The Talmud examines this scenario:

A man vowed that his son-in-law can have no benefit from him. Now he wishes to give his daughter money. He cannot do this directly, as anything acquired by a married woman belongs to her husband, but he can say to her: This money is hereby given to you as a gift, on condition that your husband has no rights to it, only that which you pick up and place in your mouth.

As we learned in Ketuvot, the default situation in a Jewish marriage is that whatever resources come to a married couple legally belong to the husband, who has a corollary responsibility to use everything for the good of the family. Jewish law requires that the husband feed and clothe his wife appropriately and put a roof over her head. This law applies even when the whole financial burden is upon him, and all she adds to the household balance sheet is a few balls of yarn.

So in theory this woman is already being taken care of, but her father wants to give her more. Now, he could have given her a kind of dowry that is her personal items to use. There is also a certain type of dowry that a husband can make use of or invest but must return the full value of if the marriage ends.

What this case describes is something more extreme. Here, the wife’s father wants nothing to do with her husband and has vowed that he get no benefit from him. So he doesn’t even want to give extra dowry since the husband will have title to it.

However, he still cannot give his daughter an independent source of wealth, only money for food. Since she is already getting food from her husband, she can sell what she gets from her husband and have some extra spending money.

The general idea here is that our sages wanted a method for a father in law to benefit his daughter without also benefiting a son in law that he hates. However, they did this in a way that does not allow the father in law to undermine the husband’s role as the primary provider.

Married people need to have proper respect for in laws but also an understanding that their goals and interests may not align with our own. Parents and in laws may be generous but their gifts may come with certain expectations or conditions.

It may be healthier for everyone involved for the married couple to work on becoming financially independent so they are able to say no to a gift from the older generation that causes a burden on their own relationship.

The Mishnah teaches:

If a man’s wife or daughter took a vow and he did not nullify the vow on the day he heard it, but afterward he said: I know that there are vows, but I don’t know I could nullify them, then he can nullify the vow on the day he learned that he can nullify vows.

Once you learn that you have the power to make a change in your life, then it is incumbent on you to take action, even if the situation you need to fix has been going on for a long time.

Many men don’t improve their lives because they lack the knowledge, experience, or confidence to act. Work on building these tools first. When you develop the potential to change you gain the assurance that you can get a better life. Once you realize you can do it, act right away to get yourself on the path you want.

The Talmud examines if a husband should annul his wife’s vow consecrating her earnings. This would mean that whatever money she makes if automatically sacred and belongs to the Temple. However, a woman is required to do a certain minimal amount of work to help support the household, so perhaps since that obligation was already incumbent on her, she cannot vow all of her earning to the Temple.

Our sages bring a teaching that dedicating something to the Temple releases all other obligations or liens upon that item. So if Jacob owed Adam a specific cow but consecrated it, then the cow itself now belongs to the Temple, not Adam. Jacob may still have to pay Adam the value of that cow.

We see from here a key concept that dedicating yourself to improve and enhance your holiness frees you from other obligations. When your mindset is totally focused on growth and self actualization, you don’t care so much about other things.

Becoming holier is a fundamental change in your identity, and frees you from what you were enslaved to before.

What If a man makes a vow effective for a week or a week of years?

We have six years of normal planting, then a sabbatical (shemittah) year, but after seven such cycles we observe the jubilee (yovel) year. Our sages argue if that jubilee year is also counted as year 1 of the next seven year cycle or a separate year 50 wrapping up the prior jubilee cycle.

When you experience a major change it is tempting to focus on what is being lost from your life. People tend to be much more oriented around the past, since we have already experienced it, it is familiar and comfortable.

However, changes are also a chance to start a new epoch in your life. You might think about what you can now accomplish and plan to maximize your new situation and grasp opportunities

We begin a new chapter that starts off by defining time limits on vows. If a man vowed against wine for a day, does he mean just the remainder of this day, or 24 hours?

The day means just this calendar day, but for a day can mean the entire 24 hours.

We often set goals and time limits for ourselves, and this is typically a helpful approach. However, a man can undermine his self confidence when he makes commitments but does not get to them in time.

You need to consider what is already on your plate and be realistic when setting goals. In addition, if you give yourself a buffer, you may be able to wrap up your obligations each day.

In Jewish law the day begins at nightfall, but for certain rules we can use the following night to wrap up the activities of the day. For example, in the Temple we can finish burning the fats on the altar during the night following the day those sacrifices were offered.

If someone made the effort to uproot the onion then replant it, it is possible for the new growth to overwhelm the old growth

The growth in the ground during the seventh year creates the restrictions of sabbatical year, so replanting after the sabbatical year can create allowed growth.

When you find you are not developing the way you want to despite your best efforts, you may want to find a new environment for your growth. Sometimes the places that served us earlier in life are no longer beneficial as we age.

When you purposefully work on changing how you think, talk, and act you are building new layers onto your personality. However, your environment always has an influence on how you actualize your development.

We are discussing when someone makes his property ownerless. Is he considered to be truly leaving it for anyone to take, or giving it as a gift to those around him right now.

It depends on the circumstances. If someone declares something ownerless in front of three people, he knows that word will get out and everyone will know, and anyone could come and take.

If a man makes his item ownerless privately, perhaps his intent is only to share it with specific people. Such an approach could encourage someone who normally does not accept gifts to take something.

People may be reluctant to share not only their property, but also their persona. Many men avoid revealing personal information to an audience, and only open up to trusted friends. This may be a wise approach.

In addition, there are people who have deep character flaws but can hold themselves together in front of a crowd. However, behind closed doors, without the threat of everyone knowing, they will eventually display their true colors.

The Talmud begins a new chapter about business partners who took vows, discussing if they can still use a jointly owned property. If each person took a personal vow not to benefit from the other partner, perhaps each man can still enter into the property and claim he is merely using his own possession.

However, if one partner made a vow forbidding the use of his property to the partner, the situation is untenable. The one who made the vow against his partner must sell his half of the property to dissolve the partnership.

This discussion shines light onto the most critical partnership of our lives, our marriage. A healthy marriage requires both giving and taking, which is in truth mutual giving.

If one partner doesn’t want to take from the spouse, this can be frustrating when their partner feels an unfulfilled need to give back. It may be necessary to avoid taking from a spouse for a time, for example when they are ill or grieving. However, the relationship can continue until the situation resolves and mutual giving can resume.

But if one partner refuses to give to their spouse, and is only a taker, the relationship is doomed.

There is a similar hazard in continuing to give to a spouse who minimizes your efforts. When someone doesn’t appreciate your contributions to the relationship, they can justify their own refusal to give back to you.

If you are giving without being appreciated, you need to evaluate if your partner is taking advantage of your nature without giving back.

Our sages discuss making your property ownerless. This comes up when two men are traveling together and one has taken a vow not to give benefit from the other, or not to receive benefit from the other. If the subject of the vow needs food, our sages teach that the other man can put food down and declare it ownerless, and it is no longer affected by the vow. Rabbi Yosi disagrees, since this is like a gift.

However, some people would declare their property ownerless in order to exempt their produce from tithes, but then go and reacquire it. We see from here that people have always tried to avoid taxes.

To prevent this, our sages decreed that someone who declared his property ownerless could always retract for three days, and if they did, their original act was meaningless. A man who was just trying to get out of tithing would always reclaim his land within three days, since he didn’t really want to give it up.

This leads us to an interesting observation. Some people are okay with giving to others without reservation. It really doesn’t bother them to share.

Other people are hesitant to part with their own resources. This is also a natural feeling, since they worked to earn their wealth.

When you are in a situation where you need to raise funds or get help from others, be aware that there is a broad spectrum. Some will be happy to give or pitch in anonymously.

But many people will need you to recognize, acknowledge, and even celebrate their donations. When you give back and appreciate their act of giving, it overcomes their reticence.

Our sages are discussing the ramifications of vows. Returning lost property is a Biblical commandment, but can you return the items of a man you made a vow against?

Even if took a vow not to benefit a certain person, giving him back something he lost is not considered to violate the vow. Our sages point out the the one who lost property isn’t gaining anything from the vower, he just gets his own stuff back.

The Talmud compares this to “scaring off a lion”, meaning helping someone avoid a loss due to a wild animal approaching his livestock. Such an act is not classified as a financial benefit to the other, since this is something everyone does automatically.

The Rambam rules that men who took vows not to benefit from one another can still return the lost property of the other, because it is a commandment to do so.

This discussion leads to an amazing insight. In a society where men are commanded to have a high degree of respect for private property, to the point where they must make the effort to return any lost items, men developed the tendency to act to help others avoid damage or losses in the first place.

This was even when one man have have hard feelings for another. Despite their personal conflict, the social norm was to continue to protect the private property of others. They were universally expected to be able to compartmentalize  negative feelings in order to safeguard the wellbeing of everyone in the society.

It is interesting to compare ancient Jewish society to modern mainstream society. We have heard that sometimes people try to cause damage to the property, such as the car, of people they do not like. Even if someone would not actively damage the belonging of individuals de doesn’t like, he might allow them to become damaged.

A society like this has little respect for private property, and excuses this based on emotions, sending a message that emotions are more important than someone else’s personal belongings. This is a reversal from ancient Jewish society.