The Gemara examines what verses are written in the scroll to be erased into the drink made to test the Sotah wife. In theory, only the curses are written, even though the verses, Numbers 5:19-23, contain other statements and instructions.

Our sages debate including Numbers 5:19: “The priest shall have the woman swear, saying to her, ‘If no other man has lain with you, if you have not gone astray while living in your husband’s household, you will be immune to harm from these bitter waters that can curse.’

This sounds like a blessing or reassurance, but it is also a curse, hinting that if this woman is not truly innocent she will be cursed and die.

The Gemara explains that we typically apply a concept that from a negative statement you can infer a positive one. So this verse contains an inferred curse, hidden in language meant to calm the apprehensive woman if she is indeed innocent.

Let’s apply this concept to a modern day woman suspected of straying. If there was some wrongdoing, a woman will be intensely reluctant to reveal it. Her relationship, security, and reputation are at stake. However, many people reveal information by implication

A woman might claim “nothing happened” and later, after being pressured to come clean, says “we didn’t have sex”. A wise man realizes that this statement means this woman considers anything less than full intercourse to be “nothing”. Her statement implies that “something” did indeed happen. Now he needs to figure out her definition of the word sex as well.

The Sotah ritual, while supernatural, is based on objective standards and definitions. The Sotah committed adultery or not. In the modern world, we first need to define terms before we can have a real exchange of information.

As we learned earlier, sometimes it is much more effective to avoid being judgmental in order to get more facts out of people who might feel ashamed of something. When doing so, we need to be aware that language can imply or admit certain things that people are reluctant to say explicitly.

We are learning what sort of dust is qualified to go into the potion that the Sotah drinks. It seems logical to involve dust in a test for a wife who debased herself by being secluded with another man and may have truly dirtied herself via adultery.

The dust must be from the floor of the Tabernacle or Temple. The Tabernacle (Mishkan) was a movable structure used in the wilderness and for hundreds of years in Israel before the Temple was built. It had a dirt floor.

The Temple in Jerusalem had a tile floor. So our sages question if we can even perform the Sotah ritual there, due to the lack of dirt. The Gemara answers that the Torah has two verses forbidding a ritually impure person from entering “Mishkan” or the “Mikdash”. The latter word means a holy place on the level of the Mishkan, so it includes the Temple.

Since an impure person is punished for entry to both the Tabernacle and Temple in Jerusalem, the impurity of adultery should also be punished in both holy places. Therefore one of the floor tiles in the Temple was built with a ring to lift it up and access the dust underneath for the Sotah.

Tumah or impurity is a religious concept. The Torah lists various sources of ritual impurity, including a dead body, certain animals and bodily secretions.

A wife who becomes impure with another man is not literally impure in this sense, but is still referred to as impure.

The Talmud relies on the fact that her transgression is actually worse that a ritually impure person entering the holy Temple to learn that we do the Sotah ritual in the Temple.

This idea may be shocking for followers of some faiths that emphasize total forgiveness. They feel that sins against other people can be confessed and forgiven and are wiped away.

We see that sins harming another person are worse than those against God or His Temple. God is relatively easy to appease. In addition, crimes like adultery can technically be forgiven but carve an eternal rift in the relationship. Even when a Sotah confesses and saves her life, the marriage must end.

The Talmud continues the discussion of how the universe works “measure for measure” or “turn for a turn”. The Mishnah notes that Samson followed his eyes (to marry a Philistine), therefore he was punished measure for measure, as the Philistines gouged out his eyes.

Our sages explain the verse “And the Philistines laid hold on him, and put out his eyes; and they brought him down to Gaza, and bound him with fetters of brass; and he did grind in the prison-house” (Judges 16:21).

Rabbi Yoḥanan says: Grinding is nothing other than a euphemism for sexual transgression, as the verse says: “Then let my wife grind unto another man” (Job 31:10). This teaches that each and every Philistine brought his wife to the prison in order that she should be impregnated by Samson. Rav Pappa said: This is an example of the folk saying that people say: Before a wine drinker, bring wine (since Samson married Philistine women, they brought him more Philistine women).

Commenters on the Talmud explain that this was not a one time event, but that it was normal for Philistines to have multiple men, especially the strongest, sleep with women, even married women. The idea was that receiving seed from multiple men would yield children who were better rounded as warriors. Naturally, this may sound ridiculous to us, but for the members of a fierce warrior nation looking to conquer and dominate their neighbors, this chance to gain an advantage was worth it.

This sounds like what we now call cuckoldry: a woman getting pregnant from another man, then having her husband raise the child as his own. However, for the Philistines this was considered a necessary and appropriate act to make the next generation of warriors greater. Therefore, it became savvy public policy for them. Each man was ready to give up his exclusive access to his wife in order (in his mind) to make his tribe more powerful in war.

This concept was not ridiculous to the Philistines. We would do well to stop assuming that every public policy that society promotes now is for our ultimate good. The media, government, educational system and institutions are teaching people to accept the policies they favor as correct and just. An endorsement by popular figures does not make something true or just.

Another example of turn for a turn is Avshalom (Absalom) the rebellious son of King David: Absalom was proud of his hair, and therefore he was hanged by his hair. And because he engaged in intercourse with ten of his father’s concubines (see II Samuel 15:16 and 16:22), therefore ten spears were thrust into him (18:15).

Whenever you become proud of something, it becomes not only a strength but also a vulnerability. If your ego is invested in your looks, then you are oversensitive to criticism of your appearance.

If your ego depends on you being thought of as a good dad, then other people can manipulate you by hinting that behaviors they don’t like make you less good as a dad.

For religious people, if your identity depends on being identified as one of the faithful also brings a vulnerability that others can accuse you of being less faithful to get you to do what they want in the name of faith.

Reflect on what factors in your life bring feelings of pride. Take the time to acknowledge your successes, and to thank God and your mentors for the help that got you here. Then plan how to avoid letting your victories become stumbling blocks.

Our sages cite a profound and disconcerting teaching that God is exacting with people. What someone chooses to do can bring them reward or punishment that is precisely fitted to their action. This concept is called “Middah cneged middah” literally measure for measure, and is also translated as “a turn for a turn”.

An example is the Sotah wife herself, assuming she was guilty:

And we find by a Sotah, that with the measure with which she measured, she is measured: She stood by the opening of her house to show herself off, therefore a priest has her stand at the Gate of Nicanor and exhibits her disgrace to all; she spread beautiful shawls on her head for her lover, therefore a priest removes her shawl from her head and places it under her feet; she adorned her face, therefore her face becomes sallow after drinking.

She painted her eyes, therefore her eyes bulge; she braided her hair, therefore a priest unravels her hair; she gestured with a finger that he should come to her, therefore her fingernails fall off; she girded herself with a ribbon, therefore a priest brings a rough rope and ties it above her breasts; she opened her thigh, therefore her thigh falls.

She received her lover on her stomach, therefore her stomach swells; she fed him delicacies of the world, therefore her offering is animal food; she gave him fine wine to drink in fine cups, therefore a priest gives her bitter water in an earthenware vessel to drink. She acted in secret, therefore the Omnipresent revealed it openly.

First of all, this is a powerful concept that reveals how God interacts with mankind. God is not like superman, showing up to save you at the last second when you got into trouble. God was observing every single choice you made along the way, and each detail of your actions and interactions with others. As human beings have free will (within a certain context), the response is tailored to be exactly what is needed to correct the problem.

On a temporal level, it is interesting that the Talmud goes into painstaking detail about how the Sotah wife seduced her lower. Our sages were aware that the same woman could behave in a passive or avoidant manner with one man, but be enticing and alluring towards another.

When you are meeting with a woman, be aware if she is making an effort to look good for you and to act pleasant around you. All people, not just women, can turn on their charm when they feel it is needed. It is vital when you deal with others to evaluate if they are making an effort for you, or if they are putting in work to attract others but not you.

The Talmud is discussing how the suspected adulteress is brought up to the Temple to be tested. Our sages mention that they did not allow two women to go through the ritual at the same time. Rabbi Yehuda learns this law from the verse Numbers 5:16, while Rabbi Shimon says it is necessary due to a psychological reality: If one woman is guilty but sees the other woman go ahead and drink, then the guilty one will refuse to admit her sin.

We will learn that it was better for a Sotah wife to admit to committing adultery before drinking the bitter waters. This will stop the Sotah process, and the priests will not need to write and erase God’s Name into the potion. She will be divorced and not receive her marriage contract money, but as long as there are no corroborating witnesses to infidelity she will not lose her life.

However, when one woman sees her fellow going through with the test with confidence, she may feign her own self assurance. It is a fact of life that humans are social creatures, and we all automatically go along, to some extent, with what the people around us are doing. Even when we know that their actions are not ideal for us, there is still a great temptation to emulate others.

Be careful who you spend time with, even if you are naturally a leader and independent minded, there is always an affect that other people have on your behavior.

Our Daf explains that other women were urged to come and see the Sotah ritual in the Temple, citing “So will I cause lewdness to cease out of the land, all women may be chastened not to do after your lewdness” (Ezekiel 23:48). The Sotah was performed in public on purpose, to show people the deadly danger of adultery.

We understand that a major element of outside pressure on your behavior is public spectacle. What your society chooses to pay attention to becomes valuable to you as well, even if at first your only interest is simply to find out why other people are looking. Today much of this influence comes through social media and entertainment. The more popular or catchy something is, the more it becomes promoted by companies looking to draw eyeballs and advertising money.

You should be aware that the ideas and images being pushed at you are not necessarily in your best interest, or even society’s best interest. In ancient times everyone (except the guilty) agreed that adultery was evil and were willing to publicly embarrass a wife that strayed. Now we must be vigilant that we do not learn our morality from the media and people around us.

The Talmud cites a Mishnah teaching that when the couple arrived in Jerusalem for the Sotah test, the High Court would speak with the wife.

A judge would say to her: My daughter, wine causes a great deal (of immorality), levity causes a great deal, immaturity causes a great deal, and bad neighbors cause a great deal. Act for the sake of His great name, so that God’s name, which is written in sanctity, shall not be erased on the water.

It was better for her to admit at this point, before the Sotah ritual began, because part of the Sotah process requires writing verses containing God’s Name on a parchment and scraping the ink into the potion she would drink. Even though for the purpose of clarifying the status of this woman He allows this act, we would always prefer not to erase God’s Holy Name unless absolutely necessary.

In addition, if she admits to adultery at this point, the consequences for her are a divorce without alimony but not a grisly and public death.

Therefore, the court encouraged her to admit her sin by explaining to her that there may have been mitigating factors that make her less culpable. It is difficult to take responsibility for our own actions, especially in such a case where this woman’s actions were definitely suspicious and possibly betrayed her sacred bond with her husband.

Naturally, by reassuring someone that if they sinned everyone understands that there were other causes for their act, the person is more likely to admit. The Sotah wife can seize on the words of the judges and blame her neighbors, her husband’s well stocked wine cellar, the paramour’s romantic jokes, or anything. If she does not have to bear the full responsibility, then it becomes easier to confess the truth.

It is important to remember this concept before you try to blame or shame another person. If you are pushing sole responsibility onto someone, they are not likely to work with you to solve the problem. They may simply deny any role and try to shift the burden on others or back on you.

Instead, when you are dealing with sensitive people, explain that the failure was understandable and immediately move onto how to improve. The other party is more likely to realize and correct their own role in the problem when they are not put on the spot and accused of being the problem itself.

However, for your own personal growth it is important to realize and own your mistakes. If you tend to shift the blame onto other people or factors, you won’t realize your own flaws and improve yourself. Yes, there may be consequences to owning your issues, but with your problems in the open now you get to work on them.

In addition, when you meet someone new and want to learn more about them, it is important to avoid being judgmental. If they reveal something potentially embarrassing and your responses or body language are negative, they will pull back from sharing. Practice being neutral and accepting so you can find out more information without shutting someone down.

The Talmud mentions that the meal offering that is brought during the Sotah ritual is ruined if the woman actually commits adultery.

Our sages ask how it could be possible for the Sotah wife to commit adultery after this phase of the ritual, since the mean offering is not brought until she is inside the Temple. Once in the Temple, some of the priests on duty are escorting her and presumably would prevent any sinning.

Our sages answer that they cannot guard her every second, as she could need the restroom, and in addition, she could have intimacy with one of the priests there in the Temple.

This is a shocking suggestion. The Temple is the holiest place, site of miracles. Just seeing the building or altar evokes a deep awe.

How could someone stoop so low to son there? And on a practical level, there were always crowds of people in the Temple bringing offerings, priests performing rituals, Levites making music.

Through this suggestion, our ancient sages are teaching us that people can become overcome by their lust even in a serious situation where carnal knowledge should be the last thing on the mind.

Keep in mind this woman was brought to the Temple to be tested for the sin of adultery. If she is indeed guilty she may decide to go for broke and sin again. Or perhaps seduce one of the priests in exchange for his undermining the ritual so it will not work on her.

In addition our sages are reminding us that passion overcomes logistical challenges. Even in the crowded Temple, a couple bent on hooking up can find a secluded closet. All the more so in locations without such practical impediments.

Our sages quote teachings about the dangers of arrogance, feeling self important, and what we commonly call narcissism.

One of these is a warning that if their behavior is extreme, such people will not get resurrected in the future. One of the core beliefs of Jews is that in the messianic age, souls will be returned to bodies and live again.

Why would an arrogant narcissist not be resurrected, while other sinners will be? Is arrogance worse than theft or adultery?

An arrogant person makes life all about himself or herself. For example, if her name is Jill, her life is the Jill show. Everyone else is merely supporting her main role. In Jill’s mind, she is always the main character, other people only exist to be there for her or propel her story.

One of the assumptions usually made about narcissists is that they are grandiose. This is not always the case. The Jill show could be her story of building herself up, but it could also be a tragedy, in which Jill is the victim. Someone who is making herself out to be a victim to get attention, help, or sympathy from others is also profoundly narcissistic.

The narcissist shows may have different plots, the common theme is that their life is all about themself, not others.

So when it comes time for resurrection of the departed, since these people took more from life than they really deserved, they don’t have more life to live.

Our sages also state that as much a as God despises the haughty, the glory of God, as it were, cries for the arrogant.

Narcissist behaviors are masking a deep personal emptiness. The need to control and dominate others stems from an inability to control oneself. Frantically grasping for their time and attention is due to feeling inadequate.

However, the Talmud points out that there is a healthy amount of arrogance:

Rav Ḥiyya bar Ashi says that Rav says: A Torah scholar must have one-eighth of one-eighth of arrogance.

This is for a sage, who must act as leader of his community. He cannot allow others to push him around when his own opinion stems from his Torah wisdom.

However, indulging in even a tiny amount of self aggrandizement is dangerous:

Rava said: A Torah scholar who has arrogance should be excommunicated, and one who does not have arrogance at all should be excommunicated

Our sages understand that a real leader cannot throw his weight around and should try to.build consensus, but that he must sometimes push his agenda through despite objections.

Now, this advice is for a scholar who is motivated to help his fellows learn and follow God’s commandments. Without objective external standards to check your own excesses, engaging in arrogance at all is dangerous.

A man must harness and employ arrogance with precision to succeed. How is this possible when self aggrandizement is so risky?

Today the Daf cites this gem:

And Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi also says: Whoever appraises his ways in this world merits and sees the salvation of the Holy One, Blessed be He, as it is stated: “And to him that orders his way properly [vesam derekh] will I show the salvation of God” (Psalms 50:23). Do not read it as “vesam,” “that orders”; rather, read it as vesham derekh, that appraises his way.

This means a man must use his intelligence and self awareness when deciding the proper course of action. He engages in self appraisal and works to understand his own motivations so he can succeed.

Only through constant work on yourself can you hope to employ arrogance as a tool without being destroyed by it.

The Sotah ritual can be invoked when a married woman, after being warned, goes behind closed doors with another man. Obviously the amount of time they spent alone needs to have been long enough for infidelity to occur.

Today Our sages seek to define how long that actually is:

what is the measure of seclusion? The time needed for defilement, which is equivalent to the time needed for intercourse, actually the time needed to perform the initial penetration of intercourse.

This is equivalent to the time needed for circling a palm tree; per Rabbi Yishmael. Rabbi Eliezer says: This is the time needed for mixing a cup of wine with water. Rabbi Yehoshua says: This is equivalent to the time needed to drink that cup.

These time frames are quite short, and leave out any lead up to the intimate act. Our sages were familiar with human nature and vice and knew that the seduction could have already taken place prior to these lovers snatching an opportunity to act.

Therefore the Talmud teaches that we don’t include any time for appeasement, flattery, or courting. That could have been done in advance.

There are two important takeaways

First, when a couple is passionate they don’t require lengthy preparations or getting in the mood. Their mutual attraction already created the mood.

Second, a married or committed partner may develop an emotional attachment to someone else without “cheating”. This is dangerous even without physical contact, but can also set the stage for full blown infidelity.

Our sages continue to debate if it is appropriate or not for a husband to warn his wife.

The school of Rabbi Yishmael taught: A man issues a warning to his wife only if a spirit entered him, as it is stated: “And the spirit of jealousy came upon him, and he warned his wife” (Numbers 5:14).

The tension here is that jealousy is usually harmful, and even a husband motivated by protecting his wife or daughter from harm may overdo his jealousy. Being overly strict and limiting contact with others can lead people to go to the opposite extreme.

However, when there is a reason to restrict someone from a specific temptation or situation that you know can lead to trouble, a man should act to protect his family.