The Talmud examines a statement of Rav Mesharshiya that rules on which sage to follow (example, in an argument between Rabbi Yehuda and Rabbi Shimon we follow Yehuda’s teaching) do not apply. The Gemara brings examples of why Rav Mesharshiya might say this, including a rather juicy Mishnah from the Talmud in Yevamot 41:
וכן שאר כל הנשים לא ינשאו ולא יתארסו עד שיהו להן שלשה חדשים אחד בתולות ואחד בעולות אחד אלמנות ואחד גרושות אחד ארוסות ואחד נשואות
And similarly, all other women may not be married or even betrothed until three months have passed following their divorce or the death of their husbands, whether they are virgins or non-virgins, whether they are widows or divorcees, and whether they became widowed or divorced when they were betrothed or fully married. (If she is within the first three months of a pregnancy from her first husband, and she gives birth six months later, there would be a doubt as to the paternity. The Sages mandated a 3 month waiting period for marriage universally.)
רבי יהודה אומר נשואות יתארסו
Rabbi Yehuda says: A woman who had been fully married when she became widowed or divorced may be betrothed immediately, (since couples do not have relations during the period of their betrothal). However, she may not fully marry until three months have passed (in order to differentiate between any possible offspring from the first and second husband).
וארוסות ינשאו חוץ מארוסה שביהודה מפני שלבו גס בה
A woman who had only been only betrothed when she became widowed or divorced may be married immediately, (we assume that the couple did not have relations during the period of their betrothal). This is except for a betrothed woman in Judea, because there the bridegroom’s heart is bold, (it was customary for engaged couples to be alone together during the period of betrothal, and consequently there is a suspicion that they might have had relations, in which case she might be carrying his child).
In Judea (Yehuda), the geographic area, the custom was to allow the groom to spend time alone with the future bride – this was not intended to allow any physical contact. Rabbi Yehuda points out that this creates a possibility that things happened and she could be pregnant. Therefore a girl from that area must wait the three months before getting married.
This Mishnah contains a few critical lessons about how our ancestors from thousands of years ago understood men and women. First of all, there is a deep need to establish who the father of a child is. We have explored how the Bible is fervently opposed to cuckoldry and even the suspicion of infidelity.
We also see that the general presumption was that young couples were not engaging in premarital intimacy. Girls lived in their fathers’ homes and were typically never left alone with suitors. The notable exception was in Judea, where there was some alone time allowed. Not that the Judeans encouraged anything untoward, but it became a possibility. Technically this couple is already married, Jewish betrothal creates the first stage of marriage. However, they are not allowed to live together as man and wife until the second stage is complete, as we mentioned by Isaac and Rebekah.
The language Rabbi Yehuda uses is that the young man’s heart is bold with her. Since they are alone together he feels bold enough to make a move even before marriage. The same language “libo gas bah” can also mean he is infatuated with her. You can imagine the strong desires of a young man allowed for the first time to be alone with a girl who he is technically married to already… The danger here is that intimacy will cause him to become infatuated and obsessed with her, which is not a healthy approach to beginning a married life together.
Obviously modern men have a very different experience, but the danger of an unhealthy obsession with a women due to intimate contact still exists. Sexual intimacy is a very powerful force, use it wisely.
Red Pill Rabbi 