The Talmud brings an amazing episode:

When Rabbi Abba was ascending from Babylonia to Israel, he said: May it be God’s will that I say something that will be accepted.  When he arrived the sages were debating the reason why the water and salt of one woman is not nullified in a dough with flour supplied by another woman.

Rabbi Abba suggested that one person’s financial stake in something is never nullified on another person’s larger share. The Sages laughed at him. He said to them: Did I take your cloaks from you? They again laughed at him.

The Gemara explains that his suggestion was not relevant to this case as the woman supplying the water and salt is not claiming them, she gave them to the woman with the flour.

But it is quite odd that the sages laughed at the newcomer, this is not normal behavior in a study hall.

The Chatam Sofer says that it appears he was punished, and the reason was that he prayed to be accepted.  He was seeking approval from others, not necessarily seeking to get the right answer.

Therefore the situation unfolded in a way that caused them to laugh, not because they were rejecting Rabbi Abba as a person, but because his suggestion was irrelevant to the case under debate.

Men have a natural inclination to want to be accepted by other men.  Be aware that often you will do the same, and make sure your words and deeds are appropriate.  Contributing to the group does you more good than trying to impress other members.

The Talmud continues listing tasks we do not perform on Shabbat or a holiday, and this includes marriage.  The Gemara asks why marriage is listed as a “reshut” or non-obligatory item, when marriage is really if not a full fledged Mitzvah (Divine commandment) then at the least a preparation to fulfill the commandment of “be fruitful and multiply”.

The Gemara answers that marriage is listed among non-required acts since the groom in question already has a wife and children.  The Bible and Jewish law allow polygyny, that isn’t the issue here.  This man has already done his duty with his first wife, so adding another is not an obligation but is permissible (just not on Shabbat or a holiday).

Let’s take a step back.  Marriage, the biblical version, was conceived as an institution to promote the creation and proper raising of children.  That does not mean human beings cannot have children out of wedlock, God gave us the equipment for that.  It does imply that the best environment for children to grow has both a father and a mother, and modern research bears this out.  People who grow up with a functioning mother and father tend to be more successful and get into less trouble.

So is marriage required today?  For a religious person seeking to raise children in the best way, sure.  The Talmud assumes that marriage is at the least at preparatory Mitzvah to allow proper fruitfulness.

For anyone else?  That depends entirely on your own goals and life plans.

In ancient times a man had a lot of social and religious support for his role in a marriage and family.  Modern culture has practically turned that upside down, and marriage as practiced in mainstream society is fairly seen as a losing proposition for men.  As we have discussed, this has spawned a movement of “men going their own way”.  These men are mocked and ridiculed, but have many valid points.

The original intent of marriage was to provide a safe haven for a man and woman to become a family.  Since this is no longer the effect of modern marriage in mainstream society, it appears that there is no Divine commandment to marry in that context.

We are discussing covering items on a holiday so the rain or sun does not ruin them.

Abaye had a millstone that was getting soaked by rain and would become ruined.  We cannot normally move a millstone on a holiday since we do not use it.  Abaye asked his Rabbi what to do, he told him to bring his bed into that room, then the wet millstone would be considered repulsive to him and he would be able to move it.  Once he had a permissible way to move it, he could put it in a dry place.

Abaye sat and thought about if it was permitted to set up a situation on purpose where he would be repulsed by something dirty in his bedroom and need to move it.  Meanwhile, the rain flooded and destroyed his millstone.

Abaye commented that he had this coming since he did not follow his Rabbi’s advice.

Modern men also seek advice, and then all too often ignore the advice and keep doing what they were doing.  Sometimes, especially online, there is so much “advice” available that it is hard to sort through to find useful suggestions.  A man can waste his time and energy seeking advice and discussing the issue without a clear conclusion.

While you are busy analyzing and asking, your situation crumbles.  You have to take action on the information you have now.  Don’t go asking for advice and not follow it. 

A corollary to this is when men decide what to do, but then ask other people also, trying to get the same answer.  That way when it goes wrong they can blame the guy who gave the advice.

If you make a decision, own it.  If you can’t decide, find someone with real wisdom who actually cares about you and ask, then do what he said.

The end of today’s Daf mentions that we do not judge a legal case on a Sabbath or holiday, and calls this a “reshut” or non mandatory activity.  However, judgment is mandatory (a mitzvah) since Deut 16:8 commands us to judge the nation.

The Gemara explains that when other men are better qualified to judge, then your taking the case was not mandatory.  The implication is that when you are the most qualified, it is required to judge.  (Even the most qualified man does not judge on Sabbath, since the verdict was written down and we don’t want to tempt people to write on Sabbath).

Yes, judgment is the Lord’s.  But He appointed us and gave us intelligence and rationality to be decisive and figure it out.

This applies most to your own personal life.  It helps to get expert advice and outside opinions, but in the end only you know your own soul, and you will suffer or benefit from your decision.

The Talmud discusses a case where you can move produce on your roof into your home through the skylight on a holiday.  We compare this to moving boxes on Shabbat.

The Gemara asks if this is even a valid comparison.  The Sabbath is strict in the sense that willful violations carry a death penalty, while doing labor on holidays is less deadly.

Our sages suggest that since the Sabbath is so strict, people will not come to take it lightly and we can allow them to move more boxes.  However, since people take holidays less seriously, we need to be careful granting leniencies, as people may assume they can get away with more.

We see this in human relationships.  A man who is well respected and knows he is taken seriously by others doesn’t get easily offended.  He can take a joke.

By contrast, a man who is not respected, especially who lacks self esteem, can become outraged trying to defend his remaining honor.  He may set up all kinds of boundaries and lines in the sand, which can make him appear oversensitive.

The Talmud has discussed that we do not make a new utensil on a holiday, but noted that making a toothpick from straw does not fall under this precaution.  Today the Gemara explains that we do not prepare a tile to use for roasting food (placing the food directly on the fire would burn it, so it was put on a tile instead).  The issue is that this is a new tile, and must be fire hardened and tested to see if it will burst when put into the raging heat.

A man faces many challenges during his life, and some men are never sure if they will be able to stand tall when they meet adversity.  A wise men tries to both harden his personal resolve and also to test his abilities beforehand.  One was to do this is to get involved in martial arts or competitive sports, so you will put yourself into situations of stress and pressure to succeed.

The Gemara compares this to a bird that got injured, where we check if this was a fatal injury by waiting 24 hours.  The problem is a fatally damaged or ill animal is a “treifah” and is not Kosher to consume.  If it lived for 24 hours we can assume it was still okay.  However, Rabbi Elazar ben Antigonus rules that it needs a full inspection after slaughter to rule out any internal injuries.

Men can be dealt a harsh blow and feel like their life is effectively over.  This is a dangerous mindset.  A man who built his life around a specific business, project, or woman can feel that he is as good as dead when it is gone.

The injured bird teaches us that when we can just ride it out for a day, our perspective changes.  What seemed impossible to cope with at first may just 24 hours later be seen as a challenge to overcome or inspiration for a man to start over.

Don’t even consider your life to be over.  If it truly was, God would see to that.  Setbacks are communications that we have to work on our lives, and we may need to to the work with new people and new partners.

Take the time to let shock and outrage fade into feelings that you can use to build yourself into someone new.  After 24 hours, check yourself.  Reevaluate what you want out of life, for your own needs and personal benefit, not for anyone else.

The Gemara is discussing when objects we don’t normally use as utensils can be designated as useful utensils and handled on a holiday.  The Gemara states in the name of Rav Yehuda: אוֹכְלֵי בְּהֵמָה — אֵין בָּהֶן מִשּׁוּם תִּקּוּן כְּלִי. The simple meaning is that animal foods have no problem of being fixed into a utensil.  So you can use straw which is meant for fodder as a toothpick.

This phrase also translates as “those who eat like animals cannot on their own fix their utensil”.  Food would normally be Maachle, here it is Ochle, implying “eaters”.  A human body is referred to as a “utensil” as it is a tool for accomplishing tasks in this physical world.

Obviously overeating or stuffing yourself is terrible.  What were our ancient sages hinting at when they said there is no fix for eating like an animal?

A man who consumes calories mindlessly and then decides to fix it with an hour on the treadmill is not going to burn off what he gained.  It actually takes many hours of strenuous exertion to cancel just one large meal.

Instead a wise man limits what he consumes in the first place, so he isn’t trying to play catch up to his stomach.  Our sages also recommend never eating your fill, and hint that intermittent fasting can help.

Exercise is essential as well, but it does not fix eating like an animal.  The real solution is to avoid the caloric surplus in the first place, rather than trying to play catch up.

The Talmud mentions an amazing piece of ancient wisdom:

The Sages taught: There are three whose lives are not lives:  One who looks to the table of others for his sustenance; one whose wife rules over him; and one whose body is ruled by suffering. And some add: Even one who has only one robe. The Gemara comments: And the first teacher, who did not include this person, maintains: It is possible for him to clean and examine his clothes and remove the lice.

The Ben Ish Hai (a major Rabbi from Baghdad) explains the case of one whose wife rules over him as related to the previous case of others providing his food.  When a man’s wife is the breadwinner, she will begin to look down on him since she is doing what is considered the man’s job.  Eventually she will resent him and insult him, but he must bite his tongue and walk on eggshells since she is bringing home the bacon.

The Ben Ish Hai concludes: לכן גם חייו הוא עת המנוחה של ישיבתו בבית לאכול ולשתות אין נחשבים חיים כי בולע בהם ארס מצד פיה של אשתו.  Therefore, even if his life is a time of rest while sitting in the house to eat and drink, it it not considered a real life since he must swallow the venom from the mouth of his wife.

This is an important practical truth.
When a woman earns more than the man in the relationship, she can resent him and consider him a failure.  She may begin to feel that she deserves a man who earns more than she does.  Many modern relationships end soon after the woman begins to bring in more money than the man.

In a Jewish marriage, the husband is by default on the hook to provide for him family.  This reflect the biological reality that women seek mates who can provide for their offspring.  Ignoring biology brings unpleasant surprises.

Conventional Jews do have the celebrated “Kollel wife”, a woman who works while her husband studies Torah on an advanced level.  This is only undertaken by women of refined character who understand the value of learning and the long term benefits it will bring to her family.

Not every woman (or man) can appreciate that building eternal spiritual wealth can be worth more than a paycheck.  Only when a woman has the foresight to realize that her husband is making a vital non-financial contribution to the family can she countenance being the breadwinner.

If a man sees that his wife may start to earn more, he should work not just on his income level, but on other aspects of his life. You are more than just a paycheck.  Increasing physical strength and physique can help.  Men often overlook their innate ability to lead the family emotionally and spiritually.  Building your skills and non-financial value can protect you.

On a holiday we can use fire, since we can prepare food (Exodus 12:16).  However, we also avoid actions that resemble professional work.  So while we can obtain firewood by splitting already fallen beams, we would not use the same tools a professional wood chopper uses.  The Talmud examines this tension:

When it is permitted to chop wood on a Festival, one may not do so with an ax.  Rav Ḥinnana bar Shelemya said in the name of Rav: They taught this prohibition only when one chops with its female side, (the broad edge, as was normally done).  But if one chops with its male side (the narrow edge), this is permitted because it is an unusual manner of chopping.

Hebrew is a language with masculine and feminine words.  Not only that, but inanimate objects can be understoodto have male and female aspects.  This linguistic feature reflects our understanding that reality is gendered.  Men and women are different and have differing skills and aptitudes.

In modern society we are indoctrinated to believe a lie that men and woman are functionally identical.  However, God gave women special gifts and skills that make them better at some tasks.  Likewise men are better suited for other missions.  God obviously intends for both to work together to gain the benefits of both genders.

The Talmud begins a new chapter starting with a Mishnah about minimizing exertion on a holiday.  We do not load pitchers into a large basket or box to carry them because that makes it look like you are preparing for the day after the holiday, which is forbidden.  For other activities we also try to change the mode from the normal weekday way and minimize the effort.

The Gemara asks how women should draw water, suggesting we tell them to use smaller buckets, even though that would require more trips, then proposing using larger buckets and making less trips.  Our sages conclude that neither way would lead to less work, so we don’t ask them to change the normal method during the holiday.

A man lifting 100 pounds 10 times is technically doing the same amount of work as a man lifting 50 pounds 20 times.  However, there is a definite advantage in being able to move the heavier weight.

A man working to build pure strength should try to lift as much as he possibly and safely can for five repetitions and five sets (the 5×5).  If you are just trying to maintain your fitness or build bulk you should try more reps at lower weights.

[The Tosafot on the Mishnah notes that on Shabbat we do move multiple items in a box indoors, since no one will see and assume you are preparing for the weekday.  Carrying items outside on a holiday requires modification so it does not appear you are preparing, even if this requires making more trips.]

The Gemara’s discussion also reminds us that we don’t bother asking people to change few details when this will not change the result.  Become aware of people who ask you to put in extra time and effort when this not help the cause.  It could be that this person is testing you to see if you are obedient.

The Talmud discusses taking a vessel to the store and having it filled with wine, oil, or other liquids needed on the holiday.  On a holiday, no money changes hands and the parties do not write down the amounts, and they will settle the bill afterward.

Rabbi Yehuda does not allow taking a vessel made for measuring, but according to Rava the other rabbis do allow this.  The reason is that a vessel used for measuring is sometimes used to serve wine, so it is not always for a commercial transaction.  Therefore as long as they don’t mention amounts, the customer can ask the vendor to fill it up.

Rashi comments on the wording of the Gemara “people bring close wine in measuring utensils”, adding “to their friends” as explanation.  A person would not serve wine in a measuring cup to people he was not already quite comfortable with, that would be embarrassing for both parties.

A true friend does not mind if you use whatever you have on hand for them.  Sharing corn flakes with a man you consider your brother puts you more at ease than a five course meal at an exclusive restaurant with people you don’t really like.

This level of comfort is a good way to measure who your real friends are.