The Talmud cites a teaching that the extra word “on her” in the verse of Yibum links the same word in Leviticus 4:14, which is part of the procedure for a leader atoning for his mistake by bringing a public offering.

We learn from here that just like your brothers wife, if not in the unique context of Yibum, is forbidden on pain of excision and requires a sin offering if done by accident, so too leaders (and the rest of us) only bring an offering on sins that carry these punishment.

A leader like everyone must be responsible and own his mistakes.  But he doesn’t bring an offering for just anything.  Significant errors carry liability, minor issues do not.  Part of the problem we face in modern times is a lack of proportion: when some leaders make small mistakes, they are blown up by an aggressive media.  However, when other people do things more malevolent and damaging, this gets ignored and downplayed.

This process drives a lack of accountability for some, and a bizarre situation for others where they have to apologize for the possibility of some minor insult that may or may not have even happened.

When someone in your life brings up minor lapses and makes a big deal out of them, this is improper.  Yes, you can still own it and simply say mistakes were made or nobody’s perfect.

Beware of someone who pushes you to be accountable for non issues.  This is symptomatic of someone who makes mountain out of molehill.    Such a neurotic personality  does.not.make a good partner

The Talmud explains that according to Rabbi Yehuda the prince, the verse commanding a man to take his brother’s widows in Yibum is written with extra emphasis on the word Yibum in order to teach that cowives of a prohibited woman are forbidden in the context of Yibum only.  So if Jimmy’s brother was married to his own daughter and two other wives, not only is Jimmy forbidden to perform Yibum with his daughter, but even with the other two women.  However, if Jimmy’s brother had passed with children or divorced his non-related wives, then Jimmy could marry one of those women.

When relationships end, there is a temptation to try to start anew from a clean slate.  It is true that you should not be weighed down by the feelings stemming from previous relationships.  However, how they ended is relevant for your future connections.

When you are considering a romantic partner, or a business partner, their past is always important.  How did their last partnership end?  People are affected by their past and do enter new relationships with baggage.   When things come apart it is very rare for that to be totally due to the actions of one side.

If someone is blaming the other party exclusively, that tells you this person has no capacity to realize he own faults.  If they tend to exaggerate the faults of others while minimizing their own, while this is a normal human behavior, it can clue you in to how this person may talk about you in the future.

The Talmud continues comparing commandments in the Bible, examining when we can apply the general rule that a positive command to do something overrides a conflicting command not to do something.  Our sages point out that without comparing Exodus 35:3 and Numbers 35:29 we would have thought that the court can execute convicted sinners on the Sabbath itself.

The Gemara suggests that this assumption is not necessarily due to a general rule, but from the fact that we perform sacrifices in the Temple even on Shabbat, showing that the service overrides the Sabbath.  However, executions override the Temple service: if a priest who was a convicted murderer ran into the Temple to perform a service, the court sends agents to remove him and take him out to execution.  Since execution pushes aside Divine service, which is done even on the Sabbath, we would assume executions can be done on the Sabbath.

The only exception is if the priest actually makes it onto the altar and is already performing a service.  “You shall take him from with My altar to die” (Exodus 21:14) implies that if a man is near the altar he can be removed, but from on top of the altar no.  He would have a short stay of execution to finish the service he was doing.

We are all mortal.  While this fact is difficult to acknowledge, it can be an important source of motivation.  All of us are headed towards the same fate.  What matters is what we choose to accomplish right now, while we have the ability to make our mark on this world.

Some men are partially dead already.  Those who are not actively working towards a mission, or developing their own lives, or helping other men.  Many human beings are like zombies, moving and filling their bellies but without a larger purpose.

Ask an average man what he is living for.  “To go to work”.
Why go to work?  “You know, I gotta eat”.
Why do you eat?  “To live”.
Why live?  “…Well, I gotta go to work!”

True, some are looking forward to a nice vacation, or retirement, or a hobby on the weekend.  That keeps him going.  But even though he is alive, a man is not really living without a purpose which drives him.  Men must work on ourselves and find a cause that brings us a real sense of being alive.

One way to start is to ask yourself what you are willing to die for.  A cause?  True love?  Your comrades in arms?  If you find a worthy thing you would die for, then ask yourself how you can live for this mission as well.

We are all just like the convicted priest on top of the altar.  While we are busy with our mission we have a stay of execution.  But without that, we are walking dead.

The Talmud explains why the commandment to build the Tabernacle (and later the Temple in Jerusalem) did not override the prohibitions of working on the Sabbath.  While typically a command in the Bible to do something overrides a conflicting statement not to do something, there is a scriptural source for keeping the Sabbath even with respect to constructing the Temple.

Leviticus 19:30 instructs us to both keep the Sabbath and respect the holy places (the Tabernacle or Temple).  The Gemara explains that the respect is not really for the place, but for the one Who commanded us in these rules.  Obeying His rules about the Sabbath and holy places shows that we respect His authority.

On a practical level, we do not enter a holy place dirty or spit there.  A man was not allowed to bring his walking stick, wallet, or shoes onto the Temple mount.  These rules were to help men appreciate the One who designated the place as holy.

When you set rules and standards, pay attention to how other people treat these.  If someone doesn’t care for your rules, this implies they don’t respect you.

Even simple requests, like asking that people not to leave their things on your desk, allow you to test if others actually care about your standards.  Be aware that your stated preferences are a proxy for respect for you as a person.

The Talmud continues discussing the concept of positive commands in the Bible overriding the negative “thou shalt not” commandments if there is a conflict.  One suggested source for this rule is the purification ritual for a Metzora, a man with skin blotches (often assumed to be leprosy but actually different).

The Bible commands “And it shall be on the seventh day, that he shall shave all his hair off his head and his beard and his eyebrows, even all his hair he shall shave off” (Leviticus 14:9).  However, we are also warned “You shall not round the corners of your heads” (Leviticus 19:27) meaning it is prohibited to shave the sideburns.  This not only forbids a bowl cut, a hairstyle used by ancient idolaters, but also shaving the entire head.  However, since the Metzora is commanded to shave his head to exit his impure status, he must do so despite Leviticus 19:27.

The Gemara notes that this prohibition, and the related restriction on shaving beards (with a straight razor, scissors and many electric razors are permitted) do not apply to women.  The Gemara in Kiddushin 35 explains that there is a scriptural basis for this exclusion, but it is also simply logical as women do not normally grow beards.  If a woman happens to grow facial hair, she is permitted to remove it by any means necessary.

This highlights the fact that there are different standards of beauty for men and women.  This is not a “social construct” but a reality of human beings on planet earth.  Any normal man, in any society, at any period of human history would prefer to mate with a woman without facial hair.  This could be due to associating facial hair with masculinity, or simply realizing that it was abnormal on a woman.

Women for their part are much more picky when it comes to masculine attractiveness.  They prefer men with a V-taper torso, muscular shoulders wider than his waist.  They also tend to prefer men who display signs of accomplishment, such as expensive suits, watches, or sports cars, or who enjoy social proof or fame.  Intangible factors such as confidence, decisiveness, and ease in social situations can also be attractive to women.

A man should be aware that today mainstream culture actively blurs the line of what is beautiful.  If you go back just a couple decades, periodicals and advertisements relied on traditional depictions of feminine beauty or masculine forms and traits to sell products or ideas.  Advertisers did so because it works.  Men prefer feminine women and women like masculine men.  That is simply how we are.

Use this truth to guide your own look.  Yes, you should dress in a manner that fits your tribe or social circle.  Wearing properly fitting clothing helps emphasize your figure.  Your body itself can be molded through proper diet and exercise.  While today beards are optional, facial hair is associated with manliness.

Even more important is learning to incorporate socially intelligent behaviors into your daily life.

Today the Talmud finishes analyzing the structure of the list of women who, along with any co-wives they have, do not perform Yibum.  Then our sages ask a bombshell question: Why don’t they?

The Bible contains both positive commands – things we must do, and negative commands – things we cannot do.  When these conflict, the positive overrides the negative.  The example given is that we are told not to combine wool and linen in a garment, but also required to make fringes or twisted strings (tzitzit) on certain clothing (Deuteronomy 22:11–12).  These verses are adjacent and contain hints that there is something extra, so our sages explain that we can even put wool strings into a linen garment or vice versa.

The Talmud brings other examples on tomorrow’s Daf where the “do” command overrides the “do not”.  This is a rule for Biblical analysis.  Our sages note that even the positive commandment of Yibum would override certain prohibited relationships, if not for extra words linking the prohibition of marrying your wife’s sister to the commandment of Yibum.  The extra words in those verse teach us that even in a Yibum situation, your wife’s sister and similarly forbidden women cannot be taken in Yibum.

Get up and go is a general concept for life.  Going out and doing something has a much greater impact on your personal growth than avoiding certain situations.  While we do need to stay out of danger and avoid people who sap our time and energy, putting in work to actively change yourself is more important.

Men are creatures of habit, and tend to live predictable and comfortable lives.  However, there is value in changing your routine and doing something new or unexpected.  Actively doing new things actually created pathways in your brain.  You become the product of what you choose to do and think.

The first Mishnah in Yevamot starts with a list of the 15 women who are not only ineligible for Yibum, but prevent their co-wives from Yibum as well.  The Mishnah states there are 15, then lists 15, then concludes “behold, these exempt their co-wives…”

Our sages analyze this Mishnah and note that not only is the order of the women unexpected, but stating the number and concluding phrase are extra.  If you have a list of items, you don’t have to tell us how many, we can count.  The earlier sages who formulated the Mishnah made the list specifically in this way so later rabbis would realize that certain women were purposefully left off the list.

The Gemara explores the order of the list and concludes that certain women prohibited to the man who would do the Yibum through a “drasha”.  This means that the verses in the Bible do not clearly say the law, but hint to it in a way that requires intellectual analysis and comparison to grasp.  Many laws of the Bible are learned through applying human brain power to detect nuances and alike areas in the text.

The Bible was indeed written in a sort of code, on purpose, to force us to work to understand the intent behind the words.  At Sinai God also gave us the tools to decode the verses, but they require real erudition to apply and reach valid conclusions about the true meaning of the text.

By stating the number of women on the list and adding an extra conclusion, the sages who wrote the Mishnah implied that certain cases were excluded.  The Gemara analyzes the factors that truly fit the list to figure out the answers.  In this way the early sages emulated the text of the Bible, by dropping hints to get our attention that there are deeper levels of understanding to tease out.

When you list items, use these ideas to engage your audience.  Saying you explain three reasons to make a certain business deal implies that there may be other reasons that you did not find worthwhile to consider.  Your business partners may want to know why they were not important, so be prepared for this.

Consider the order you use.  It could make a big impression to start with the most important item, but this can make the follow up items on the list appear weak.  Sometimes you need to start small and build up to the main focus.

You can also purposefully give less information than your list should have.  If you say “I like three things about you” but only share two, the person becomes very curious about what the missing third item could be.  You can have them guess, making your conversation more exciting and building a sense of mystery about yourself.

Gentlemen, Mazal Tov on beginning a new area of learning, Yevamot, the first installment of the order of women (Nashim).   Recall from our introduction that a man whose brother died without children is obliged by Torah law to marry his deceased brother’s widow, if both of them want such a marriage (Deuteronomy 25:5-6). If they do not want to marry, there is a separate procedure of Halitza to release the widow to marry someone else.

However, the Bible also teaches that certain women are forbidden for marriage and intimacy, most of these being relatives.  One of these prohibitions is on the wife of your brother; Yibum is the exception to this rule.  However, if the widow (Yevamah) is otherwise a woman forbidden for the brother to marry, this would preclude the commandment of Yibum.

The first topic in Yevamot is which women are exempt from this commandment and also exempt their co wives.  As a reminder, polygyny, meaning a man married to more than one woman, was safe, legal, and rare.  The fact that a man could be married to multiple wives can make the logistics of Yibum more complex.

The first Mishnah explains that a woman who was not allowed to marry a certain man (called an Ervah in Hebrew) exempts her co wives from Yibum.  Imagine Reuven’s daughter Jill was married to Shimon, who was also married to Sally.  Shimon died without children, which would normally make Reuven responsible to marry Jill or Sally in Yibum.  As Jill is his own daughter, Reuven cannot marry her.  The Mishnah teaches that he also cannot marry Sally.  Even if Sally went and married another brother who also died without children, Reuven may still not perform Yibum with her.

The practical lesson here is to be aware of the personal history of the people with whom you are considering forming a serious relationship.  Our past is a prologue to our present, and the experiences a person has had earlier in life do impact their decision making and their capability to sustain a healthy relationship.

Be cautious if a woman has associated with certain types of men in the past and suddenly changes her approach to relationships and seeks a “nice guy”.   Some women express this as “I had my fun but I’m ready to settle down” or similar sentiments.  Since this is totally at odds with her prior preferences, she may be looking for a man who can pay her bills, but does not want to have “fun” as she used to.

Today we begin our study of tractate Yevamot and the order of women (Nashim in Hebrew).  This order of the Talmud focuses on marriage, divorce and the like.  While studying these areas of law we also learn about contracts, legal documents, conditions, acquisitions, and many such concepts that form the foundation for a thriving society.

Tractate Yevamot focuses on the commandment of Levirate marriage, Yibum in Hebrew.

The Bible states:

If brothers reside together, and one of them dies having no son, the dead man’s wife shall not marry an outsider.  Rather, her husband’s brother shall be intimate with her, take her a wife for himself, thus performing the obligation of a husband’s brother with her. The first son that she bears shall be counted for the dead brother, that his name may not be blotted out in Israel. (Deuteronomy 25:5-6)

A man whose brother died without children is obliged by Torah law to marry his deceased brother’s widow, see Judah and Tamar and Ruth.  This levirate (levir is Latin for brother) marriage is a way of making sure a widow is taken care of and remains part of her first husband’s family.  The express purpose is to create an heir for the man who died without any children, both in the physical sense to inherit him, and in a deeper spiritual way.

We discussed this concept regarding Judah and Tamar, and by Ruth and Naomi.  Standing in for the deceased is taking over responsibility and continuing the legacy of the brother.  This is also one of the circumstances under which a man may have more than one wife.  In a mystical sense, the widow and brother are rebuilding the line of the deceased, and repairing the damage inflicted when Cain murdered Abel.

This sounds bizarre in modern times, but was actually a vital protection for ancient widows by incentivizing her husband’s brothers to care for her.  This woman, her own husband deceased, is not rejected and sent away but kept instead kept in his family and provided for.   She gets to retain the same support system and network of family and friends that she has grown used to.

If such a marriage is not agreeable, Jewish law allows either the brother and the widow to refuse this marriage and undergo a different ritual called Halitza.  After Halitza the widow may marry outside the family (Deut. 25:7-10).  Most Jewish communities practice Halitza today instead of Yibum.  We will study why in the Talmud.

However, we can understand the practicality and message of Yibum.  The widow enjoys the security of remaining in the family and her home, while the brothers of her husband have the opportunity to join her to create an heir to their deceased brother.  Both men and women have a responsibility to their current family and to the next generation.

During our study of Yevamot we will encounter concepts relevant to marriage and mating generally.  Yevamot is rightly considered one of the most difficult and complex tractates in the Talmud.

Gentleman, Mazal Tov on completing tractate Hagiga.

Yesterday we mentioned the table in the Temple which was kept loaded with bread at all times (see Exodus 25:30).  The Gemara today brings an explanation of Ezekiel 41:22, which oddly mentions the altar along with the table.  This teaches that when the Temple stood, the offerings on the altar atoned for a man.  Without the altar, a man’s personal table is able to bring atonement.

A table can bring spiritual blessings through a man using it to feed needy guests, and gathering people together to learn and celebrate.  Like the Temple’s altar served as a spiritual focal point for the entire nation, one man’s own table can bring many men together to accomplish more.  Being a good host allows you not just to feed the hungry, but to make a positive impact on their lives.

The importance of your table in Jewish wisdom is reflected in an ancient custom that a man would have his casket made from his dining room table (Rabeinu Behai describes this as a custom of Jews in France and Spain).  I have heard some would use a table on which they learned Torah.  This was thought to harness the merit of his feeding and teaching others during his lifetime.

We have an echo of this custom today even in mainstream society.  Men collect trophies and plaques to show their accomplishments.  We should be aware that excessive fixation on past successes can be a show of arrogance and a distraction from building a better future.  However, it is important and vital to recognize and celebrate your victories.

Those learning Talmud with the Daf Yomi experience this when we finish a tractate, as the custom is to make a party and share words of wisdom.  Any man can recall his achievements and use this energy to propel himself further in life.

Mazal Tov!