Jews to keep up the racket at night when they were vulnerable to exposure.

This protest reminds us of three practical elements for negotiation.  First, make sure the other party is actually hearing you and not distracted.  Second, find common ground between the parties.  Lastly, know the weaknesses of the other side and imply that you can put pressure on those areas.

Today, apropos of Hanukkah the Talmud mentions that a Greek governor used to pine for the day he would conquer and destroy Jerusalem.  When the Jews were victorious, they cut off his thumbs and hung them up to display.

Happy Hanukkah!

On Daf 15 the Talmud taught that the shift of priests serving in the Temple did not fast for the entire day.  Today we learn that the priests on duty that week were not allowed to do their laundry or take a haircut, so they would be available to help with the offerings in the Temple.  They were supposed to take care of these needs before their shift began.

The exception is on Thursday, when they were permitted to prepare for the Sabbath.  On this topic the Talmud cites a teaching about keeping up your appearance:

A king cuts his hair every day, a High Priest cuts his hair every Friday, and a common priest once every thirty days.
The Gemara clarifies: A king cuts his hair every day. What is the reason? Rabbi Abba bar Zavda said that the verse states: “Your eyes shall see the king in his beauty” (Isaiah 33:17).
A High Priest cuts his hair every Friday. The Gemara asks: What is the reason for this? Rav Shmuel bar Yitzḥak said: Since the shifts are renewed (a new shift of priests comes in).

The king, being the figurehead of the nation, was always kept looking his best, not only with his hair and beard, but his hygiene and wardrobe as well.  This is an important lesson for modern men.  We all have days on which we find it difficult to make the effort.  But that could be the day you meet someone new and your appearance will impact how this person relates to you.

The High Priest was always on duty in the Temple, and it would be tempting to get used to this situation.  But a new shift of Cohanim came each week, and they were serving for the first time in a while.  If their leader did not look his best or his appearance made the Temple service look like a heavy burden, this would diminish their enthusiasm.

When you lead a team or group be aware that you should take the time to look and dress to a higher standard.  While you should fit in with the group you must put in extra effort to be above average.

One of customs on the most intense public fast days was to place ashes on the heads of the greatest community leaders, afterwards each man put ashes on his own head.  The Gemara asks why the leaders do not place ashes on their own heads as well, and answers that a man embarrassing himself is not even close to a man being humiliated by others.

Keep in mind that here the intention was not to debase these prominent men in front of the whole city, but to demonstrate that even the highest leaders were ready to humble themselves to pray for rain.  This would inspire everyone to beseech God for mercy wholeheartedly.

Gentlemen, this is important lesson for today.  We see that some people make jokes at their own expense.  This is not an invitation for other men to pile on.  A man may be self debasing but still very sensitive to being insulted by others.

This is not to say that a man should make himself the butt of a joke.  Even saying things like your wife is your “better half” or you don’t know why she picked you implies you are lower in status.  This may lead others, including your wife, to question your value in the relationship.

It can be tempting when one person is self effacing to share something embarrassing about yourself.  You should avoid creating a self pity party, but instead try to redirect the man to focus on his value and accomplishments instead of his flaws.