We are learning about situations in which a woman was in the hands of pagan criminals and was assumed to have been violated by them unless we have proof otherwise. Unfortunately, that was the reality of the time.

Today the Gemara brings a Mishnah ruling that when an army invades a town, we assume the soldiers also violate the local women. This assumption is so strong that unless witnesses could testify that a woman was not violated or was in hiding, we have to assume she was molested.

Our sages ask why this ruling appears inconsistent with another teaching that we don’t need to assume that the pagan soldiers attacking a town poured out wine libations to their deities (which makes the wine forbidden for Jews). In ancient times, the idolators would always pour out some wine as an offering before drinking.

However, during war they don’t bother to take the time to pour the customary wine libations to their gods, even when they are drinking the wine. But they certainly do take the time to violate any women they can find!

Men have a hierarchy of needs, and typically reproduction is at the top. Men sent to war, to kill or die, are more likely to engage in aggressive violation to quench this thirst. Men in the clutches of sexual desire often forget their religious obligations.

This is a reminder that a healthy man does have a need for intimate pleasures, and will work hard to meed his need, even at the expense of other goals. Sex is tremendously powerful, and can be incredibly constructive or destructive.

Judaism is not a religion of ascetics who avoid this aspect of life. Our holy men marry, beget children, work day jobs, and ride the subway. Sure, they also learn and teach wisdom, but not in a remote monastery away from the rest of society.

A wise man does not avoid his natural urges, but works to develop a healthy and constructive outlet for them. Once you have this aspect of life taken care of, you will find a lot more energy available for your other goals.

The Talmud brings a wild case in which a man was assumed to be a Cohen, then a rumor started that his mother was not fit to marry a Cohen, which would him ineligible to serve if true. The court  puts this man on probation to start an investigation.

If one witness comes forward saying he knows the mother was fit, then we restore him to his Cohen status. If two more come and say they know his mother was unfit, we again demote the man. But if a new witness comes saying he was kosher, we combine that with the first witness and restore him to his post.

The Gemara notes that this may look like the court if flip flopping, which would undermine the reputation of the court. However, Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel does not worry about what outsiders think, just about getting the case correct. It doesn’t matter how many times we need to change our mind to reach the correct result.

Even when you are doing the right thing you need to be aware that other people will judge you. Jewish wisdom does teach that it is not enough to be correct, your actions need to look correct to others (Proverbs 3:4).

Human beings are social creatures, and decide for themselves what it acceptable based on what they see people in their society doing and how others react to those situations.

However, when all is said and done, we need to be willing to change our minds to do what is correct when we find new evidence or ideas. While other people may judge a man who changes his mind or his lifestyle, it would be even worse for a man to refuse to change despite realizing that what he was doing is not working.

It is common for men to keep on doing what they have been doing, even after it stops getting the results they want. Be open to totally changing your outlook on life if that is what you need to do in order to move closer to your goals.

Yes, others may label you as weak minded or accuse you of flip flopping. But at the end of the day the reality is that you are responsible for improving your own life, and outsiders are not.

The Gemara discussed what level of testimony or evidence is required to prove that a man is a Cohen, a priest descended from Aaron. Our sages cite a teaching and a father can testify to the status of son, proving he is a Cohen, and a man can testify that his brother is a Levi.

This father is confident not only that this boy is truly his own biological son, but that there was not a problem with the genealogy of his mother, which could render the children ineligible for priesthood. One Cohen with multiple wives could have sons who were full fledged Cohanim, and others from another mother that were not.

In Jewish tradition, it still matters who your parents are. In modern mainstream society, people usually follow the unspoken assumption is that it doesn’t make such a big difference. This assumption is usually wrong.

People do tend to be a lot like their parents and other family members that they grew up with. Even people who spend years overcoming the influence of their family of origin still tend, in times of stress, to revert to behaviors that their own parents displayed when they were young. You can tell a lot about people based on their kin.

It is interesting that in modern times men call their close friends brother or bro. This is in part due to the reality that the vast majority of men today don’t have a lot of biological brothers, so they must build their own little tribe or like minded men. In ancient times a man could easily have 10 or a dozen brothers, as in the 12 sons of Jacob.

The lesson in today’s Daf also applies to these friends. People judge your status based on the men you choose to spend your time with. It is said that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with, or show me his friends and I can tell you about the man. These words of wisdom reflect a valid concept.

The Talmud debates if we can assume a man who is eating Terumot (the tithes given to priests) or blessing the people with the priestly blessing is actually a real priest (Cohen).

This has ramifications for who this man can marry, Cohanim have a more exclusive selection of potential mates.

We see from here that when you act in a dignified manner, people tend to assume you are worthy of respect. Behaving like nobility leads people to associate you with nobility.

We all look up to a man who is confident and calm under pressure.

Now, acting like a Cohen doesn’t make someone an actual Cohen. However, holding yourself to a higher standard does eventually raise your actual personal standards.

It might feel at first like you are going through the motions, but keep trying to improve yourself. It is easiest to begin with external factors, like a nice, well fitting wardrobe, pursuing physical fitness, and keeping up with your personal hygiene and grooming.

Changing such extrinsic factors helps a man to it feel more in internal dignity as well.

The Talmud, continuing the topic of “haPeh sheAsar”, discusses when we believe a woman who admits she was captured by idolaters but was not violated by them. If there are witnesses that a woman was captured, then there was a presumption that they had been violated, since it was quite common for pagan bandits to abuse captive women.

Some captive Jewish women were brought to Nehardea (in Bavel) by their captors so that the local Jews would ransom them. Shmuel’s father sent guards to watch them to ensure that they would not be violated.

Shmuel said to him: Until now who guarded them?
He said to Shmuel: If they were your daughters, would you treat them with such contempt?

This is an amazing exchange. Shmuel was speaking on a strictly legal level: since these women had been brought to town by the pagans, everyone knew they had been captured and there was presumption that they had already been molested. This status would prevent them from marrying certain people.

However, on a practical level, his father was right. Just because something went wrong before, why allow it to happen again?

This is incredible wisdom. If some aspect of your life was ruined, why not do something to protect it and prevent further damage? Jewish wisdom teaches that you can turn your life around with one moment of sincere repentance and commitment to change.

Just because your life was going in the wrong direction before does not mean you cannot alter your course now and start improving. At least stop the damage so you can reassess your path and goals.

The Talmud brings a Mishnah illustrating the vital legal concept of “haPeh shAsar”. This means the mouth that said something was forbidden is believed to say it is permitted.

For example, a woman comes to town, and says that she had been married before but got divorced. She is effectively stating that she is back on the market.

If she had said nothing about her personal past, we wouldn’t have known about her prior marriage. Since we rely purely on her mouth for that fact, we also believe her that she is now divorced. She can get married again even without bringing any other proof that she is now single.

When you talk with people, give them the space to admit their issues or failings. Then, without judgment or criticism, allow them the opportunity to explain themselves. People naturally tend to explain or justify their own decisions. The way they do so gives you even more insight into their personalities than the admission itself. By holding back your own judgment, you can learn a lot about other people through regular conversation.

When someone doesn’t feel any need to explain a choice he or she made that you think does need justification, this gives you fantastic insight. He made a decision that you would find difficult or unacceptable, and now doesn’t even feel the impulse to clarify that you would after such a choice. It shows you that this person has very different values than you do.

The Talmud mentions that if a woman claims her ketuvah is lost, we assume she may have hidden it, hoping to collect the money in one court, and then bring the ketuvah to a different court and collect again.

When you realize that the information someone is telling you about their past has gaps, be cognizant that they are probably hiding something. A lack of data about the past stands out, particularly if this is someone who normally posts details of their life on social media.

We are learning about how the court would validate a contract or loan document by having the witnesses to the document certify that their signature was correct and not forged, or other witnesses who could recognize their signatures testify that they were correct.

The Gemara asks what would happen if one of the signing witnesses had died, and only the cosigner one other man recognize the signature of the deceased. The solution is for the cosigner to provide a sample of his signature for the court to validate without his testimony that it is his, so he is free to testify about the validity of the deceased’s signature.

However, our sages caution him to sign on a shard of pottery or the like, not a piece of paper. If he signs on paper, a dishonest man could write an IOU by the signature and use this forged IOU note to collect illegally.

The lesson here is simply do not write a blank check. But this concept is not limited to money. Many times men promise things like “I’ll be there for whatever you need”. Typically this doesn’t get you into trouble, but there are some people out there who take advantage of your giving nature, and ask for a lot of favors without giving back anything in return.

Sometimes men are eager to please and promise to give their time, money, and energy without thinking about the consequences to their own success. Typically, you should investing the majority of your resources in yourself. This is not selfish advice, as you invest in yourself and develop into a greater man, then you have more to give to others as well.

The Talmud is discussing contradictory testimony, and brings the case of Bar Shatya, a man who was sometimes sane and sometimes out of his mind. A man who lacks sound mind cannot make a legally binding transaction.

This particular man made a sale to someone, then later contested the sale in court. Two witnesses testify that he was out of his mind when he sold the property, but two other witnesses say he was of sound mind.

It appears both sets of witnesses saw the same thing, but came to opposite conclusions. This is a general concept in life. Two people can see the same event and have completely different interpretations.

Keep this in mind when you assume certain facts to be true. Other people may be following their own interests and emotions. It’s not that they simply disagree or that they are crazy, they just cannot see it your way due to their own perspective.

Don’t waste time arguing with their interpretation of reality, or accusing them of being out of their mind, stick to the facts as you see them and remain calm.

The daf also discusses a witness who forgot what happened. If he can remember himself or use his own notes or diary, it is still valid testimony. If someone else reminds him then his testimony is invalid.

People can remember the same event in divergent ways. This can lead to the same issue we discussed above, when people fight you over what happened or what you actually said.

Human beings form memories with emotional content, so someone may be unable to remember what actually happened to protect their own ego. They are not crazy, they are trying to preserve their sense of self which is being challenged.

Don’t get stuck trying to reconcile divergent memories, move forward and resolve the issue.

Jewish law rules that in cases like Bar Shatya, the property stays with the last certain owner. We can’t make a decision based on possible insanity.

Don’t make decisions while you are depressed, anxious, under the influence of substances or other people.

The Talmud, riffing in the topic of forged Ketuvot, is discussing loan documents with forged signatures. We require a lender to validate the signatures of the witnesses to the loan before collecting the loan.

The Gemara mentions that it is forbidden to keep a Torah scroll that was not proofed. A man had 30 days to check and correct it, based on “let not injustice dwell in your tents” (Job 11:14).

The logic here is that if you have a source of wisdom but it is flawed, your mind will also be one corrupted. Our sages were wary of this danger even from a holy Torah scroll.

How much more should we be careful not to consume information that is not in our best interests. If you are reading books, watching videos or listening to podcasts, evaluate if this content is really helpful for your own life. We understand that all the gurus, teachers, and experts are trying to make a living, and may be producing content that is designed to be popular more than useful.

However, they are also sharing what worked for them personally. The same information may not be valuable for your own life. If it isn’t truly serving your purpose, discard it from your life. Our minds are limited , and if you we fill them with harmful or even neutral information then we don’t have the space for what we really need.

Once something is in your mind, and you realize it doesn’t work for you, try to find new mental models and methods that do help you accomplish your goals.

Our sages are comparing the burden of proof for a woman claiming her Ketuvah to other cases, including one where someone admits to borrowing money from a man who has passed away, but tells the heir of the deceased that he had already paid the father back half.

In this case, the borrower only owes half to the heir. There is a debate if the borrower should make an oath that he does not owe more. Most sages rule that he does not, as he is considered to be returning a lost object to the heir.

We want to make it easy for someone to return a lost object, which is a Biblical commandment (Deut 22). If someone returns a lost wallet with $50 cash in it, and the owner says “wait, when I lost it there was $150 inside”, then we don’t make the finder swear that he didn’t take anything.

The lesson here is that when someone is doing you a favor, don’t criticize them or ask for more. Quite the opposite, praise people whenever they show you respect or perform any act of service for you. This encourages others to treat you well. Make people feel good for respecting you and you get more respect.

The situation of admitting to taking a loan out from a deceased man and paying part to his heir is not identical to a man who faces his actual lender. In that case we assume that someone might deny owing part of the loan, so he has more time to pay the rest. Therefore,  when a borrower claims to his lender that he repaid part already, the court makes the him make an oath that he only owes part, to encourage him to come clean if he in fact owes all of it.

However, he will not be so brazen (chutzpah) to lie outright by claiming he owes nothing. When someone does you a favor, even lending you money, you won’t deny that he did you any favors.

Later authorities in Jewish law note that in subsequent generations we can no longer assume that debtors will not be so brazen. Nowadays, people do lie to the face of the person they owe money to. If the court has them make an oath, then they will simply make a false oath.

This reflects a feeling of entitlement. When someone feels they are owed favors from others, then they can deny that other people are going out of their way to help out (cafui tovah).

Since this is unfortunately a common trait in modern society, a man should be on the lookout for signs of gratitude. People who are especially thankful and gracious when other help them are more likely to be honest and to appreciate what you do for them as well.

Someone who is rude to the waiter who is serving them will also be rude to you, even if you provide them with your time and resources.