Almost 2200 years ago two guys made a substantial bet over who could make Hillel angry.
What happened next?  Our Talmud explains:

That day that he chose to bother Hillel was Shabbat eve, and Hillel was washing his hair.  He went and passed the entrance to Hillel’s house and in a demeaning manner said: Who here is Hillel, who here is Hillel? Hillel wrapped himself in a dignified garment and went out to greet him.  He said to him: My son, what do you seek? He said to him: I have a question to ask.  Hillel said to him: Ask, my son, ask. The man asked him: Why are the heads of Babylonians oval? (He was attempting to insult Hillel, who was Babylonian). He said to him: My son, you have asked a significant question. The reason is because they do not have clever midwives. They do not know how to protect the child’s head at birth.

He comes back for more…

That man went and waited a short time, returned and said: Who here is Hillel, who here is Hillel? Again, Hillel stops his shower, wrapped himself and went out to greet him. Hillel said to him: My son, what do you seek? The man said to him: I have a question to ask. He said to him: Ask, my son, ask. The man asked: Why are the eyes of the residents of Tadmor bleary? Hillel said to him: My son, you have asked a significant question. The reason is because they live among the sands and the sand gets into their eyes.

And again…

Once again the man went, waited then returned, and said: Who here is Hillel, who here is Hillel? Again Hillel, wrapped himself and went out to greet him. He said to him: My son, what do you seek? He said to him: I have a question to ask. He said to him: Ask, my son, ask. The man asked: Why do Africans have wide feet? Hillel said to him: You have asked a significant question. The reason is because they live in marshlands and their feet widened to enable them to walk through those swampy areas.

And once more…

That man said to him: I have many more questions to ask, but I am afraid lest you get angry. Hillel wrapped himself and sat before him, and he said to him: All of the questions that you have to ask, ask them. The man got angry and said to him: Are you Hillel whom they call the President of Israel? He said to him: Yes. He said to him: If it is you, then may there not be many like you in Israel. Hillel said to him: My son, for what reason do you say this? The man said to him: Because I lost four hundred zuz (equivalent of 2 years of basic food) because of you. Hillel said to him: Be vigilant of your spirit and avoid situations of this sort. Better for Hillel making you lose four hundred zuz and another four hundred zuz than Hillel becoming upset.

Hillel was a great sage, as you have gathered, and was the president of the rabbinical council of the time.  Understand that just before the Sabbath is the busiest time for a Jew.  This is Hillel’s only chance to wash up and prepare his food and clothing for the coming day.  The nudnik is waiting long enough for Hillel to get in the shower and lather up and then knocking on the door again to ask his nonsense questions.

Even so, Hillel was patient and humble in the face of extreme instigation, and told the man ask whatever you want, acting as if he had nothing else to do.

This is an ancient lesson in frame control.  Hillel never for a moment lost his frame.  He was totally cool while this nudnik taunted him during the busy waning hours before Sabbath, even when he invited Hillel to get upset with him.

Gentlemen, you have to retain your frame.  Anything outside of yourself is merely amusing or informational, but you don’t let it change your composure and upset your internal equilibrium.

The Talmud goes on with a related story about three would be converts who came to both Shammai and Hillel with bizarre requests.  The first story is this:

The Sages taught: There was an incident involving one gentile who came before Shammai. The gentile said to Shammai: How many Torahs do you have? He said to him: Two, the Written Torah and the Oral Torah. The gentile said to him: With regard to the Written Torah, I believe you, but with regard to the Oral Torah, I do not believe you. Convert me on condition that you will teach me only the Written Torah. Shammai scolded him and cast him out with reprimand. The same gentile came before Hillel, who converted him and began teaching him Torah. On the first day, he showed him the letters of the alphabet and said to him: Alef, bet, gimmel, dalet. The next day he reversed the order of the letters and told him that an alef is a tav and so on. The convert said to him: But yesterday you did not tell me that. Hillel said to him: You see that it is impossible to learn what is written without relying on an oral tradition. Didn’t you rely on me? Therefore, you should also rely on me with regard to the matter of the Oral Torah, and accept the interpretations that it contains.

The lesson here is when you interact with others, consider where they are coming from and how you may be able to guide them without a heavy hand.  You want people to get to the truth on their own accord, without having to shove it down their throat.

This is another element of your frame.  You don’t force it on others, you don’t push people into your frame.  When your version of reality is strong and confident, other people want to join in.  When people want to live by your rules, it takes much less effort to guide them to the proper path.  This is why Hillel was able to get the man to become Jewish, despite the man’s original seemingly heretical approach to Judaism.  The man had to understand the reality of the written and oral Law for himself, then it was easy to show him the correct understanding of our tradition and he went along with it.

A note on this story: the Bible is written without vowels and punctuation.  There is no way to actually read it without knowing the oral tradition of how it was always read by generations of Jews.  Every translation of the Bible is based on the Jewish oral tradition, the way conventional Jews have recited our Torah scrolls for 4000 years.

This is lesson in education.  If there is a group or a man who is an expert in the field you want to pursue, seek out the man who is already in the game.  For example, you want to learn to fly.  You can get a book and a computer flight simulator.  Or you can talk to an actual pilot.

The Talmud brings an amazing episode in today’s learning: the death of King David.

David asks God when he will die.  God won’t reveal it, but does let David know he will die on the Sabbath.  David asks why can’t he go one day early on a Friday, to prevent any desecration of Shabbat.  God responds that one day of David’s Torah learning and spiritual energy was worth more than 1000 offerings his son would bring the in Temple.

This concept is not just for King David.  Gentlemen, this is all of us.  One day alive we can accomplish so much.  The day after we die, we can do nothing.

And yet we let days just fly by without working to improve ourselves.  Do you know the power of one day?

So what did King David do, knowing he would die on a Sabbath?

What did David do? Every Shabbat he would sit and learn all day to protect himself from the Angel of Death. On that day on which the Angel of Death was supposed to put his soul to rest, the Angel of Death stood before him and was powerless because his mouth did not pause from study. The Angel of Death said: What shall I do to him? David had a garden behind his house; the Angel of Death came, climbed, and shook the trees. David went out to see. As he climbed the stairs, a stair broke beneath him.  He was startled and was silent for a moment, and died.

The amazing thing here is that David did not stop learning when he got up to check on the noise.  It was not until the step broke that he stopped from the physical shock.  We see he was engaged with Wisdom even when he was walking out to check on the garden.  He was growing in wisdom during everyday activities, not merely in the study hall.

This is a profound lesson.  You don’t merely learn when you have a book open in front of you.  If you are aware of the amazing depth of your capabilities, you can learn all the time, every day, from every person you interact with.  If you are not growing and developing your personal wisdom, you are already dead.

Our sages continue, explaining the verse “So I commended mirth” (Ecclesiastes 8:15).

The praise of joy mentioned here is to teach you that the Divine Presence rests upon an individual neither from an atmosphere of sadness, nor from an atmosphere of laziness, nor from an atmosphere of laughter, nor from an atmosphere of frivolity, nor from an atmosphere of idle conversation, nor from an atmosphere of idle chatter, but rather from an atmosphere imbued with the joy of a mitzva.  As it was stated with regard to Elisha after he became angry at the king of Israel, his prophetic spirit left him until he requested: “But now bring me a minstrel; and it came to pass, when the minstrel played, that the hand of the Lord came upon him” (II Kings 3:15).

Joy is a tool that God gave us to improve our abilities to cope with this world and the develop ourselves into better people.  Being light hearted is not for it’s own sake, but to enable you to face your responsibilities with an effective attitude.  So many people today escape into manufactured joy from external sources, and sadly neglect to develop their internal joy.

King David, as you will see when you study his Psalms, suffered immensely during his life from many challenges, but was able to harness joy and music to serve God.

During today’s learning our Gemara brings a three way disagreement about rags.  If you throw a rag onto the garbage pile, you certainly no longer want it.  If you put it into the drawer, you do want it, therefore you placed it in an accessible location.  However, our sages argue over the status of a rag that  you hung on a peg out of the way, or threw behind the door where no one will see it.  The status of the rag is important to know if it is still important enough to accept spiritual contamination.

You could say “out of sight out of mind”, but if you really do not want the rag anymore you simply throw it in the garbage.  So you kind of want it around, but don’t want to see it.  So you hang it on a peg where no one will have to deal with it.

Gentlemen, we do this same thing in our lives.  If we have a project we need to finish eventually, we may put it away where we don’t have to see it.  When something needs to be fixed, we say I will get to that someday; we don’t throw it away but it never gets fixed.  We all have items like this in our lives.  The greater problem is that our personal growth also follows this schema.  When we need to work on an aspect of our personality, we often try to ignore it, hide it behind the door, so we don’t have to do the unpleasant work of self judgment and improvement.

This concept also applies to relationships.  We sometimes want to maintain a relationship, but only at a minimal level.  It gets hung up on a peg behind the door so to speak.  We need to stop and reevaluate these relationships.  If they have value then work on them, but if not, the advice is to let it go.   You may be treated by a woman in this way: she may say she likes you around, but never goes to the trouble of actually seeing you.  Friend, she has already put you away behind the door but doesn’t want to throw out some future value she might gain from you.  Don’t bother, move on.

This week we study Leviticus 6:1–8:36, known as Tzav, meaning “command”.  I would normally say we get together and read Tzav from our Torah scrolls in Synagogue, but in the current medical situation (year 2020) our religious authorities have instructed us not to gather, even for the most holy purpose of reading Torah.  Usually we come together as a group to serve God, now we fulfill the verse Deuteronomy 4:15 “Be very careful to guard your life” and Deuteronomy 30:19 “and Choose life”.

This sets up an interesting contrast.  Normally individuals join together into a larger group to accomplish more in the service God.  Each man becomes a part of the group.  Now the group disbands to protect the individuals from a virus, all in the service of God.  The group breaks down to guard the individual.  Tehillim (Psalms) 119:126: “Time to do for God, turn over the law”.

Our Torah study in Tzav describes more aspects of ritual sacrifices, starting with the commandment to clear off the ashes remaining from the previous day’s service.  This was the first daily task for the Priests (Kohanim) but they are actually clearing some of the ash from the prior day’s offerings.

There is a profound lesson here: moving on in life depends on your cleaning up the effects of what came before.  To really begin again, to start with a new slate.  You need to be willing to clear out the remnants of your old life to build something new.  This may mean cutting off contact with people who undermine your chosen personal mission.

Tzav goes on to discuss the meal offerings brought by priests (Kohanim), the Thanksgiving Offering, then the initiation rites of the Kohanim into their service.

Last week we discussed the motivation behind sacrifices, and why the concept is vital to modern men, who are pushed to making personal sacrifices for others.  The awareness that you are making sacrifices is only the first step.  Now we want to explore why men even feel a need to sacrifice and a common mistake in the intention behind our everyday sacrifices.

Blood

Now, a critical step in the performance of animal offerings is the application of their blood onto the altar.  Not applying the blood onto the altar as required meant the sacrifice has not fulfilled its purpose and is invalid.  The blood represents the life force, as the Bible explicitly states later in Deut 12:23.

Tzav also has a crystal clear command:  You must not eat the blood of any bird or animal. If anyone eats blood, that person is cut off from his people (Lev. 7:26-27).  The same substance that brings us close to God is not for our personal consumption, and is an abomination to eat.

This command goes way back to the book of Genesis, when Noah was first allowed to eat meat after the flood.  We must point out that men were not vegans before Noah, they ate eggs and milk, and some sources state that they were allowed to eat deceased animals, just not slaughter them.  Even when allowed to slaughter and eat meat, Noah was not allowed to consume the blood.

The centrality of this command is reinforced later in the Torah:  “But be sure you do not eat the blood, because the blood is the life, and you must not eat the life with the meat. You must not eat the blood; pour it out on the ground like water. Do not eat it, so that it may go well with you and your children after you, because you will be doing what is right in the eyes of the Lord” (Deut. 12:23-25).  God says:  I will set My face against that person who eats blood and will cut him off from his people (Lev. 17:10).

The gravity of this prohibition sheds light on the despicable practice of accusing Jews of eating blood from non-Jewish children.  These are the infamous blood libels that took place for many centuries in Europe.  When a child died (or was murdered and the murderers were looking for someone else to blame), the easy scapegoat was the Jews.  The bigots would make the accusation that Jews needed children’s blood and killed this child for his blood.

In some European communities Jews had to be on guard for Christians sneaking vials of blood into their Synagogues in order to accuse the Jews or murder or child sacrifice.  Child sacrifice is also a form of idolatry singled out by the Bible as especially evil, (Lev 18:21, 20:2).

We can understand how this is not only horrible persecution that frequently led to anti-Semitic violence, but accusing Jews of eating blood is a religious insult.  Jews are so careful not to consume blood.  Indeed, we have a thorough process to remove the blood from meat we eat (causing kosher meat to be more salty than nonkosher).

This vile method of accusing people of the thing they are especially sensitive continues.  The attack anti-Semites used against Jews is still in service today as a common attack on men.  Some groups will accuse a man of being “insecure in your masculinity” (TM) whenever he is unwilling to play along with their goals.  Or if a man refuses to go along, they ask “Who hurt you?” to imply that only a damaged man would not gladly sacrifice his own personal interests to be a plow horse to the feminist agenda.

Sometimes the agenda is bailing out single mothers or reformed harlots from the fallout caused by their life choices.  Men are told to “man up” to save broken women from other men, at the cost to the new men supporting her.  Or the cause can be celebrating and promoting women while blaming men, or holding men responsible for crimes while letting women off the hook for the same acts.

Men who take their personal concept of masculinity seriously are more susceptible to this attack and manipulation.  Since masculinity is important, being attacked in this area is especially damaging.  It takes wisdom to discern the self interested agenda behind the insults.

Part of becoming an accomplished man is developing your own idea of what is means to be a man, and holding yourself to the standard you have picked.  When you know who you want to become, and you are taking yourself to task when you don’t live up to your mission, then the insults of outsiders slide right off your back.  You know what it means (to you) to be a real man, so people trying to manipulate you into serving their selfish interests to become a man is meaningless.

You are what you eat

Back to blood.  The Rambam, in his Guide for the Perplexed (Moreh Nevuchim), notes that ancient idolaters regularly drank blood as part of their rituals, and therefore God’s repeated commands to the Jews to avoid blood is part of the general anti-idolatry program.

The Ramban, a famous sage from almost 1000 years ago, explains that there is a specific spiritual danger of eating blood:  If one were to eat the life of all flesh, and it would then attach itself to one’s own blood, and they would become united in one’s heart, and the result would be a thickening and coarseness of the human soul so that it would closely approach the nature of the animal soul which resided in what he ate.

This is an ancient form of “you are what you eat”.  Eating the life force of an animal makes you more like an animal, less like a human.

Blood represents self sacrifice.  The blood of a sin offering going onto the altar reminds the man that his sin caused damage to his soul, and really it should be his blood spilled in atonement for his crime.  God allows the man who made a mistake to substitute the animal, and this works when the man appreciates the gravity of what he has done and resolves to change.

Why blood?

Blood is the dividing line between predator and prey.  Men living in primitive cultures would hunt or slaughter their own flocks for meat, there was not prepackaged meat with the blood already cleaned off.  They also had to worry about becoming lunch to another animal.  In our Talmud, compiled almost 2000 years ago, there are mentions of the potential dangers from wild animals.  The proverbial “lion on the road” could be literal and deadly.

For much of human history, a man knew when he woke up in the morning that his blood could be spilled today, or he may have to spill blood to survive.  It is a mere blink of the eye on a historical scale that we have enjoyed relative safety and comfort behind the veneer of modern civilization.

When humans are dominant, as hunters or herdsman, it is humans who typically spill the blood of animals.  But there is a subconscious awareness that we could become the victim, and our own blood could be spilled by man or beast.  Men can be prey as well as predator.  God made man master over animals, but when humans act like animals, then they lose this mastery.  So when men sin, they are aware their blood is in jeopardy, and want to engage in bringing the blood of offerings to atone for their mistakes.

On another level, when men make mistakes, or what their society considers sins, they feel a need to correct their mistakes and justify their continued existence to their society.  This can mean bringing an offering of which the priests partake.  Or throwing a feast for your friends after a miraculous salvation.  Sometimes this can take the form of being expelled from the society, as a kind of sacrifice for the society as a whole.

In a primitive tribe perhaps the weakest men were thrown to the animals to keep them busy while the strong men and the women survived.  A man in this situation, if he accepted his fate, may see it as his duty to give himself for the survival of the tribe.  Especially if he had children in the tribe and could protect them by giving himself over, this could be a very soothing notion for the doomed.

Naturally you know on an intellectual level that modern society is not in this situation.  And yet, the mainstream culture pushes men to self sacrifice, to give up their time, energy, and money to save others.  There is a notion among “white knight” men that they should perform their sacrifice valiantly.  Modern men are thrown to the beasts, a new set of beasts, and some go with enthusiasm.

One aspect of Jewish ritual sacrifice is that at the moment of slaughter, you must intend for the eating of the meat, or the consumption of other parts by fire, take place according to the detailed rules.  There are time limits and certain places fit for the consumption of offerings.  If a man intends to derive benefit from the meat after the time limit or out of bounds, he invalidates the sacrifice.

We find in modern culture the notion that if a man sacrifices himself for the needs of women then he will be rewarded for his self sacrifice, somehow, eventually… perhaps with sexual access to this woman or other women who will appreciate his self negation.  So we find the male feminist, eager to please, to give his time and money for a feminist cause, to impress upon women that he is a fitting mate.  The man may not even be aware of this intention, but women can typically detect it.

This is the same concept as improper intent during the act of ritual sacrifice.  The selfish intent undermines the concept of giving the offering.  If the purpose is to gain forbidden benefit, be it of sacrificial meat or access to women, then the offering was not selfless giving, but giving with the expectation of receiving later.

This is called a covert contract.  I recommend a book by Robert Glover that details this self sacrifice with built in expectations:  No More Mr. Nice Guy.

A Nice Guy’s primary goal is to make other people happy.

Nice Guys are dependent on external validation and avoid conflict like the plague.

Nice Guys are guided by the following three “covert contracts:

• If I am a good guy, then everyone will love me and like me (and people I desire will desire me).
• If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, then they will meet my needs without me having to ask.
• If I do everything right, then I will have a smooth, problem-free life.

These covert contracts operate at an unconscious level. They don’t work for a number of reasons, but Nice Guys are convinced they should.

Because most Nice Guys believe they have kept their side of the contract, they often feel helpless and resentful when other people (and the world) don’t keep their side of the contract.

So modern men are sacrificing their time, attention, money, and talents, with the expectation that this self sacrifice will bring them benefit from women down the road.  The Bible already discussed this concept, and teaches us that offerings made with forbidden intents are not valid offerings.

We realize there is something of a self sacrificial nature built into male humans by God.

The soldier willing to risk all for his society is a more motivated fighter, which is one reason we no longer have the draft.  There are fireman who run into the burning buildings to pull people out.  Men jump into rivers to save drowning children.  We call these men heroes with good reason.  His actions give him an identity, honor, and a sense of place within his society.

A man’s choice to sacrifice or give his energy to something ties his identity onto that cause.  Men need a cause, men need to become something or attach themselves to something greater.  That’s how we are programmed from the factory.  Men can even destroy themselves for their cause.

Based on how modern mainstream culture and the divorce industry treats to men, this innate willingness of men to give of themselves has been saddled to have them thanklessly pull the burdens for others.  I would question is if there is a need for so much self sacrifice today, when women are more likely to obtain college and graduate education and cushy jobs.  If we need equality, why do men pay more taxes while women get more government benefits and control more actual spending?

Men seem unaware of what they are getting into, though this is changing.  But men are innately giving and self sacrificing.  It is better to be aware of this fact and choose where you put your time, energy, and money.  What return will you get?  Perhaps you make your giving into an overt contract and make sure you are getting appropriate value out of your relationships, by holding others to your standards.

The world of covert contracts will leave the nice guy disappointed.  Again, read NMMNG linked above, and reflect on how you have been sacrificing yourself to be nice without compensation.   Don’t make yourself the modern equivalent of a piece of meat thrown to the beasts on behalf of those who think they are your betters.

When you are aware of the dynamics at play you can begin to decide how to make your sacrifices and to whom.  This choice is deeply tied to your personal identity and ethos.  You need to be objective and seek wisdom to plan your life, or you end up bailing out someone else’s life mistakes.

Today the Talmud, discussing if various materials are susceptible to spiritual contamination, mentions the famous Tachash.  This was an animal that existed almost 4000 years ago, during the time when the Jewish people were in the desert, and the special skin of the Tachash was used in the covering of the Tabernacle.  There is ongoing debate as to what this thing was, as even 2000 years ago they did not have such a creature.  It has been translated variously as dolphin or porpoise or badger; our sages say it had one horn, and some sources imply it was a kind of desert goat or giraffe relative.  But when the Jews needed it to build the Tabernacle, God made it available.

There is an inspirational aspect here: whatever it is you need is already in the world.  You just need to find it.  Some men feel like their situation is hopeless, or can’t be changed, or too hard to change.  Not so.  The cure is out there.  It takes searching and work to develop the wisdom and strength needed to change your life, but the raw materials are already here, waiting for you to make the effort.

This Tachash animal is also called a Sasgona, meaning it rejoiced in its own colored hide.

Obviously, God made this animal with a multi hued hide, just so it could be slaughtered and used for the Tabernacle.  Even so, it was proud of itself.
Gentlemen, you can proud of your own accomplishment. You have put in more work than the ancient Tachash did.

In our learning today, we have an interesting tangent.  Our sages were discussing materials appropriate for wicks for Sabbath candles, and bring up materials used to make the garments and strings for Tzitzit. Tzitzit refers to the strings placed into the corners of a four cornered garment, as commanded by God, see Numbers 15:38, and Deuteronomy 22:12.  Since people are not wearing rectangular cloaks anymore (serapes aside), modern Jews wear a cornered undershirt with Tzitzit and a cloak called Tallit with Tzitzit during morning prayers – the famous prayer shawl.

Our ancient sages bring up the interesting question: does the cloak of a blind man require Tzitzit?
Why not? Because the Torah says about Tzitzit “You shall look at it and recall all the commandments of the LORD and observe them, so that you do not follow (the lusts) of your heart and eyes.” (Numbers 15:39).  The blind man can’t look at them anyway, so he doesn’t need them on his garment!

Our sages bring another verse, Deut. 22:12, which teaches that all garments require Tzitzit.  This extra source (there is nothing ‘extra’ in the Bible) includes even those of a blind man.  He will also be aware he is wearing Tzitzit, even if he does not see them.  And other men will see the Tzitzit on the blind man.

Gentlemen, there is a profound wisdom here, even aside from the spiritual element.  In your life you are going to see blind men.  Their eyes work, but they are blind to reality, they are stumbling through life, making needless mistakes.  They don’t understand the situations they are in, especially with respect to their relationships.  This is a common situation for most modern men, as we have discussed.

Being metaphorically blind is also a common spiritual situation for modern men.

You, with your eyes open, see his issues and can take a lesson in how not to live.  You see him struggling and gain in wisdom, even if you are not able to help him.

In today’s learning the Talmud has been discussing bathing before the Sabbath, and brings the verse Lamentations 3:17 that is alluding to the suffering of the Jews exiled from Jerusalem when the Temple was destroyed.  Our sages bring various interpretations of what the verse refers to as “I forgot prosperity”:

I forgot prosperity, Rabbi Yirmeya said: That is the lack of opportunity to bathe in the bathhouse. Rabbi Yoḥanan said: That is the lack of opportunity to engage in washing one’s hands and feet in hot water. Rabbi Yitzḥak Nappaḥa said: Prosperity is a pleasant bed and the pleasant bedclothes that are on it, which are not available in exile. Rabbi Abba said: That is a made bed, and a wife adorned, worthy of and suitable for Torah scholars.

There are many levels of meaning here.  Judaism is not an ascetic religion in which our holy men are celibate.  We have both fasts and feasts, abstinence and indulgence.  The Ben Ish Chai (Bagdad 100 years ago) on this exchange explains that of course they had beds, the Gemara uses bed to refer to sexual intimacy.  Our holiest men marry and beget children, and appreciate the intimate mechanism that God has given us to enjoy one another.  However, our sages do not blatantly detail their intimate lives, as we explained*.

Our ancient sages were also very aware of how women think and feel about their relationships with men, and gave us some of this wisdom.  On a practical level, your woman should want to adorn herself for you.  She should put in some effort to look good for you.  Clothes, make-up, staying healthy.  If she does not make the effort, something is wrong with your relationship.  You need to wake up, realize what is going wrong and change yourself.  She will change herself, and if she won’t, you are a better man in a better position to move on.  [If your woman starts adorning herself and you have not changed anything, then she has already moved on and is adorning herself to attract other men.]

The Gemara continues:

the Sages taught: Who is wealthy? Anyone who gets pleasure from the wealth he already has, that is the statement of Rabbi Meir…. Rabbi Tarfon says: A wealthy person is anyone who has one hundred vineyards, and one hundred fields, and one hundred slaves working in them. Rabbi Akiva says: Anyone who has a wife whose actions are pleasant.

Your woman can make you or break you.

Our commentators explain Rabbi Akiva’s observation about the wife: her deeds are pleasant because she is humble and content.  The logic is that even if you can afford amazing luxury of a Rabbi Tarfon level, if your wife is greedy, then she will always want more and push you to work even harder, taking your time away from spiritual pursuits.  Rabbi Akiva is saying you need a wife who lives like Rabbi Meir advises.  [Rabbi Akiva’s own wife married him against her rich family’s wishes, lost her dowry, then sent him to learn for decades while she remained in poverty.  He attributed all of his greatness in wisdom to her self sacrifice.  Rabbi Akiva’s is a story for another day]

*See: Daily dose of wisdom, Brakhot 62: the Rabbi under the bed

Judaism is not merely a spiritual system but accounts for man’s physical needs.  Our holy men do not sit alone meditating on a mountain or praying in a monastery.  They get married, have kids, hold day jobs.  Sure, we are spiritual beings inside physical vessels; since God put us in this physical world, any system of life needs to account for the physical.

Daily dose of wisdom, Brakhot 24. Intimacy is normal

God gave us intimacy as a gift and tool for connection, when it is used properly there is nothing to be ashamed of.  Judaism is a faith that teaches that while our spiritual life is the main focus, the physical body is also from God, and our physical drives can be used properly and channeled for constructive purposes.

Daily dose of wisdom, Brakhot 22. The power and danger of intimacy

Fulfilling intimate relations is a central need for both men and women and a healthy sex life is absolutely necessary for a healthy relationship.  But as the Talmud states, men should not act like roosters, there is a time and place that is appropriate to express your intimate powers.

Daily dose of wisdom, Shabbat 13. why sleep naked

Today our sages discuss if there is a need to mention Hanukkah during prayers and the blessings after a meal.  They compare to the added prayer we recite on Friday night, and explain that this is not a fair comparison.  That extra prayer was instituted so that the men who were finished praying would be delayed and wait for the men who had come late or were praying longer than their fellows.  It was a practical measure so the men would not be walking back to the city alone.  Their prayer house was outside the city, so if men would walk back alone they may be in danger.

This is a truly interesting item: our sages made up a new prayer to God for the practical needs of men. This sounds bizarre, but we can understand this since, like our sacrifices, God doesn’t need our prayers.  Our prayers and in the past sacrifices were for our benefit, to enhance our spiritual awareness.  The amazing thing is that our sages established this extra prayer for men who were late or slow.  This shows they had the needs of every man in mind.

Gentlemen, we should take care of our brothers in a wise and understanding manner.  This means that you need to account for their deficiencies when you work together.  We also need to give proper consideration for practical realities.  Are you putting your fellow men in danger or compromise because of your needs?  Do you need to wait for them to catch up to you to maintain the unity of the group?

The Talmud has been discussing lighting the Hanukkah Menorah, and comparing it to lighting candles just before the Sabbath.  The Gemara states that women are also obligated in the Hanukkah Menorah because they were involved in the Hanukkah miracle.  They can fulfill this requirement through their husband or father’s Menorah, and can perform this on behalf of their husband as well.

As we mentioned in our discussion of how Hanukkah is a Red Pill holiday about frame:

The Greeks chose these to show the Jews that they were under Greek control now and could not control their own fate.  One of the other heinous decrees against the Jews was “jus primae noctis“, the right of the Greek governor to abduct and rape a bride on her wedding night (Gemara Ketuvot 3).

Because of this special decree against Jewish women, they are especially connected to Hanukkah.  It may have been a Jewish bride urging her brothers to save her from the Greeks that started the actual war.

Another explanation is that this statement by our sages refers to the brave actions of Yehudit, daughter of Yochanon the high priest.  When she was taken by the Greek Hegemon to be raped, she played along and went into his chamber.  Claiming she was hungry she asked for food to be brought in, then fed the Greek salty cheese and wine, and more wine…

When he was quite drunk and about to rape her, Yehudit got ahold of his sword and removed his head.  She then bravely showed the general’s head to his troops, demoralizing them.  Her message was a that mere woman killed your general.

The loyalty of Jewish women was critical to the success of the Jewish rebels against the dominant Greeks.  If the women had gone over to the Greeks, what would the Jewish men be fighting for?

We have talked about the concept of War Brides, and how the Jewish women in Egypt refused to leave their husbands for the Egyptian men who enslaved them.  The entire survival of the Jewish nation came down to the loyalty of the women.  See also Are Jewish women different?

One more:

If there is not enough oil for both Hanukkah and Sabbath candles, you light Sabbath candles. Our sages explain this is for “Shalom Bayit” peace in the home.  “Shalom Bayit” also refers to the peace in your relationship. The point of Sabbath candles is to illuminate the home so you don’t stumble around in the dark and get hurt.

Men, you need to shed light on your intimate relationships and see the truth.  Don’t stumble in the dark and get hurt.  You need to see the nuts and bolts.  Obtain the wisdom and work on understanding the how and why of your relationships.