Today’s Daf explains that since the time of Moses certain verse of the Bible are read euphemistically.  For example, in Deuteronomy 28:30 the word yishgalena “shall consort with her”  is read as yishkavena “sleep with her”.  We mentioned in Rosh haShanah that the cognate word of yishgalena, “shegel” can refer to both a royal consort or a female dog that idolators used to keep for intimate purposes.

Scripture often employs euphemism or avoids unclean words.  There are actually no curse words in biblical Hebrew, though modern Hebrew has borrowed these from other tongues.

It is important for a man to pick his words with care.  Conventional Jews avoid curse words and explicit language, as we also use our mouths to pray and recite Holy scriptures.  You can learn a lot about a man’s character by his language.

Curse words are so common in mainstream society that not using them can set you apart.  So can proper use of euphemism and colloquial phrases that require fluency and familiarity with language.

The Talmud notes that we do use harsh language to describe idols and idol worshipers.  Our ancient sages endorse telling pagans to stick their idol where the sun does not shine, and insulting the mother of an adulterer to his face.  We do not stay silent when people are undermining the pillars of society, even when this requires using more forceful language than we normally employ.

A man must be able to pick his words, tone, and phrasing to fit the situation and audience.  Words are extremely powerful and a wise man crafts his communication to achieve the effect he desires.

The Talmud brings a teaching that the man called upon to read the Haftorah was given extra roles during the prayers as well, since reading the Haftorah is not as a great an honor as reading from the Torah scroll itself.  We throw in other important items to balance this out, so that reading the Haftorah becomes a source of pride.

The Gemara adds that this applies to a minor (before Bar Mitzvah) as well.  Our sages ask why this is needed for minors, since they are not particular about their personal honor.  The answer is that the honor of the boy’s father or rabbi is also at stake.  To these men, giving the child less than full recognition feels insulting.  After all, the father and rabbi are responsible for teaching this boy how to function in society, including reading from scripture and participating in prayers.  If other men think he is not up to it, this reflects badly on the father and rabbi.

We glean two vital bits of wisdom here.  First, when you need to give a menial or repetitive task to an employee or child, be sensitive to his feelings.  You may want to give extra thanks, remind him of how vital his contribution is, or also assign him an important job to raise his status.

We also learn that a father or teacher can be deeply proud or ashamed of his students.  When you honor the child, it transfers honor to the responsible adults who raise and nurture him.  When you are dealing with parents or teachers, do not ignore the work they put into building up the next generation.  Engage with the children or students, maybe even test them to give a chance for them to demonstrate their acumen.  This can bring pride to both child and adult.

Indeed, in Jewish society, teachers, parents, and Rabbis are honored precisely because they link our prior generations and our future together in an unbroken chain stretching back to our Patriarchs.  This is a stark contrast to mainstream society, which does not typically celebrate teachers and parents.  When a society does not value the lessons of the past, they do not think those who teach them to the next generation are important.

We are studying the logistics of our public readings from scripture.  Rav Yosef explained the source for the number of men we call up to read from the Torah on various days.  His student Abaye asked why Rav Yosef had never taught this before.  He replied I never knew that you needed to know, have you ever asked me anything and I didn’t explain it to you?

If you want to learn you need to ask questions from your teachers and mentors.  The first step is to question your own knowledge to find the gaps.  Become aware of what to ask and go ahead and ask.  For teachers and coaches, try to anticipate what your students might ask and where they may need extra assistance or demonstration.

This applies in relationships as well.  Know what you need from your partner and ask for it.  If you are certain of what you require and they can’t give it, reevaluate if this person is an appropriate partner for you.

A powerful sign that your partner is right for you is when she anticipates what you need before you even ask, and provides it to you.  However, this is rare and a man should not be ashamed to ask for what he wants.

Today the Talmud also mentions that, in theory, anyone can read from the holy scrolls.  However, out of respect for the congregation, women do not read on behalf of the public.  Our early sages including the Maharsha and Ritva explain that if a woman goes up to read, this implies that none of the men there were qualified.  That would be an insult to their honor.  While both men and women study scripture, men are expected to master it.

Another possibility is that women would be aggressive in trying to get picked to read, in order to attract attention onto themselves.  Not only is this improper on a personal level, but the entire purpose of reading publicly is to honor the Word, not the person reading it.

The Talmud mentions that when we read from the Torah scroll we do not add to the number of readers unless it is a day on which people do not work.  The reason is that while we need to read regularly from the Torah, we do not want this to take a long time and cause people to miss work.

The Gemara mentions Rosh Hodesh, the first day of each month, as a day on which there is no issue of missing work.  This is interesting as it is not forbidden to work on Rosh Hodesh.  This reflects the custom of women not to work on Rosh Hodesh.

Why on that day do women refrain from exertion while the men still work?  Rashi explains that this goes back to the golden calf: the women were asked to give their jewelry to build the idol and they all refused.  So only the men donated the gold for the calf.  As a reward, women were given the first of the month as a minor holiday.

What does the golden calf have to do with the new month?  The Egyptians who had left with the Jewish Exodus demanded building the golden calf as a replacement for Moses, who they assumed was dead when he did not return after 40 days.  They had actually miscalculated, assuming the first day was part of the 40, and Moses indeed returned the following day.

Men look for a strong leader, when they don’t have a leader they seek to appoint one.  We need structure and consistency to thrive.  This is especially true for men who are insecure or anxious.

Women are used to cycles, their fertility and hormones go through regular changes each month.  They were better able to tolerate a temporary absence of firm leadership, trusting Moses’ word that he would return.  Women feel that all things, including leadership, naturally wax and wane.  Therefore women were rewarded with taking the new month off, as each Rosh Hodesh is a time of renewal and preparation for the future.  Their biology and psychology also gets to rest and reset to prepare for the coming month.

It is a valuable lesson to know that men and women are inherently different, and more specifically that women naturally understand time as flowing in a cycle.

We have discussed other differences in how women relate to time.

Today we begin a new chapter about the nuts and bolts of reading the Megillah.  The Talmud contrasts the Megillah which can be read standing or seated to a Torah scroll which can only be read standing.  Our sages give reasons for this, including the verse: “And as for you, stand here with Me, and I will speak to you all the commandments and the statutes” (Deuteronomy 5:28).

Our sages note that this implies even God was “standing” out of respect for the Torah, though this is impossible as God has no physicality.  When verses refer to a bodily manifestation of God, this is never literal but is intended to help humans understand His intent.

Rabbi Abahu learns from this verse that a teacher should not position himself above his students but be on the same level.  A man should be aware when someone is talking down to him.  This is not merely in physical position, but can manifest in tone of voice, word choice, and nonverbal cues.  This shows that the person considers you inferior.

While it is normal for a teacher to presume superiority based on their knowledge, be cautious of people displaying this behavior in other relationships.  If you are dealing with someone who feels you are inferior to them, reevaluate why you are in this relationship and what you are getting out of it.

The Gemara notes that in ancient generations they would always stand during learning, but eventually men could no longer tolerate this and the custom became to allow sitting.  Standing is a sign of respect and also shows you are paying attention.  However, difficult material requires more concentration and sitting is appropriate.  When you are engaged in learning, pick the method that allows you to best absorb the information.

The Talmud debates if a minor can read the Megillah on behalf of adults.  Rabbi Yehuda argues that this works, and cites his own experience as a proof, reporting that as a minor he read before Rabbi Tarfon and the elders of Lod.  The other sages reject this proof, since Jewish law does not give full credence to accounts of experiences during childhood.

Their logic appears to be that adults do not always remember what actually happened when they were a child, since they had a limited perspective and may not have known critical details.  Perhaps Rabbi Tarfon asked the young Yehuda to read to test his ability, but also heard an adult read the Megillah as well.  A child may not realize such a situation.

This concept is relevant today.  There are studies showing that children can be coached to give certain answers, potentially undermining the validity of their testimony in court.  It also appears that adults don’t remember certain childhood events with great accuracy, but instead recall an idealized past based on their present feelings.

This idea has a useful application in evaluating potential friends, business associates, or romantic partners.  If a person seems fixated on the past, perhaps reliving old suffering or glory, this is not a good sign that this person is working hard to build a successful future.

This is not to make light of anyone’s difficulties.  You may have met people who experienced a terrible tragedy at a young age and grew stronger not just despite it but because of it.  Others may have what you would consider relatively minor troubles but bring them up over and over to try to gain attention or sympathy.

The way we deal with our past is a sign for how we are going to build our futures.

We are exploring the nuts and bolts of reading the Megillah, and revisit the original topic of this tractate: residents of different places don’t always read the Megillah on the same day.  Recall that in a walled city, the Megillah is read on the fifteenth of Adar, while it is read on the fourteenth in most places, and sometimes even earlier in small villages.

So what happens when someone visits a city that had a wall?  In his home town they are reading on the fourteenth but where he is now they are not.  The Talmud rules that if he is going home by the night of the fourteenth, he must read at the same time as his hometown.  He intends to be back with enough time to do the reading at home, so his mind is on returning.

This highlights the importance of mindset when we travel.  If you are staying somewhere for a while but constantly thinking about how you need to get back to our regular life, you will not adapt to the place you are visiting.  This may be to your advantage in social interactions, as in some places foreigners are interesting and alluring.  However it may also be distracting and prevent enjoying your vacation.

Another approach is to make yourself at home wherever you are, even if it only a short time.  You can do this by walking around and studying maps to get the lay of the land.  If you know where you are going and can give other visitors directions, you demonstrate that your mind is attuned to your locale.

You can also create habits in your temporary residence, such as visiting the same cafe every day and getting to know the servers.  Then if you have a need to impress someone with your ability to become comfortable in a new place, you bring them to the cafe where everyone knows you and they see how you are able to feel at home.

The bottom line is that you exist emotionally in the place you choose to focus your thoughts on.  The ability to feel at home in a new environment is useful and you can take steps to cultivate it when this will serve you.

The Talmud, continuing from yesterday’s daf, is discussing the origin of the series of blessings that Jews say as part of our daily prayers.  The Gemara lists the eighteen blessings in their proper order, explaining how one logically follows the next and each request builds on what we asked before.

Every one of us has a unique destiny and individual talents that enable us to work on achieving our goals.  We also have shared goals that we list in our daily prayers, such as gaining wisdom, protecting our health, gaining income and sustenance, and enjoying peace and prosperity.  These items and more are listed in the regular blessings, but our sages also emphasize the importance of a man coming up with his own individual prayers.

Prayer is a very personal part of a man’s life, and can help a man to focus on his real aspirations.  If you choose to pray, you first need to know what you want out of life so you can ask for it.  Think about what you need in order to accomplish your mission, and how to go about getting it.  Then ask for success.

Often men think their prayers are not being answered, but the problem is that they are praying to be granted a final goal rather than asking to be able to work towards that ambition.  Our sages teach that it isn’t enough just to pray for the end state.  You must first evaluate the steps necessary to achieve your mission, and examine how they build towards the final target.  Then you work on laying the foundation and prepare the next steps to proceed logically.

Another common deficiency in prayer is begging for your situation to be easier or a difficulty to be over.  Don’t wish it were easier, pray that you become stronger and more capable of thriving no matter how hard it is.  If you started to play basketball but were too short to dunk, you wouldn’t insist everyone lower the baskets, but would instead work out other ways to score points using the abilities you already have.

Yesterday the Daf mentioned that not all of the sages were happy with Mordechai, who had been promoted to prime minister after Haman was executed.  They thought that learning and teaching Torah and taking care of the Jewish community was a more appropriate calling than managing an empire.  Our sages consider learning wisdom and developing your intellect to be the highest calling.

Today the Talmud brings a proof that learning may be more important than the commandment to honor your father and mother.  The evidence for this is the lifespan of our patriarch Jacob.  When he met Pharaoh he said he was 130 years old (Genesis 47:8) but when our sages examine his life, including the 22 years he spent away from his parents, they find that he should have been 116 at that time.  Those 22 years when Jacob could not honor his father and mother caused him to presume his own son Joseph was dead for 22 years.

The discrepancy is reconciled with a tradition that Jacob was learning wisdom on the study hall of Shem and Ever for fourteen years.  He was really away from his family for 36 years, but the years engaged in intellectual growth were not counted against him.

The years spent developing his wisdom did not count against him, even though he was not available for his family.  Working on your own knowledge and expertise is not a selfish pursuit, but is necessary to be able to help others and build a successful family.

You can apply this concept to your own life.  The time and energy you invest in growing as a person is not selfish.  It is what allows you to be a better and more effective man.  Those around you ultimately benefit from your own personal improvement.

We are wrapping up the story in the book of Esther, reaching the dramatic finale in which Haman is humiliated and his plot against the Jews foiled.  The turning point was when king Xerxes could not sleep, and was anxious that Haman and Esther may be plotting against him.  He demanded the book of remembrances be brought and read to him, to find out if there was someone who needed to be rewarded for loyalty to the king.

Despite the efforts of an antisemitic royal scribe to erase the entry, the king realized that Mordechai the Jew had never been given any recognition for revealing a plot against Xerxes.  Since Haman had just shown up (to ask the king permission to hang Mordechai), Xerxes ordered him to parade Mordechai around the city on the king’s horse shouting out that the king was honoring him.

During this parade Haman’s own daughter dumped a chamber pot onto his head, then realizing her mistake jumped to her death.  The tide had turned against Haman and Esther was able to request from the king to spare her people.  At this moment, one of the king’s officers Harvonah suggested the Haman himself be hung on the gallows he had built to murder Mordechai.  This was despite Harvonah having been on Haman’s side previously.

After Haman was executed, the king elevated Mordechai to prime minister. The Megillah (10:3) states he was great among the Jews and accepted by most of his brothers.  The Talmud explains that most means that some of the Jews were not pleased with him.

It is vital for a man to keep track of who is truly on his team.  Remember the men who have protected and encouraged you and gone out of their own way to help you out.  Appreciate and reward them for this, and you will win more supporters.

At the same time, know that power does shift.  Certain people may be on your side because they currently see a benefit to associated with you.  But if you fortune appears to change they may abandon your ship when you need them the most.  A wise man works with others but does not rely on them unless their loyalty has been proven.